"Laverne, are you sure you’re okay enough to be goin’ out to dinner?" asked Lenny.
She gave him a wan smile. "Yeah, Len. I’m fine. My stomach’s just a little growly, is all. Besides, you know Shirley’s been cookin’ her little heart out all day."
"Yeah, she really does go all out for these couple’s dinners," said Lenny. "All right, but if you start to feel queasy…"
"I’ll run right upstairs to bed," Laverne promised. She squeezed his hand.
Lenny smiled at his wife, then knocked on the Ragusa’s door.
Ever since the two couples had moved in to two new, vacant apartments in the same building at Laurel Vista, they had made a point of getting together once a week for dinner. Sometimes it was at Laverne and Lenny’s, where the menu was usually pizza delivery and beer. Other times it was at Carmine and Shirley’s, when Shirley would try desperately to put together a meal that wasn’t over or underdone. She was obsessed with perfecting her cooking skills. Unfortunately for Lenny and Laverne, they were her favorite guinea pigs.
Lenny could here arguing on the other side of the door. He glanced at Laverne with concern. "Um, you think this is a bad time?"
Laverne shushed him, then pressed her ear to the door.
"Hey, that ain’t polite," said Lenny. Then he pressed his ear against the door next to her. "What’d I miss?"
"Sh!" said Laverne. "I think they’re fightin’ about kids again…"
Lenny strained to listen. He caught a few snippets.
"…can’t you just stop thinking about babies for five minutes!" Carmine was shouting.
"You…selfish sometimes!" Shirley was yelling back. "Are you worried…father?"
"Leave him out of it! It’s….else!"
"Oh, boy," said Lenny. He stood up.
"Yeah," Laverne agreed. "Hey, maybe we oughta go…"
She broke off, stumbling slightly as the door suddenly opened. Carmine looked out at them, his eyes flashing with barely suppressed anger. "Come in," he snapped, then turned away and stomped back into his apartment.
Laverne and Lenny glanced at each other, then resolutely joined hands and walked in after him. "Hiya, Carmine," said Laverne, uncertainly. "Shirl…"
Shirley looked over at her friend, wiping at her eyes with the back of her hand. She cleared her throat then said in an overly-happy voice, "Oh, Laverne, Leonard, I’m so glad you’re here." Then, she turned away and walked toward the kitchen. "Dinner’s just about ready, so just sit down and make yourselves comfortable." She wrapped her arms around herself, then hurried into the kitchen.
Laverne glanced at Carmine. "Uh, you sure we…"
"Sit," said Carmine, icily. Then, he turned and walked over to stare out the window, arms crossed.
Laverne and Lenny obediently dropped down onto the couch. They looked at each other.
"Can I get you guys a drink?" Carmine offered from the window, his voice shaking. "I know I could use one."
"Um, sure thing, Carmine. You got a beer?"
"Coming right up. How ‘bout you Laverne?"
"No, nothin’ for me, thanks. Carmine, is everything all right?" she asked.
Carmine shook his head. He turned and looked back at his friends, an expression of deep unhappiness on his face. "Nope," he said. Then he sighed. "Not that that’s your fault. I’m sorry, guys." He gave himself a brisk shake and tried to smile. "Look, it’ll be fine. You sure you don’t want nothin’ Laverne? It’s no trouble…"
"Naw, Carmine," said Laverne. "I’m kinda takin’ it easy lately. My tummy’s been bubbly."
"Yeah, I hear ya," he said. "My appetite’s been shot to hell too. I’ll be right back with a cold one, Len." He disappeared into the kitchen.
"Lenny, what do you think’s goin’ on here?" asked Laverne. "It’s not like Carmine and Shirley to be fightin’ like this. Has he said anything to you?"
Lenny shook his head. "Nothin’ except that Shirl’s on a real baby kick and he’s trying to get her to be patient. But I didn’t think it had become such a big deal."
"Aw, geeze, I hope Shirl’s not drivin’ the poor guy nuts," said Laverne. "I know she’s always wanted a baby, but…doesn’t Carmine want kids at all?"
