Opening Scene
Shirley wakes up, goes downstairs, and walks on the patio. She takes a deep breathe, smiles, and walks back into the room. Laverne staggers down the stairs, and goes into the kitchen. She opens the refrigerator and stares inside for a minute, then closes the door.
Laverne: Shirley, did you buy groceries yesterday?
Shirley: Yes, but you had that party last night.
Laverne: Party?
Shirley: Yes, Laverne, a party. I told you we had to wake up early and go to work. But did you listen? Noooo!
Laverne: Could you at least get the newspaper?
Shirley: Yes, Laverne.
Before Shirley could get out the door, Rhonda came in with their paper and mail.
Rhonda: Hi-ho, girls! Rhonda brought your mail. Did you see this mornings paper?
Laverne: No, Rhonda, you have it.
Rhonda: Well, Rhonda got a part in a new Jack Nicholson movie.
Laverne: (her eyes bugged out) Did you see Jack Nickolson?
Rhonda: Yes, Rhonda did. It’s called Psych-Out. I’m going to his house later to...(wink! wink!) rehearse.
Laverne: You got somethin’ in you eye there, Rhonda?
Rhonda: No time to talk. Here’s your paper. I don’t want to keep Jack waiting.
Rhonda exits. Shirley opens the newspaper to the horoscope.
Laverne: Can you believe that, Shirl?
Shirley: (looking up from the paper with concern) Oh, laverne, you should go back to bed today.
Laverne: What for?
Shirley: Your horoscope says,"Stay in bed today or weird and disgusting things will come your way."
Squiggy: Hell-o!
Shirley: (to Laverne) See what I mean?
Laverne: Get rid of them, Shirl.
Shirley: (walking over to them) GET OUT! GET OUT!
Lenny: But we want to ask you a favor.
Shirley: I know I'm going to have regrets for asking, but... what is it that you want?
Squiggy: Mold.
Shirley: Yuck! Why don't you use your own?
Squiggy: it's too fresh.
Shirley: Well, we don't have anything moldy.
Squiggy: I guess we'll have to go through our socks.
Lenny: My sock that I left out in the rain last year should have plenty of mold on them.
Squiggy: Let's go before they get fresh.
Laverne: Why do we let them in?
Shirley: I don't know, Laverne. All I know is that we better get to work.
Shirley grabbed her purse.
Laverne: In our pajamas?
Shirley: Oh, Laver...(she looks at herself)...I'll get dressed. (she runs upstairs)[O.S.] You better get dressed too, Laverne! Mr. Hildebrand will not like tardiness!
Laverne: (picks up the horoscope) Ley's see what Miss Feeney's horoscope says. (she reads) "Today is your day. Your dreams will come true. Expect a surprise from someone close to you." Yeah, she get's a surprise and I get something disgusting.
Laverne gets up and goes upstairs to the bedroom.
Laverne: (moans) Work stinks.
Shirley: (sigh) I warned you, Laverne. Your horoscope said...
Laverne: Forget my horoscope, okay? All that stuff happened today by accident.
Shirley: Oh, really. Well, what happened when you arrived at work this morning?
Laverne: So, I stepped in a grease pit. It could happen to anyone.
Shirley: Okay, how about lunch?
Laverne: Squiggy switched my tuna on scooter pie for cat food on scooter pie. I do admitt that was disgusting, but it was just coinsciendental.
Shirley: What about in wrapping, Laverne?
Laverne: Oh, that fat man that sneezed all over my blazer? He probably has uncontrolable sinus'. (she takes off her blazer and gives it to Shirley) Here. We should sterilize this.
Shirley: (tossing the blazer on the floor) Laverne, you have to admitt that your horoscope was right. Weird and disgusting things have happened to you today.
Laverne: Yeah, but those horoscopes are all in your mind. Besides, I don't see anything good happening to you today.
Shirley: Well... (the phone rings)... the night is young. (she gets up and answers the phone) Hello?
Carmine: Hi, Angel Face.
Shirley: Well, hello, Carmine.
