“Always There For You”

PG-13

By Shotzette

This is a work of fan fiction only, and is not intended to infringe upon anyone’s copyrights or intellectual properties.  It was written for grins and giggles, not dollars and cents.

The tall blonde stirred in her chair restlessly as she rearranged the magazines on the low table in front of them for the fourth time in fifteen minutes.  “You didn’t have to come.”

Laverne shrugged.  “You needed someone to drive.”

“Rhonda could have driven herself.”

“Yeah,” Laverne replied, “you could have driven ‘to’ here, but not ‘from’ here.  You’re going to be loopy after…”

“After Rhonda finds out she has cancer?”  she asked with an edge in her voice.

Laverne shook her head.  “I didn’t say that, and you don’t know that.”

Rhonda peered down at her closely as she lowered her sunglasses.  “You shouldn’t even be out, Laverne.  You’re still sick.”

“I’m better.  I’m due to go back to Bardwell’s tomorrow, anyhow,” Laverne said and touched her face self-consciously, her recent war paint of calamine lotion replaced by slightly heavier foundation.

Once again, Laverne stole a quick glance at the woman seated next to her in the uncomfortable orange plastic chair of the doctor’s office.  Rhonda for once wore jeans and a baggy shirt, her blonde curls were pulled back into a simple ponytail and her face was bare of make up, and partially hidden behind sunglasses.  Even trying to go incognito, Laverne mused, Rhonda had generated more longing looks by hopeful men on the sidewalk that she ever had on her best day.

“Miss Lee?”  A heavyset nurse stood in the doorway between the waiting room and the doctor’s office.  “The doctor will see you now.”

Rhonda paled slightly, stood up, and headed towards the nurse.  She paused and then turned to give Laverne’s hand a soft squeeze.  “Thanks,” she whispered to Laverne, “for…”

“I know,” was Laverne’s brusque reply.

“Gallant always holds the door open for little old ladies, while Goofus loves to run through the door in front of them.”

Laverne winced.  Yeah, Gallant was a prince, but he was a real bore.  Now, even though Goofus wasn’t very bright, he looked like he’d be a little more fun…

“Hello!”

Laverne looked up from her Highlights magazine.  “Len!  What are you-“

Her fiancé shrugged and stood awkwardly in the doorway of doctor’s office, looking ill at ease in his loud Hawaiian shirt.  “I was heading over to the park to sell ice cream, and I saw Rhonda’s car in the lot as I drove by, and put one and one together.”

Inwardly Laverne cursed the starlet’s lavender Volkswagen.  “Len,” Rhonda can’t see you here, you’re not even supposed to…”

“Know?” he asked.  “Yeah, I know I shouldn’t know, but you know I know, and…”

“Len, you can’t say anything to Squiggy,” Laverne interrupted, hopefully ceasing a re-hash of the four in the morning debate they’d had two days ago on the same topic.

“Why not?” Lenny asked, sounding like a child who wanted evidence of puppy heaven.   "Squig would want to know, and want to help her, Laverne.”

Laverne sighed and shook her head.  “Len, you just don’t get it.”

“I guess I don’t.  If this ever happened to you-and it won’t, so don’t worry,” he added quickly, “I’d stand by you.  You know that, don’t you?”

Tears filled Laverne’s eyes.  “Yeah, but…”

“Ain’t no buts.  I would.”

She shook her head.  “I mean, it could happen, it might.  It…  it’s how my Mama died, Lenny.”

His jaw threatened to hit the ugly linoleum-tiled floor.  “What?”

Laverne hesitated, as memories of her father’s reaction to any discussion of her mother’s illness came back to her.  “She died of breast cancer.”

“I didn’t know…  I mean, I knew your mother got sick an died, but I never knew why, or…”

She shook her head.  “My Pop never talked about it after Mama died.  It was just ‘she was sick’.  It’s like anytime I ever said ‘cancer’ or ‘breast’, he and my grandma would get mad, or worse, get quiet and leave the room.  I didn’t realize until I was older that they usually left to cry so they wouldn’t do it in front of me…  It was like they were ashamed of it or something-“

Lenny awkwardly sat down on the small plastic chair next to her, looking comical and tragic at the same time.  “I’m sorry,” he said as he took her hands in his.

Laverne smiled up at him, feeling a strange lightness within her in sharing a secret that she hadn’t realized she’d kept.  “I know.”

Lenny squeezed her hands in his.  “I’ll say it again, I’ll stand by you if it ever happens-and it won’t,” he said forcefully.

She hugged him and laid her head on his shoulder for a long moment, until hearing the loud, yet feminine gasp behind them.

Shirley Ragusa stood in the waiting room doorway, open mouthed and aghast.  “Lenny!  What are you doing here?”

The tall man jumped to his feet, while knocking over the two empty chairs to his left in apparent surprise.  “Shirley?  Laverne, you told Shirley but you won’t let me tell Squig? That ain’t fair!” he whined.

