BY: SCOTT MCCLENNY
WHAT HAPPENS WHEN THE GIRLS GET A VISITOR FROM SPACE!
SCENE:THE APARTMENT OF LAVERNE & SHIRLEY,NIGHT.
THERE IS A BIG NOISE IN THE KITCHEN.SHIRLEY STUMBLES OUT GRASPING BOO BOO KITTY FOLLOWED BY LAVERNE HOLDING THE PLUNGER LIKE A BAT. THEY LOOK AROUND NERVOUSLY.
SHIRLEY:LAVERNE!(POINTS)THERE'S SOMETHING IN THE KITCHEN.
LAVERNE:MAYBE IT'S JUST A RAT!
SHIRLEY(OFFENDED):I HAPPEN TO CLEAN THE KITCHEN EVERY SATURDAY!
LAVERNE:I THOUGHT YOU SAID SATURDAY WAS YOUR DANCING LESSONS WITH CARMINE.
SHIRLEY GLARES.
(ALF IN THE KITCHEN IS MAKING A MUSTARD AND TUNA PEANUT BUTTER AND JELLY BEAN SANDWHICH)
ALF(HUMMING THEME FROM MISSION:IMPOSSIBLE): THERE WE GOOOOO!
SHIRLEY:GET READY LAVERNE IT'S COMING THIS WAY!
ALF WALKS INTO LIVING ROOM.
ALL THREE:AAAAACCCCKKKKK!!!!!(SHIRLEY AND LAVERNE FALL ALL OVER EACH OTHER AND ALF FALLS ON THE FLOOR LOOSING HIS SANDWHICH IN THE PROCESS)
ALF:WHO ARE YOU AND WHAT ARE YOU DOING IN MY APARTMENT.
LAVERNE:THAT'S WHAT WE'RE SUPPOSED TO ASK YOU!
ALF:WELL...OK...WHO AM I AND WHAT AM I DOING IN YOUR APARTMENT?
SHIRLEY(PICKS UP SANDWHICH AND MAKES FACE):YUCK! WHAT KIND OF PERVERT WOULD EAT SOMETHING LIKE THIS?
(DOOR OPENS AND IN WALKS LENNY & SQUIGGY)
SQUIGGY:HEL-LO!
SHIRLEY:WHAT ARE YOU BOYS DOING HERE?
LENNY:WE HEARD A UFO CRASH THROUGH THE ROOF.
SQUIGGY:YEAH,WE'RE ALIEN HUNTING!
ALF:DA-Tee-DUM-DA-DEE!(TRIES TO BE INCONSPICOUS)
SHIRLEY:WELL HERE'S ONE!(GRABS ALF)WE FOUND HIM LOOTING OUR KITCHEN.
ALF:I AM NOT AN ALIEN(MAKES VEE SIGN)I AM A LEGAL CITIZEN OF MELMAC.MY NAME IS GORDO SHUMWAY! (TAKES OUT WALLET)HERE's MY VISA CARD,MY AMERICAN EXPRESS,MY QUARK'S COMPLIMENTARY GOLD SLIP OF LATINUM IOU,MY LIBRARY CARD....
KNOCK ON DOOR.
LAVERNE:YEAH,WHO IS IT?
WILLIE:MY NAME'S WILLIE TANNER,I'M LOOKING FOR A ALIEN ABOUT SO HIGH WHO LOVES CATS AND GOES BY EITHER ALF OR GORDO SHUMWAY!
SHIRLEY:YOU LOVE CATS?HOW SWEET.
ALF:YOU GOT A REAL LIVE CAT?
SHIRLEY:NO,WISH I DID.
ALF:AND I WISH I HAD SOME KETCUP TO EAT IT WITH!
SHIRLEY CHOKES.
LAVERNE & SHIRLEY GRAB ALF AND CARRY HIM TO THE DOOR.THEY OPEN THE DOOR AND THRUST ALF INTO WILLIE'S ARMS.
WILLIE:WHAT HAPPENED TO YOU ALF?BRIAN'S BEEN WORRIED SICK ABOUT YOU!
ALF:SO I TOOK A WRONG TURN AGAIN NEAR ANDROMEDA. I COULDN'T HELP IT,THE STARSHIP VOYAGER WAS BLOCKING THE PASSING LANE!GEEZ,THOSE STARFLEET GUYS THINK THEY OWN THE UNIVERSE OR SOMETHING!
THE GIRLS CLOSE THE DOOR.
LENNY:HEY,I JUST THOUGHT OF SOMETHING.THERE'S A HECKLE AND JECKLE MARATHON ON NOW!
LAVERNE:IF YOU TWO DON'T GET OUT NOW YOU'LL GET HECKLED AND JECKLED WHERE THE SUN DON'T SHINE!
THE BOYS LEAVE.
LAVERNE(SHAKES SHIRLEY AWAKE):HEY SHIRL DIDJA HEAR THAT?THERE'S SOMETHING IN THE KITCHEN!
SHIRLEY DIVES UNDER THE COVERS.
THE END