"Oh, yeah sure. At least, I think so." Lenny shrugged. "To tell you the truth, he’s been pretty closemouthed the past coupla days, even at the gym. But I’ve had a feelin’ that somethin’ is really eating at him. Somethin’ more than Shirley’s baby-obsession."
"You should try and find out what it is," suggested Laverne. "Maybe he needs another guy to help him. I’d hate to see him and Shirl break up over this!"
"Aw, no way," Lenny reassured her. "Carmine’s totally devoted to Shirley. Nothin’ would make him break up with her. Unless you’re sayin’ that Shirley…"
"No, no. Of course not," said Laverne. "She adores Carmine. But, you know, he’s had some problems opening up to her in the past. Maybe he needs a little encouraging here, so that they don’t keep hurtin’ each other."
"Maybe you should talk to Shirl about her baby-thing, and I should talk to Carmine about his…whatever-it-is thing."
"Good idea, Len," said Laverne. She leaned over and kissed him on the cheek. "That’s why I love you. You’re always thinkin’."
"Yeah, that’s me," said Lenny, shyly. "Thinking Guy."
Laverne stood up with a groan. "Maybe I’ll get started now." She walked slowly over to the kitchen.
Inside, Laverne saw Shirley banging around pots and pans, sniffling. "Shirl, what’s the matter?" she asked gently.
Shirley shrugged. "Oh, nothing, Vernie. Everything is peachy keen." She looked in the oven, then banged it shut.
"I hope you ain’t makin’ a souffle," Laverne noted. "Come on, Shirl, it’s me. You can tell me anything, you know that."
Shirley sighed. "Oh, Laverne, it’s just…married people stuff. Carmine needs to figure out what he wants already!"
"Are you sure it’s Carmine who needs to figure that out?"
"What do you mean?" demanded Shirley. She stared at Laverne with eyes reddened by recently shed tears. "Are you implying that I am the problem? Because I assure you, I am not!" Shirley banged another pot for emphasis, sending a few peas into the air.
Laverne rolled her eyes. "I’m not implying anything Shirl, I promise. But, you know, you’ve been riding Carmine pretty hard about babies for the past couple months…"
"And just what is wrong with that? When Carmine and I got married, before even, he knew that I wanted a nice, big family. Now, he doesn’t even want to have one little baby, let alone four or five!"
"Four or…geeze, Shirl. You tryin’ to give the guy a heart attack? Besides, you’ve only been married six short months. You’ve got lots of time to have a family, Shirl."
"Now you sound just like Carmine!" cried Shirley. "You know, it isn’t as though he looks at me funny and we instantly have a baby. It takes awhile to even get pregnant, and then nine more months for the baby to arrive…that’s at least a whole year from now! All I want to do is get started!" Shirley hung her head, a tear running down her cheek.
"Aw, Shirl." Laverne walked over to her friend and hugged her, patting her back. "Why are you so sad? Really?"
"Because I don’t think Carmine wants children at all," she sobbed. "Vernie, you know a little about his past…"
"Yeah, well, just the little I remember my Pop talkin’ about in high school. Lenny told me a few more things…not too much, you know. Len’s good at keeping friend’s confidences. But I know Carmine’s father’s an S.O.B."
"That’s right," said Shirley. "Well, it’s more than that. Between you and me, Carmine’s father was very abusive. To his mother, mostly, but to Carmine, too. I think Carmine’s afraid that he’ll do the same and so he’s afraid to become a father."
"Carmine would never, ever hit a kid," said Laverne. "How can you even think…"
"I don’t!" Shirley insisted, looking up at Laverne. "Oh, Vernie, I know he would never do anything so horrible! I just don’t think he knows it, and he won’t believe me when I tell him. Lately…" Shirley bit her lip and looked away.
"What lately?" asked Laverne. "Come on, Shirl. Let it all out."
Shirley nodded. "Lately, just over the past week, Carmine’s been getting so angry whenever I mention anything about starting a family. I mean, before he would just laugh it off or give me some reasons why not, but now? He flies off the handle and starts yelling that I don’t know what I’m talking about! He’s so…distant and mad and…well, sad, too. I don’t know what’s changed, but at this point we can’t even talk about having a family. So, how are we supposed to start one?"