Carmine: How are you?
Shirley: I'm fine, sweetheart, but why are you calling?
Carmine: I have something very important I want to discuss with you. Can I come over?
Shirley: Well, all right, honey. Goodbye.
She hangs up the phone.
Laverne: What did he want?
Shirley: Well, Laverne, he said he had something very important he wanted to discuss with me.
Laverne: Do you want me to leave you two alone? So you can... you know...
Laverne smiles
Shirley: Tell me , Laverne, how's the view atop Mount Filth?
Laverne: You know, Shirl, you need to learn to loosen up a little bit there.
She gets up and goes upstairs to their bedroom. Shirley ran upstairs and two minutes later, came down wearing a yellow dress.
Carmine's knock.
Shirley: (getting into a sexy pose on the couch) Come in, Pookie Bear.
Carmine: (coming through the door) Hi, Angel Face... (sees Shirley on the couch) Wow, you look great.
Shirley: Thank you and you look... (she leans her head over and looks at Carmine) ...Sweetheart, what...?
Carmine's dressed as a sailor boy. He walks in and salutes.
Shirley: (in shock) Carmine, are you... I mean, did you join the navy? Are they sending you off to war? (hysterically) Is that what you wanted to talk to me about?
Carmine: No, no, Shirl, Shirl, I'm not in the navy. This is just a costume. I had to do a singing telegram for 2,000 sailors.
Shirley: (exhaling with relief) Oh, thank goodness, Carmine. You scared me there for a minute. (Beat) Well, then, what was it that you wanted to ralk to me about?
Carmine: Well, Shirl, Angel Face, I have a little surprise for you.
He sat her down in the chair.
::Sings:: "Marriage Proposal To Shirley" - To the tune of: "Rags To Riches"::
Carmine: (singing) You know I love you Shirley Feeney,
I'd do anything for you.
It would really make me happy,
Say, "Yes" to The Big Ragoo.
I'll take care of you forever,
We will live in harmony.
And I ask you Shirley Feeney...
Carmine gets down on his hands and knees. He pulls out of his pocket, a little box and held it in front of Shirley.
Shirley: (opens the box with anticipation) Oh, Carmine. (she looks at the ring with delight) It's beautiful. Oh, darling...
Camine: But, wait, there's more. (while on his hands and knees, he took Shirley by the hand) Shirley Wilhelmina Feeney, I've loved you ever since I first laid eyes on you. Will you marry me?
Shirley: (smiling) Yes, Carmine, I'll marry you.
She places the ring on her finger.
Carmine: (looks into her eyes) You said, "yes?"
Shirley smiles and nods. Carmine gets up and continues singing. Carmine: Cause I'm in love with you!
He looks at Shirley, takes her hand, and pulls her up out of the chair. Carmine draws closer to Shirley and kisses her.
Carmine: I love you, Angel Face.
Shirley: I love you too, Carmine. (brief pause) I don't want to ruin this momment, but how could you afford all this?
Carmine: Remember my dance studio in Milwaukee?
Shirley: Yes.
Carmine: Well, when I moved out to California, I invested a little and started my own chain.
Shirley: Your own chain?
Carmine: Yeah, Carmine's Dance Studio Deluxe. I have 10 locations now all over the United States.
Shirley: Carmine, I'm so proud of you.
She gave Carmine a hug.
Carmine: I'm sorry, Angel Face, but I promised Mr. DeFazio I'd sing at Cowboy Bill's tonight. (he kisses her) I'll see you later, all right? I love you.
Shirley: I love you too, sweetheart. Bye.
Carmine exits.
Shirley: (putting her ring up to the light) Oh, it sparkles and everything. Wow, 15 karot gold.
She went out the back door and held it up to the sun. Laverne came out of the bedroom, went into the kitchen, and fixed herself a milk and pepsi. Shirley walked back into the apartment and Laverne sat at the kitchen table.
Laverne: Shirl, could you hand me a scooter pie? (Shirley walked past her) Fine. I'll get one myself. (she gets up and takes a box to the table. She looks at Shirley who walked around the couch twice) Shirl, are you okay?
