"Pull over here, Squig!" ordered Carmine.

Squiggy obediently stopped the car behind a large palm tree. "What’s up?"

"That limo over there," said Carmine. "That’s Lucille’s."

"Oh, no," groaned Lenny. "It’s right in front of our building!"

"Yeah. And that ain’t good." Carmine opened the car door. "Look you guys wait here. I’m gonna go take care of this." He started over to the limousine.

"Wait!" hissed Lenny, getting out of the car. "We’re not gonna just sit here while you go runnin’ around getting shot at."

"We’re not?" asked Squiggy. Then, he sighed and got out of the car as well. "No, I guess we’re not."

"Guys, look, I want to thank you both for all your help so far," said Carmine. "But I don’t want you to get hurt or get in my way. This is all because of me and I’m the one who has to make it right."

"Well, Carmine, that’s real noble of you," said Lenny. He pointed up at the building. "But you forget, that’s my wife in there too. She might be in as much danger as Shirley right now and there ain’t no way on this green earth I’m gonna sit in a car while that’s the case! So, you’d best share your plan, because I’m comin’ with you!"

Carmine sighed. "All right, Len. Here’s the plan. There is no plan. I’m just gonna pick off as many of Lucille’s goons as I have to, until I can get to Shirley."

"That’s okay," said Lenny. "I can help you do that."

"You can?" asked Squiggy.

"Sure. I’ve been working out." He cracked his knuckles. "Besides, I used to be a pretty good tackler when I played football in gym class. Remember?"

Carmine sized him up, then nodded. "Let’s go, then. I just hope all we need are fists and football tackles to do this."

He led Lenny and a reluctant Squiggy around the back of the limo. Carmine gestured for Lenny to go around to the passenger’s side as he went around to the driver’s side.

Before Carmine could reach the driver’s door, the rear door on the same side opened and Lucy stepped out of the car. "Hi, daddy!" she said, happily, hugging him.

Carmine gestured frantically for her to get back in the car, but it was too late. The driver’s door opened and Mr. Cerullo got out of the car. All six plus feet, two hundred odd pounds of Mr. Cerullo.

"Well, well, Mr. Ragusa," he said, as Carmine slowly straightened up. "We’ve been looking for you all over the place."

"I’ll bet," said Carmine. He gave Lucy a little push so that she was behind him. "Lucy, honey, I want you to go behind the car. You’ll see a little guy in a leather jacket and a funny haircut back there. Stay with him, okay?"

"Huh?" asked Lucy. She held on to Carmine’s hand. "Daddy, I want to stay with you."

"Yeah, daddy," said Mr. Cerullo, taking a step toward Carmine. "She wants you to stick around. Me, too."

"Go!" Carmine shouted, pushing the little girl toward the back of the car. Then, he reached into his waistband and pulled out the .38, pointing it at Mr. Cerullo’s chest.

Lucy’s eyes opened very wide, then she ran back to where Squiggy was crouched. He looked at her and gave her an awkward smile. "Hey…Carmine’s kid," he said. "How’s about you and me see how close to the ground we can stay?"

Lucy nodded, watching as Carmine stepped closer to Mr. Cerullo. "Why’s my daddy doing this?" she asked, inching closer to Squiggy.

Squiggy looked into the little girl’s eyes and said, "He’s got his reasons, kiddo. Just…stick with me. I won’t let nothin’ happen to you."

"Put your hands up," Carmine ordered, as Mr. Cerullo took a step away from him. "Go on. I might not have used this on your boss, but I’m sure as hell willing to use it on you!"

Mr. Cerullo took another step back. "You’re too late, anyway," he sneered.

"What do you mean?" demanded Carmine. He waved the gun a little. "I said, get your hands up! Nice and high!"

Cerullo raised his hands a little higher. "Mrs. Martino’s already upstairs with your little wife," he said. "She’s got plans for her, pal. Big plans."

Carmine glanced up at the apartment building. As soon as he did, Mr. Cerullo kicked the gun right out of his hand. As the gun flew up in the air, he charged at Carmine with an angry roar.

Carmine threw himself out of Mr. Cerullo’s reach, trying desperately to follow the gun’s trajectory. He saw it land a few feet away from him. As he dove for the gun, all two hundred plus pounds of Mr. Cerullo landed on his back. He hit the ground with stunning force, but managed to twist around and drive his right fist into Mr. Cerullo’s jaw.

Mr. Cerullo cried out, eyes widening. Then, he wrapped both of his large hands around Carmine’s throat and proceeded to try to choke the life out of him.