Laverne sighed. "Wow, Shirl. This is a lot. I wish I had an easy answer for you, but I just…don’t." She rubbed her stomach and groaned a little.
"Vernie? You feeling okay?"
"Who, me? Oh, sure. Just hungry or somethin’."
"Well, dinner will be ready in a few minutes," said Shirley, turning back to her oven. "You know, Laverne, you’ve had this tummy ache for awhile now."
"Yeah, I know, but it’s getting better," Laverne reassured her.
"Still, you should really see a doctor," cautioned Shirley. "You remember my Aunt Cynthia? She had a stomachache for a month and did nothing about it, then when she finally went to the doctor, he found a tumor the size of a Pomeranian!"
"Gee, what a happy thought," said Laverne. She gulped. "Okay, I promise, I’ll go see the doctor."
"Tomorrow, Laverne. You’ve waited long enough."
"Soon, soon," said Laverne. "But first, you gotta promise me something."
"What is it?"
"Promise me you’ll back off the baby talk with Carmine," said Laverne.
Shirley whirled around to face her. As she opened her mouth, Laverne held up her right hand. "Shirl, if you don’t want to drive Carmine right out the front door, you’ve gotta give the guy some space. Whatever is eating at him obviously has to do with having a kid. Drop it for a few days, at least until my husband has a chance to talk to him."
Shirley looked thoughtful. "Lenny’s going to talk to Carmine?"
"Yeah. Maybe Len can get Carmine to open up about what’s botherin’ him and then, when he feels better, he’ll be ready to talk babies again with you."
Shirley nodded. "Okay. You know, I have to admit, it used to bother me that Carmine felt like he could tell stuff to Lenny that he had trouble telling me. But, at this point, I’m stymied. If Lenny can get through to him, then so be it. He has my blessing."
"Well, I’m glad you don’t mind," said Laverne. "Because I think Len’s talking to him right now."
Lenny took the beer that Carmine handed him. "Thanks, Carmine. Hey, wanna drink this outside?" he suggested.
Carmine shrugged. "Whatever. Shirl won’t be done burning dinner for another twenty minutes or so."
They walked outside. Lenny stared out at the sun setting in the distance. "Nice night."
"Yeah."
"Carmine, what’s eatin’ you?" asked Lenny.
"Who says anything’s eating me, Len?"
"Your face," Lenny replied. "You look like someone shot your dog."
Carmine looked up at the darkening sky. "Oh, Len," he said, softly. "I’ve got a really, really big problem. And it’s not gonna go away, no matter how much I talk about it. So, what’s the point?"
"Well, I dunno," said Lenny. "Maybe it won’t make the problem go away, but it might make you feel a little better."
Carmine looked over at the tall, blond man. "I guess it couldn’t hurt. But you have to keep this between us. Really between us, Len. That means, you say nothing to Laverne or especially Shirley. I know that isn’t fair of me to ask, to keep something from your wife, so if you don’t want me to go on…"
Lenny thought it over. "No, that’s okay," he said. "I think she’d want us to talk more than she’d want me to tell her what you say. So, spill it."
"Lenny…oh, geeze. I don’t even know how to say this to you. How am I supposed to say it to my wife?" Carmine pressed a hand against his forehead.
"Try just sayin’ it, real fast, before your brain notices," suggested Lenny. "That usually works for me."
Carmine gave him a strange look, then took a deep breath and said, "Len, I just found out that I have a nine year old daughter by another woman."
Lenny looked at Carmine. His mouth dropped open.
Carmine shifted his weight from foot to foot a few times, before finally saying, "You better close that, Len, before somethin’ flies in."
"Huh?" said Lenny, dumbfounded. "Oh!" He closed his mouth. Then, he said, "Carmine, did you just say what I think you just said?"
"If you think I just said that I have a child by another woman, then yes. Yes I did."
"Whoa." Lenny leaned back against a nearby tree. "Holy Moses, Carmine. That’s…geeze, no wonder you look so…so…"
"Shocked? Confused? Like a horse kicked me in the gut? That’s pretty much how I feel, too. But, wait. There’s more."
"More? You got more kids?" Lenny boggled at him.
