AUTHOR: Missy

EMAIL: lasfic@yahoo.com

PART: 7 of  8

RATING:  NC-17  (thematic material; M/F sexual relations including oral)

PAIRING(s): L/L

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CATEGORY: Romance

FEEDBACK: PLEASE?!

SETTING IN TIMELINE: California - alternate for Mummy's Bride, and canon right up to Lenny's mock-proposal.

SPOILLER/SUMMARY: Laverne takes Lenny's final proposal far more seriously than he intended.  When Laverne's mock-wedding starts to take on way more meaning than she intended, Shirley begins to question the validity of her rushed nuptials to Doctor Walter Meaney.

NOTES: From something Kath told me about the proposal scene.

***

Shirley eyed her best friend curiously as Walter took the off-ramp to the Sonoma Throughway.  Laverne stared beyond the window into the dark two-am world, which in the valley meant deserted highways and miles of waving grass.    The fauna couldn't be that interesting; Shirley knew that whatever Laverne was thinking about  had to involve Lenny and her time upstairs with him.

"Here we are!" Walter sing-songed, grabbing her hand and giving it a quick squeeze.  "Honeybunch, take Laverne through the back door - the green one marked "guests only" and tell them you're here for the Meeney-Feeney wedding."  He ignored Lenny's laughter.  "You're coming with me," Walter said, "I'm sure they have something presentable for you to wear..."

Lenny obediently left with Walter, and Shirley grabbed her dress from its hook on the ice cream truck's door.    She felt a worrying sickness in the pit of her stomach and forced it down, shaking Laverne's shoulder.

"Wah?" Laverne asked, without turning to face her.

"We're in Sonoma," Shirley said.  Laverne didn't move.  "At least you could be happy for me, Laverne."

"I am happy for you," Laverne told the window.

"No you're not.  You think I'm making a mistake."

"I’m tired of talking about this, Shirl.  If you wanna get married, you wanna get married – I can’t make you stop."  Her defeated words were mitigated by the challenging spark in Laverne’s eyes.

Shirley tried to look unaffected.  "So I'm settling for Walter," Shirley stroked the cap sleeve of her beautiful white dress, then cuddled it against her chest.  "I need to be married before everyone figures out this baby couldn't possibly be his."

"That ain't a good reason to do this."

The dress hit her lap.  "And an empty game isn't a reason for you to have sex with Lenny Kosnowski."

THAT did it; Laverne turned around, her cheeks flaming.  "What difference does it make what I do, Shirl?" Laverne snapped.  "I moved all the way across the country, I don't have a Mister Right, and you have two!”

Shirley flushed.  “Walter isn’t my mister right!”  Laverne’s smug expression made Shirley shout, “you gave yourself away to somebody just because you’re lonely.”

“If I don't got love, I might as well have a little fun!"

"Was that all that was?"

Both women looked up to see Lenny standing outside of the truck, his mouth down tuned. 

Laverne's eyes were mean.  "What did you think all this was, Len?"  she snapped.  "Did you think I was in love with you all of a sudden?"

"Laverne," Shirley whispered. 

"No, you was right, Shirl - I shoulda nipped this in the bud before it got outta hand!"  She climbed out of the van and uttered with venom, "you remember when I turned into something for you and Squig to bet on?  Well, the joke's on you, Kosnowski, 'cause this second this old maid said she wanted you, you made wedding plans!" 

Lenny grinned, his own expression hardening.  "And the second I offered you a little slice of my body you  jumped on it.  You know what they say about girls like that, don't you Vernie?  Or ain't you been by a back alley lately?"

Laverne surged up, reaching out to attack him, and only Shirley's arms held her back.  "The two of you are behaving like a couple of unreasonable morons!" Shirley snapped. 

"Oh, a MORON am I?!" Lenny snapped.  "I wasn't a MORON three hours ago when your best friend was begging me not to stop screwing her, was I Laverne?"

"You know us back-alley girls," Laverne snapped.  "When we're in heat, we'd settle for the WALL."

"STOP IT.  THE BOTH OF YOU STOP IT!"

"STOP IT, YOU'RE GETTING SHIRLEY UPSET!"  Laverne and Lenny yelled at each other simultaneously. 

The silence that followed was filled with recrimination.  Exhaustion wracked Shirley, and she pled, "could we please go inside?"

"Sorry, Shirl," Laverne scooted out of the van and then helped Shirley out. 

“Yeah, we lost our heads,” Lenny said, his eyes poisonous while he took Shirley’s other arm.

“Let's go get you married!" Laverne glared at Lenny, not giving him an inch.

“Yeah.  Let’s get married,” Lenny said, looking right through Shirley. 

Shirley felt her smile tremble.  "Yes, let's go."

***

"So, no second thoughts?"

Shirley barely heard Laverne’s question as she stared at her reflection; the puffy white gown and long veil hid all of her flaws but the fact that she stood in a public bathroom with wine-colored toilet seats.  "I wish I'd gotten a shorter veil."

Laverne turned Shirley to face her.  "Are you sure you wanna go through with this?"

"I have to."

"Shirl, you don't gotta do anything.  This is 1964...."

"Exactly; this is 1964 and in seven months I'm going to bring a little baby into this world," Shirley pulled the veil down over her eyes, hiding her frustrated tears.  "A baby whose father probably doesn’t want him.”

“How are you gonna tell Carmine?”

“If Carmine cared about me, he would’ve called me.  He would have sent me postcards.”

“Shirl, he’s…” Laverne stopped herself.  “In the middle of the woods right now.  It ain’t like there’s phones out there!”

“He never should have left in the first place,” she whirled around.  “Could you zip me up?"

Laverne reached back and zipped her best friend’s gown, then linked her arm through Shirley's.  They walked out of the tiny bathroom and down a long maroon-carpeted hallway.  They took a right and strode right up to a white-covered door speckled with lilies. 

When Laverne threw it open Shirley was hit smack in the face with a wall of steam.  Through her gauzy cover she saw a walkway leading to a gazebo perched right in the center of a swimming pool. 

It took a few moments for everything to set in.  She was going to get married on a gazebo in the middle of a swimming pool.  Without the wedding march playing in the background.  To a man who kept his socks and watch on while they made love...

Abruptly, she heard a low humming - Lenny's - calling her across the bridge and to the pool, where Walter arrogantly waited with Lenny and the sleepy-looking minister.  She forced a smile and took her hand from Shirley's, placing it in Walter's.  He sighed, rearranging her fingers until she held his hand 'his' way - undoubtedly the right way to him...

The minister said something she didn't hear, her head was so filled with buzzing.  Someone was calling her name. 

"I do," she mumbled.

"Shirley?" 

It wasn't Walter.

She pivoted around and saw her boyfriend, the father of her baby, standing in the doorway in his bathrobe.

She spat out the only words that came to mind.  

"What are you doing here?"

To Part 6
To Part 8