Shirley: (looks at Laverne and smiles) It finally happened.
Laverne: What?
Shirley: (holds out her left hand) Take a look.
Laverne: You're getting married? (Shirley nodded) To who?
Shirley: Carmine. He proposed to me while you were in the bedroom.
Laverne: (smiling) I'm happy for you, Shirl. (she look a closer look at the ring) Wow, you can see the stone and everything.
Shirley: It's 15 karots.
Laverne: It's beautiful.
Shirley: Do you want to see it in the light?
Laverne: Sure.
Laverne grabbed Shirley's finger and pulled it toward the light. It was getting too dark, so she put it under the lamp in the livingroom.
Laverne/Shirley: Ooh. Aah.
Laverne: It's beautiful. (looks at Shirley with gleams of joy) You're getting married.
Shirley: I'm getting married. I'll be Mrs. Shirley Ragusa.
They both screamed with joy and jumped up and down. Then they both hugged each other.
Laverne: You were made for each other.
Shirley smiled.
Laverne: So, when's the wedding?
Shirley: We haven't set a date yet. He was in so much of a hurry. Carmine's singing at Cowboy Bills tonight. I guess we could talk about that later. (brief pause) Oh, Laverne, I'm engaged!
The date was set for two weeks. Laverne and Shirley prepared for the big event. Shirley ordered the cake and did the invitation, Laverne was in charge of the entertainment, Frank called the priest and had Edna and Laverne find a receprion hall that was cheap. Carmine was preparing for his big bachelor party. A week before the big day, Shirley had a wedding shower and Carmine had his bachelor party.
Scene 2 [The Wedding Shower]
INT. Laverne and Shirley's Apartment
Everyone was arriving. Several of the Angora Debs from Milwaukee show up. Shirley greets them all with charm and grace.
Shirley: (to Laverne) This is a fun party.
Laverne: I don't see Big Rosie here. You think she's still sore at us for not being famous and knowin' Marlon Brando and Paul Newman?
Shirley: Pshaw, Laverne! That's water under the bridge.
The door bell rang. Shirley walked up to the door, opened it, and there, wearing a tight vynal tiger halter top with tight purple velvet pants, stood Rosie Greenbaum.
Rosie: Hey, Shirley It's nice to know your boat finally came in. (to Laverne) DeFazio.
Laverne: Greenbaum.
Rosie: So, your playin' old maid, huh, DeFazio.
Laverne lunged at her.
Shirley: (getting in between them) No, no, stop it! Not at my wedding shower!
Rosie: Well, you know what they say, "always a bridesmaid, never a bride."
Laverne: Just let me yank that frizzy red hair from it's dark roots!
She tries to grab Rosie, but Shirley stops her.
Shirley: (smiling) Rose, Rose, why don't you say "hello" to everyone.
Rosie: All right, I've slummed it long enough. (Shirley walks over to the girls who are conversing while sitting in the livingroom) Okay, Shirley, I'll save you the trouble of pickin' a gift, open mine first.
Rosie hands her the biggest gift. Shirley lightly taped the package with her finger tips as if it were an invaluable treasure she'd keep forever. She unwrapped it carefully.
[Rosie Cont'd] Come on, Shirley, I can't wait till new years.
Shirley opened the box and removed the tissue paper.
Shirley: (with a stunned look on her face) Rose. (she pulled out of the box, a black patent leather teddy, lace straps, split crotch, red leather garder belt, and a set of pink fuzzy handcuffs.) Gee, I don't know what to say, really.
Rosie: The look on your face is all the thanks I need.
The phone rang.
Laverne: (gets up to answer it) Open mine next, Shirl. (she picks up the phone) Hello?
Fonzie: Hey, Laverne, it's me, The Fonz.
Laverne: Hi, Fonzie.
Fonzie: Look, the girl who was supposed to do the belly dance called in sick with bronchitis. I don't have a girl and I don't know many that can dance. If you receive my drift.
