Laverne- Shirl, ya there?!?!

Shirley- (Trying to push her way out of the clutter) I'm here, I'm here! (She squeezes into an opening in the middle of the room) Laverne? Laverne!

Laverne- (She makes her way back to the place where Shirley began.) Where'd ya go?

Shirley- (She squeezes back into the mess) Laverne, don't move, I'm coming to get you!

Laverne- Shirl?

(Now they are both in the same spot but Laverne is blocking the way out.)

Laverne- There you are! I can't get outta here, Shirl!

Shirley- Awe, come on Laverne, just suck in and squeeze through! (She puts her back against Laverne and attempts to push her through a tiny crack in the boxes) Suck in Laverne!

Laverne- I am suckin'!

Shirley- Suck in more!

(Laverne draws a deep breath and at the same time, she squirms through the crack. When she's in the clearing, she lets out a sigh of relief and sits down)

Shirley- Laverne! Help me! (Laverne slowly gets up and wanders over to Shirley, who is now lodged tightly between the boxes) Laverne, hurry up! (Laverne grabs one of Shirley's arms and pulls her out) ooowwww!!!! (They both sit down in the clearing, out of breath.)

Laverne- What happened to that perfect size five?

Shirley- You should talk! (At this, Laverne stands up and throws a menacing look at Shirley, yeah, I thought she was tired too, but that's Laverne for ya!) Now, now, Laverne, this is not the time to pick fights. We have work to do.

Laverne- (moaning at the work ahead of her) Whose bright idea was it to stay home and clean today, anyway? We coulda gone out with Rob & Eric, but noooo, you had to be miss picky!

Shirley- Eeeewww, Laverne, there is nobody on Earth I would rather go out with less then those two!

(Lenny & Squiggy enter)

Squiggy- "Hello!"

Shirley- Not now, Boys, we're cleaning, our apartment's a mess.

Lenny- Don't worry girls, it don't bother us. We just came to tell ya there's a new tenant just moved in the apartment next to ours!

Laverne- (pushing Shirley out of the way as she was about to say something) Oh yeah? Friend of yours?

Squiggy- Naw, but...(he's interrupted by Laverne)

Laverne- Good.

Squiggy- (Flashing Laverne an annoyed face) She asked us to help her move in (Squiggy smiles at Lenny who gives him a knowing look)

Lenny- Yup. She's got a nice apartment too. Got a separate kitchen an bedroom an everything. (Once again, Squiggy looks at Lenny, who smiles and bites his palm) Wonder why old man Kravitz moved out?

Laverne- (Looking at Shirley) I know why..... (Lenny and Squiggy shrug and exit.)

TWO
Evening, Laverne & Shirley's apartment. The mess is gone and the girls are on the couch, relaxing.

Shirley- Well, it was a little work, but we did it, the place looks great!

Laverne- A little work? Shirl, look at me, I'm dirty an' black an' blue all over. I've got grease in my hair, grime on my body, not to mention that THING in the back of the refrigerator, what was that anyway?

Shirley- I don't know, for all we know, it might have been Lenny & Squiggy's. (At this Laverne makes a face and covers her mouth with her hand.)

Laverne- Uggghh! It was discustin' enough before! Now ya tell me it coulda been rotten before it went bad? (Shirley just stares out ahead of her) Hey, I wonder how Lenny & Squiggy made out with that new tenant. Its only 6:30, lets go up an' meet her.

Shirley- Vernie, Lenny & Squiggy wanted to meet her, What does that tell you? (As Laverne is contemplating this, a knock comes from the door) Shhh! (She holds a finger to her mouth and tiptoes to the door, latches it, and deadbolts it. Holding a bat over her head, in a low, masculine voice.....) Who is it?

???- Its your new neighbor. (Shirley opens the door after unlocking it and putting her bat down she's greeted with a familiar sound) "Hello!" (Ash says, exactly like Squiggy)

Shirley- (obviously faking excitement) Hi! Won't you come in? (Looking over their visitor, Shirley becomes even more unsure. She's dressed in blue jeans, a black T-shirt, a black belt, and black boots, with her blond hair semi- slicked back. ~author's note, this is how Ash will always be dressed unless otherwise noted~ she reminded Shirley of Lenny & Squiggy)

???- Thanks. (she steps in, unsure of whether or not she's welcome) Hi, I'm Ash. (She offers her hand to Shirley, who shakes it unconfidently. Laverne jumps up from the couch and offers Ash her hand)

Laverne- Hi. I'm Laverne, and this here's Shirley. So, you moved in to that apartment upstairs, huh?

