“A Bunny’s Tail”

By Shotzette

PG-13

 

Season Eight ReMix

 

Happy Birthday, Missy!

 

This is only a work of fan fiction and is not intended to infringe upon anyone’s copyrights or intellectual properties.  It’s just for fun, folks!

 

 

 

Laverne bit her lip and shoved the piece of paper that she’d been reading and reading over again into her purse as Lenny burst through the door.

 

“Sorry I’m late,” her boyfriend said, after giving her a brief peck on the head and plopping down next to her on the couch.  “There was a little league game up at the schoolyard and I was able to sell a bunch of Popsicles until the regular concession guys chased me off.”  Lenny shook his head and smiled.  “Squiggy was right, they don’t work the crowd at the south end of the ball field at all, and…” he trailed off.  “What’s wrong?” he asked, as he took her hand.  “I’m sorry I’m late.  I know Carmine ain’t gonna be too made that we’re late meeting him for the movie, since we’re always late.”

 

“No,” Laverne said, as she shook her head and felt the tears she’d held back for the last hour well up in her eyes.  “It ain’t about you being late.  It’s about…”  Unable to speak any further, she reached into her purse and thrust the now crumpled piece of paper into his hands.

 

“Dear Valued Employee,” Lenny began to read, “Due to dec…dec…what’s that word?”

 

“Declining”

 

“Declining rev…reve…”

 

“Revenues!  Declining revenues!”

 

“Don’t yell at me, I didn’t write this letter.  Heck, I can barely read it…”

 

“I’ll help!” Laverne snapped as she grabbed the paper out of his hands,  “Blah, blah, blah, furloughed for the next three weeks!  Sincerely; Harold Longschwadt, Ajax Aerospace Human Resources.  Len, I’ve been laid off.  Again!”  Laverne slumped forward and fought the urge to curl up into a ball.

 

Lenny was instantly contrite, and had his arms around her.  “Aww… There, there.  Vernie, it’s going to be okay.  It ain’t the end of the world.  Aww, quit crying.  This used to happen all the time to us back at Shotz, and you didn’t cry…”

 

In a flash she was on her feet and out of his arms.  “That’s the problem, Len.  I’ve been through this too many times.”  She began to pace manically back and forth.  “I didn’t do nothing wrong, Len!  Everybody’s been real happy with my work, but does that matter?  No!  I mean, I could understand if I screwed up and got fired…”

 

“Like at Bardwells,” Lenny said.

 

She shot him a withering look and he cowered back onto the couch.  “It ain’t the same thing, Len.”  She resumed her pacing.  “Shirley was right, it’s always the big guy that decides what happens to the little guys.  Ajax ain’t that much different than Shotz.”

 

Lenny rose to his feet and put his hands on her shoulders, his fingers massaging her.  “Laverne, you gotta calm down.  You know how it works.  Monday morning, you’ll sleep in—you like to sleep in, dontcha?  Then you go down to unemployment…”

 

The pleasant warmth emanating from his fingertips evaporated and took whatever soothing effect they had with them.  “And they say, “Hey, aren’t you that loser that was fired from Bardwells six months ago?  Back so soon, Idiot?  That’s what they’ll say.”

 

Lenny shook his head.  “Nah, I think that’s one of the few places where no one’s allowed to call you an idiot…”

 

Angrily, she threw his hands off of her and stepped back from him.  “I’m tired of it, Lenny.  I ain’t a kid no more.  I can’t just bounce around from job to job.”

 

You ain’t bouncing.  Read the letter again.  They’re just furluffing…

 

“Furloughing.”

 

“Furloughing you for three weeks.  That’s all. You’ll take some time off, collect unemployment…”

 

“Not much.  AT his look, she elaborated.  My benefits were about to end when I got the job at Ajax.  I don’t think I’ll be getting enough to get by.”

 

“It’s okay.  I can pay all of this month’s rent…”

 

“Len,” she started, not liking where this was going.