Laverne: So, what you're saying is that you want me to dance tonight.
Fonzie: Laverne, you are the most. See you at 10, Cowboy Bills, I'll give you your costume, be there, whoa.
Laverne hangs up the phone. She walks over to Shirley who just opened Laverne's gift.
Shirley: Oh, Laverne, they're beautiful.
She pulls out of the box, a fuschia baby doll nightie with purple fuzzy fringe, red lace underwear, and fishnet stockings.
Rosie: Well, DeFazio, once a bimbo, always a bimbo.
Laverne: Bimbo? Well, Greenbaum, I guess that makes you trash. Come here, (she puts her fists up) I'll make you with you'd never been born.
Shirley: (getting between them) Ladies, stop this fighting! Get in separate corners if you can't act nice.
Laverne: Shirl, I need to have a word with you...alone.
She takes Shirley upstairs to the bedroom.
Shirley: What is it, Laverne?
Laverne: Well, you know the phone call earlier?
Shirley: Yeah.
Laverne: That was Fonzie. The girl that was supposed to do the belly dance at Carmine's bachelor party has bronchitis. I'm filling in.
Shirley: Laverne, you can't do that. I want you here at my wedding shower.
Laverne: Fonzie's expecting me. I have to go. (brief pause) Stall. I'll be back in time for games.
Shirley: But, Laverne, that is going to be a smutty atmosphere.
Laverne: You're right! I'll be back in time for refreshments.
Shirley: Laverne!
Laverne went out the door.
Shirley: Laverne! (turns around) Oh, dear.
Scene 3 [The Bachelor Party]
INT. Cowboy Bill's
Everyone sat impatiently waiting for the belly dancer.
Squiggy: This is a crummy bachelor party. Where's the girl?
Carmine: (getting up from his chair and walking over to Fonzie) Fonz, Where's the girl?
Fonzie: She'll be here shortly. Sit down.
Laverne came in through the back way and motioned for Fonzie to come over.
Fonzie: Hey Laverne, I'm glad you're here. They are restless.
Laverne: Well, I've got to do this fast. I'm missing Shirley's wedding shower for you.
Fonzie: Here's your costume.
Fonzie starts to walk away.
Laverne: Wait. (he turns around) Fonzie, promise me this will be the last bachelor party I do.
Fonzie: Aaayyy!!!
Scene 4 [Shirley's wedding shower]
INT. Laverne and Shirley's apartment
Shirley received her last gift. The package was from Rhonda Lee.
Shirley: Rhonda, this is pretty paper. I like the bow. It's so...
Rosie: Open the gift already. (Beat) If I didn't know better, I would say you were stalling. (looks around) What happened to DeFazio? Did she feel embarassed 'cause my gift was better than hers?
Shirley: No, Rose. She's out buying... milk and pepsi. (looks at the gift) Well, as I was saying, this is a beautiful package. I wrapped a package similiar to this one but it wasn't creeced as good as this package.
Rhonda: Open it, Shirley. Rhonda's not getting any older.
Rosie: You can say that again.
Shirley: (unwraps the gift and opens the box) Rhonda, a book. Thank you.
Rhonda: Not just any book.
Shirley: (she reads) The Karmasutra.
Rhonda: Rhonda's personal copy.
At the bottom of the box, wrapped in tissue paper, were white laced panties, and a white laced see through bra.
Shirley: Thank you, Rhonda. They're lovely.
Rhonda: Rhonda's eyes never lie.
Rosie: Hey, Shirley, you can wear them under your dress. Then on your honeymoon, you can wear what I got you.
Shirley: Will you excuse me?
Shirley went to the phone while everyone conversed.
Scene 5 [Bachelor Party]
INT. Cowboy Bill's
Laverne came out in a genie costume and started doing a belly dance. All the men began hooting and hollering at her. The phone rang and Squiggy answered.
Squiggy: (picking up the phone) Hell-o!
Shirley: (lowered her voice) Hello. Could I speak to Fonzie, please?