Carmine rolled his eyes. "No, Len. Just the one. But it’s who the one’s mother is…that’s the problem."
"Who is it?" asked Lenny, eagerly. "Do I know her?"
"You did," said Carmine. He took another breath, then said, "It’s Lucille. Lucille Lockwash. Except it’s Martin now, or something."
"Lucille…Lucille…" Lenny scratched his head. Then, he gasped. "That hot blonde divorced chick you used to boink?"
Carmine cringed. "Yeah, her. Although I could do without the boink reference."
"Well, Carmine, it’s apparently accurate. Wow, Lucille, huh?" Lenny narrowed his eyes a little. "How long have you known about this, anyway?"
"I just found out, Len, I swear! I had no idea…" Carmine shook his head. "I can’t even imagine how it happened."
"Well, Carmine, when a man and a woman love each other very much," Lenny began to recite.
"Ugh, Len, I know that! What I mean is, I wasn’t stupid back then. Well, maybe a little stupid in who I did it with, but I used protection."
"All the time?" asked Lenny.
Carmine thought about it. "I think so. I mean, I tried to. Aw, Len…the point is that she got pregnant and it’s my fault, but she kept the baby from me until now. Now, she’s got this weird notion that telling me the truth means I should dump Shirley and run back to her and we can all be a happy little family."
"Are you sure about that?" asked Lenny, slowly.
"Huh? Sure about what?"
"Are you sure it’s your fault?" asked Lenny. "I mean, I remember Lucille now, Carmine. She wasn’t exactly the one man sort of gal, if you know what I mean."
"I know," said Carmine. "But, Len, this girl…Lucy is her name, by the way…she’s got my eyes." Carmine looked at his shoes, a sad smile on his face. "And when I look at her, or talk to her, I feel…I don’t know. All squishy inside. She calls me daddy, you know." Carmine smile faded. "Not in front of anyone else, she calls me Mr. Ragusa when other people are around. But when we’re alone? She calls me daddy and it makes me feel…" He shook his head. "I can’t even describe it."
Lenny put his hand on Carmine’s shoulder. "I’m sorry about all this," he said, sympathetically. "But, frankly, feelin’ squishy doesn’t sound like proof to me."
"Here’s the kicker," said Carmine, as though he hadn’t heard him. "Lucille’s been threatening to tell Shirley if I don’t up and leave her. Only not just tell her, but tell her like I knew all along, like I’ve been having this secret relationship with Lucille all these years and keeping it to myself."
"Hey, that ain’t right," said Lenny. "You can’t let her do that."
"Of course not! Dammit, Lenny, what am I supposed to do here?" Carmine started to pace. "If I tell Shirley, she’s gonna be outraged. But what’s worse, she’s gonna talk to Lucille. And Lucille’s gonna make it all worse. And if I don’t tell her, not only will Lucille track Shirl down and lie to her anyway, but Shirley will believe it all the more because I kept it to myself! Either way, I’m screwed."
"Yes, you are," said Lenny, nodding.
"I’d just take Shirl and run, leave the state, except I can’t do that to Lucy. So, I’ve been stalling Lucille for the past few days, trying desperately to come up with a solution that doesn’t exist." Carmine threw his hands up in the air.
"Wow. I’m totally out of my league here, Carmine," said Lenny, finally. "But I’m gonna make a suggestion anyway, if you don’t mind."
"Mind? I’ll kiss you if it works!"
"That won’t be necessary," said Lenny. "Carmine, before you do anything, get some proof that this kid is yours."
"But, Len, I told you…"
"Wait a minute! I ain’t done suggesting yet."
"Okay, sorry. Go ahead."
"Get some proof, real proof, before you blow Shirl out of the water. Lucille sounds like she’s gone a little loopy and maybe she’s just tellin’ you all this to break you and Shirl up."
Carmine thought it over. "You think?"
"Could be. After all, she tracks you down after, what, nine years and springs this on you…why now? All of a sudden, she decides she’s gotta have you and conveniently, she produces a child that she says is yours? Sounds fishy to me."
"I guess," said Carmine, unconvinced.
"How’d she find you, anyway?"
