Title: Lenny Drabbles
Author: Emily L., Missy
Email: lavennyfic@gmail.com (Emily L), lasfic@yahoo.com (Missy)
Category: Drama/SOL

Rating: R (adult themes/content/language)

Het/Gen/Bi: Het

Parts: 1/1

Spoilers: None.

Disclaimer: None of these characters belong to me, they belong to Paramount. Don’t sue me - I might cry.
Pairing: LDF/LK
Distribution: EMILY: I’m keeping my fic on here for now. E-mail me if you have any requests.  MISSY: Please email me if you’d like to archive.

Authors Notes: For Lenny Month.

Setting: Milwaukee/California
Summary: Lenny’s life in drabbles

***

He’s never told anyone this, but he automatically scans every room he enters for the tallest woman in the crowd.  If she’s blonde and over twenty, he desperately tries to make eye contact – if her eyes are blue his heart starts to beat beat beat the way it does when he’s at a fireworks show.  But every time he’s left out in the cold, every time denied the closure of seeing her one last time and letting her know he was alive and doing okay.

He hates it.  He wishes he could stop.

***

Before they met, Andrew Squiggman was a sort of urban legend to young Lenny.  The other boys on the playground whispered about this “Squiggy” who collected moths and collects toenails.  All of the other boys seemed a little disgusted by this character, but Lenny thought knowing someone like that would be keen.

Besides, the other boys on the playground liked to beat Lenny up.

He was in the middle of such a fight - Stu Tennerman had mugged him for his lunch money and had pinned him against the wall while applying an Indian burn- when he heard someone say “Leave him alone.”

Stu let go and stepped back, and there was a dark-haired, dark-eyed boy glaring malevolently at them both.  “Let go of him,” Squiggy said, stepping forward.

“What’s it to you, Squiggy?” whined Stu, who backed up a little bit, still clearly afraid of the dark-eyed boy.

“Lenny’s my friend,” he said, though he and Lenny had never shared words before this day.  “Sos when you mess with him, you mess with me.  Got it?”  he stepped forward.

“Sure, freak,” Stu grunted, tossing Lenny to Squiggy’s feet.

Injured and shocked into silence, Lenny didn’t say anything until he felt two hands haul him to his feet. 

“Thanks,” he finally gasped out.

“I woulda done it for any other hopeless bug,” Squiggy shrugged.     When he started to walk away, Lenny followed.

“Hey!” he cried, “you wanna hang out?”

“Sure.  What do you like to do?”

“I read comics,” Lenny admitted.

“Which kind?”

“Black Scorpion,” he confessed.

"Do you got #12?"

"Uh huh."

"Will you let me borrow it?"

"Sure!"

“Len,” Squiggy said, wrapping his arm around his new friend’s shoulder,  “I think we’re gonna get along just fine…”

***

The first time he was seventeen and it was the summer after senior year.   Her name was Mary Farmer and she was a skinny brunette with steamy grey eyes and full breasts that had given her a reputation all the way back in junior high.  He had been chasing after Laverne DeFazio since they were thirteen but she still wasn’t interested, and he wasn’t planning on being a monk or anything.   Besides, he needed to get  good at it for her…

Mary was different – she always came to school dressed like she had a part in a Lana Turner movie, all  elegant and sophisticated.  He knew for a fact she had been with Squiggy, and probably half the football team.  He didn’t pick her out because she put out but because she was so nice to him.  None of the other girls were ever really nice except for Laverne and Shirley, and even they yelled at him. 

Mary never yelled.

He took her to ‘The Boneyard’ a section of barren woods behind Filmore’s practice field where everyone too poor to own a car went to lose their virginity.  There were stained mattresses and other couples in various stages of coitus all around them in the silvery moonlight.  She seemed unphased and shrugged, sitting down and pulling him on top of her.  He briefly noticed that there were bruises dotting her body, then he noticed nothing but his dick and what he had slipped it into.  In the act she was placid and warm but emotionless;  he lasted a minute or less.  Mary was kind and forgiving – even put up a great show of pretending to like it – then they split a bottle of Cheer Wine.  He talked about his lost mother, his overworked father, his gutter-level apartment in the bad section of East Westward Street, his pretty sister who gave him no shortage of problems.  She stayed quiet, so he talked about Squiggy, and even Laverne, the real obsession of his body.  Eventually he stopped trying to get Mary to talk and they sat together, listening to the crickets chirp as the other couples moaned and called out to each other. 