Squiggy: Yeah, sure. Hold on. (covers the phone) Fonz, you have a phone call.
Fonzie: Tell'em I'm busy.
Squiggy: He's busy.
Shirley: (regular voice) Doing what?! (low voice) I mean, doing what?
Squiggy: Watching some bimbo take her clothes off.
Shirley: Get him on the phone.
Squiggy: Sorry, buddy.
Shirley: (regular voice) NOW! SQUIGGY, NOW!
Squiggy: No way jose.
Shirley: Get him on the phone this minute, Squiggy!! It's me, Shirley!
Squiggy: Shirley who?
Shirley: FEENEY!
Squiggy: Shirley Feeney? But she is at her wedding shower.
Shirley: Squiggy, you tell him to come to the phone or I'll tell Lenny you sold his iguana Jeffrey to buy hair tonic.
Squiggy: Okay, no need for black mail.
He gets Fonzie on the phone.
Fonzie: Hey.
Shirley: Hi, Fonzie, is Laverne there?
Fonzie: Yeah, she's just about finished.
Shirley: Good. I've been stalling long enough.
Fonzie: I'll wrap it up right now for you, Shirley.
Shirley: Thank you, Fonzie.
Fonzie hangs up the phone and gets on top of a chair.
Fonzie: Hey, listen everyone. The belly dancer has to go. (everyone groans) Hey, The Fonz has a special surprise in the back. (all the guys quickly made their way to the back) Laverne, you did good. (gives her two thumbs up) You can go back to Shirley's wedding shower.
Fonzie thanked Laverne with a kiss and she went back to the apartment.
Scene 6 [Wedding Shower]
INT. Laverne and Shirley's apartment
Laverne enters.
Laverne: Hey, Shirl. I'm... (the apartment was empty) ...where'd everybody go?
Shirley: Remember what Rhonda said about rehearsing with Jack Nickolson?
Laverne: Yeah.
Shirley: Well, he came over and everyone followed Rhonda home.
Laverne: Why don't you have the party over there?
Shirley: I don't like Jack Nicholson. He was mean to us in the future. Took our apartment and turned it into a house of sin.
Laverne: But that doesn't have to happen. We can always alter the future. (brief pause) Let's have our own party, huh? Forget about the rest of them. Besides, I'll never forget what you wrote in my yearbook.
Shirley: (smiling) Laverne.
Laverne: "If in Heaven we don't meet, hand in hand we'll bare the heat. And if it ever gets to hot...
Laverne/Shirley: Pepsi - cola hits the spot."
Shirley: I guess you're right. Through good times and bad, we'll always have each other.
Laverne: Hey, Shirl, let's do prank calls.
Shirley: No, Laverne. That's too childish. I'm almost a married woman.
Laverne: Do you want to read through the manual?
Shirley: No, Laverne. Not until the night before my wedding day.
Laverne: How about we go to a male strip club?
Shirley: Is that the only thing you have on your mind, Laverne... smut?
Laverne: Well... I know, we can spy on Rhonda's party.
Shirley: Now you're talking!
Laverne: You know, Shirl, you really do need to loosen up.
Shirley: (going out the back door) I can be loose... but no petting till my wedding night.
Scene 7 [The Wedding Day]
INT. Laverne and Shirley's Apartment
The big day finally arrived. Shirley and Laverne were in their apartment getting ready, while Carmine was at Frank and Edna's. They were to meet at the "Chapel Of Love" at 2 o'clock...but will they make it in time?
Shirley: (putting Boo Boo Kitty in his tuxedo she made him) This is a beautiful day, huh, Laverne?
Laverne: Yeah, I'm glad it's not raining.
Suddenly a crack of thunder shuttered the windows and a gust of wind came through the patio into the livingroom.Then light tapping of rain turned into pounding.
Shirley: You had to go and open your big mouth, Laverne.
Laverne: Shirl, it's not my fault it's raining.
Shirley: I knew it, I knew it. This day was too perfect. It's an omen, that's what it is. Carmine and I will stay girlfriend and boyfriend forever! I'll never know what page 15 of the manual will ever feel like.