Carmine shrugged. "I don’t know. Maybe she hired someone."
Lenny looked at Carmine. Then, a strange look came over his face. "When did she track you down? How long ago?"
"Oh, a few weeks back. She sent Lucy to my tap class and that’s how it started. Why?"
"Nothin’," said Lenny, getting a little angry himself. "Never mind. You got enough to deal with. Anyway, go see Lucille and demand yourself some proof. If she’s got it, then you gotta tell Shirley yourself, before Lucille gets to her. If Shirley loves you like I know she does, she’ll believe you no matter what Lucille says after that. But if you wait and Lucille gets to her first…"
"That would be a bad thing," said Carmine, nodding.
"Very," said Lenny. "You probably don’t have much more time, either."
"No I don’t," Carmine admitted. "Lucy told me the other day that her mother said we’re gonna be a family someday soon. That ain’t right, Len, her getting the kid’s hopes up like that. Whatever else, this isn’t Lucy’s fault. I’ve got to protect her feelings."
Carmine nodded, resolutely. "I’ll go see Lucille first thing tomorrow. If she has proof, I’ll go from there. And if she doesn’t…"
"Then you don’t have anything to worry about, except a crazy, lying ex-girlfriend."
"That I can handle," said Carmine, starting to look a little more confident. "Hey, thanks Len."
"For what? I didn’t do nothin’."
"Yeah, yeah you did." Carmine slapped him on the shoulder. "You gave me somewhere to start. And that’s more than I had before we came out here. Speakin’ of which we ought to get back inside, before Shirley and Laverne notice we left."
"Laverne knows," said Lenny, rubbing his shoulder a little. "She kinda pointed me in your direction while she had a chat with Shirl. She’s gonna try and get Shirl to lay off you about babies for a little while."
"That’d be a help," said Carmine. "You know, you two are pretty great friends. Shirl and I are lucky to have you." He grinned. "And, as a reward, my wife is going to poison you with questionably cooked meatloaf!"
"Sounds great," said Lenny, nervously.
As the two men walked back inside, Lenny added to himself, I got another friend I have to have a little talk with real, real soon. Only, he ain’t gonna like it half as much!
The next afternoon, Squiggy was sitting with Rhonda at the Pizza Bowl Too, when Lenny came marching in.
"Hey, Len," said Squiggy. "I’m glad to see you…"
Before he could finish, Lenny grabbed Squiggy by the collar and hoisted the smaller man into the air. "What the hell is wrong with you?" he demanded, eyes blazing.
Rhonda stood up, startled. "Lenny, what do you think…"
"Excuse me, Rhonda," said Lenny, his voice flinty. "I gotta talk to Squig for a minute."
Rhonda looked over at Squiggy, "Andy, what should I do?"
"You should do like the man says and excuse us," said Squiggy, gasping a little. "I’ll call ya later."
She nodded. "All right, then. I’ll let you two boys…talk." She picked up her purse and left.
"So, Len," said Squiggy, wheezing. "Somethin’ on your mind?"
Lenny lowered Squiggy to the ground, but kept his hands on his collar. "You sneaky…that client of yours, that was Lucille Lockwash, wasn’t it? And the guy you tracked down was Carmine! Admit it!"
"Yeah, so?" said Squiggy. "I told ya he was easy to find. What’s the big deal?"
"What’s the big deal? The big deal is, you totally screwed up Carmine’s life and you didn’t even warn him! What the hell kind of a friend are you?"
"Hey, wait a minute!" said Squiggy, indignantly. He tugged his shirt free of Lenny’s hands and took a deep breath. "How did Lucille finding Carmine screw up his whole life? She said she just wanted to give him a piece of her mind, is all. Carmine can handle that."
"That ain’t what she gave him, Squig!" shouted Lenny. Then, he glanced around the restaurant at the other patrons watching them.
"Come over here," Lenny ordered, grabbing Squiggy by the arm. He dragged his buddy across the room to a more private corner, then pushed him against the wall.
"Quit shovin’ me!" cried Squiggy, pushing Lenny back with no effect. "Why are you so ticked off?"
