"How Laverne and Shirley" should have ended"

By Shortcake Fonzarelli


It's right after the last scene of "2001:A Comedy Oddessy" has been filmed and Penny and Cindy are having one of their many fights.

P: At least you got to be a cute old lady! I was fat!

C: You shouldn't be complaining, you get the better end of the deal most of the time and you know it!

P: Oh, don't start that again...

C(ignoring her): Your brother runs this whole thing, and do you know what that means? It means that you get... (Cindy continues rambling on about Penny's benefits and Penny mouths the words behind her)

Just then Mike and David walk in.

M: Oh, they're fighting again.

D: Let's watch!

C: O-U-T spells out goes you! This is private!

M: Isn't that one of your lines in an episode?

P&C: OUT!

D: Touchy, touchy (leaves)

M: Girls?

P&S(irritated): What?!

M: Well, I was just thinking... You guys should really try to resolve your differences, ya know? I mean, it's getting pretty tense around the set lately.

C: She gets more air time than me!

P: And Shirley is so cute, and everybody loves "Shirley".

M: Well, look at the Happy Days cast! They don't have any of these problems. I'm sure some days Ron gets more air time than Henry, but does he bring a stop watch? Noooo. And does Ron complain because Fonzie has a cooler character? Noooo. But you guys sure love to!

(Penny and Cindy grumble, because they know he's right.)

M: This will probably wreck our show some day. You guys won't be able to stand eachother any longer and one of you will just up and leave. How will that look? One of ya bouncin down the sidewalk schlmeilin and schlmazlin all by your self?

(Cindy and Penny laugh in spite of their heated arguement minutes before)

M: Anyway, that's all I had to say. Now I'd better get home and get some rest. We film "Breaking Up & Making Up" early tomorrow.

P&C: Goodnight Mike!

The girls go home too and Penny falls asleep watching reruns of old TV shows and thinking about what Mike said.

(about 3:00am)

Voice: Wake up Laverne...wake up Laverne...

P(drowsily): My name's Penny...I play Laverne..::snore::

Voice: Wake up Laverne...wake up Laverne...

(Penny rubs her eyes sleepily and sees...Mike!)

P: Mike! What are you doing in my house?

Voice: Who's Mike? I'm Lenny.

P: Oh, I get it, some kind of joke, where's Dave? I'll bet he planned this whole thing...

Ln: Stop kidding around! Time is of the absence.

P: Absence? You really sound like Lenny... this must be a dream!

Ln: Call it what you will but now we must go! (grabs her arm)

P: Go where?

Ln: You'll see. ::waves his hands and says "Bosco!"::

They arrive in a small room that looks like a study. In it there's just some stuff, a computer, a desk, a calendar...

P: Hey what's that? (points at the computer)

Ln: A computer

P: Wow! They've really improved these things since yesterday!

Ln: Not yesterday, look at the calander (she sees the year, 1999)

P: 1999!!! What happened?

Ln: You are glimpsing into ::pauses dramatically:: the future...

P: And what is there to see in 'the future'?

Ln: America Online. I'll explain it to you. (He does, it takes a while, but she finally kinda gets it)

P: I wanna see one of those 'websites'!

Ln: Keep your shirt on...or...you can take it off if you want...::bites palm and starts making noises::

Penny glares at him.

P: Do you mind?

Ln: Sorry. Back to the website. (they get online and he shows her an L&S website and an article about Cindy Williams leaving the show in one of the later seasons)

P: Cindy left? Wow, I didn't know that things got that bad…

Ln: They did. She got fed up with everything, and your fights got worse and worse. Anyway, here's something else I want you to see. It's a message board on Nick at Nite, that's a network that airs old shows like Laverne and Shirley.

Penny reads some of our posts on the board.

P: Hey look, they're talking about my birthday coming up! They care about that?

Ln: Yeah, they do. And you guys broke their little hearts by those fights.

P: Yeah?

