Laverne and Shirley: 20 Years Later
By Kimberly

Laverne & Shirley: 20 years later
Screenplay by: Kim Larsen
First Draft
11/15/04
(c)

FADE IN:

1 INT: LAVERNE AND SHIRLEY'S HOLLYWOOD APARTMENT ~ MORNING

We see Laverne and Shirley's room, old pictures of their younger days hanging on the walls; their dressers that have more various photos, perfumes, jewelry; Laverne's snoring being heard in the background as the camera slowly scans over Boo-Boo kitty that Shirley is holding tightly in her arms.

SHIRLEY
(Sighing with annoyance as she lies on her right side in bed).
Laverne...?

No answer as the snoring continues.

SHIRLEY
(Agitated)
Laverne...?

Again, no answer as the snoring continues.

SHIRLEY
(Sitting up in bed and throwing Boo-Boo kitty in Laverne's direction)
LAVERNE?!

LAVERNE
(Opening eyes quickly and shooting straight up in bed)
What?!
(Looking around as if planning to come in contact with something life threatening).

SHIRLEY
(Shaking head as she looks in L's direction)
I swear you NEVER used to snore when we were younger so no wonder you're not married anymore; can't you do something about this?!

LAVERNE
(Rubbing eyes)
Look Shirl, I've taken pills, been to the doctor; I can't do anything about it so I guess you're going to have to find somewhere else to sleep ~ unless you plan on clipping my nose together with a clothes pin!

SHIRLEY
(Placing hands on hips)
Oh well I do have plenty of those.

LAVERNE
(Pointing in S's direction)
Don't you dare, Shirl!

SHIRLEY
(Sighing and stepping out of bed, opening up her closet)
I have to get ready for work.

LAVERNE
(Laying back down in bed)
I'm just joking Shirl, I know you wouldn't do that to me; I know you wouldn't put a clothes pin on my nose while I slept...
(Speaking softly to self)
I think.
(Speaking up)
So don't be mad at me, I can take a joke...Shirl?

SHIRLEY
(Placing clean clothes on her bed)
I'm not 'mad' about that Laverne...I'm just, I started thinking...

LAVERNE
(Sitting up in bed)
About what?

SHIRLEY
Oh I don't know, just ...
(Sitting down at end of bed)
Did you ever think about what we've done with our lives?
(Turning towards Laverne)
I mean, really have you?

LAVERNE
Wait a minute, we were just joking around about my snoring and now we're going to need Boo-Boo kitty?

SHIRLEY
No, no...I was just thinking...I had one husband in my life time, two kids...

LAVERNE
(Asking concerned)
What?

SHIRLEY
I never really accomplished anything, Verne
(Looking towards Laverne with a gloomy expression).

LAVERNE
(Stepping out of bed)
Awww...C'mon Shirl, you've accomplished many things!
(Sitting down next to Shirley and placing an arm around her)
You've been a great friend, you're a wonderful mother, you take care of animals; there needs to be more people like you.

SHIRLEY
Thanks Laverne but...
(Sighs)
Don't you remember all the dreams we had that never really came true?

LAVERNE
(Chuckles with a humorous expression)
Which?

SHIRLEY
I'm being serious.

LAVERNE
(Face turns serious)
Oh...Yeah, yeah I am too.

SHIRLEY
From graduating High School, living in Wisconsin as Bottle cappers, moving to California, getting married, and then having children; that's all we've done... (Looks down at hands).

LAVERNE
Hey, I haven't seen you act like this in a long time; what triggered this?

SHIRLEY
I guess from talking about how you never snored back when we were younger, I thought about our past again...

LAVERNE
Well lets leave my snoring in the past now.

SHIRLEY
(Sighs)
I guess you're right, I AM a good friend and mother; I love my animals ~ I know that most of the animals at my Shelter aren't going to be mine forever but I still know that if it wasn't for me, they might not have had that second chance.

LAVERNE
(Looking down at Shirley and giving her a hug)
See?

SHIRLEY
(Smiling up at Laverne)
Thanks Verne.

LAVERNE
You're welcome Shirl. And besides...
(Lowering voice)
You'll always be a nicer mother than me.

SHIRLEY
Oh Verne, don't say things like that.
(Looking at clock and realizing that her daughter is late for school, she walks out bedroom door)
MEL, GET UP OUT OF BED RIGHT NOW!

LAVERNE
(To self)
Well maybe not.

2 INT: LAVERNE AND SHIRLEY'S FAMILY ROOM ~ AFTERNOON

We see a spacey family room, a couch by the window, a few chairs placed sparingly across the room, a coffee table in the middle of the room and a big screen TV placed by the far wall; there's a few plants placed on the wall ledges and candles placed around the middle of the coffee table.