"Because! I can’t believe you’d screw over a friend of ours for a coupla bucks! You know what Lucille threw at Carmine?"
"She threw somethin’ at him? What, a brick?"
"No, you numbskull! She told him that she had a kid! His kid! On top of that, she threatened to break him and Shirley up if he didn’t leave Shirley first and come back to her!"
"Hold on," said Squiggy, raising his hands in a gesture of surrender. "Len, I didn’t know any of that…she never said nothin’ about a kid or breakin’ his marriage up or nothin’. She told me that she saw my ad and remembered who I was, and figured I might know where she could find Carmine so she could yell at him for dumpin’ her all those years ago. That was it!"
"Still," said Lenny, "It was a pretty lousy thing to do. Why didn’t you warn Carmine that Lucille was lookin’ for him?"
"I couldn’t! It was private eye-client privilege! Besides, I was gonna tell him this latest thing…well, I probably was. At least, I was gonna tell you."
Lenny turned concerned. "What latest thing, Squig?"
Squiggy cleared his throat. "Lucille’s husband. I told him that Lucille had Carmine over to the house the other day."
"You what? Squiggy…"
"Yeah, well, he didn’t care for that," said Squiggy, staring at the floor. "He didn’t care for it at all. He started tossin’ around threats and it made me kinda nervous."
Lenny felt his heart sink. "This guy, Squig. What kinda threats was he makin’, exactly?"
Squiggy shrugged, still not looking at Lenny. "You know, the usual. I’m gonna kill the so-and-so…"
"What? Squiggy, oh, my God!"
"Yeah, well, normally I’d just figure it was a guy blowin’ off steam. Except I found out a little more about who this guy is and now…I ain’t so sure."
"Who is he, Squiggy?" Lenny demanded.
Squiggy finally looked up at Lenny, a guilty expression on his face. "Well, he goes by the name John Martin, but that ain’t his real name. I did a little checkin’ around, and I found out it’s Martino. Johnny Martino."
Lenny thought about this. "Johnny Martino? I heard that name before. Where was it…Johnny…wait a minute. Not the guy from the newspaper…"
Squiggy nodded. "Yeah. The L.A. Enforcer. That’s him."
Lenny took a few steps backward, then grabbed a chair behind him and sat down on it. Hard. "Oh, Lordy," he breathed. "Squig, he’s a hit man! No one’s nailed him yet, but everyone knows it. And he knows who Carmine is?"
"And that his wife wants to run off with him. Yeah. Thanks to me." Squiggy walked over to the other chair and dropped into it, looking dejected. "So, you don’t gotta be mad at me for ruining Carmine’s marriage no more. Instead, you can be mad at me for getting him killed."
Lenny covered his face with his hands. "Oh, Squig," he mumbled through his fingers. "This is so, so bad. This is the worst bad I can imagine." He looked up. "We gotta do something to fix it."
"Fix it?" asked Squiggy, incredulously. "Other than makin’ myself available to the widow Ragusa as a second husband, what do you suggest?"
Lenny reached over and smacked Squiggy upside the head.
"Ow!"
"Somethin’ my father-in-law taught me," said Lenny. "You moron, what have you done?" He took a deep breath and closed his eyes for a moment.
When he opened them again, they were filled with determination. "We’re not gonna sit back and let Carmine get killed by some hit man, especially when it ain’t Carmine who’s after Lucille, it’s vice-versa. So, what are we gonna do about it, private dick?"
"I…well…" Squiggy looked up at the ceiling. He squinted his eyes. Then, he looked back at Lenny. "Sorry. I got nothin’."
"Well, fortunately for Carmine, I don’t have nothin’," said Lenny. He grabbed Squiggy by the arm and yanked him to his feet. "Come on."
"Where we goin?" asked Squiggy, as he was tugged toward the door.
"To Martino’s house. I assume you know the way?"
"Are you crazy?" demanded Squiggy, pulling his arm away from Lenny.
Lenny grabbed Squiggy by the front of the shirt again, and said angrily right in his face, "Look, Carmine is at Martino’s right now, talkin’ to Lucille. That means, if her husband is around, he’s gonna get himself shot or worse. We’re not gonna let that happen, got it? Now, take me there!"