Fortunately, Mr. Cerullo was so distracted by this activity, that he didn’t see Lenny climb onto the roof of the car and launch himself toward the big man’s back. Lenny managed to land headfirst into Mr. Cerullo’s spine, knocking him off Carmine.

Carmine gasped, then sat up. "Thanks, Len," he managed to croak. Then, he crawled over to Mr. Cerullo, who was starting to pick himself up off the ground.

"You stay there!" Carmine ordered. He punched Mr. Cerullo straight in the nose, which resulted in an audible crack, then sent a couple of more blows into the large man’s jaw and the side of his head.

Mr. Cerullo obediently fell over onto the grass and lay still.

"Wow, nice job," said Lenny, rising to his feet. He held out his hand and helped Carmine to his feet.

"Yeah, well we ain’t done yet," said Carmine, grimly. He gestured toward the building. "The big ape told me Lucille’s already up there with Shirley. So we don’t have time to stand around congratulating ourselves." Carmine scanned the ground, then spotted the gun. He scooped it up. "You still coming?"

"You bet," said Lenny.

Carmine looked back at Squiggy. He had come out from behind the car, his hand on Lucy’s shoulder.

"Squig, you got something to tie this goon up with? I’d hate for him to run after us when he wakes up."

"No problem. I’m very prepared." Squiggy took out a pair of handcuffs from his pocket, then straddled Mr. Cerullo and snapped them onto his wrists. "That oughta hold him."

"Where’d you get those?" asked Lenny. "From the private eye store?"

"Naw, I just have these for…other reasons."

Carmine nodded gratefully. "Stay here and take care of my…of Lucy, all right?"

"Daddy?" said Lucy, uncertainly. "Where are you going now?"

Carmine gave her a little smile. "Don’t worry, honey. Everything will be all right. Just stay with the nice Squiggy here, okay?"

"Okay," she said. "When are you and mommy coming back?"

Carmine’s smile faded. "Just wait here." Then, he turned around and ran into the apartment building, Lenny close at his heels.

Frantically, Shirley said, "Wait a minute…Mr. Sweeney, is it? Come on, you don’t want to shoot us."

"Yeah," said Laverne, stalling for all she was worth. "We’re nice girls. Hey, we can be nice girls to you, if you let us go!"

"La-verne!" exclaimed Shirley.

"What?"

"We are married women now…"

"Shirley, we are going to be dead women if we don’t convince this guy to let us go!" hissed Laverne.

"Oh. Right." Shirley looked up, batting her eyes and showing her dimples. "Mr. Sweeney, please. We can work something out, I’m sure."

"Sorry, ladies," said Mr. Sweeney. He pointed his gun at Laverne. "You heard my boss."

"Wait…don’t!" shouted Laverne, pressing her hand over her stomach. "You can’t shoot a pregnant woman, can you?"

"What?" asked Mr. Sweeney and Shirley at the same time.

Laverne nodded enthusiastically. "That’s right! I’m pregnant! You wouldn’t shoot a mother with a little unborn baby inside her! You couldn’t live with that kind of guilt, could you Mr. Sweeney?"

"R…right!" said Shirley. "Laverne here’s gonna be a mommy. You had a mommy, didn’t you, Mr. Sweeney? How would you feel if some guy came along and killed her before you could be born? Pretty bad, I would think!"

Laverne rolled her eyes a little. "Yeah, what she said. Come on, Mr. Sweeney. Just turn your back for a minute and we’ll run out the door…you can tell Lucille in there that we overpowered you or something."

"Right. She’d buy that." Mr. Sweeney raised his gun again, a little more slowly this time. "Look, ladies, this is nothing personal. Business is business."

Laverne shrank back as Shirley wrapped her arms around her friend.

At the same time, the front door of the apartment flew open. Lenny ran straight in and yelled at Mr. Sweeney, "You get the hell away from my wife!"

"Both our wives," added Carmine, leveling the .38 at Mr. Sweeney’s head.

Mr. Sweeney swung around and fired.

Lenny dove to one side, while Carmine threw himself flat on the ground. Shirley screamed, then grabbed Laverne by the arm and pulled her behind the sofa as Mr. Sweeney turned back and advanced toward them.

Lenny picked himself up off the floor and tackled Mr. Sweeney, pushing at the man’s legs as if against a giant redwood. Mr. Sweeney looked down, then swung at the top of Lenny’s head with his gun.

Fortunately for Lenny, he never had the chance to finish the motion. Mr. Sweeney’s body jerked as a bullet from the gun in Carmine’s hand tore through his arm. He dropped his own weapon with a cry, clutching his now-useless arm.

