Sugar Is Sweet: Part 3
By Missy SERIES: Sugar Is Sweet
PART: Three of Four
RATING: PG (Pretty innocent)
PAIRING(s): Shirley/Lenny (Pos); Laverne/Lenny (Pos); F and F
DISTRIBUTION: To Squeaky, LW, Kai and FG (if the very act of reading this doesn't kill her) so far; any other archives are welcome to ask, but disclaimers must be included, my email left intact. send a URL, and provide full disclaimers as well as credit me fully. Please inform me if you are going to submit my work to any sort of search engine. Please do not submit my work to a search engine that picks out random sets of words and uses them as key words, such as "Google"
Please contact me in order for this story to be placed on an archive, or if you want know of a friend who would enjoy my works, please email me their address and I will mail them the stories, expressly for the purpose of link trading. MiSTiers are welcomed! Please do inform me that you'd like to do the MiSTing, however, and send me a copy of the finished product. I'd also love to archive any MiSTings that are made of my work!
CATEGORY: Humor, F and F
FEEDBACK: PLEASE?!
SETTING IN TIMELINE: In the midst of the Milwaukee years; post "Shirley's Operation"
SPOILLER/SUMMARY: Fulfilling what she believes will be his last request, Shirley marries Lenny on his proported deathbed...too bad his appendix didn't burst after all..
NOTES: Heading into the home stretch on this one..

****

"LAVERNE!" Shirley squealed as she entered the apartment, "Laverne!"

Laverne came stomping out of the bathroom, one leg slathered with soap, the other bare and shaved, "Shirl, ya did it again! Ya used my razor ta clean carrots!"

"We don't have time to talk about carrotts now," She seized Laverne by the arm, "Lenny's burning up with fever!"

"What?" Laverne was instantly concerned, "Waddya mean? He was fine th' last time I saw 'im!"

"He's sick now!" There was panic in Shirley's voice, "He's lying really still, and he's beet red...his stomach was hurting. He's passed out cold. Think about it, Vernie! Remember how I was when they took my appendix out?! Didn't he just say that his stomach was hurting?"

Laverne nearly yanked the phone out of the wall in grabbing it, "Get ahold of yourself! I'll call th' ambulance. Go watch over 'im!"

Shirley fled the apartment, going to sit beside Lenny, "Lenny! Wake up! The ambulance is on it's way." She took his hand, almost dropping it from the warmth it radiated, "Geez, Len, you're so hot."

His eyes opened, all muzzly with fever, "Ya don't look too bad yerself." He mumbled.

"Stay with me Len; we think your appendix is bursting. You're going to the hospital."

He smiled at her, as though he couldn't even hear what she was saying, "Hospitals 're nice." He touched a pixie-cut lock of brunette hair, "Yer so pretty."

Shirley shook her head, "Len, I know it's the fever talking there, but I look like a mess."

"I gotta tell ya somethin'," He insisted, "Before I die.."

Ambulance sirens began to blare outside of the Knapp Street building; Shirley dropped Lenny's head, raced to the window and pried it open, smooshing several ants as she did so. "We're up here!" She called; the ambulence stopped and several paramedics poured out, climbing up the front steps. She fell into a chair, sitting right down on Jeffery; she jumped up, holding her rear and staring at the stuffed iguana. "It's going to be OK, Len. The paramedics are here.."

"But I gotta tell ya.."

True as her word, the paramedics burst into the room, and instantly they began measuring Lenny's vital statistics, worriedly commenting on them. He was scooped onto a gurney and one of the medical technicians opened up an IV. "Are you a relative?"

"I'm a.." Shirley deliberated this for a moment, "Close friend."

"Well, come on; this man's going to the hospital." Shirley raced out after Lenny, following the gurney right out to the street. Laverne was hot on her heels.

"I wanna ride with him!" Laverne shouted out.

"No, I want to!" Shirley cried, surprising herself.

"Either one of you rides or none of you!" The medical technician called, "This is a very serious case!"