“I-“ Laverne began as she quickly looked towards the doorway to the doctor’s office and attempted to smile reassuringly to the other patients in the waiting room.

Shirley placed her hands on her hips and her voice took on a lecturing tone worthy of Lillian Feeney.  “Lenny, Rhonda doesn’t want Squiggy to know about her woman’s cancer, surely you can understand that?”

“I guess Rhonda’s wishes don’t count for much, do they, Laverne?”

Laverne whirled around and felt her stomach drop as she looked into the face of a very pale, and shaky Rhonda Lee glaring at her while a nurse helped her into a chair.  Laverne opened her mouth to explain, apologize, or feign ignorance, but was cut off by the nurse’s authoritative tone.

“Miss Lee, you don’t need to be in recovery any more, but we’d appreciate it if you stayed here in the waiting room for another twenty minutes or so, just to be on the safe side.”

Laverne took a deep breath and was chagrined to realize that she was unable to look her neighbor-no she corrected, her friend in the eye.  “Rhonda, I…”

“Can’t keep a secret worth a damn?”  The words were practically spat out.

Laverne flinched.  “I’m sorry.”

Rhonda Looked at Lenny and her eyes narrowed.  “So, what did Squiggy say when you told him,” she asked, “or has he already run yet?”

Lenny blinked.  “I haven’t told Squiggy nothing, Rhonda.  Laverne said not to.”

Rhonda smirked, her usually pretty face anything but.  “Oh, so its do as a say, not do as I do, eh Laverne?”

“Rhonda!”  Shirley said.  “Only the three of us know, honest.”

“Rhonda find it hard to believe that.” 

Laverne piped up.  “It’s true Rhonda, I’m sorry.  I spoke to Shirley right after I saw you.”

“And I dragged it out of her,” Shirley said.

Laverne shook her head, as she decided to tough it out and own up to her breach of trust.  “No, Shirl.  I blabbed because I was scared and I need to talk about it.”  She touched Rhonda’s hand, “and if I’m that scared I can’t even imagine what you’re going through.  I really think you need to talk to Squiggy, though, not for his sake as much as for yours.”

Rhonda smiled bitterly.  “Rhonda really doesn’t think she can handle getting dumped by her lover on top of all this today,” she said, gesturing to her breasts.

“He ain’t gonna dump you,” Lenny said, as his voiced rose indignantly.  “Do you even know the guy you’re sleeping with?”

“Lenny, shh…” Laverne said as she looked around the crowded waiting room and tried yet another reassuring smile.  The old lady smirking to her right made her wonder if they were probably more entertaining than dinner theatre to this crowd..

“No!” Lenny snapped at her before turning his attention back to the actress.  “Rhonda you’re Squiggy’s dream girl.  Do think he’d just turn and run?”

“Rhonda’s not going to be much of a dream girl soon, more like a nightmare.”  She turned away from them and stifled a sob.  “It would be better if he ran far away from Rhonda before she’s a burden.”  When she turned back to face them, her eyes were red and the tears flowed freely down her cheeks.  “Andrew’s life is finally turning around-he’s finally having some success.  Rhonda can’t be the one to ruin it for him.”

Shirley scooted forward on the plastic chairs causing a rude noise, yet she neither blushed nor did Lenny guffaw.  “Rhonda, what makes you think that Squiggy’s the only one who’s going to take care of  you?  You’ve got three people right here, what are we, chopped liver?”

Rhonda shook her head and smiled slightly behind her tears.  “No. You’re not-but you have your own lives and plans.”

“Plans can be postponed."  At Laverne’s look Shirley elaborated.  “Maybe Carmine and I don’t have to move to New York at the end of the month?”

Laverne took a deep breath and clasped Lenny’s hand as she spoke to Rhonda.  “And it’s not like I can get married being short one bridesmaid, can I?”  she asked as she prayed that Lenny would understand.

Lenny let out his usual walrus-like guffaw.  “Yeah, like I can get married without my best man’s girlfriend being there.  Squiggy’d ditch the reception before Laverne’s garter came off, and you know that’s his favorite part of the whole ‘wedded bliss’ thing.”

Rhonda blinked twice.  “Married?  You mean that you two…”

Laverne braced herself the starlet’s next words as her recent battle with her pop flashed into her mind.

 “And you’re willing to postpone your wedding until Rhonda…” she said as a look of understanding crossed her face.

Laverne suddenly found herself embraced in a surprisingly strong hug that was more akin to a half nelson from Terri Buttafucco.  “You are the best friends a girl could have.”

Lenny guffawed again.  “Nah… But if you think we’re good, you gotta see how good Squiggy will be.”

Rhonda looked at him in surprise.  “You’re not going to tell him?”

Lenny shook his head and somehow managed to sit up tall enough in the small chair to look almost noble.  “No.  I made promise to Laverne and that ain’t something that I’m ever going to break,” he said as his eyes locked with Laverne’s.  “Ever,” he added more softly to his fiancée.   “ But you should tell him, and soon.”