"The next one goes through your head!" warned Carmine. "Get down on the floor, now!"

Mr. Sweeney nodded, then knelt on the floor.

"All the way," said Carmine, walking over and pressing the gun to the large man’s temple.

Mr. Sweeney dropped to the floor, arms outstretched, moaning a little in pain.

Lenny stood up and went around the sofa to Laverne. "Are you all right?" he asked, eyes filled with fear.

"I’m fine, Len. Thanks to you guys." She stood up and wrapped her arms around his neck. He could feel her trembling as he held her. "Len, it’s all so crazy," Laverne said, trying not to cry. "First Lucille is tellin’ Shirl all these lies, then she’s askin’ this big goon to shoot us and…"

"Sh, sh. It’s all right now. I’m here." Lenny stroked her hair. He looked over Laverne’s shoulder at Carmine. "Nice shot."

"Thanks," said Carmine. "More like lucky shot." He held out his hand to Shirley, who was just straightening up behind the sofa. "Angel Face?" Carmine asked, carefully. "Are you okay? They didn’t hurt you, did they?"

She shook her head, approaching her husband cautiously. "But Carmine…that woman. Lucille…she’s gone stark raving mad!"

"I am not mad," said Lucille evenly, stepping into the room. "Well, maybe a little annoyed…"

As Carmine shoved Shirley behind him and started to raise the gun again, Lucille pulled out a revolver from her purse and aimed it at Lenny and Laverne, who were standing closest to the kitchen. "Drop it, Carmine, or I’ll blow both your friends away right in front of you." She smiled a little. "You know I can do it, too. You saw what I did to Johnny and I actually liked him."

Carmine nodded, slowly. "Okay, Lucille," he said, keeping his voice calm. "No problem." He lowered the gun to the floor, then raised his hands and stepped back from it.

"Where have you been?" Lucille demanded, stepping a little closer to Carmine and Shirley, her gun now trained on his chest. "That little powder I mixed in your tea should have put you out at least until the police arrived."

"Yeah, well, fortunately for me a couple of friends stopped by to give me an early wake-up call," said Carmine. "Lucille…just get out of here, all right? Your little plan’s obviously a bust now. If you run, you can get out of town before the cops…"

"Oh, Carmine," said Lucille. "I’m not a quitter! Don’t you remember anything about me?"

"I remember a lot about you," said Carmine, quietly. "Enough to know that you don’t want to do this."

"No, I don’t," said Lucille. She gave Mr. Sweeney a little kick in the side. "Go on, get up!" To Carmine, she continued, "I never wanted things to get quite so complicated. I just wanted us to be together – you, me, and Lucy, the way it was always meant to be. Why did you have to be so stubborn, Carmine? With Johnny’s money, we would have been set for life!"

"Lucille," said Carmine, carefully. "I don’t love you. I never loved you. And, it’s pretty obvious from what you’ve been doing that you don’t love me, either."

"How can you say that?" demanded Lucille. "I’ve done all of this for us. For our daughter!"

Carmine shook his head. "You don’t set someone up you claim to love for a murder rap," he said. "You don’t lie to him that he has a child just to get him to do something that you want."

"That part isn’t a lie, Carmine. Lucy is yours! Or, at least, she probably is." Lucille hung her head slightly. "I honestly don’t know for sure. But you’re as good a possibility as anyone else from that time is! You were the one I wanted to be her father, the one I want to be with me now. Please, Carmine?"

Lucille stepped a little closer to him, her gun still aimed at his chest. "We can still do this. We can go downstairs and get in the limo and leave with Lucy! I know enough of Johnny’s bank account numbers that we can live anywhere we want, as well as we want. What do you say?"

Carmine cleared his throat. "What about my…Shirley here? Or Lenny and Laverne? Are you saying that if I go with you, right now, that you’ll let them go?"

"Of course not," said Lucille, a little indignantly. "You don’t expect me to leave witnesses behind, do you? They know I killed Johnny! No, I’m afraid they all still have to go."

Carmine shook his head. "No dice, Lucille. I’m not gonna let you shoot everyone." He took a deep breath, then stepped a little closer to her. "So, here’s the deal. I leave with you now and we just get out of here and leave everyone alone. Or, you have to shoot me too. You ready to do that, Lucille? You ready to kill the father of your child, the man you claim to love so much? Because the woman I knew would never be capable of that."

Lucille’s lower lip trembled, tears welling up in her eyes. "Oh, Carmine," she said, softly. "I guess you really never knew me at all."