 

“And you could probably get your pop to give you some shifts at Cowboy Bills…”

 

“Congratulations,” she snapped.  “You’ve actually made me realize that things are worse than I thought they were.”

 

Lenny shook his head.  “I don’t get it.”

 

Laverne took a deep breath and tried to be patient.  “Lenny, I’m twenty-nine years old.”

 

“You’ll be thirty in October,” he said beaming.

 

“Thanks,” was her curt reply.

 

“Aren’t’ you happy I remembered your birthday?”

 

She bit back a retort, before forcing herself to calm down.  “Not now, I’m not.  Len, the point is that I’m not a kid anymore.  I can’t keep bouncing back and forth from unemployment to asking my Pop for cash.”

 

Lenny’s normally pale complexion reddened.  “I get what you’re saying, Laverne.  You’re saying that if I was more successful that you wouldn’t have to be worrying about this.  You’re saying that I can’t take care of you.  You’re…”

 

“How would you even know what I’m saying because you won’t shut up long enough form me to finish a sentence!”   The words hadn’t been out of her mouth for  more than a second when she regretted them.  Unfortunately, the damage had been done, and Lenny was loping towards the door.  “ Len.  Len, come back.  I’m sorry.”

 

“I think I’m going to see if there’s anything I can do to help out Squiggy since I apparently ain’t helping you out enough.”

 

“Len, that’s not what I meant!” She hollered to the slamming apartment door.  Big dumb jerk, she thought.  Then again, he’s a big dumb jerk with a job, so what does that make me? She wondered as she opened the refrigerator door and took out a gallon of milk and two bottles of Pepsi to get herself through the night.

 

 

 

“Pop, I …” Vainly, Laverne tried to flag down her father as he thundered past her, waving his arms dramatically.

 

“Not now, Muffin.  I gotta call my distributor.  I’m down to only two packs of napkins in the back and that won’t get me through the weekend.  Stupid moron!  He can be late on his deliveries, but somehow I gotta pay him on time?” Frank DeFazio hollered as he waved a yellow invoice under Laverne’s nose.  “I’ll second notice him, the lousy…  Wait here, Laverne.”

 

“Yeah, sure.  Take your time.”  It’s not like she had anything better to do than sit on her duff anyhow, she thought.  Except for try not to doze off.  She’d stayed up waiting for Lenny until 3 o’clock, when sleep finally overtook her.  When she went downstairs that morning, she found him snoring loudly on the couch.

 

Cowboy Bill’s was slower than molasses on this Saturday afternoon, Laverne observed.  Then again, Laverne reasoned, she was a little early for the lunch rush.  She smiled briefly at Jose the cook and Mary, the waitress.  Only Jose smiled back at her.

 

Why should you expect her to be happy to see her?  She knows that it’s just a matter of time before you horn in on her shifts and tips.  Again.  As generous as her father had always been in letting her and Shirley take waitressing shifts when money was tight, she knew it hadn’t endeared either one of them to the full-time staff at the restaurant.  Not like she could blame for resenting the boss’s kid, she thought as visions of Todd and Max Shotz, Jr. flashed before her eyes.

 

“Laverne!  “

 

A shrill, feminine voice broke through her reverie.  Laverne turned to see her neighbor, Rhonda Lee, dressed in a brief and clingy hillbilly costumed.  She gave her friend the customary once over before saying sarcastically, “Yeah, Rhonda.  That’s a good look for you.”

 

“Laverne!  Rhonda has an audition in an hour for an experimental theatre play, Romeo and Daisy Mae”.

 

“Is the experiment going to be what it’s like performing in an empty theatre?” Laverne asked, only half joking.

 

“Silly!  Rhonda has been hunting for you all morning.  Lenny said that Rhonda might find you here.”

 

“Oh, he’s up.  That’s good to know,” Laverne said, unable to keep the bitchiness out of her tone.  Not that she had really tried.

 

“Rhonda needs a favor.”

