The Hundred Deaths Of Walter Meeney
               By Scott McClenny
         "Oh,No,Mr.Bill!"as Walter meets his fate over and over and over...
Scene 1 HIGHLANDER(A park outside Paris,Walter wakes up with
pigeon doo doo all over him.A tall dark stranger with a mean looking
sword is staring at him.Walter groggily hears him speak to him):
Duncan:I said,my name is Duncan McLeod of the Clan McLeod!
Duncan sets.
Walter,reality finally reaching his brain begins to run.
He just gets to the street when:
Richie(no not THAT Richie)runs him over on his motorcycle.
Richie(looks at Walter's splattered remains):Gee,I'm sorry Mac,I knew
he was your friend.
Duncan:Didn't you recognise him?
Richie:No,I always have to say that,force of habit really.
Duncan:That was the Walter Meeney who played so much havoc with
Shirley Feeney!
Richie:Gee Mac,can I run over him again,that guy really annoyed me!
Just as Richie revs up again the scene sifts to:
Scene 2 "...The Year is 2260,the name of the place BABYLON 5!"
(Londo and Vir are walking down the Zoccalo when they stumble across
Walter creeping on his knees)
Vir:Shouldn't we stop and help that poor man?
Londo:Are you kidding me Vir?If the humans want to treat their own like that....
(stops and stares at Walter)
My pistol Vir.
Vir:What are you going to do Londo?
Londo:Put the poor *%&%***@!! out his misery!
Vir:But Londo!
Londo:Don't you recognize him,that's THE Walter Meeney who cause more
suffering than a billion legions of Narn!
Vir:Can I shoot him myself Londo?
Londo:Well ok!
Walter gets up just as Vir fires and wakes up in scene 3:
Scene 3 DUKES OF HAZZARD(Roscoe is chaing Bo and Luke down
a Hazzard county road when something goes flying past.)
Roscoe(on radio):This is Sherriff Roscoe P.Coltrane,what was that I just
Enos:Sherriff you just ran down Walter Meeney.
Roscoe:The man who done stole the heart and then trampled down of poor
liitle ole Shirley Feeney?
Roscoe:Ok,nothing important than.Got to get them Duke boys!
The scene sifts to:
Scene 4 THREE'S COMPANY(Walter finds himself standing in front of
the kids' kitchen door.Feeling thirsty he walks up to the door just as KA-BLAAM!
Cindy swings the door open!)
Cindy:Hello?Anyone there?
(Sees Walter lying there and bends over him just as Terri,Jack and Janet come
Terri:What happened?
Cindy:I didn't mean it,honest!
Jack:You never mean it...say isn't that?
Janet:It certainly looks like it.
Terri:Well he certainly deserves some special TLC.
Cindy:What,who is he?
Janet:You really don't know?That's the Walter Meeney who broke
Shirley Feeney's heart!
Terri:Here we go(Jabs needle in Walter's derriere)
Walter screams and waks up in:
Scene 5:


On To Part 2

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