Lenny watched in horror as Lucille started to pull back the trigger of her gun. Then, he pushed Laverne aside and tackled Lucille, slamming into her just as she fired.

Carmine froze as the crack of the fired gun echoed in the air. He looked down and quickly patted the front of his shirt. Not finding any holes, he happily commented, "Wow, I’m not dead!" Then he looked down at Lenny and Lucille.

Lenny had pinned Lucille to the ground. Her gun had rolled away, but Mr. Sweeney was reaching down for it.

"Leave it!" yelled Carmine. He kicked Mr. Sweeney in the jaw, then grabbed the gun himself. Swinging it in an overhead arc, Carmine brought the butt of the gun down on the back of Mr. Sweeney’s head, sending the big man crashing to the floor with a grunt.

"Get off of me!" cried Lucille, managing to roll over and claw at Lenny’s face with her long fingernails. He raised his arms to block her, and she kicked him in the stomach with the tip of her high-heeled pump. Gasping, Lenny clutched his middle and rolled off Lucille, trying to catch his breath.

At the same time, Lucille dove for her gun. She came up with it, a wild look in her eyes and her hair sticking out in all directions. Pointing the gun at Lenny, she cried, "I have had enough of all of you!"

Before she could fire, Laverne called, "The feeling’s mutual!"

As Lucille started to turn toward her, Laverne swung the lamp she had grabbed off the coffee table base-first into Lucille’s face. Lucille’s feet actually left the ground before she landed on her back with a whoof of escaping air.

As the stunned woman started to turn onto her side to get up again, Shirley jumped on top of her. Tightening her fists, Shirley sent three roundhouse punches into Lucille’s face.

"That’s for trying to steal my husband!" Shirley yelled. "And that one’s for threatening my best friend! And that one’s just because you’re a witch!"

Carmine chuckled a little, in spite of it all. He walked over to Shirley and lifted her off of Lucille. Her fists were still swinging. "Easy, there, tiger," he said, lowering her to her feet. "I think she’s had enough."

Shirley looked down. Lucille lay motionless on the floor, her face a mask of smeared makeup splattered with blood from her nose and mouth. "Oh," said Shirley. She looked down at her reddened knuckles. "Did I do that?"

"You sure did," said Carmine.

"Yeah, with the help of my little slugger," said Lenny. He groaned, struggling to his feet. "You always were a heck of a batter, Laverne."

"Len, are you okay?" she asked, full of concern. Laverne touched his scratched face carefully, then patted his stomach. "Did she hurt you?"

"Naw, I’m tougher than some crazy lady," said Lenny, taking a deep breath.

Laverne threw her arms around Lenny. "Oh, Len, I was so scared! What did you think you were doin’, jumpin’ on Lucille like that? You coulda been shot!"

"He was saving me," said Carmine. He walked over to Lenny, shaking his head in astonishment. "I’d be dead right now if you hadn’t jumped her. That’s two times I owe you for, Lenny." Carmine held out his hand. "Thanks. Again."

"You’re welcome. Again," said Lenny, shaking Carmine’s hand with a smile.

"Okay, everybody. Hands where we can see ‘em."

The two couples froze, then looked over at the door. A police officer was standing there, his gun drawn. Three more officers were in the hallway behind him.

"Uh, oh," said Carmine, raising his hands.

"No, no, Ossifer," said Squiggy, shoving his way into the apartment. "They’re the good guys." He pointed to Mr. Sweeney and Lucille on the floor. "Them’s the perpetrators. Now, do your duty!"

"Oh, Squig," sighed Lenny, relieved. "You called the cops. Good boy!"

"Yeah, yeah, well I figured things might just get out of hand. I see that I was right." He looked around at his friends. "You guys all okay?"

"Just fine, Squig," said Carmine. "Where’s Lucy? I told you to keep an eye on her."

"And I did," said Squiggy, a little defensively. "She’s right here."

Lucy stepped out from behind Squiggy. She watched, wide-eyed, as a police officer hauled her dazed mother to her feet, cuffing her hands behind her back.

"Aw, geeze, Squig!" groaned Carmine, hurrying over to the little girl. He turned the child’s head away. "Don’t look, sweetie. You don’t need to see this."

"Daddy, what’s going on?" asked Lucy, tears running out of her wide, dark brown eyes. "Where are the policemen taking mommy?"

Carmine looked up, helplessly.