 

“Why didn’t you ask Lenny since he’s so helpful today.”

 

“Oh, Lenny couldn’t do this.  They’d throw him out on sight.”

 

“Who’s they?” Laverne asked, protective over Lenny despite herself.

 

“The people at the club.  The Playboy Club.  Oh, you made Rhonda get ahead of herself.  They’re having a bunny hunt, and Rhonda was wondering if you could go downtown and get Rhonda an application?  Please?”

 

“No.”

 

“Pretty please with sugar on top?”

 

“Rhonda, I can’t!”

 

“Laverne!  It’s not like you have to go to work today.”

 

“I guess Lenny blabbed about everything, didn’t he?”

 

“Well, he was talking a lot.  I just tuned him out after I found out where you might me.  Will you do it?”

 

“Well…”

 

“Lightbulb! ” squealed Rhonda as she snapped her fingers.  “Shame on Rhonda, for not having this idea sooner.  This could be a good opportunity for you as well, Laverne.  Pick up two applications instead of one.”

 

“I can’t be a bunny.”

 

“Why not?  Give Rhonda one reason”

 

Laverne looked briefly down at her own athletic frame.  “I can give you two, but it’s not like I’ve got much to spare.”

 

The statuesque bleached blond rolled her eyes dramatically.  “Rhonda is serious, Laverne.  Fill out an application.  What’s the worst thing that could happen?  It’s not like you’ve ever been turned down for a job before.”

 

“Well, since you put it so nicely…. “ Laverne started, then shut up as she saw her father coming out of the back room to his empty restaurant muttering angrily in Italian.  “Then again,” she said as she skedaddled out the door before he saw her.

 

 

*****

 

“Gray skies are gonna clear up…” Laverne warbled, horrendously off key, even to her own tone-deaf ears.

 

Lenny looked up as she waltzed through the front door of 113 ½ Laurel Vista.  “Hello,” he said shortly, as he returned his attention to the Heckle and Jeckle cartoon that had him so engrossed.

 

“Put on a happy face…” Laverne finished, lightly running her fingers through his greased hair, determined to cajole him out of his mood and end their current disagreement.

 

“I can’t hear America’s favorite magpies with you singing,” was his dour reply.

 

“I don’t wanna fight no more,” she said as she sat down on the couch.

 

He sidled closer to her.  “I never did.  Are you sorry?”

 

She nodded.  “A little.  How about you?”

 

His head was on her shoulder now.  “A lot…”

 

His lips smothered her next question.  “I’m sory Vernie.  I hate fighting with anyone. But especially you.  Or Squig.”

 

She hugged him.  “I’m sorry too,” she whispered in his ear.  “It was just a rotten day yesterday.”

 

Lenny shook his head.  “I should have been nicer.  I’m sorry you got fur… fur..”

 

“Me to.  Don’t feel too bad, though.  I got something else lined up, and I might not even want to go back after three weeks.”

 

“You got a new job?  Today?”

 

“You bet your bippy, I did!  I start tomorrow night!”

 

“You’re gonna work nights?  Cowboy Bill’s ain’t open past midnight.”

 

“I ain’t working for my pop, Len.  I got something on my own, all by myself.  Well, after Rhonda gave me a nudge…”

 

“You gonna be a actress like Rhonda?”

 

“No, better!  It’s a steady paycheck, plus tips.”  She grabbed his shoulders, and with a huge grin announced, “Len, I start serving drinks at the Playboy club tomorrow night!”

 

Lenny’s jaw dropped to the floor and he looked more confused than normal.  “You’re gonna what?”

 

“Be a Bunny!  The job pays much better than my Pop ever paid any of his waitresses, and the tips are excellent!  Also, you know what kind of celebrities go there.  I’ll be keister deep in famous people”

 

Lenny nodded blankly, his eyes glassy and staring a thousand miles away.  “Uh huh, famous people, famous guys...” he said before shaking his head violently.  “No, Vernie.  I can’t let you do it.”

