It was early morning. Shirley sat at the kitcheb table having her breakfast. She yawned. Another Saturday morning... it promised to be the same dull weekend all over again she’d been having for weeks. No dates and nothing fun to do. But at least she had silence.

"1...2...3...4...1....2...3...4!!!!!" Laverne jump-jacked out of her room wearing her blue skin tight excersize clohtes and pig tails. "Nothing like exersizing at the crack of dawn, eh Shirl?"

It was 9:45am.

"Laverne, not again... The last time you tried to lose weight I had to move to your dad’s living room for two weeks. You were so annoying."

"It ain’t my fault I began to bite people when I stopped drinking Milk and Pepsi,"

"Yes the biting thing. I still have some marks on my fingers."

"Besides I ain’t trying to lose weight. I’m just trying to stay in shape for the duel," said Laverne sitting beside her friend. She caught a strawberry from Shirley’s cereal bowl and began eating it.

"Don’t eat my strawberries Laverne..." said Shirley almost between her teeth, shaking her head, trying to keep her patience. Kind of like when she is embarassed or annoyed on the show. "You know I don’t like you touching my food all the time. Have you washed those fingers today?"

"Shirl you know something....?"

"Okay as long as you keep your hands off my strawberrys. Go ahead."

"Would you knock it off about the strawberry? You want it back? There!"

Laverne stuck the half-eaten strawberry into Shirley’s mouth. Shirley let out one of her high-pitched shrieks and spit the fruit out.

"Don’t do that Laverne."

"Yeah I’m sorry I should’ve brushed."

Shirley shrieked again.

"Oh would you knock it off? Tonight’s the big night and you sit around here moping and eating your cereal."

"Laverne you and Rosie beating each other is not my idea of a big night. A big night to me is having Carmine dress up as a Scottish renegade, chased by authority who doesn’t care his life is on the line as long as he is near me." Shirley stared into space, indulging in her own fantasy.

"Snap out of it Shirl. Carmine asked someone else out for tonight, didn’t he?"

"Linda Harris...that jade....that strumpet...that...that...!"

"Bimbo?"

"Yeah. That woman has been with everyone from bottle capping and," leaning closer to Laverne as to propagate an ongoing rumor. "some even say she’s been with Mr.Shotz twice. And Laverne...that is just...disgusting."

Laverne grimaced.

"Listen Rosie and I are not gonna fight tonight. We are gonna bowl against each other."

"Let me guess, she called you a Bimbo and you drowned yet another garment of hers in a punch bowl. Let me guess: either Lenny or Squiggy suggested that you bowl for it."

"Actually it was pop. Business has been going kinda slow lately and the place is sure to pack when everyone hears about this."

"Laverne you know I’m all for you dad’s business to go well, but I mean is all this spectacle necessary. Why do you get yourself in these things. I mean what if Rosie wins. All Milwaukee will boo at you."

"She ain’t gonna win, Shirl. How can she bowl good with all that jewelery hanging all over her. Among other things... Besides you are supposed to be cheering me on and getting ready for tonight."

"Laverne you got your bowling ball, your bowling shoes and that "Lenny for Stuffed Iguana’s Club President" pin that he gave you for luck. What else do you need???"

Resting on the edge of the table was a butter knife. Shirley slapped her knee in frustration without knowing the knife was on the hand’s route thus sending it flying in the air. It seemed like it all was happening in slow motion. Two blue eyes and two brown eyes followed helplessly the knife’s crusade since its exit from the table until it landed on Laverne’s aloe-vera-moisted-almost-pro-bowling-hand.

Her scream was heard in Chicago.

~*~ ~*~ ~*~

The Pizza Bowl was packed. All week long the word had spread about Laverne and Rosie’s face-off.

Rosie arrived with a couple of just as pretentious friends. Lenny, Squiggy, Carmine and Frank waited for Laverne and Shirley to arrive. Suddenly a young woman came running to Mr. DeFazio saying there was a girl locked inside the bathroom and some one messed around with the door knob and it can’t be opened.

Rosie laughed and boasted that Laverne was the girl. She said she was so afraid of the knowledge that she was going to lose that she locked herself up on purpose.

"You better watch your mouth, Rose" said a menacing voice from the crowd. Laverne had arrived.

Then who was the girl that was locked in?