Shirley, who had been watching the scene in silence, walked over and offered a gentle smile. She crouched down beside her husband and put a hand on Lucy’s cheek.. "Your mommy just needs a little help. The policeman is going to take her someplace where she can get it. But don’t worry." Shirley glanced over at Carmine, who looked back at her with gratitude. "Because your…your father and I will take care of you while she’s away. Okay?"

Lucy nodded. Shirley stepped back as Carmine picked up the little girl and walked out into the hallway with her. He paused in the doorway, then looked back at his wife.

"Thank you, Shirl," he said softly. "You have no idea…."

"Oh, but I do," said Shirley, looking at him sadly. "I know exactly what this means to you." She turned away and walked over toward her kitchen.

Laverne reached out a hand, touching Shirley lightly on the shoulder as she passed. "Are you okay, Shirl?"

Shirley shook her head a little. "Not right now. But I will be." Then, she managed a little smile. "By the way, was what you told that goon true?"

Laverne shrugged. "I’m not 100% sure yet. But, yeah, probably."

"Then, congratulations." Shirley looked as though she wanted to say something else, but simply shook her head before continuing on into the kitchen.

Laverne and Lenny were left looking at each other.

"Congratulations? For what?" asked Lenny.

Laverne smiled, reached up, and patted his cheek. "I’ll tell ya a little later."

Then, they embraced, silently rejoicing in their own, safe togetherness.

Carmine came downstairs, looking tired. He smiled uncertainly at Shirley.

"Is Lucy asleep?" Shirley asked.

Carmine nodded. "Yeah. She was pretty beat." He went over to the couch and dropped onto it beside Shirley. "You did a good job straightening up the place."

"Yeah, well, it’s going to take a while to get the blood stains off the rug. And that lamp Laverne used like a Louisville Slugger is trash."

"I never liked it much anyway."

They sat together in silence. Carmine was watching Shirley’s expression, trying to read her thoughts.

Finally, he said, "At least I don’t have to go to jail. The cops told me that with everyone’s testimony that Lucille confessed, plus the results of the forensics test on the teacup when they come back, I should be completely cleared."

"That’s nice to know," Shirley said, distantly.

"I’m so sorry, Shirley."

She shook her head. "For what, Carmine? You didn’t sic Lucille on me."

"No. But I didn’t tell you about her threats, either."

"No, no you didn’t. Yet another little news flash you kept from me. Along with the one about you having a child by her."

"Shirl," said Carmine. "I honestly didn’t know…."

"You may not have known for the past nine years, but you sure as shooting knew for the past few weeks!" Shirley cried. "Once again, you chose to keep something major in your life from me, Carmine. Only this time, it just might be one thing too many!" She stood up and turned her back on him.

Heart sinking, Carmine said, "I know I was wrong. But, Shirl, you’ve got to understand! I didn’t want to tell you something so big, something I knew would hurt you so badly, until I knew for a fact that it was true!" He stood up and walked over to his wife, putting his hand on her shoulder.

She shrugged it off, not facing him. "Carmine, you should have told me right away. It isn’t whether or not Lucy is yours that is the issue. It’s the fact that Lucille was back claiming that she was. You should have let me be there for you, helping you through it, figuring out whether or not Lucille was lying! Instead…." She broke off, clearly trying not to cry.

Carmine shook his head. "Instead I did what I always do. What I promised you on our wedding day I wouldn’t do anymore. I kept secrets from you to protect you." He smacked himself on the forehead and said, "I don’t know what’s wrong with me, Shirl! I can’t seem to learn from one mistake to the next."

"You really have no faith in me at all, do you?" asked Shirley, finally turning to face him.

The pain in her eyes was almost more than Carmine could stand. "That’s not it…"

"Then what?" she cried. "What else is there? You assumed that I would go ballistic if you told me you had an illegitimate child by Lucille, didn’t you?"

"Well, was I wrong?"

"No. No, Carmine, you weren’t wrong. It would have made me yell and cry and stamp my feet. But you know what? It wouldn’t have made me leave you."

"Shirl, please don’t say this…."

"Say what?" she asked, bitterly. "Say that I’ve had enough of your lying and keeping secrets? Say that I’m tired of living with a man who only trusts me so far, and no farther? Say that I’m going to leave you because I am tired of waiting for yet another shoe to drop from your messed-up past? Well, I’m sorry, Carmine. Because that’s exactly what I am saying!"

Carmine looked away from her flashing eyes, struggling to find the right words to say to keep his life from falling apart. "Shirley," he said after a moment. "I’m begging you, don’t do this. You’re my whole life, don’t you know that? If you leave me, I…I don’t know what I’ll do. There will be nothing left for me to do, nothing that matters."