 

Laverne felt a chill run down her spine.  “Let?”

 

Lenny continued, evidently unhearing.  “You can’t work in a place like that, wearing that skimpy little….” He paused momentarily and got a faraway look on his face.  “Did they let you bring it home with you?”  When she shook her head, he continued, “You don’t know what guys are thinking going into a place like that…”

 

“I’m doing it,” she said, surprised by the iron in her own voice.  “I start the training session—paid training, mind you—tomorrow night.  Then, if they like me---“

 

He looked slightly relieved.  “So you don’t have it.  Not really.”

 

Laverne felt her face go hot.  “I was the only girl at the interview who had any kind of waitressing experience!  They were really impressed with that.”

 

“Yeah, right.  I’m sure that’s the kind of experience they’re looking for,” he sneered.

 

“I can’t believe you’re acting like this.  I mean, I expect this sort of attitude from my pop, but not my…”

 

“Boyfriend?  How do you expect me to act?  My girl, walking around a club full of horny guys, showing her stuff…”

 

“Lenny!  I’ll be wearing a costume.”

 

“Not much of a costume!”

 

“Yeah, it’s a little skimpy, but The Playboy club is a classy place.  The way you’re acting, you’d think I was shaking it in a cage back at Otto’s Snake Pit in Milwaukee.”

 

“There’s only one difference between the playboy club and Ottos!”

 

“And that is?”

 

“You had too much class to work at Ottos”

 

“I don’t like where you’re gong with this, Len!”

 

“I don’t want you working there, Laverne, that’s final.”

 

“Yeah, it is.”

 

“So you’re quitting.” He asked, fully looking like he knew the answer to his question.

 

“No, she growled as she walked to the open closet door, reached inside and pulled out the green army blanket.  “It means that I hope you liked the couch last night, cuz that’s where you’re bunking tonight, Pal!”

 

“Ooff!”  He grunted as she lobbed the heavy blanket into his face.  “Fine!”  He hollered at her back as she stomped up the stairs.

 

Laverne slammed the bedroom door with all of her might, but the sound still wasn’t loud enough.

 

 

 

*****

 

 

Laverne forced her pasted on grin to stretch even wilder.  She winced, as she regretted not rubbing Vaseline on her teeth and gums as she’d seen the other Bunnys do in the dressing area.  Not that anyone of those nose in the air, stuck up, snooty girls would have offered her any, she thought.  She hadn’t felt as self conscious in her life since her first day of changing in the girls’ locker room in seventh grade.  At least back then she’d had Shirley at her side.  Now, it was all she could to change lickety split into a too small, too tight, downright painful costume under the watchful eyes of girls who silently picked apart her features and imperfections and telegraphed them to each other with rolling eyes and smirks.

 

Laverne tried to remember Bunny Mother Hilary’s advise, tummy in, shoulders back, boobies out, and smile, smile, smile…

 

That mantra had grown old after the first hour.  Now her empty stomach growled loudly (she’d been still to angry with Lenny to eat, not that she’d have been able to get her costume zipped up if she’d had anything more than a cup of cottage cheese for lunch), her boobies itched beyond all belief under four hastily stuffed handfuls of Kleenex, her feet ached in her four inch high, pointy toed heels, and she was all but shivering working in a restaurant that gauged it’s temperatures to the clientele wearing suits, not the waitresses in skimpy costumes.

 

All in all, being a bunny was not all it had been cracked up to be.  The tips were decent she had to admit that.  And she was seeing celebrities.  Celebrities whose eyes stopped looking eight inches below her eyes before they traveled to scope out the next pair of “assets.”

 

Nervously, she glanced around as she tried to spot Bunny Mother Hillary.  Two girls had been dismissed already, a statuesque blond who couldn’t seem to master walking gracefully in high heels, and a petite brunette named Cathy who’d accidentally set a small fire while trying to light Mr. Hefner—Hef, she corrected herself, candle.  It was a shame.  Cathy seemed to be the only girl there who was halfway likable.  Suddenly testing space boots with Chuck seemed like a wonderful way to spend a day.

