Written by: S. Wilhelmina Feenster
Laverne and Shirley are being swirled around in the black and white hypnotic zone.
Scene 1
INT. Laverne and Shirley's apartment
Laverne and Shirley are sitting on the couch in the livingroom in anticipation of what might happen next.
Rod Sterling: I am standing in the livingroom which is the current home of Laverne and Shirley. Two blue collared workers who have no idea that their life has been viewed by millions. Right in front of me, are their friends Lenny and Squiggy...
Lenny: Hey, you got chocolate in my peanut butter.
Squiggy: What are you talkin' about?! You got peanut butter in my chocolate!
Rod Sterling: ...who are weird, even for my show... Laverne and Shirley are now traveling in a dimension of time and space. Where they'll be next can only be determined in... The Twilight Zone!
INT. Livingroom
Lenny: All this peanut butter is making me thirsty.
Squiggy: Shhhh! It's starting.
There are flashes of light and Laverne and Shirley appear on a crowded street where a lot of children are walking around in costumes.
Laverne: Is it Halloween already, Shirl?
A little girl approached them wearing a black leather jacket, a black t-shirt, lavender blouse, blue jeans, and a squig tale. With her, were two girls. One wore a shirt with an "L" and the other held a Boo Boo Kitty.
Girl # 3: [Shirley] Isn't that Penny Marshall and Cindy Williams?
Girl # 1: [Squiggy] Oh my gosh, it is!
Girl # 2: [Laverne] Well, say "hi."
Girl # 1: (to girl # 3) You say "hi." You're the one who met her twice. She'll remember you.
Girl # 3: Okay. (approaches them) H-i-i.
Laverne: Hey, kid, what do you want?
Girl # 3: I wanted to say "hello" to Cindy. Remember me? My name is Em--
A devilish laugh comes from the nearby house. Laverne and Shirley are distracted from their fans.
Shirley: Laverne, those kids looked awfully familiar.
Laverne: Yeah, I know. (Beat) Come on, Shirl.
Laverne brings Shirley toward a house glowing like fire.
Shirley: I don't like this, Laverne.
A man with an uncanny resemblance to Garry Marshall, steps out of the house with a red reflective light on it. Seemingly wearing, red long johns, a red cape, horns on the top of his head, carrying a pitchfork, cackles in a mildly demonic manner.
They stepped quickly toward the doorstep after having walked through the white picket gate.
Satan: What kind of costumes are these? It's Laverne and Shirley, right? Haven't seen you for decades. So, what the heck, why don't you come into the non-smoking section. (laughs)
Shirley: Well, isn't he nice.
Satan: (Laughs) Don't step on my tail!
A few kids, along with a girl dressed in a sailor suit, ran behind Laverne and she abruptly turns around, looks at the girl, points and laughs. In her usual obnoxious nasally manner. The children's eardrums, being pummeled by the sonic waves of her uprorious laughtar, couldn't take anymore punishment. Whilst the children ran away firmly clasping their ears with their hands. They screamed, "No more! No more!" Laverne just shrugs and walks in.
Satan: I want you to meet the little woman.
Shirley: Oh, Laverne, he calls her his little woman. We're finally amongst normal people.
Satan: Petunia Face, (she changes channels with the remote) Stop clicking. We have company.
Satan's Wife: I'm sick and tired of this dressing up game.
Quick shot of Lenny and Squiggy.
Lenny: This is boring.
Squiggy: Yeah.
*Click*
Big Bird is walking down Sesame Street. Laverne and Shirley are going the opposite direction.
Big Bird: (waves) Hi.
Laverne: (laughs) Look, Shirl, a talking bird. And very tall I might add.
Shirley: (high squeal) Oooo! Hello there. I just love my feathered friends.
Big Bird: Hello, welcome to Sesame Street. My name is Big Bird.
Shirley: (sweetly) Well, I'm Shirley and this is my friend Laverne.
Big Bird: Why don't you come and meet my friends.
They walk down Sesame Street.
Laverne: Nice place. It's reminds me of the streets in Milwaukee.
Big Bird stops. On the steps sat Elmo, Zoe, and Cookie Monster.
Big Bird: Hi, guys.
Elmo: Hello, Big Bird. Zoe and I were going to show all the boys and girls how to tie their shoes.
Laverne: Isn't that nice. (taps Big Bird on the wing) Listen, uh. Yellow Bird...
Big Bird: That's Big Bird.
Laverne: Whatever. I learned how to tie my shoe before you were hatched.
Elmo: Elmo loves to tie his shoes. You know why, Laverne?
Laverne: Why?
Elmo: Because it means Elmo's growing up.
Shirley: Isn't that cute, Laverne?
Cookie Monster: I love cookies!
Cookie Monster gobbles down a handful of cookies.
Zoe: Here's some milk, Cookie Monster.
Laverne: Have you ever tried milk and pepsi?
Shirley: Laverne!
Laverne: What?
Shirley: Don't get them started with your disgusting habit of concocting a drink that should have never been put together in the first place!
Laverne: My disgusting habit?! My disgusting habit?! What about your energy drink that makes people sick! Sick! Sick!
Shirley: Well, let's talk about your "L"'s, shall we? "L"'s all over everything! "L"'s to the left of me, "L"'s to the right of me! I'm sick and tired of your "L"'s!!!
Laverne: What about your stuffed cat? Boo Boo Kitty! I mean really, Shirl! You're almost 28 years old and you still throw tea parties for all of your stuffed animals!
They started screaming and shouting at each other. Oscar the Grouch appears in his trash can.
Oscar: Now this is more like it.
The TV screen posts a message reading: "Please Stand By!"
Squiggy clicked again.
The students are sitting in the library while the Principal Vernon is yelling at the tough guy, John Bender.
Vernon: I'm doing society a favor.
Bender: So.
Vernon: Thats another one right now. I've got you the rest of your natural born life if you don't watch your step! You want another one?
Bender: Yes.
Vernon: You got it! Right there, that's another one, pal.
Shirley: Laverne, where are we?
The principal turns around and looks at Laverne and Shirley.
Principal: Who the hell are you?
Laverne: I'm Laverne DeFazio and this is Shirley Feeney.
Principal: You're not supposed to be here. Get your asses back home where you belong! (they stood there) MOVE!!!
Laverne and Shirley ran out the door and down the hall.
And where they'll end up next can only be determined in...The Twilight Zone!
To Part Three
Back To Part One
(Close This Window To Return To LAS Fic)