Squiggy looked up at Lenny, wide-eyed. "Geeze, Len, no need to be so forceful." He pulled his shirt away from Lenny, then followed him outside. "I’ll show you where to go. But what do you expect to do once we get there?"
Lenny paused. "I don’t know," he confessed. "I’ll figure it out as we go along."
"Oh, great plan," muttered Squiggy as they went over to his car. "That should work perfectly."
It took a little while, but Carmine was able to remember the way to Lucille’s house. He had paid attention to the street signs and landmarks when he stared out the window of the limousine last time.
Once he got to the gate, he rolled down his window and said to the large guards, "I’m here to see Mrs. Martin. Can you call up and tell her Carmine Ragusa…"
"She’s expecting you, sir," said one of the guards. "I’ll buzz you in."
"Thanks," said Carmine, rolling up his window again. "Expecting me?" he asked himself. "I didn’t even know I was coming until last night. What did she do, tell all her guys to just let me in whenever I show up? Pretty big assumption on her part that I’d come back…"
He drove up to the house. One of the suits in front of the house opened his car door. "Right this way, Mr…"
"Yeah, I remember," said Carmine, a little irritably. All these overly polite bouncer types were giving him the creeps. He locked his car door, then made a show of pocketing the keys before going up the front steps.
He barely had a chance to knock when the door opened. It was Lucy, who beamed up at him.
"Hiya, daddy," she said. "I’m just going over to my friend Sally’s for lunch, so I’ll see you later, okay?"
"Lunch?" asked Carmine. He watched her skip down the stairs. "Hey, don’t you go to school?"
She looked back at him over her shoulder. "Private tutors," she explained, then hopped into the limo with Mr. Cerullo.
Carmine watched as the burly driver closed the rear door, then walked around to the driver’s side. "Hey, buddy!" Carmine called.
"Yes, Mr. Ragusa?" asked Cerullo, in a cold, soft voice.
"Drive carefully with her, all right?"
"I always do. Sir." He slid into his seat and drove away.
"Yeah, well be extra careful," Carmine muttered. He walked into the foyer and called, "Lucille? Hey, Lucille, you here?"
"Well, well, well," she said, appearing behind him.
He jumped a little. "Wh…hi. Sorry, didn’t see you back there."
"I was in the recreation room," she explained, gesturing to the large, open room on the left. "I’m so glad to see you again. I was starting to get impatient."
"Yeah, I’ll bet." Carmine followed Lucille into the parlor. "Lucille, we gotta talk about all this."
"Why don’t you sit down?" she asked, very composed. "I’ll have Anthony bring us some tea. Anthony?"
Anthony the butler nodded and headed into another room.
"I don’t need…aw, forget it. Look, Lucille," said Carmine. "We gotta get a few things straight over here. I need to be sure, absolutely sure, that what you told me about Lucy is true."
"You mean, that she’s your child?" asked Lucille. She reached into the drawer of an end table next to the sofa. "I thought you might ask me that. So I took the liberty of making this available." She handed Carmine an envelope.
He opened it, then took out a piece of paper. It was a birth certificate. It was stamped with an official looking stamp from Milwaukee and, as he scanned it, he saw the entries under mother and father. Lucille Lockwash was listed as the mother.
And Carmine Ragusa as the father.
He gulped a little, then handed it back to Lucille. "Well, this doesn’t exactly prove anything," said Carmine, hesitantly. "I mean, that just means you told the hospital I was the father."
"You are her father," Lucille insisted. "In every way that counts."
"All that counts to me is biology, Lucille," said Carmine.
She sighed, as Anthony returned with a pot of tea and two cups. He handed one to Carmine, who shook his head. "No, thanks. Look…"
"Oh, come on, Carmine," said Lucille, taking her cup. "It isn’t poison. Just have a civilized cup of tea with me so we can talk this out." She nodded, and Anthony poured a little from the pot into their cups. Lucille took a sip.
He rolled his eyes. "Fine. Thanks, Anthony." He took the teacup and stared into it.
"Carmine, if you want a blood test or something, that’s fine," said Lucille. "I know you are Lucy’s father. I have nothing to hide."