Laverne: (smiles) I have.
Shirley: Oh, Laverne. (crying) What are we going to do?
Laverne: Don't cry, Shirl. Your mascara will run.
Shirley: Well, what am I supposed to do? My day is ruined.
Laverne: No, it won't be ruined. I've got an idea. (she goes to the door) Wait here.
Laverne exits.
An hour later, Laverne came back with the priest, Carmine, and the rest of the guests.
Shirley: Oh, Laverne.
Laverne had blind folded Carmine so that he could not see Shirley before the wedding.
Laverne: (taking him by the hand) Watch the step.
She took Carmine into the kitchen and motioned for Shirley to go upstairs. Everyone lined up at the door. Frank and Edna moved the couch back and then all the chairs too.
Carmine: (still blindfolded) Where's the music?
Laverne: Edna brought her ukulele.
Carmine: Oh, and another thing. Could you take off the blindfold?
Laverne: Oh, sure.
She untied it.
A few minutes later, the music starts. The guests are sitting on the furnature that is put to the side of the room. Carmine takes a sip of water before the ceremony starts. Laverne, Frank, Lenny, and Squiggy stand at the entrance while Edna warms up on her ukulele. Shirley is upstairs doing little touch ups to herself.
Frank: (to Laverne) You wanna see if Shirley's ready yet?
Laverne: Yeah, I'll just see if she's ready to get married.
Squiggy: (to Laverne) You gonna marry Shirley too?
Frank: (to Squiggy) Shut up or I'll give you a broken arm!
Squiggy went to Lenny for protection. Laverne went upstairs and saw Shirley looking at herself in the mirror with tears in her eyes.
Laverne: Shirley?
Shirley: (turns around) Oh, Laverne, it's finally happening. I'm getting married. I've always dreamed of this momment. (Laverne smiles) You know, Laverne, I don't care about not marrying a doctor. I mean, it would have been nice and all, but I think that Carmine and I were meant for each other. Maybe Mr Right didn't come along because he's always been here.
Laverne: (getting a little teary eyed) You know, that's kinda sweet, Shirl.
Shirley: I've been with Carmine ever since high school and I don't think I've ever loved him more than I love him today. He's the one, Laverne, or else I would have never agreed to marry him. He'll be the father of my children who will one day all become doctors.
Laverne: There goes that balloon.
Shirley: I know, it's silly, but I'll never stop dreaming...
Frank called for them.
Laverne: (grabbing Shirley's hand) Well, this is it, Miss Feeney.
Shirley nods.
Laverne hugged her and went downstairs. Then Frank goes upstairs and waits with Shirley. Edna plays "Charleston" on her ukulele.
Laverne: Hey, Edna. (Edna looks up) We can't walk that fast. Try something slower.
Edna plays "Charleston" slower. Laverne starts marching to the kitchen. As Laverne is marching, Edna starts playing a little faster. Shirley and Frank come out of the bedroom. They are forced to walk down the stairs moderately fast. When Frank and Shirley reach the bottom, Edna was playing out of control. They ran to the kitchen. Shirley gazes over at Edna, who is enjoying the momment, and gives her the Feeney look. She payed no attention to Shirley. The song was getting on everybody's nerves. So Shirley took her bouquett and threw it at Edna which caused her to drop her ukulele. The room was silent.
Shirley: (staring at Edna with agrim look on her face) Are you finished? Can I get married now? Or are you going to play, "New York, New York?"
Enda: (with a profound look) No, go ahead, but this is the last time I do weddings.
Shirley: (turns to Carmine and the priest and smiles) Well, then...
Priest: Are you ready?
Shirley: (sighs) Yes.
Carmine: (thinking about the honeymoon and smiling) Oh, yes.
Priest: All right, then. (he opens his black bible) Dearly beloved, we are gathered here today in this... kitchen, to join this man and woman in Holy matrimony. Carmine Ragusa, do you take this woman, Shirley Feeney, to be your loaful wedded wife and promise to be a faithful loving husband so long as you both do live?
