TV Wonder, Part 1

Written by: S. Wilhelmina Feenster

Scene 1
INT. Laverne and Shirley's Apartment - Milwaukee - Night

Laverne is changing clothes from her date while Shirley is getting the television set up.

Shirley: Laverne, are you out of that smut suit yet?

Laverne: (O.S.) It's not a smut suit. It's called cultural clothing.

Shirley: Yeah, if you're one of those Aborigine women we see on t.v.

Laverne comes out of the bedroom wearing jeans and a sweat shirt. Shirley has the television set up and they both sit on the couch awaiting their favorite show... "Twilight Zone." You can hear the opening credits. They were mezmerized by the silvery incandescence of the screen.

Rod Sterling appears in the kitchen. Rod Sterling: Laverne and Shirley, two bottle cappers from Shotz Brewery. Each one trying to make a living in this world. But right now,their eyes are affixed on a television set, never thinking, never knowing, that they would be the next two victums to enter the Twilight Zone.

Door opens.

Squiggy: Hell-o!

Light flashes and Laverne and Shirley are sucked into the t.v.

Lenny: Where did they go?

Squiggy: Maybe they went to get some more popcorn.

Lenny and Squiggy, in their normal stuper, walked over to the television to investigate. They gazed into the screen as they sat down on the sofa. Squiggy grabbed the bowl of popcorn sitting on the coffee table and passed it to Lenny. [Of course, taking a few bites himself]

Lenny: I wonder why they went to get some more popcorn when there was already plenty here.

Squiggy: Maybe they knew we were coming.

Lenny: That makes sense.

Squiggy sees a rectangular box, picks it up, presses a red button, and the channels move.


Shot of the television (only)

[Weakest Link]

You see several people standing in a half circle, surrounding a red headed woman in a black leather dominating suit.

Ann Robinson: We have four contestants left. Apparently, mother knows best after all. (sees Laverne and Shirley) We seem to have a few more new people on the floor this evening. And who might you be?

Shirley: Um, I - I'm Shirley Feeney.

Laverne: (with confidence) And I'm Laverne DeFazio.

Ann: You know the audience is not allowed on the set.

Laverne: We're not part of the audience.

Ann: Then what are you?

Laverne: We're Laverne and Shirley.

Ann: Laverne and Shirley was a popular show in the late 70's and early 80's. (brief pause) Ladies and gentle, I introduce to you Penny Marshall and Cindy Williams.

The audience goes wild and applauds them.

Laverne: No, no, we already told you, we're Laverne and Shirley.

Ann: Ladies and gentlemen, I introduce to you the infamous Laverne and Shirley.

The audience roars applauds again.

Florence Henderson: Of course, Cindy, you look so young. We were on "Who Wants To Be A Millionaire" together, remember?

Danny Bonaducci: Hey, Cindy! Nice to see you again!

Shirley: What are they talking about, Laverne? Who is Cindy Williams?

Laverne: (to Shirley) Let me take care of this, Shirl. (moves forward, facing Ann) Listen here, Raggedy Ann...

Ann: Even if I were raggedy, which I'm not, what I'm wearing is "houte coture". What you're wearing is not.

Laverne: (to Shirley) What's "houte coture?"

Ann: Forgot your dictionary in the move? Where's your writers to help you now? [BLING!--Here I am! =)]

Shirley: Dictionary? Move? Who's moving? Laverne, are we moving? Is there something you're not telling me?

Ann: Well, I guess even a bimbo can have her secrets.

Laverne stares a dagger and lunges at her.

Squiggy moves to turn up the volume, but accidentally changes the channel. When the channel is changed, a loud female battle cry erupts from the t.v. set. Lenny and Squiggy see a woman clad in a short black leather dress. Squiggy makes kissy noises while Lenny puts the palm of his hand in his mouth.

[Xena Warrior Princess]

Xena was in the middle of a large scuffle with several ruggid and seedy characters.

Shirley screams.

Shirley: I don't think this is a very safe place, Laverne.

Shirley grabbed Laverne's arm and they ran as fast as they could.

Laverne: Wait, I wanted to get his number.

Squiggy changes the channel.

[Steal Magnolias]

Laverne and Shirley appear during the fireworks in the light.

Clarie: That man!

Laverne: (popping up from behind the car) What man?

Clarie: Well, honey, who are you?

Laverne: I'm Laverne DeFazio and this is my best friend, Shirley Feeney.

Clarie: Well, hello there.

Squiggy: What's this sobby mess?

He changes the channel and hands the remote to Lenny.

Squiggy: I'm gonna get a beer, Len.

Lenny: Okay, but don't get your head stuck in the ice box again.

[Strip Mall]

Tammi Tyler is in "Wok, Don't Run" chinese resturant, at the Strip Mall, trying to buy an egg roll with her last dollar.

Shirley: (taps Tammi on the shoulder) Excuse me, but could I...

Tammi: Cindy Williams! Didn't a snake bite you on the ass?

Shirley: What? I'm Shirley Feeney.

Tammi: Don't play games with me, bitch. I know it was you who helped break my marriage up with Harve. You almost killed him and I'll never forgive you for that. And as for Fernando, he's mine and you can't have him, Cindaputa!

Shirley was confused.

Laverne: Who are you to talk to my friend like that?

Tammi: I don't have to take this from two bimbos.

Laverne: Bimbos?

Tammi: Yeah, I'll spell it out for you... C-I-N-D-Y!

Laverne: Her name ain't Cindy, it's Shirley!

Tammi: Only her character name from the show, Penny. I had my own show once too called, "Here Comes Corky!"

Squiggy: Give me the remote, Lenny.

The Lenny hit a button in the scuffle and the channel changed yet again. Where will they end up? --In...The Twilight Zone?!!

To Part Two

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