The girls looked at each other, "You ride," Laverne said, "I've gotta call Carmine and Squiggy, an' you'll get all blubbery." Quickly, Shirley hopped into the ambulance, and the door slammed closed behind them,

"I'll meet you at the hospital!" Laverne shouted. As she ran back into the building, the ambulance sped away.

"I gotta tell, gotta tell.." Lenny mumbled, thrashing. A paramedic pressed his hand against Lenny's side, and he screamed out his pain.

"Easy there," the paramedic insisted, then said to his technician, "We've gotta floor it on this one. That appendix is close to bursting."

"What'll happen if it does?" Shirley worried.

The paramedic looked guilty, "Ma'am, I'm afriad he'll die."

Shirley quickly dissolved into paniced tears. Lenny's voice cut through them crystal-clear, "Aww, don't cry; I'm gonna go to a better place...one where they let ya drink Bosco on the subway..."

Shirley sobbed, "You fool! You can't die! It'll kill..." He grabbed her hand.

"Ya gotta listen; I got somethin' ta ask you." He looked into her eyes, which were still muggy, "Now, I know ya don't like me much, but considerin' it's my last request...I wanna know what it's like to be married to the girl I love. Will ya marry me?"

Shirley stared at him with an open mouth. Since when did Lenny love her?! One hundred percent of his attention had been foccused on Laverne ever since she'd met Shirley: he seemed to live and breathe just to snap her bra every morning.

She broke into angry tears as the ambulance stopped.

Lenny's hand was nearly fastened to hers; she was ripped along with Lenny's stretcher. She saw Laverne, Squiggy and Carmine running to catch up; suddenly, they were surrounded.

"Len! Yer gonna be OK!"

"Yeah, Len, ya can't die on us..."

"I'll murderize you if ya do!" Squiggy was close to tears.

But Lenny was staring at Shirley, "Waddya say?"

Suddenly, a noble feeling washed over Shirley, "Laverne, go get me some hospital gowns; Squiggy, go find me a bouquet. Carmine, get a priest."

"Shirl, I don't think he needs last rites," Laverne protested.

"HE doesn't. We're getting married."

Everyone laughed aloud; even Lenny, just to be part of the crowd.

"I'm serious."

Carmine's eyes went wide, "Yer gonna marry him?! After alla these cold showers?!"

"Carmine, please...he might die!"

He looked from Lenny to Shirley, then threw his hands up and ran off to find a priest.

"That brings us up ta speed, padre," said Squiggy.

"Fascinating," The priest said, finishing off his rocket pop, "Well, I've got to be going; those Cavendishes don't take too kindly to being kept waiting."

Just as the priest jogged off, a doctor emerged from Lenny's room, "Mrs. Kosnoski, you may see your husband now."

Shirley smiled politely, "Thank you," A mask had slipped into place; Laverne had recognized it easily. Shirley walked into Lenny's room and shut the door behind her.

"Lenny?" She whispered. God, he looks bad, Shirley thought; pale from head to toe instead of red. He stirred, then opened his eyes.

"Hey, Shirl.." He looked down at himself, "What happened ta me?" His voice was whiny, childish.

"You had an attack of appendicitis. They had to operate.." She took a deep breath, "Lenny, do you remember what happened...BEFORE your surgery?"

He smiled, "Sure I do!"

Shirley sighed in relief, "Good, then you know why it won't work out..."

He shook his head, "Shirl, Shirl, Shirl..Ya gotta step aside this time. Ya think with all of that time ya spent on Carmine, you'd recognize true love when ya saw it."

"But Lenny, I don't..."

"Nah, don't worry about it Shirl.." He looked around his shoulder, "So, where's my bride?"

"Your...bride?"

"Yeah," He said dreamily, "Where is she?"

"I...I...Who do you think you married back there?"

He laughed like a walrus, "You were standin' right there, Shirl! Now be serious; where're you hidin' her?"

"Who?!"

"Laverne!"




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On To Part 4