 

It was only for three weeks, she reminded herself.  Only three weeks until she got her old, boring, comfortable job back at Ajax.    Pushing away all thoughts of physical comfort and pride, Laverne tried to add some sparkle to her smile as she walked to the newly occupied table in her station.  A dark haired man sat with his back to her.

 

“Hello,” Laverne said, trying to make herself sound as perky as possible, “Welcome to the playboy club.  I’m you’re bunny, Laverne and…” words wouldn’t form as the dark haired man turned around.

 

“Laverne?”  Carmine Ragusa choked in a strangled whisper

 

“Carmine?”

 

“What are you doing here?” Carmine sputtered.

 

“I’m shingling the roof.  What does it look like I’mdoing?”  She then realized that only part of her had his attention.  “Eyes up, Ragusa,” she growled in a definite un-bunnylike tone.

 

At least he had the decency to momentarily look away.  “Sorry,” he mumbled.  “I’ve just never seen them before.  Y’know, nearly all of them,” he quickly amended.

 

“Carmine!”  Laverne whispered harshly, as she prayed that neither Bunny Mother Hilary nor Hef were anywhere in the vicinity.

 

“I’m here with…” Abruptly, Carmine closed his mouth and looked away.

 

“With who?”  Like she cared who he was dating?  Although bringing a girl to the Playboy Club would be a little awkward to say the least, she thought.

 

“I can’t tell you.”

 

“Carmine…” Laverne forced a harder edge to her Brooklyn accent and tried to will him to remember that she once beat him up in the fifth grade.

 

“An agent,” Carmine said, not looking her in the eye.

 

Laverne groaned as she felt like she went from the frying pan into the fire.  “Squiggy is here?”

 

Carmine shook his head.  “No.”

 

She breathed a sigh of relief.  “That’s good,” she replied before thinking.  “Wait a second…  I thought.  Carmine, you are Squignowski’s only talented member of the talent pool.”

 

Carmine snorted disdainfully.  “Tell me about it.  Junko the Clown is a distant second.”

 

Worry clutched Laverne’s gut.  “Carmine, if go with someone else, the guys are gonna have to close down.  They nearly went out of business when those Latvian acrobats ditched them for the William Morris agency.”  Lenny couldn’t handle that, she thought to herself as so many of his other disastrous attempts of bettering his life, and their horrific conclusions,  flashed before her eyes.

 

“Well it served them right for writing the contract in crayon.”

 

“They wanted it to be unique.”

 

“Part of show business is business, and they don’t seem to get it.  Laverne, the last three auditions I went on, I got myself.  Squiggy said he’s too busy working on some huge deal to be bother.  I’m their client!  They’re supposed to be getting me work!”

 

“I know they’re trying!”

 

“What are they trying?”

 

“I don’t know.  They talk on the phone a lot too each other, but I haven’t been paying attention.  Of course, Lenny and I haven’t been speaking for the last few days…”

 

Carmine’s dark eyes raked over her.  “Gee.  I wonder why?”

 

Laverne rolled her eyes.  “Don’t you start.  I got laid off and I gotta earn a living.”

 

“Yeah, but.. “ Carmine gestured to her costume, then quickly sat on his hands as her realized where he was pointing.  “I mean, you gotta see Lenny’s point….”

 

“Why can’t he see my point.”

 

“If he saw you in that get up he’d be seeing a lot of things,” Carmine replied with a smirk.

 

“I don’t need this,” Laverne growled as she started to back away from Carmine’s table.

 

“Hello, what did I interrupt?”  A small man with light brown, coarse hair and a loud tie had walked up behind them.  He flashed Laverne a too wide grin revealing four whiter than white-capped teeth in the front, and a gaggle of stained yellow ones on the side.