Ash- Yeah, Mrs. Babbish was real nice about it too. She gave me a discount for livin' next to Lenny & Squiggy. (Ash rolls her eyes & shakes her head) and with those two, I'm not suprised. They're enough to drive anyone crazy. They're sweet though. They helped me move into my new apartment.

Shirley- Funny, I'da thought you'd've loved those.... (Laverne elbows her in the side before she can finish)

Laverne- Well, why don't ya come in an' tell us all about yourself.

Ash- You're askin' me in?

Laverne- Yeah, whatsa matter (gesturing to their spotless apartment)

Ash- Nothin' I just don't get a chance to talk to nice people like you very often

Shirley- (sarcastically, under her breath) Gee, I wonder why (Laverne jabs Shirley in the back)

Laverne- So, where'd ya move from?

Ash- Nowhere.

Laverne- Nowhere?

Ash- Well, somewhere, but its like nowhere, ya know?

Laverne- No. (Trying to get out of the convo) How 'bout a beer?

Ash- Sure, thanks

Shirley- (Taking Laverne's seat on the couch) How old are you?

Ash- 22, why?

Shirley- Well, no reason......

Ash- So, you guys lived here long? I bet it's great, eh? Where do you work?

Shirley- Oh, you know.....

Laverne- Shotz, same as everybody else.

Ash- Hey! I just got a job there!

Shirley- (accusingly) Oh really? What department?

Ash- (unsure, and feeling unwelcome) I, I'm a mechanic, for, for the, uh, trucks. Should I leave, were you in the middle of something? I'm sorry! I won't bother you again. (She stumbles backwards out the door)

Laverne- Awe, look, ya scared her away.

Shirley- I'm tellin' ya Laverne, there's something strange about that girl.

THREE
Pizza Bowl, next day. Laverne & Shirley walk in from the bowling alley, arguing as usual.

Laverne- I'm tellin' ya Shirl, that Karen is really cruisin' for a bruisin'!

Shirley- Oh, come on Laverne, will ya cut it out, I swear, sometimes you act like such a baby!

(Lenny, Squiggy, & Ash enter)

Squiggy & Ash in unison- "Hello!"

Ash- (To Squiggy) Man, I never thought I'd meet anybody else who did that! Here's some cash, order us a Pizza an' three beers, on me. (Lenny & Squiggy walk over to the counter to do just that) Hi guys!

Laverne- Hi Ash! (She gives Shirley a shove in the back)

Shirley- Hi. (Suspiciously) I thought you said they were enough to drive you crazy.

Ash- They are, well, I did, but, well, who could resist those faces? Anyway, its a lot easier now that I've laid down the law. Shirl, why don't ya like me? Did I do something wrong? I'm sorry! Oh, geez, I knew it. I messed up again (sits down & thumps her head on the table)

Shirley- Uh, no, it's well, why don't you, I mean (suddenly adopting the attitude of an interrogation officer) Why are you so secretive? You won't tell us about yourself at all. What are you hiding? (Ash sits up and takes a deep breath)

FOUR
An hour later at the girls apt....

Ash- I don't like to talk about my past, my mom ran out on me, my dad was a drunk, I'm an only child, so I had nowhere to turn. I'm not dangerous, I just wanna start over. Nobody has ever been kind to me, I'm a loner, people avoid me, I avoid them, that's just the way it is.

Shirley- You don't look 22....

Ash- Well....(she's not able to think up the right words....) I.....

Shirley- How old are you?

Ash- ...........22.

Laverne- Why didn't ya just say you were?

Ash- 'Cause I wasn't, but I am.

Laverne- I can't understand anything you say! (She stands up)

Ash- I know, it's easier that way. Well, I guess I'll pack up an' move on.

Laverne- Why? Ya just got all settled in upstairs, an' (getting very serious) Lenny & Squiggy would be devastated if you left. (The three of them burst out laughing)

FIVE
Laverne & Shirley's apt, night. Laverne has gone to bed, Shirley is writing in her diary.

Shirley (thought)- Dear diary, I guess people aren't always what they appear to be, period, Ash has decided to stay after all, underline has. Between you and me, I'm still not really sure about her, but I guess we will get used to having three Lenny & Squiggy's instead of two.(pause) I'm just glad that she... isn't... looking... for... a... roommate.