"Carmine…"

"No, wait. You had your turn." He took her by the shoulders. "Listen to me, okay? I’m sorry I waited to tell you about Lucy. I was going to do it right away...well, almost right away, but I couldn’t figure out how. Then, the other night when we had Lenny and Laverne over to dinner, when you started arguing with me again about us having a baby? That’s when I decided to tell you, but you wouldn’t listen! You turned it all around to our having kids and by the time I started to steer you back, Lenny and Laverne arrived. Then, Len convinced me to get some proof first, which I was trying to today by confronting Lucille. You know how well that turned out."

He lowered his eyes. "I know I should have handled it differently, and if I’d had an inkling as to what Lucille was planning I would have. But, Shirl, I guess the truth of the matter is that, given the choice between protecting you and hurting you, I’m always going to err on the side of protecting you. Now, if you can’t live with that, I suppose I’ll have to understand and let you go. But I don’t want to, Shirley." He paused, struggling to keep his fear and pain from overwhelming him. "The thought of losing you is killing me inside."

"Oh, Carmine," said Shirley, her tears flowing freely now. "I don’t want to go. But how can we possibly stay together? I need you to be honest with me. You’re telling me that you can’t be. So what else is there to say?"

Carmine raised his eyes, gazing deeply into hers. "I can say that I love you. I can say that I need you like I need air to breathe. Please don’t leave me…." His throat tightened and, for a few moments, he couldn’t get out another word.

When he regained some measure of control, he continued. "Shirley, I haven’t loved too many people in my life. And the few I have all left me, one way or the other. But no one I ever loved and lost before has torn my heart out the way you’re doing right now. I wish Lenny hadn’t stopped Lucille from shooting me today, so I wouldn’t have to feel this."

"Don’t say that!" cried Shirley, aghast. "Don’t you ever say that. The thought of you…of what she almost did…nothing is worse than that! At least, not to me." She reached out, tentatively, to touch his face. "You could be gone, right now, if that bullet hadn’t missed you. Gone forever…" She closed her eyes, then took a deep breath. Then, she softly said, "Okay."

"Okay?" asked Carmine, a little confused. "Okay what?"

"Okay, I won’t leave you," she replied, drying her tears with a tissue she grabbed from the box on the coffee table.

"You mean that?" asked Carmine, afraid to get his hopes up. "Shirl, do you really mean that?"

"I do," she said nodding. "But you hear me, Carmine Ragusa, and you listen up good. I will not be lied to! Not for any reason, not any more."

"Shirl, I told you…."

"I don’t give a fig what you told me!" she interrupted. "You have a hero complex. Get over it! I am not a little china doll you have to keep from breaking. Whatever happens, I can handle it. I think I proved that today when I taught your ex-lunatic a thing or two."

Carmine nodded. "You sure did give her a pummeling."

"That’s right." Shirley took another step closer to him, grabbing him by the collar. "You saw what I did to Lucille today? That’s nothing compared to what I’ll do to you if you ever, ever keep something like this from me again! Got it?"

Carmine raised both hands in a gesture of surrender. "I got it! I promise, I got it!" He put his arms around her and hugged her tightly. "Thank you, Shirl. Thanks for giving me another chance."

"I’m not just doing it for you, you know," she said, pressing her cheek against his chest. "There’s a little girl upstairs that you have legal custody of. Whether or not she’s your daughter, it’s your name on her birth certificate and that means she’s yours, unless someone proves otherwise. And she needs a decent home. A stable home, with a father and a stepmother."

"What are you saying?" asked Carmine, holding Shirley at arm’s length. He looked into her eyes. "Are you telling me that you could actually accept Lucy into our lives, knowing who her mother is?"

Shirley bit her lower lip, but nodded. "It isn’t her fault," she said. "Lucille’s not getting out of jail or the mental hospital or wherever she’s going for a long, long time. The thought of that sweet, innocent girl going to live in some orphanage…."

"I know," said Carmine. "It’s hard for me to imagine, as well." He sighed, glancing up the stairs. "I guess I need to arrange a blood test or something."

"Whatever for?"

"What…well, to figure out if Lucy’s mine, once and for all."

Shirley shook her head. "No, Carmine. I don’t think that’s necessary."

"But Shirl," he countered. "You know as well as I do that Lucille might have lied."

"Carmine, it doesn’t matter," said Shirley. "Whoever her father is by blood doesn’t change the fact that she needs a father now! You really think one of those other boy bimbos Lucille was with nine years ago is going to step up to the challenge?"