 

“Nothing, Chet,” Carmine said quickly, as his eyes pleaded with Laverne not to say anything.  “I was just ordering a drink.  A martini, please.  With three olives.”

 

“I could tell you were health conscious just looking at you,” Chet said to Carmine as obsequiousness oozed out of every pore.  “I’m not as pure minded.  Make mine a double scotch, babe.  On the rocks,” he added to Laverne’s cleavage.

 

“Coming right up,” she replied between gritted teeth.

 

When Laverne returned to the table, Chet seemed to be at the climax of his sales pitch.  “You get more than an agent with me, kiddo.  You get an agent, a mother, a father, and the class bully all rolled into one.  No one will mess with you in this town.  No one.”

 

Laverne sat their drinks down in front of them and tried to keep her smile on her aching face.

 

“Thanks, Laverne,” Carmine mumbled absently as he continued to listen raptly to Chet’s pitch.

 

Chet’s eyes lit up.  “I can get you anything you want in this town, sport.  You want a lease on a new Mustang?  Done!  Want an apartment in the most happening and hip pad in Hollywood?  I’m you’re guy,” As Laverne took a step back from the table Chet grabbed her forearm.  “Do you want her, chum?  I could probably arrange that too with Mr. Hefner,” he added, winking suggestively.

 

Laverne gasped, too surprised to say anything.

 

“Let go of her!” said Carmine, as his face went pale with anger.

 

Chet let go of her as if she’d been a live coal.  “You’re right.”  His eyes flicked over Laverne disdainfully.  “She’s last call material, yet that redheaded goddess over there…”

 

Chet never finished his sentence since he found himself wearing his scotch, and saw Laverne smile her first real smile of the night.

 

“Why you…” He sputtered.

 

“Don’t say it and make me have to hurt you, Chet”. Carmine growled as he rose from the table and stepped between the two of them.

 

“You’re making a big mistake…”

 

Carmine shook his head and seemed to be sizing Chet up for disassembly.  “I haven’t yet, but if you’re still standing here by the time I count to three…. One…Two…”

 

Laverne watched as the smaller man ran out of the restaurant.  Her attention was soon drawn however, to the platinum headed woman in the flowing cocktail dress who descended on her like a demented peacock.

 

“Laverne! You’re--” The usually elegant woman never finished her sentence.

 

“Fired.  I know.  Come one, Carmine.  Neither one of us belong here,” she said as she took his arm and guided him towards the door.

 

“I’ll say.  Here,” he said taking of his jacket and handing it to her as they walked out the front entry.

 

Laverne looked at him in surprise.  “I ain’t cold”

 

Carmine smirked.  “Yeah, but I got to be seen taking the bus with you…”

 

She nodded, and then quickly shrugged into the jacket.  “Good point.”

 

 

 

*****

 

 

“Where have you been?” Lenny bellowed as Laverne and Carmine walked through the door.

 

“We’re gonna start that again…” Laverne muttered before Lenny pushed past her and addressed Carmine.  “Squiggy and I’ve been trying to reach you all day…”

 

“Oh, NOW Squiggy wants to talk to me?” Carmine said, his voice dripping with sarcasm.  “I’ve been trying to get hold of him all week.  Let me guess, he needs to borrow money, doesn’t he?”

 

Lenny shook his head, bewilderment evident on his face.  “Squggy don’t need to borrow your money, Carmine.  He needs to make sure you make your audition tomorrow morning.”

 

“An audition?”

 

Lenny nodded.  “Yeah!  He’s been humping his bust over at Paramount for the last week trying to set up this audition for you.”

 

Carmine shook his head.  “You’re kidding.”

 

“No,” Lenny said.  “I mean, it ain’t a big movie, but you’d get to sing.”

 

Carmine’s jaw dropped.  “You’re kidding!  Tell me more about it.”

 

Lenny shook his head.  “Squiggy knows more of the details than I do.  All I know is that it’s a science fiction movie, and they need a lead singer for the alien’s band.”

