Another Great Experiment

Written by: Scott McClenny

It's Shirley's turn to see how well they can find a substitute for Laverne.

Scene.The girls' apartment in Milwaukee.Getting ready for a big date.

Shirley.Aren't you ready yet Vernie?

Salem.It's not easy to tie a tie when you're a cat,you know!

Shirley.We're gonna be late!

Salem.Remember this was YOUR idea!I,on the other hand suggested we stay home and watch the all night Peggy Lipton Marathon on The Mod Squad.

Shirley(Enters bedroom and let's out a shriek).You shredded Boo Boo Kitty to bits!

Salem.It was making nasty looks at me!

Shirley swats Salem with Boo Boo Kitty.

So we see that Salem the Cat from Sabrina,The Teenage Witch doesn't make a good substitute for Laverne.Now we shall see how Topanga from Boy Meets World works out.

Shirley.Aren't you ready yet Vernie?

Topanga.How many times do I have to tell you my name's Topanga?

Shirley.Well aren't you ready yet 'Panga?

Topanga.Almost.All I need to do is write and post nine more letters to Corey to meet my daily allotment.

Shirley.Why do you have to write to him ten letters a day? Topanga.'Cause I promised!

Shirley.Well if you don't hurry we'll miss the cartoon!

Topanga.Couldn't we just stay home and watch The Monkees instead? Peter Tork always reminds me of my dad for some strange reason.

So Topanga isn't much of a substitute for Laverne either. Lastly we shall see how Chrissie from Three's Company works out.

Shirley.Aren't you ready yet Vernie?

Chrissie.I can't find it.

Shirley.Find what?

Chrissie.My Almost-Dior dress from Woolworth's.

Shirley.We gave it to the Salvation Army,remember?

Chrissie.But that was before I knew I would need it for tonight.If I had known back then that I would have needed it for tonight I wouldn't have given it way.

Shirley.So why you throw it out:?

Chrissie.'Cause silly,if I had known that I would wanted to wear it tonight then I wouldn't have given it away,now would I?

Shirley stares in the same classic befuddled and confused manner that we are so familiar from watching Jack and Janet.

So we now know that no-one:not Salem the Cat from Sabrina,not Topanga from Boy Meets World,not even Chrissie from Three's Company can truely replace Laverne.

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