There Is No "I" In Private
Chapter Twelve
By Missy

SERIES: Goosebumps!
SUBSERIES: There is no "I" in Private
PART: twelve of twelve parts for this arc
Author: Missy
Email: lasfic@yahoo.com
RATING: PG-13 (For language, anatomical refferences)
PAIRING(s): L/L; S/C; S/R

DISTRIBUTION: To LW, Kai, and FG so far; any other archives are welcome to ask (Please Email Me), but disclaimers must be included, my email left intact. send a URL, and provide full disclaimers as well as credit me fully. Please inform me if you are going to submit my work to any sort of search engine. Please do not submit my work to a search engine that picks out random sets of words and uses them as key words, such as "Google"

Please contact me in order for this story to be placed on an archive, or if you want know of a friend who would enjoy my works, please email me their address and I will mail them the stories, expressly for the purpose of link trading. MiSTiers are welcomed! Please do inform me that you'd like to do the MiSTing, however, and send me a copy of the finished product. I'd also love to archive any MiSTings that are made of my work!

DISCLAIMER: Laverne and Shirley, of course, not my property and belongs to its creators.

CATEGORY: Epic Drama
CANNON/SPOILERS: Pre-Reunion Show Cannon; set five years after the series' conclusion.
FEEDBACK: PLEASE?!
SPOILLER/SUMMARY: Laverne and Lenny try to cope with life under the gaze of royal watchers, who begin to impede upon their honeymoon. Meanwhile, Shirley becomes desperate to safeguard her custody of Veenie, and Rhonda gets some long-awaited news.
NOTES: The first chapter in the eighth portion to this series. For previous chapters, see the Goosebumps! Section at LAS Fic or The Look.

Kath has written a lovely wedding night within the cannon for these two; see Impure Thoughts to read it!

And yes, I couldn't quite figure out how to spell the name of Lenny's sovereign mini-nation, so I improvise.

***

"Nice move, Carmine!"

Carmine glanced blearily over his shoulder, but only got an eyeful of greased blond hair. "Screw you, Len."

"Screw me?! You screwed the both of us!" He struggled, futily, against the bonds that held them. "What the hell are we going to do?!"

"Hey, no worries, my pal."

"No worries?! When they get back into this room, we're gonna be dead!"

The Lenny's eyes fell to Carmine's lap.

And a severed rope.

"You ain't drunk, are ya?"

"What?"

"I said you ain't drunk."

"If I had money, I could do a lot of things."

Lenny grunted, carefully loosening his own bonds, trying to keep them assembled in a convincing way before they were both caught.

"Let me see him!"

"Only negotiators are welcome!"

"What if I told ya I had money?"

Lenny froze in his chair. Laverne!

His mouth moved, but he could say nothing; paralyzed, like a coward, he could not move or say anything.

"As you can see, they're quality bills...And they're all clear and free to be spent...NOW!"

An alarming clatter rose in the hall just as Lenny squirmed free of his bonds. Rushing into the hallway, he realized with a shock it was too late.

His wife stood with her best girlfriend, panting, in the middle of the hallway. Shattered vases and crockery attested to the fact that she had defeated his opponents; they both had together. The unconscious bodies of their foes lay in stacks around them.

She dropped a bloodied chunk of porcelain and raced into his arms.

After surfacing from a floodtide of kisses, Lenny received a gentle slap to the cheek.

"Wath was that for?!" He cried.

"Don't ya ever do that to me again, Len!" Cried Laverne. "Ya big lug!" She blurted, before kissing him again.

Shirley stood awkwardly behind them. "Squiggy's calling the police." She said lamely. With a cough, she added, "I'm going to check on Carmine."

The two never broke their kiss.

***

Carmine awoke an hour later in a warm bed, and beneath the disapproving glare of Shirley Feeney.

"Hey Shirl." He muttered.

Her gaze was cold, but she said. "If you hadn't gotten Lenny out of that mess, I would be very angry at you right now." She pressed a warm towel to his forehead before holding a bowl of chicken soup beneath his nose.

"Eat."

"But..."

"Eat..."

In shame, he did as she asked him to, all the while vowing never again to touch a drink.

***

"Your best friend and all he gave us was a moth collection?"

"Laverne, ya know Squig." He pointed out.

Laverne shrugged. "Yeah, I know...this one's pretty. I wonder what it is?"

"Squig said it was a gypsy moth."

She regarded her husband with newfound respect. As embarrassed as she was that he had fallen for such an obvious ruse, she knew Lenny, and his pure heart, far too well. He would move heaven and earth to find his mom.

Opening the wedding gifts was a way to relieve stress, stress built after an afternoon of giving testimony to the Kulakowski police. The terrorists were guaranteed a life in jail after threatening the lives of the Royal Family.

"We didn't open up this one." Laverne had noticed an envelope hidden beneath a stack of unopened gifts. She handed it to Lenny, and watched his eyes open wide at the sight of what was inside.

"What is it?"

"Tickets to Milwaukee." Lenny exclaimed. "Laverne, these are from Leather Tuscadaro. She wants me to come an' play guitar on her new album!"

To Part 11

To Well...Alright