 

“Wow…  Lead singer.  Didja hear that, Laverne?”

 

Laverne picked up her own jaw from the floor.  “That’s not a sentence I can easily forget.  Congratulations!”

 

“Don’t go congratulating him yet, there’s still an audition,” Lenny warned, without looking at her.

 

“Is Squiggy in his apartment?” Carmine asked, as he started towards the door.

 

Lenny coughed.  “Yeah, but if you see a sock on the door handle…”

 

Carmine blushed.  “Oh, okay.  That means…”

 

“I left it there.  Could you bring it back when you have a chance?”

 

Carmine blinked.  “Sure.  Whatever.  Oh, and thanks, Len.”

 

Lenny blushed.  “Nah, you don’t have to thank us.  We’re your agents.  That’s what we do.”  A puzzled look crossed his blunt features.  “Say, Carmine, where have you been all day?”

 

Before Carmine could answer, Laverne chimed in.  “Thanks for loaning me you coat, Carmine,” she said as she shrugged out of his navy blue blazer and handed it to him.  “I’m so glad that I ran into you at the bus stop,” she said as her light tone contrasted with the intense look in her eyes.

 

Carmine took the hint.  “Yeah.  The bus stop.  Thanks, Laverne.”

 

Lenny watched the door close, then started to walk away from her.  “You’re home early,” he said haphazardly, “I didn’t figure that the Playboy Club closed at eight.”

 

“No, they stay open a little longer than that.”

 

“Oh.”

 

Laverne took a deep breath, unable to bear the silent treatment anymore.  “Len…”

He turned to her, revealing slightly reddened eyes and a quivering lower lip.  “Laverne, I’m sorry I gave you a hard time about working at the club.  I just want you to be happy and if wearing…” his eyes grew as roundds as saucers as he apparently just noticed the tight red bunny suit she wore.

 

“It didn’t,” was her flat reply  “I ain’t going back.”

 

Lenny looked surprised.  “Why?  It ain’t cuz of what I said…”

 

Laverne opened her mouth, but decided to spare him the gory details of the night.  “A lot of reasons, really,” she hedged.  “ I just didn’t like the people very much.”

 

“Oh.  What are you going to do?”

 

She shrugged and took as step towards him.  “I don’t know.  I don’t want to work for my Pop again.”

 

Lenny nodded and with a slight grimace replied, “I kinda get that,” before moving closer to her.

 

“You were right about it,” Laverne admitted grudgingly.  “The place is a meat market.  The Playboy Club, not Cowboy Bill’s,” she added for clarification.

 

“I know.  I’m sorry I got jealous, Vernie, but just he thought of you with all those cool and successful guys…”

 

She blinked.  “You were jealous?”

 

He nodded.  “I just didn’t’ know why you’d want to come home to me every night after being around guys who are rich, and famous, and successful.  Those guys are something.”

 

Laverne shook her head.  “They were something all right, but not like the way you think.  Len, the guys were jerks, and the girls were stuck up.  I hated it.”

 

He eyed her with suspicion.  “You’re not just trying to make me feel better, are you?”

 

She smiled.  “No.  I just—it seemed glamorous at first.  But, it was still just waitressing, and I want to do more with my life than that.”

 

“Do you wanna go back to Ajax?”

 

“For now, yes.  But, I know that I’m not going to want to test spacesuits for the rest of my life either.”

 

Now he really looked confused.  “Then why were you so upset?”

 

Laverne shrugged.  “I don’t totally know,” she said, as she moved closer to him and was relieved to feel his arms encircle her.  “It’s kinda scary to realize that I haven’t done much job wise in the last 10 years.  I mean, I always thought bottle capping was what I’d do until a better job, or Mr. Right came along.”

 

“I ain’t Mr. Right?”