Carmine: (looks at Shirley adoringly) I do.
Priest: Do you, Shirley Feeney, take this man, Carmine Ragusa, to be your loaful wedded husband, to have and to hold from this day forward, till death do us part, so long as you both do live?
Shirley: I do, I do, I do.
Priest: Well, place the rings on each other's finger.
Squiggy walks up to Carmine and hands him the ring out of his pocket, along with a bunch of lint.
Carmine: Thanks a lot, Squig.
Carmine brushes off the lint.
Priest: Place the ring on her finger.
Carmine gently placed the ring on her finger.
Carmine: I love you, Angel Face. This ring is a promise to you that I will be faithful and caring for all the days of our lives.
Priest: Place the ring on his finger.
Shirley: (placing the ring on his finger) With this ring I thee wed and promise to love you and be faithful to you for as long as we both do live.
Priest: Well, by the power vested in me and by the sunny state of California, I pronounce you both husband and wife. You may now kiss the bride.
Carmine kisses Shirley and Edna plays "Charleston" again. They both head up to the bedroom.
Laverne: Wait a minute, you two. What about the reception?
Shirley: We'll be a little late.
They both go in the bedroom.
Laverne: Well, how do you like that? She gets married and 2 seconds later, it's off with the clothes and a little voo - dee - oh - doe - doe. (thinks for a momment and groans) Oh, I wanna get married.
Scene 8 [The Wedding Reception]
INT. Cowboy Bill's
The rain had stopped and so everyone decided to go to Cowboy Bill's for the reception. Rhonda and Rosie sat at a table together. Rhonda gave Rosie fashion tips. Laverne sat at a table all alone and thought about how much fun Shirley was having. Frank made pizza and Edna gave everybody Coyote Sodies.
Lenny walked over to Laverne and sat next to her.
Lenny: Hi, Laverne.
Laverne: Hi, Len. Where's Squig?
Lenny: He's outside talking to his moths.
Laverne: Why?
Lenny: They're not getting along too well. One of his moths talked back to him, so he threw the jar across the room and it busted. (gets close to Laverne) You see, the moths didn't actually talk... It was me.
Laverne: (going along with it) No.
Lenny: Yes, Laverne. He should be mad at me.
Laverne: What did you say?
Lenny: I called him stupid.
Laverne: But he is... how did it happen? He's your best friend.
Lenny: He stepped on Jeffrey.
Laverne: Who's Jeffrey?
Lenny: My stuffed iguana. I love him ,Laverne.
Squiggy came through the door with his jar of moths.
Squiggy: I am not going to feed you until you apologize! And don't blame it on the little babies.
Laverne: Go on, Lenny.
She pats Lenny on the arm for reassurance. Lenny gets up and walks over to Squiggy.
Lenny: Squig?
Squiggy: Don't interrupt me while I'm punishing my moths!
Lenny: But, Squig...
Squiggy: Did you not hear me, have you no eyes?! I said, I'm busy!
Lenny: No.
Squiggy: You want to start something?
Lenny: No, I just want to apologize.
Squiggy: Apologize, apologize? I think it's a little early to apologize. My moths need to apologize first. They caused this whole mess.
Lenny: No, you're wrong... I did.
Squiggy: You?
Lenny: Yeah, I called you stupid.
Squiggy: You and my moths? Well, I... (watches Rhonda bend down to pick up her m=napkin that fell on the floor) ...want you real bad.
Lenny: Huh? Do you forgive me or what?
Squiggy: Well...
Lenny/Squiggy: (the shook hands) Stupid!
Lenny then looks over at Laverne and smiles. Squiggy goes outside to feed his moths. Shirley and Carmine walk through the door.
Carmine: Hi, everybody! We're back!
Laverne: (stands up) They're here! Let's party! (walks to Shirley) Hi, Shirl. (smiling) How was it?
Shirley: Not in front of mixed company.
Laverne: So you'll tell me at home.
Shirley: Right.