Shirley enters through the front door while Laverne is sitting on the couch in the Family room.

SHIRLEY
(All smiles and holding envelopes)
I just got the mail, Laverne; you won't believe what we got!
(Places purse down by near by chair and rushes over to Laverne, stopping in her tracks once she sees that Laverne has a package of opened Oreos next to her on the couch)
What did I tell you? What did I tell you about eating those...Those lard filled cookies on this couch?!
(Places hands on hips)

LAVERNE
(Holding an Oreo up to her mouth and holding a glass of Milk in her other hand, looking up at Shirley with a look of innocence; talks with mouth full)
I'm being careful, Shirl!
(Cookie crumbs fall from her mouth and on to her sweater after she speaks, Laverne slowly looks down)
Oops...

SHIRLEY
(Continues to keep hands on hips and stomping one foot)
You're going to clean that up...
(Points to crumbs)

LAVERNE
(Shaking head and rolling eyes)
Yeah, yeah...

SHIRLEY
(Grabs package of Oreos and places them on the coffee table)
Alright, now to what I was saying...
(Holds up two letters, one already opened and addressed to her; hands Laverne hers)
I got an invitation for a reunion at our high school!
(Says excitedly)
C'mon, open up yours!

LAVERNE
(Sitting up on the couch and grabbing for a napkin on the coffee table, she wipes her hands off of Oreo and places her milk down; grabbing the envelope and opening up her supposed invitation)
I don't know why you're all excited about this.
(Mumbles)

SHIRLEY
(Slaps L playfully on the arm)
Oh lighten up Laverne; you always act this way when we get invitations like this.

LAVERNE
Well I'm not...I'm not as thin as I used to be Shirl, this kind of stuff can make me nervous; I mean we'd be seeing people that we used to go to school with.

SHIRLEY
(Raises eyebrow)
Laverne, that's what a High School reunion is for.

LAVERNE
Alright, don't get sarcastic on me; I just am a little more self conscious than I used to be - I don't think that I could go to this.
(Places invitation on coffee table)

SHIRLEY
(Sighs)
Alright, alright...
(Looks over at L with a puppy dog face)
Please...?

Laverne shakes her head while she reaches for her glass of milk.

SHIRLEY
Please...?
(Places head on L's shoulder)

Laverne takes a sip of her milk and shakes her head.

SHIRLEY
(Bottom lip trembles)
So that means that I'd be going alone?

LAVERNE
(Slumps)
Shirl, we went to one of these about...
(Moves hand around)

SHIRLEY
...Twenty years ago.

LAVERNE
Yeah, well I was still in shape by then.
(Takes a bite of another Oreo)

SHIRLEY
Well then stop eating all those lard cookies.

LAVERNE
(Freezes and turns in S's direction)
Are you calling me lard? Are you calling me what I think? -

SHIRLEY
No, I was just saying that maybe if you...if you cut back a bit on the sweets, you would feel better about yourself; you'd then be able to go to the reunion with me - I want you there Verne...
(Whines and hangs on to L's arm)
Oh please Laverne, please go with me; please...?

LAVERNE
(Rolls eyes and pats S on back of head)
Alright, alright...I'll go with you.

SHIRLEY
(Stops whining and slaps hands together)
Good! Now I was thinking, maybe I should bring back those little carnations that I made when I used to have my own reunions.

LAVERNE
(Eyes wide)
What?

SHIRLEY
You know, my little carnations that I made out of -

LAVERNE
Toilet paper, I know...

SHIRLEY
Yes!
(Slaps hands together again)

LAVERNE
Does this mean that I'm going to have to go out and buy a bunch of rolls?

SHIRLEY
You don't sound enthused...

LAVERNE
Shirl, don't you remember the few times you had those carnations? Remember how once I told you that not many people showed up at your reunion and -

SHIRLEY
Yes I remember that but this isn't one of MY reunions.
(Crosses arms)

LAVERNE
(Eyes light up and cocks head)
True...Well then what are you going to do? Call up the High School to ask how many people are coming so you can make over a hundred of those?

SHIRLEY
You know very well that there weren't that many people in our class, Verne.

LAVERNE
I know but I still know how you are and you'll end up calling up the High School to find out how many people are there so you can make those carnations.

SHIRLEY
Well I'm so sorry if I'm willing to be creative Laverne, what have you done to make these reunions different?

LAVERNE
Oh you've made them DIFFERENT all right.

SHIRLEY
That wasn't very nice Laverne.

LAVERNE
That was the point.

SHIRLEY
(Stands up and places hands on hips)
Boy you sure have made your darts much sharper since we've gotten older, haven't you?

LAVERNE
(Looks up at Shirley with a confused expression)
You call menopause darts?