"Well, no," he conceded. "Are you sure about this, Shirley? Really sure? I mean, it isn’t like a puppy that we can give back later on. You’re talking about making this child our own."

Shirley gave him a sad little smile. "Yes I am," she said. "And yes, I’m ready to do that."

Carmine looked at his wife. Then, he swept her into his arms and kissed her passionately. She yielded in his arms, clinging to him tightly.

When they finally parted, Carmine said, "Shirley? You still interested in working on a little tap dancer of our own?"

"Don’t say that, Carmine. Not unless you mean it."

"I do mean it," Carmine said. "I want a baby with you. I want another child to call me daddy." He grinned. "I like the sound of it."

"Really?" Shirley’s eyes glowed with excitement. "You’re really, finally ready?"

"Yeah. I really, finally am," he said. He gestured with his head toward the stairs. "Care to give it a go tonight?"

Shirley gave him a knowing look. "You might be able to convince me. You go on up. I’ll be there in a minute."

"Don’t keep me waiting," he said, with a wink. Then he jogged up the stairs, humming a little tune to himself.

As Shirley watched him go, she whispered to herself, "I wonder. Will our children have your eyes, like she does?" Then, she went over to the wall switch and flicked off the light.

Lenny stared at Laverne as though she had grown a second head. "What did you say?"

"Len," said Laverne, carefully. "Do I have to act it out? I. Am. Going. To. Have. A. Baby!"

"Are…are you sure?" he stammered. "I mean…we weren’t even tryin’…"

"Yeah, well we weren’t exactly not tryin’, Len," Laverne reminded him. She smiled uncertainly, rubbing her still-flat stomach. "The doctor says the test will be back in a day or two, but it looks pretty likely. So. What do you think?"

"What do I think? What do I think. I think…oh, my God…I don’t know what to think!" Lenny stood up and began pacing the length of their living room. "It’s all so fast."

Laverne’s smile faded. "You aren’t happy then?"

Lenny paused, turning to face her. His eyes were wide like a deer staring into a set of headlights. His mouth dropped open as he reached for the right response.

Laverne bowed her head. "I guess that’s my answer." She turned away and started over to the stairs.

"No, wait!" called Lenny. "Don’t go. Look, I’m sorry. I was just surprised, is all." He hurried over to his wife and took her hand. "I am happy."

She glanced back at Lenny over her shoulder. "Really?"

"Yeah, really."

"Naw, you’re just sayin’ that."

"I am not! I’m really, really happy. See?" Lenny gave her a broad grin, then pointed to it. "See this? This is my really, really happy face!"

Laverne smiled, relieved. "Oh, thank goodness. I thought…well, I knew it was a big surprise and all…"

"Yeah, it is. But it’s a great surprise." Lenny hugged Laverne close.

"We’re gonna be parents," said Laverne, her voice filled with wonderment. "We’re gonna be a mamma and a pappa! It doesn’t seem real…"

"No," said Lenny, softly, staring at the wall over her shoulder. "It sure doesn’t." He squeezed Laverne a little closer, then released her abruptly. "I’m sorry! Did I squish…anyone?"

Laverne patted her tummy. "I wouldn’t worry just yet. Little he or she is too itty-bitty to squish right now!"

Lenny smiled at her, then hesitantly put his hand against her stomach. "Wow," he said, shaking his head. "A kid, huh?"

"Yeah. Go figure."

Lenny nodded. "Okay. Well, I guess we gotta figure out how to rearrange things. We can put a crib in our room at first, then maybe…I don’t know…close off part of the living room and make it a baby’s room." He looked around the apartment. "Or maybe we should just move again."

"Whoa, whoa, there," said Laverne, with a laugh. "Look, we got about seven months to figure this all out. In the meantime, can’t we just enjoy lookin’ forward to our first child?"

Lenny bent down and kissed Laverne, cradling her face between his hands. He looked deeply into her eyes and said, "You know I love you more than anything or anybody on Earth, right?"

Laverne patted his cheek. "I know. Thanks, Len."

"Thanks? Thanks for what?"

"For this!" She rubbed her tummy again. "Speaking of which, I gotta go call Pop. He’s gonna go crazy…be right back!" Laverne turned and went up the stairs.

Lenny watched her go, smiling until she disappeared from sight. Then, his smile vanished.

He walked over to the sofa and dropped onto it, his hands over his eyes. "Oh, my God, oh, my God," he repeated to himself. "I can’t be a father. I can barely take care of myself and a wife…what am I going to do?"