Carmine looked around him and asked: "Hey, where’s Linda?"

Shirley smiled and put her arm around him. Then, gazing deep in her bright blue eyes, Carmine suddenly forgot about his date.

Fifty poeple gasped in unison as they saw Laverne’s hand covered in bandages.

"Hey DeFazio can’t bowl. I win!" cried rosie and her friends started to cheer. The mob moaned.

"You are wrong Rosie," said Shirley in her attempt to sound as sure of herself as she could. " Laverne may have injured her bowling hand, but she wouldn’t have come here if she didn’t have a plan. Right Laverne?"

"Right Shirl. I’m gonna bowl with my other hand."

"What? Are you insane?" cried Shirley pulling her friend aside. "You can’t bowl with your other hand. You’ve never bowled with your other hand! I thought we agreed that you were gonna tell her to postpone this until you got better."

"I know I said that, Shirl, but look at all the people that came. I can’t tell them they came here for nothing. Besides, I may not do a lot of strikes tonight, but I know I can beat Rosie. I know it."

"Fine. Laverne, but don’t come crying to me."

"Why are you getting all angry at me for? I didn’t wanna say it but here it is: if I lose tonight it’s all your fault."

"It was an accident!" said Shirley. She began to sob and ran ou the exit. Carmine followed her.

All the tables were empty. The only person there was Mr. DeFazio who was on his knees struggling to get the ladies room door opened. He was so busy he didn’t notice Shirley who sat at a table crying her eyes out.

Carmine pull out a chair and sat right next to her.

"What’s the matter Angel Face? Don’t worry about the girl that’s locked in the bathroom whoever she is. Mr. DeFazio will get her out of there soon. I know you must feel scared that she could’ve been you. I mean who does a mean thing like that?"

Shirley looked at him and quickly changed the subject.

"Oh, Carmine. It’s my fault Laverne is gonna lose tonight. I accidentally cut her hand with a butter knife. I told a butcher knife was too sharp to be a butter knife, but she never listens to me."

"You can’t blame her Shirl. Accident or not she’s gonna end up humiliated because of you."

Shirley started to cry again.

"I’m sorry, I’m sorry, Shirl. I didn’t mean it like that."

"You are right. That Rosie is gonna make her miserable after tonight. Oh, I am not a good friend."

"Don’t say that. You know you are Laverne’s best friend in the whole wide world."

"I am not. She wanted me to cheer her today and I didn’t. I just criticized her."

She hid her face on her hands and sobbed loudly.

"Poor, poor Laverne!"

Suddenly loud cheers came from the bowling alley.

"Listen to that Carmine! Listen how the crowd cheer Rosie at Laverne’s expense.

"Laverne! Laverne! Laverne!" shouted the crowd. Lenny, Squiggy and others carried the victoripus bowler out the alley. Even Mr. DeFazio approached the mob to see what was going on.

"Hooray for Laverne. The greatest of them all!" cried Lenny.

"Laverne won! Laverne won the game!!!!" cried Shirley, overjoyed and happy for her friend.

"Game? You mean she won the match! Laverne knocked out Rosie with the first punch!"

"Laverne! Laverne! Laverne!" was heard from the crowd.

"You were right Shirl. There’s no way I could’ve bowled with my left hand, but these people needed to be entertained. Are you not entertained???"

"Laverne! Laverne! Laverne!"

Lenny and the others put Laverne down and Frank started taking orders.

"Laverne you should be ashamed of yourself. Violence is nothing to be proud of. If you wanted to get back at her for teasing you you should’ve planned something like spilling soda on her dress or...

"Locking her in the ladies room?" asked Laverne followed by a wink.

"Quite Laverne. And now you go back there and apologoze---"

"Rosie called you a Bimbo"

"And I am glad you kicked her derriere."

They laughed.

"I’m sorry I hurt you Laverne. Still friends?"

"When did we ever stop being friends?"

They smiled and gave each other soft punches on their arms.

Everyone had a great time. Rosie later was conscious again and got enough money out of her purse to buy five dresses. She kissed it and put it back on the purse.

"Oh, my medicine!"

The party lasted til late at night and everybody got home safe and sound. How silent the Pizza Bowl becomes after everyone is gone...

Knock, knock, knock.

"Hello? Anyone? I’m still stuck in the bathroom! Hello???"

THE END