3 INT: Laverne and Shirley's bedroom ~ Evening

Laverne is standing in front of her full length mirror that is hanging behind the bathroom door, she has her closet open and clothes scattered about the room; she finally gave in with going to the reunion with Shirley ~ she's trying to find an outfit to wear for the event.

LAVERNE
(Holding up a light blue blouse, she makes a disappointed face)
Aw...It doesn't look like it'll fit anymore...Aw...
(Throws the blouse over her shoulder and then grabs another one, this time it's purple; she shakes her head as if "maybe")
Hmmm...
(The "maybe" face fades as she throws that blouse over her head as well, not knowing that Shirley was standing right behind her; the blouse lands over Shirley's head).

SHIRLEY
What are you doing?!
(Takes blouse off her head and looks around the room)
This room is a PIG STY Laverne!

LAVERNE
(Startled and turns around)
Relax, relax; I'll clean it!
(Kicks random clothes out of her way and reaches for a long black dress in her closet, she holds it up to her figure as she looks in the mirror)
Aw man, it would look like I'm goin' to a funeral.

SHIRLEY
(Crosses her arms and shakes her head)
You WILL be going to a funeral, YOUR funeral; that is IF you don't clean this mess UP this instant!
(Points to carpeting)

LAVERNE
(Turning around to face Shirley)
Look Shirl, I know I made a mess but you know I'll clean it up; I just have to find something to wear to this reunion.

SHIRLEY
You know that the reunion isn't for a few more weeks Laverne, you don't need to start packing immediately!

LAVERNE
(Cocks head)
Oh yeah, well what's this?!
(Opens up Shirley's closet to find two suitcases filled)
Still unpacking from when we MOVED, three years ago?

SHIRLEY
(Shuffles feet)
Oh alright, so I packed early...BUT I didn't go making a mess of our room Laverne, just look at this!
(Places her hands on her hips as she starts picking up Laverne's clothing, she finds Boo-Boo kitty under a pile of Laverne's lingerie)
BOO-BOO KITTY!
(Holds him tightly to her chest and sits down on the edge of her bed to rock him, talking in a baby's voice)
Did Laverne smother you? Oh, my little baby.

LAVERNE
(Rolls eyes)
Some things just never change.


4 INT: Lenny and Squiggy's Milwaukee apartment ~ Afternoon

Two weeks later

The two friends had moved back to Wisconsin once Laverne had finally went off and got married like Shirley, they found another apartment building around The Pizza bowl, and then gradually lost touch with the two girls.

LENNY
(Standing in front of the cloudy bathroom mirror)
Squig, what happened to the mirror?

SQUIGGY
(Walking in to bathroom)
What do you mean?

LENNY
(Points to mirror)
What happened to it?

SQUIGGY
(Looks at the mirror)
I cleaned it with Shaving cream.

LENNY
You what?

SQUIGGY
I cleaned it with Shaving cream. I was watching the Home and Gardens channel and there were some tricks on how to keep your home clean and it had a part about mirrors, and how you can clean the mirror with Shaving cream to keep it from becoming foggy when you take a shower.

LENNY
(Stares at Squiggy)
Well then how come it's still foggy?

SQUIGGY
Maybe it just has to blend in with the mirror.

LENNY
(Shaking head)
You didn't take the Shaving cream off the mirror did you?

SQUIGGY
Why would I do that? It would make the mirror all foggy then.

LENNY
Well how am I supposed to see if my tie is straight if the mirror is covered with this stuff?

SQUIGGY
(Reaching up to help tie Lenny's tie)
I'll do it.

LENNY
(Slapping Squiggy's hand away)
Ohhh...No, last time you tied it all crooked. And I'm for sure going to make sure the tie is straight, we're going to the reunion tonight remember?
(Taking the sleeve of his shirt and rubbing the Shaving cream off the mirror)
We got to look our best.
(Sees that there are holes in his tie)
Wait a minute...! Squiggy, did you let your moths out again?

SQUIGGY
Why?

LENNY
(Turns around and shows him his tie)
Look!

SQUIGGY
Those aren't holes, those are dots; they're part of the tie.

LENNY
(Looks down at tie)
Oh...

SQUIGGY
Look at that, you're tying it all wrong; it's all crooked and stuff.

LENNY
What do you mean? It's straight.

SQUIGGY
(Shakes head and grabs tie, making it more crooked than it was)
There.

LENNY
(Looking in mirror)
Oh no Squig, you got it all wrong.
(Fiddles with tie)

SQUIGGY
(Grabbing for the tie)
Will you do it right?!

Both men start pulling at the tie and it ends up tearing.

LENNY
Look what you did now!

SQUIGGY
(Looking down at his half of the tie)
We can always glue it.

LENNY
What are you crazy?! We'll use tape.

To Part 2