The Hundred Deaths
Of Walter Meeney
By Scott McClenny
Walter meets his fate over and over and over...
Scene 1 HIGHLANDER(A park outside Paris,Walter wakes up with
pigeon doo doo all over him.A tall dark stranger with a mean looking
sword is staring at him.Walter groggily hears him speak to him):
Duncan:I said,my name is Duncan McLeod of the Clan McLeod!
Walter,reality finally reaching his brain begins to run.
He just gets to the street when:
Richie(no not THAT Richie)runs him over on his motorcycle.
Richie(looks at Walter's splattered remains):Gee,I'm sorry Mac,I knew
he was your friend.
Duncan:Didn't you recognise him?
Richie:No,I always have to say that,force of habit really.
Duncan:That was the Walter Meeney who played so much havoc with
Richie:Gee Mac,can I run over him again,that guy really annoyed me!
Just as Richie revs up again the scene sifts to:
Scene 2 "...The Year is 2260,the name of the place BABYLON 5!"
(Londo and Vir are walking down the Zoccalo when they stumble across
Walter creeping on his knees)
Vir:Shouldn't we stop and help that poor man?
Londo:Are you kidding me Vir?If the humans want to treat their own like
(stops and stares at Walter)
My pistol Vir.
Vir:What are you going to do Londo?
Londo:Put the poor *%&%***@!! out his misery!
Londo:Don't you recognize him,that's THE Walter Meeney who cause more
suffering than a billion legions of Narn!
Vir:Can I shoot him myself Londo?
Walter gets up just as Vir fires and wakes up in scene 3:
Scene 3 DUKES OF HAZZARD(Roscoe is chaing Bo and Luke down
a Hazzard county road when something goes flying past.)
Roscoe(on radio):This is Sherriff Roscoe P.Coltrane,what was that I
Enos:Sherriff you just ran down Walter Meeney.
Roscoe:The man who done stole the heart and then trampled down of
liitle ole Shirley Feeney?
Roscoe:Ok,nothing important than.Got to get them Duke boys!
The scene sifts to:
Scene 4 THREE'S COMPANY(Walter finds himself standing in front of
the kids' kitchen door.Feeling thirsty he walks up to the door just as
Cindy swings the door open!)
(Sees Walter lying there and bends over him just as Terri,Jack and Janet
Cindy:I didn't mean it,honest!
Jack:You never mean it...say isn't that?
Janet:It certainly looks like it.
Terri:Well he certainly deserves some special TLC.
Cindy:What,who is he?
Janet:You really don't know?That's the Walter Meeney who broke
Shirley Feeney's heart!
Terri:Here we go(Jabs needle in Walter's derriere)
Walter screams and waks up in:
Scene 5:TO BE CONTINUED!!!!!!!!:)
On To Part 2
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