“You look beautiful, my little piece of dove,” Squiggy said as he sauntered through the door of Rhonda’s apartment and vaulted over her hot pink couch like an oversized frog.

“Thank you, Andrew,” Rhonda replied as she took a quick peek in one of he several mirrors on her wall and self-consciously smoothed down her platinum locks before sitting down beside him on her couch.  “How was your day?”

Her lover favored her with a cocky grin.  “Top of the world Butter Tub, top of the world.  You know that animal act that I booked last week?” he asked, as he pulled closer to her in a conspiratorial way, yet somehow managed to peek down her cleavage.

“The mangy alley cat that throws up all of the time?” Rhonda asked as she wrinkled her nose in disgust.

Squiggy pulled back from her in affront.  “Mangy?  Well, Miss Rhonda Lee, that mangy cat as you so crudely called Squignowski’s Talent Agency of Burbank’s currently most profitable client, is now the cat who will barf himself uncontrollably while eating the Brand X cat food that will make the pretty cat who’s gorging himself on Happy Cat look like a furry William Shatner, thank you very much.”

Rhonda squealed in delight as she through her arms around him.  “Andrew, that’s wonderful!”

He grinned up at her.  “Hollywood’s not just for the pretty, my dear.  Sometime we need ugly people to make the pretty people look even prettier.  Ow!” he yelped as he rubbed his suddenly bruised arm.  “What did I say?”

Rhonda was on her feet in a heartbeat and pointing to the door.  “Get out!”

“What? “

“I can’t believe that I thought you’d be different!”

Squiggy’s eyes widened in surprise.  “I am different!  I’ve been different most of my life-are you just now noticing?

She shook her head in disgust at his inability to show even a modicum of human sensitivity.  “No, not that, you idiot!  I just that you could see beyond the surface-really care about the whole Rhonda-not just the pretty wrapping!”

He smiled at her fawningly and took her hand in his.  “Aw, I love unwrapping you and seeing your hole!  You know I love it.  I loved it three times in a row the other night and…”

Rhonda pulled away from him in disgust.  “Would you still care for Rhonda if she didn’t look like Rhonda?”

His dark eyebrows knit together.  “Is this a riddle?  Like if a tree falls in the forest does anyone care unless there’s property damage?”

“No,” she answered in a small voice as she suddenly realized how much his answer to her question would mean to her.  “Just a very important question.  Would we still be together if Rhonda didn’t have these,” she said as she gestured to her breasts,  “beautiful hair, and a glamorous career? I mean I wouldn’t blame you-or any man-who would-could-care for someone who’s deformed and a nobody?”

Squiggy shook his head in puzzlement, as he seemed to get an inkling of the full gravity of her question.  “Rhonda you ain’t never gonna be a nobdoy.  You can’t be a nobody.  Trust me, I grew up around nobodies and I know what they look like.  You ain’t one of them,” he added softly.

Her eyes filled with tears.  “Nothing is forever, Squiggy.”  She cleared her throat and took a deep breath.  “Do you remember last weekend when you stayed over?”

His smile turned into a leer.  “Yeah, we did that stuff with the honey and you…”

She cut him off.  “You said you felt a lump in my breast…”

He instantly looked crushed.  “Aww, don’t feel bad. No one’s perfect.  Even I have a few flaws in my rugged good looks…”

“It might be cancer,” she said in a flat voice that was worlds away from her usual trilling tones.

Wordlessly he sank down on the couch and stared straight ahead.

“Laverne took me to the doctor for a biopsy three days ago and I should get he rest results any day now.  Laverne thought I should tell you,” she said, smoothly omitting Shirley and Lenny’s involvement.

He continued to stare straight ahead.

Rhonda took a deep breath.  Rhonda was right she realized, and once again hated her ability to see the world as she did; everyone was out for himself or herself in the end.  Forcing a lighter tone to her voice, she said, “Well, we had our fun, didn’t we, Squiggles?  I guess I’ll see you around the building,” she then rose from the couch determined to make it back to the privacy and she realized, loneliness, of her bedroom.

His hand caught her wrist in a surprisingly strong grip, one that would have earned him her censure in bed weeks earlier.  His dark eyes met hers and she was surprised and touched to see tears in the eyes of a man who had once confided in her proudly that he hadn’t wept since being locked in a closet by his mother at the age of seven.  “I love you, Rhonda.” He whispered in a harsh and strangled tone.

She stared down at as her emotions surged and warred within he for long moments until her phone rang.

She picked it up and answered automatically, “Residence of Miss Rhonda Lee, actress, dancer, model…”

“Miss Lee?” questioned the voice on the other end of the phone, “This is Dr. Shapiro.  We have your test results…”

Rhonda only half listed to her diagnosis as Squiggy took her in his arms.

FIN

To "Always Too Much Lasagne"
To "Always About You"