Lenny thought for awhile, then lowered his hands and nodded, resolutely. "I’m gonna do whatever it takes," he said. "For my wife and for my…my…my baby. Yeah. That’s what I’ll do. Whatever it takes."

Three days later, at the Pizza Bowl Too, Lenny handed one cigar to Squiggy and another one to Carmine. He had a cockeyed grin on his face.

Squiggy looked at it, then said, "I guess this means the doctor called."

Lenny nodded. "He sure did. I’m gonna have me a baby!"

Carmine stood up and shook his hand. "Hey, congratulations buddy! Only…"

"Only what?" asked Lenny, tossing a few cigars to various men sitting in the restaurant.

"Only I think you’re supposed to pass these out after the baby is actually born."

"Ohhhh," said Lenny, pausing. "Right. Well, I’ll just have to get another box in seven months!"

Carmine chuckled, then sat down again. "Does Mr. DeFazio know?"

"Sure, sure," said Lenny. "Laverne called him first thing, well, first thing after she told me of course."

"Of course." Carmine studied the cigar in his hand. "Wow, so I guess we’re both fathers now. Ain’t it funny how things just sort of happen?"

Lenny sat down, slapping the table with his hand. "Amen! So, what are you boys havin’ today?" he asked. "Subs, pizza…whatever, it’s on me!"

"Say, when did you get so richy rich?" asked Squiggy. "You workin’ or somethin’?"

"Well, my father-in-law does own the place," said Lenny. "But, yeah, I’m workin’." He cracked his knuckles and leaned back in his chair. "I got me a job as a security guard down at the warehouse district."

"That’s terrific, Len," said Carmine. "How’d you manage that?"

"Well, Carmine, when word of my heroism in capturing Lucille hit the papers, suddenly people started callin’ me for job interviews. I took this one because I get to say stuff like, ‘Move along, there’ and wear a cool uniform!"

"Sounds perfect for you."

"Yeah, and thanks, by the way. I know it was you that made me sound so good in print."

Carmine shrugged. "It was the least I could do." He turned to Squiggy. "So, Squig. You still in the P.I. business?"

Squiggy nodded. "You betcha! I got me a new client…no one connected to you this time, I promise."

Carmine gave him a look of warning. "Better not be."

"No, no. This one’s on the up-and-up. Some guy lookin’ into where his shipments of Bosco have been disappearin’ to. Seems the cases arrive at his warehouse, but then a bunch go missing."

"Someone’s stealing Bosco?" exclaimed Lenny. "That’s just wrong!"

Squiggy nodded. "The best part is, if I can figure out what’s goin’ on, he’s gonna pay me half in cash and half in Bosco! I’ll be rollin’ in money and sweet Bosco goodness."

"Sounds…interesting, Squig," said Carmine, trying to get the image of Squiggy rolling around in things out of his mind.

"So, how’s the kid?" asked Squiggy. "She doin’ okay with you and Shirl?"

Carmine nodded, an affectionate smile lighting up his face. "Yeah, under the circumstances, she’s doing great. Shirley’s really going all out to make friends with Lucy and I think Lucy really likes her." His expression darkened slightly. "I still don’t know what to tell her about her mother. I’ve kept the papers out of the house and Shirl and I just keep saying that Lucille’s sick and has to go away to get better for a long time…but she’s gonna find out sometime. I don’t know…what do I say then?"

"Say the truth," said Lenny, putting his hand on Carmine’s arm. "Tell her that you love her and you’re not goin’ anywhere. Then tell her that her mother’s problems have nothin’ to do with her."

Carmine looked at Lenny, a little surprised. "You know, every so often, you come out with some amazingly smart things."

"Don’t worry," Lenny reassured him. "It won’t happen too often."

"Anyway," continued Carmine, with a laugh. "It looks like things are finally lookin’ up around here. So, I’d like to propose a toast." He raised his beer mug.

Squiggy and Lenny hoisted their own.

"A toast to what?" asked Squiggy.

"To you guys," said Carmine. "To Len’s new job and new baby, and to Squiggy actually finding a career he’s halfway decent at. You’re almost like real human beings."

"Almost," Squiggy acknowledged.

"What about you, Carmine?" asked Lenny. "You got a few things to be happy about, you know."

"Yeah," said Squiggy. "Like not rotting in a prison cell the rest of your life."

"There’s that," said Carmine. "Also, there’s my incredibly understanding wife and my beautiful new daughter. So, yeah, okay." He raised his glass a little higher. "Here’s to my second chance. I’ve got a shot at having a real family. I just hope nothing else happens to screw it up."

"Amen to that," said Lenny, downing the rest of his beer.

-END-