Major Issues
By Missy

Title: Major Issues
Author: Missy
Parts total: 1 of 2
Rating: PG This Part
Content: Some mild character-related naughtiness.
Characters: Dawn Marie (Dawn Marie Psault), Al Wilson (Same), Crossed-over characters from Laverne and Shirley (Lenny and Squiggy), Torrie Wilson (same)
Crossover With: The Sitcom Laverne and Shirley
Category: Dramady
Het/Slash/Both: Het
Future Content: Nothing much else.
Spoilers: For the Dawn/Al relationship.
L&S Cannon: Pre-Reunion Show, post series' conclusion.
Summary: Meeting with Al's cousin causes Dawn to reflect upon her own behavior and the decisions she has made.

Archical rights: Automatic archival at the BCE Archive, Kai's Page, Beyond Boundaries, and Mirrors of Reality. All others may ask, send a URL, and provide full disclaimers as well as credit me fully. Please inform me if you are going to submit my work to any sort of search engine. Please do not submit my work to a search engine that picks out random sets of words and uses them as key words, such as "Google"

Distribution rights: Please contact me in order for this story to be placed on an archive, or if you want know of a friend who would enjoy my works, please email me their address and I will mail them the stories, expressly for the purpose of link trading. MiSTiers are welcomed! Please do inform me that you'd like to do the MiSTing, however, and send me a copy of the finished product. I'd also love to archive any MiSTings that are made of my work!

Disclaimer: Dawn Marie et. Al are proprietized by themselves; Torrie Wilson, as well as any other WWF c and TM character name, is C and TM WWFE Inc.,. It is not meant to reflect on the sexuality of the actual involved parties. This piece of fanfiction is not intended to misrepresent actual events and bare no resemblance to any event that has ever occurred in reality, past or present. It is not meant to disparage the used character trademarks or used persons. No copyright infringement is intended, and the author is not making any money from the publication of this story.

NOTES: Yes, this is an unusual crossover ;-) . Inspired by Shygirl's "Disastrous Wedding" challenge.


Perfection does not come cheap.

Dawn Marie placed each of her fists upon her hips as she spun around the grounds of Two Acre Parks. Fountains emerged from the ground, snow-white in lavish bowers of forest green. Perfect felt like a good way to describe it. From sky to ground, everything gleamed in gorgeous perfection. Her satisfaction was evident.

"Ey! This where ya want th' peeing angel punch bowl?"

She frowned at the irritating voice that had burst her calming bubble. A scuzzy, dark-haired worker in a blue jump suit was barely holding up his end of the decoration as he questioned her; most of the weight was being held up at the other end, by his friend. She frowned; the tall blond was straining under the weight of the object.

"Just put it over there." She snapped. The two men complied, sending the angel crashing onto the refreshment table, upsetting a pitcher of punch all over the tea sandwiches.

She flew into a tizzy instantaneously, "My sandwiches!!"

"aww.." The blond whined, "We kin wring 'em out. Right, Squig?"

The brunet grabbed a sandwich off of the platter and began to twist it, sending filing all over himself and the buffet table. Dawn was apoplectic.

"That's it!" She shouted, "You miss-wired the sound system! You tried to sell me home-made soap for the restroom that the two of you made out of your own soap scraps."

The brunet smiled, "Took us twenty years to make that soap."

"Yeah, but nothin's too good for Al!" The blond returned, smiling brightly.

Dawn's expression softened slightly, but she couldn't conceal her distaste, "I'm afraid I have no choice but to fire you."

The two men didn't have time to react before Al's voice cut in, "I'm afraid that won't be necessary, Dawn."

She turned around, instantly coated in sugar, dripping with syrup, "But Al, they don't have any...experience."

Her lover's sigh only showed the level of desperation he held within. He smiled politely at the two figures before them, then grasped Dawn by the arm, turning her to face him, "Dawnie, the only way I could get Torrie to come to this wedding was by telling her that her Cousin Lenny was coming, too."

"I understand," She smiled, thinly, "But do they have to...DO things?"

"There wasn't any other way," Al announced, "They're staying at my place and wouldn't take charity."

She rose a brow; her sexuality would get her out of this one. Cooing, she wrapped her arms around Al and pressed her body to his. From behind her, Lenny and his friend hooted, when she nuzzled against her fiancÚ, one of them howled like a jungle cat. All of this noise proved distracting, and Al squirmed away from her.

"I'm serious, Dawn. I won't allow them to be fired. And don't tell me you'll leave; I know just how much money you've spent on this thing."

He promptly turned and walked away, leaving her alone. Now, in the stillness of the afternoon, she could hear the horse-like laughter of Al's relatives. Viciously, she turned on them.

"What are you imbeciles laughing at?"

"Hey, Len, she thinks we're windasills!"

"Boy, Squig, she ain't the dumbest tomato Al's eva had, but she's close!" Lenny returned to his best friend, laughing so hard that his face has turned red.

She glared at them, "What do you mean, 'other tomato'?"

"Ya know...dame...girl...chick..." Squiggy replied.

"I AM one!" Dawn snapped. But she felt disappointment.

"Whaddid ya think?" Squiggy snorted, "Al's a guy! Guys need girls! Sides, you ain't nothin' special."

"Yeah, 'specially with Al. He's a lady killer."

"Ey, didn't yer cousin go ta prison for that?"

The two men returned to their conversation, and Dawn stomped back into a nearby tent that had been set up for her privacy.


Hours later, she stood in a flowing ivory wedding dress, listening to a keyboard play the wedding march and waiting for her cue. She would walk alone up the aisle. Alone, as she had come into this world.

The idiotic words of those two numskulls continued to echo within her brain: Nothing special. A good thing she had saved her heart...good thing that this whole affair was but a game.

Her life had become a game. The realization sucked all breath from her body, causing her to freeze in the middle of her walk up the aisle. Nothing but ersatz organ music and birdsong broke the silence. Al's smiling countenance melted a bit, concern and a pleading expression creasing his face.

God, it made her sick. What had she become; why had she allowed her spirit to be bought and sold, all for the price of vengeance?

And what sort of vengeance had she gained? To make Torrie feel dirty, guilty, because she had torn a dress or ripped an eyelash from Dawn's body?

For one, brief moment, she stood perfectly still. Before racing back into the tent, secreting her body within. Praying that no one would follow her.

Sobbing, she knelt on the ground, waves of nausea washing over her body. It was in this state that the most unlikely people discovered her.

"Hello!" came a calling voice. When she looked up, she was confronted by the confused expressions of Lenny and Squiggy.

To Part 2

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