Carmine took a sip of tea. She’s sounding a lot less wacky this time, he noted. That’s got to be good. At the same time, it also means she must be pretty sure Lucy’s mine.
"All right," Carmine decided. "Let’s do a blood test. If Lucy’s mine, like you say, then I’ll go to Shirley right after that and tell her everything."
"Then you’ll leave her?" asked Lucille, her eyes lighting up. "You’ll come back to me?"
"I didn’t say that," said Carmine. "I said I’ll tell her about Lucy. But I’m not leaving Shirley for anything or anybody. Now, if you don’t want me around Lucy because of that, then I’ll get a lawyer and fight to visit her. But I’d rather not."
Mostly because I know I’ll lose, Carmine thought. There was no way he could afford a court battle like Lucille could. But he was hoping she wouldn’t call his bluff.
She smiled at him, a little sadly. "Oh, Carmine. I really hoped it wouldn’t come to this. Sugar?"
"It doesn’t have to," Carmine insisted. He watched as Lucille spooned some sugar into his teacup and gave it a little stir.
"Thanks." He drank most of the tea and set down the cup. "Lucille, all I’m asking is to be a little part of Lucy’s life. Just visit her, get to know her, take her to a ball game…stuff like that. You’re married and I’m married…"
"…not happily," said Lucille. "Not to the right people."
"Speak for yourself," said Carmine. "I am happy and I am with the right person. But that doesn’t mean we have to be enemies." He shrugged and smiled at her. "Lucille, we got along pretty good once upon a time. Can’t we do that again, for Lucy’s sake?"
Lucille pressed her lips together. She glanced at the foyer and nodded to someone Carmine couldn’t see.
"What?" he asked.
"Nothing," said Lucille, with a little sigh.
His heart started to pound a little bit. "That isn’t your husband, is it? How much does he know about all this anyway?"
"Who, Johnny? Oh, nothing," she laughed, a little nervously. "Johnny wouldn’t really understand. But he’s away right now…he’s away a lot on business…so it’s just me and my employees here today."
Relieved, Carmine sat back on the sofa. His heart still felt like it was pounding a little harder than usual. "Oh, good. I wouldn’t want to get into a fight with a jealous husband for no reason."
"Is there really no reason for him to be jealous, Carmine?" Lucille asked, batting her eyelashes at him. "None at all?"
"No, Lucille," said Carmine., his voice cracking a bit. He cleared his throat. "Sorry, what was I saying? Oh, right. No, Lucille, there’s no reason for him to be jealous. Whatever we used to be, we aren’t anymore. All we have between us now is Lucy."
"So," said Lucille, looking disappointed. "That’s it, then? That’s your final word on the subject of our future?"
"We…we don’t have a future…Lucille," said Carmine. He shook his head, then blinked at her. "I…I’m sorry. I’m feeling a little strange…"
"Don’t worry about it," she said, reassuringly. She reached out her hand and touched his face, gently. "Carmine, I hope you’ll understand why all this was necessary someday."
"I…what?" asked Carmine. Lucille’s voice sounded odd to him, like it was echoing down a tunnel. He tried to get her face to come back into focus, but it was getting more and more blurry. As was the rest of the room.
"What did you do?" Carmine managed to ask. He leaned his head back against the sofa, trying to stop things from spinning around. Then, he closed his eyes.
***
Lucille watched Carmine for a moment. Then, she stood up, straightened her skirt, and walked into the foyer. "We’re ready," she said to one of her large bodyguards.
"Are you sure about this, ma’am?" he asked.
She glanced back into the parlor, then looked back at him and nodded. "Yes. I’m certain. He’ll be here in about ten minutes. After that, you’ll have about an hour to clean up."
"Yes, ma’am." He picked up a walkie-talkie then said into it, "We’re a go, guys. Keep an eye out, he should be here in ten."
Lucille nodded, dismissively. Then she walked back into the parlor and sat down next to the young man now sleeping on the couch.
"I’m sorry about this," she said, stroking Carmine’s face, gently. "But you’ve really left me no choice." She gave him a final, sad look, then reached into the end table drawer and took out a gun.