Laverne: You're bed or mine?
Shirley: Laverne!
Laverne: Okay, I'll wait.
Squiggy runs back into Cowboy Bill's.
Squiggy: Herman, Herman, come back!
Shirley: Who's Herman?
Laverne: His moth, long story. Well, Shirl, you're married.
Shirley: Yeah, I'm Mrs. Carmine Ragusa. He is a great man.
Laverne: (smiles) Really? How great?
Shirley: Fine, Laverne! He's brillant! And they weren't kidding when they said, "Italians do it better."
Laverne: (smiles) Shirl, I'm happy for you.
Shirley: Well, my prince came and swept me off my feet.
Laverne: Where are you going?
Shirley: Carmine's staying in L.A. We're getting a house. Oh, Laverne, he's going to buy me a split - level colonial with stucco walls. My dream's finally come true.
Laverne: I guess you finally let go of that rainbow.
Shirley: No, that balloon and rainbow are still going to be up there. Dreams are forever. Just like Carmine and I.
Laverne: I'm gonna miss you, Shirl.
Shirley: I'll still be here.
Laverne: Not together in our apartment.
Shirley: Okay, so we'll fix a nice room for you and you can live with us.
Laverne: No, I don't think that would work. Besides, I don't think I should leave the apartment so quickly. Remember Jack Nicholson?
Shirley: Yeah, foul mouth.
Laverne: Well, I don't want him to have it. Rhonda's already dating him.
Shirley: Really?
One of Squiggy's moths flew into Laverne's hair.
Shirley: Oh, Laverne.
Laverne: What?
Shirley: There's a moth in your hair.
Laverne: Get it off!
Shirley: Squiggy? Squiggy?
Scene 9 Laverne and Shirley's Apartment
INT. Laverne and Shirley's Apartment - Goodbye
Carmine, Shirley, and Laverne are standing at the entry with their suitcases in hand.
Shirley: Well, Laverne, you have this whole apartment to yourself.
Laverne: Yep, but it won't be the same without you, Shirl. I'm going to miss you.
Carmine: I'm going to take our suitcases out to the car, Angel Face.
Shirley: All right. Thank you, sweetheart.
They kiss.
Carmine exits.
Laverne and Shirley look at each other and smile. Then they look at the apartment.
Shirley: I'm sure going to miss this place.
Laverne: You don't have to leave.
Shirley: Oh, Laverne. I have to go with Carmine. After all, it is our honeymoon. I'll be back in a week. Besides, I will be close by and I'll come visit you everyday.
Laverne: Promise?
Shirley: Cross my heart. We live about 5 minuted from here. You can come visit us too.
Laverne: Okay.
Shirley: We'll always be best friends, Laverne. Nothing can change that. Not even marriage.
They both hugged each other.
Shirley: Well, goodbye, Laverne. I'll see you when I get back.
Laverne: With details? (Shirley smiled and opened the door) Shirl? (Shirley turns around) Will you bring me back a souvenier?
Shirley: Well, all right, Laverne.
Laverne: Goodbye, Shirl.
Shirley: Here, Laverne. (she hands Laverne Boo Boo Kitty) Take care of him while I'm gone. You need him right now a lot more than I do.
They hug one more time and she leaves. Laverne takes Boo Boo kitty into the livingroom,
sits down on the couch, and drinks her milk and pepsi that was sitting on the table.
Laverne turns on the tv [Days Of Our Lives theme]
[Dialogue] "Oh, Mike, you can't marry her. She slep with your father." [End dialogue]
Laverne turns off the tv. She notices a shiny round disc, resembling a record,
lying on the floor and picks it up.
Laverne: What is this? (there was a note attached that read:
"Dear, Laverne,
Here's a little souvenier from the future. Found it at Jack Nicholson's home.
-OXOX
Shirley
[End note]
[Laverne CONT'D] Oh, that Shirl. She's just... (looks out the patio) ...thanks, Shirl. Where ever you are.
Laverne grabbed Boo Boo Kitty and went upstairs.