Ln: Yep. And do you know what time L&S was on for a long time? 3:30 in the morning. And they tape it. Just to see you and Cindy. Imagine how they felt when they found out how best friends Laverne and Shirley hated each other in real life.

P: I never thought about that. But it's already going to happen so…

Ln: Not true. ::pauses for effect again:: You could change-the…..future.

P: Oh, cut the drama, heh Len? Anyway, even if I wanted to change it you know how stubborn Cindy would be about it, she hasn't seen this stuff like I have.

Ln: Well as a matter of she is being visited as we speak…

Meanwhile Cindy and David are in a different room with a computer, he has just explained AOL etc. to her. He wanted a reward for doing it, of course, he made those icky lip sounds.

C: "Laverne and Shirley Canceled"??? What happened?

D: You broads had too many cat fights. You left.

C: I did? And the show got cancelled?

D: Yep, they tried to do it with just Laverne, but it wasn't nearly as popular.

C(smirks): I knew she needed me.

D: Admit it Shirl, you guys both needed each other for that show.

C: Well, I guess you're right about that. But no way am I gonna go crawling back to her and say "Let's make up." Gosh that's corny!

D: There's something else I want you to see. (He shows her our L&S message board. She reads some of ShirlFeeney's posts about how she despises Cindy Williams)

C: She hates me?

D: Yep, so do a lot of people. They think you're a stubborn little brat with an ulcer.

C: They do? I don't like people thinking of me like that…

D: Well do something about it!

C: I can't…Penny would never do something to keep people from hating me…she'd encourage them.

D: Why don't you call her?

C: At 4:00 in the morning?

D: Time is of the absence.

C: Oh brother…

Cindy wakes up with David aka Squiggy's voice ringing in her ears. Why don't you call her… Time is of the absence…

C: Hi, Penny?

P: Cindy! It's almost 5:00 in the morning! But I'm glad you called.

P: I've got something important to…

C: I've got something important to…

P: You go ahead

C: You go ahead

P: OK, seriously, you go ahead and I'll tell you mine later.

C: OK, well I had this dream, and Squiggy was in it and he showed me a computer and…

P: Oh my gosh! I had that exact same dream, but Lenny was in mine! Can you believe what happened to the show?

C: Because of me.

P: Yeah.

(Cindy glares through the telephone)

P(senses the glare): Just kidding, it was both of us. And we can do something about it.

C: Right. We'll just try to resolve our differences, like Mike said.

The next day

Everyone on the set notices a difference in how they're treating each other. But they're afraid it's like a calm before the storm. As it turns out however, they don't have one single fight all day. And the day after that, and the week after that, and everybody wonders what in the world could have made the difference.

Years later, when would have been the filming of the dreaded mummy episode.

C: You know Penny, we should end the series together. Not have one of us leave like in our you-know-what. So let's make a really special ending for the show.

P: Yeah. Hey! I've got an idea! (she whispers it to Cindy)

C: Let's go talk to the writers!

Everyone is sitting around a conference table discussing the last show.

Writer: Ok, here's our best one: Cindy falls in love with this Army medic, and they get married and she moves away. And I thought maybe we could bandage him all up so no one could really see his face ya know…adding a little bit of sus-

P&C: NO!

Garry: What's wrong with you two? I kind of like the idea…let's do it.

P: But they hate Walter!

Another Writer (confused): I didn't think we gave him a name yet…

Writer: No we didn't…and who's 'they'?

C: Nobody. Anyways, Penny came up with a better idea. (nudges Penny) Didn't you?

P: Huh? Oh, yeah…yeah I came up with this idea for our last episode, somethin' that would touch the audience more, ya know?

G: Good. (sarcastically) Will 'they' like it?

C: Much better than this Walter Meeney business.

Confused Writer: He has a last name now?

Other Writer(shrugs): Actresses.

Cindy and Penny explain the plot.

G: I love it! We'll start shooting tomorrow.













To Part 2











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