 

Laverne winced at the shrillness of his whine, but chose not to explain rather than attack.  “You are, too!” she reassured him.  “It’s just that, I want both now.  A wonderful relationship, and a job that I like.”  She pulled away from him far enough to be able to look into his eyes.  “I don’t want you to have to support me Len, ever.  I know that’s how I always thought it would happen…”

 

“Me too,” he replied with a half-hearted shrug of his own.

 

She ignored his interruption,” But I don’t think I’d be happy doing it that way now.”

 

“Is that all?”

 

She took a deep breath and forced herself to acknowledge the root of her angst.  “No.  Before, Shirley’d be here, and it was never that bad if we were both going through it together.  Does that make sense?” she asked.

 

Lenny nodded, and drew her into a closer embrace as he rested his chin on the top of her head.  “I get it.  I’m sort of feeling the same way right now.  I mean, Squiggy loves wheeling and dealing and taking meetings with studio guys, but I…” he hesitated.

 

“Go on,” Laverne prompted.

 

Lenny took a deep breath.  “I really just like to sell ice cream.”

 

Laverne smiled, not knowing what truth she’d been expecting, but relieved that it was a benign one.  “Really?”

 

Lenny nodded.  “Yeah.  I loved driving for Shotz, and people are always glad to see you if you’re bringing them beer.  People are even happier if you bring them ice cream,” he confided.  “I’m sorry. I guess that don’t make me sound too successful…”

 

She nodded.  “Lenny, if it makes you happy, do it your way.”

 

He tipped her chin up and looked her straight in the eye.  “Even if I don’t become a rich and famous agent?”

 

Laverne thought of Chet briefly and shuddered.  “Lenny, I’d be fine if you never worked as an agent again.  I think you’re too good for the profession.”

 

He guffawed.  “Nah…  Yeah?”

 

She kissed him softly on the lips.  “Yeah.  I’m sorry we fought.”

 

“Me too,” he said, draping his arm over her shoulder and leading her up the stairs.   “I shoulda been nicer to you.”

 

“No,” she said as they entered the darkened bedroom.  She winced when she turned on the lights and the disheveled bed revealed how much she’d tossed and turned the previous night.  “ I shoulda let you know why I was really upset.”

 

“Vernie?” he whispered from behind her, his breath nuzzling her ear.

 

Laverne smiled and pressed back against him.  “Yeah?”

 

His lips kissed her right ear softly before slowly traveling down the side of her neck, leaving a trail of goose bumps in their wake.  “As much as I hated the idea of you being a Bunny…”

 

“Yeah?” she breathed.

 

“You look great in the costume,” he whispered huskily into her ear.

 

“Think so?” she purred as she pressed her backside harder against his front.

 

His response came in a voice a full octave lower than his normal tone.  “Oh yeah.”

 

She turned in his arms and found his lips with her own.  When the long kiss ended, she said. “Well, it’s not the most comfortable out fit in the world….  Wanna help me out of it?”

 

Lenny nodded before falling backwards onto their bed, carrying her astride him.

 

Laverne moaned as she lay on top of his lanky form, enjoying the feel of his hands roaming up and down her back.  The restraining fit of her costume no longer seemed as uncomfortable as it became paradoxically arousing.  “Can you reach the zipper?”

 

“Yeah,” Lenny grunted as his hands found the top of the zipper and jerked it down roughly.

 

The sudden release and the sensation of cold air hitting her back were nearly overwhelming.  “Lenny…” she moaned.

 

Lenny suddenly stiffened underneath her.  “Shirley?”

 

“Laverne!” called out a shrill, but familiar voice behind her.

 

Laverne wheeled around, pulling the unzipped bodice of her costume against her as she squeaked in surprise.  Standing in the bedroom doorway was a very pregnant and very surprised looking Shirley Feeney Meaney.

 

“Surprise,” Shirley whispered, her blue eyes rounding in shock.

 

Laverne’s jaw dropped in shock, her passion momentarily forgotten.  “Back at ya,” was her hollow reply.

 

FIN