As the moon began to set and the other couples stumbled back to their cars, Lenny began to feel guilty about their tawdry surroundings.  So he scribbled his number on an old matchbook and said he’d like to take her out on a real date.   Her eyes were tear-filled as she declined.

A year later he read in the Milwaukee Herald that she had shot her abusive father before hanging herself among those very same pines.

***

He really had been afraid that he’d live his life an unemployed man.  Sure, Squiggy had a lot of great ideas, and one of them was going to make the two of them rich some day, but in the meantime he had to eat. 

As it stood, he had two choices:  janitorial work or truck driving, and while he wouldn’t mind the later the former paid more.

The interview had been excruciating – no experience, been driving since sixteen,  got his commercial trucker’s license last week, never had non-school experience with a long hauler.  The driving portion had been easier- it didn’t involve talking.

Squiggy, as usual, was calm, cool and collected.  Of course he was sure they’d hire him – he was Squiggy!  And of course they’d hire Lenny, too – they were always in need of someone dependable like Lenny, some willing happy sap…

“Lenny, don’t pace by the phone,” his sister’s voice cut through the still summer evening.

“Sorry – I’m…”

She smiled and petted his head.  “D’you forget I’ve known you since you were born?” she handed him a tall glass of lemonade and a dish of pudding.  Lenny sat down on her sofa and spooned the pudding into his mouth.

Glancing sideways, he saw Alice watching.  His sister was an eager, lovely girl – with blue eyes like his and long, white limbs.  He often thought of her as a fairy princess but treated her as anything but.  “What?”

“I remember when you were six and spent your time running around painting dirty words on cats.  Now look at you,” she sniffled.

“Aww geez,” he moaned, knowing her tears would set off his.

“My little Lenny,” she crooned, playing with his ducktail, “all grown up and ready to go out into the world.”

“Yeah,” he chuckled.  “Who woulda thought?  I was gettin scared I was gonna be stuck working at Joe’s store forever…” he didn’t mean to speak badly of his brother-in-law, but the man was a harsh taskmaster.

“Stop it!  You’re somethin’ special,” she scolded, “One day you’re gonna get out of this town and make it.”  He snorted and she punched his shoulder.  “I’m gonna miss you,” she added. “When you go.”

This was the first time she’d ever suggested he would leave the nest.  “I won’t be that far away,” he comforted.

She squeezed his arm before getting up.  “You’re a good brother, and you’re a good worker,” she told him.

He had sunk into a lemonade-based stupor when the phone rang.

***

His first morning at work was a  difficult one. The gray-violet jumpsuit he wore was too small for his lanky frame, and he backed over eight crates of beer that he had to pay for out of his own empty, lint-filled pocket.

Squiggy tried to make it with the hairy girl from the hops department in the break room and Lenny mistook the ladies room for the mens, resulting in deaf ears and a bloody shin.

But it was all worth it when he saw her at lunch time.

Because suddenly, the embarrassing wet spot on his fly from washing the truck didn't matter at all once he saw her green eyes twinkling in his direction.

Working at Shotz wasn't going to be too bad after all.

“Where's my brown towel?!”

“I took it down with the laundry, Squig. 'sides, wasn't that towel yellow anyways?”

“Darn it! I wanted to see how long it'd take to turn black! You owe me, Kosnowski.”

“I'm always owing you. Alright – if it'll make ya happy, I'll make you that ketchup and Fig Newton dessert you love.”

“Smother it in sauerkraut and you've got yourself a deal!”

“Gladly. Okay – I'm goin' back down to the laundry room. Laverne should be down there by now.”

“Ooooh – the object of your erections! If I had a nickel for every time you said that woman's name...”

“You're just jealous that you don't got a steady girl like me!”

“Since when was you paired up with her? If my head serves me right, she's had her eye on that cashier at the Five and Dime. She keeps goin' window shoppin' there – fortunately for him, she ends up pressin' her chest up all against the windows and givin' him a real show-”

“Shut up! Laverne doesn't do that! And so what if she goes to the Five and Dime a lot? She buys that real nice perfume there...”

“Blech – you make me stink! Now if you'd kindly leave the apartment, I have to get ready to entertain a lovely lady myself. Her name is Beatrice and she's interested in my moth collection, if you know what I mean...”

“No... I don't. But am I gonna have to sleep in the gutter again tonight or are you gonna let me in once you're finished with her?”

“Of course you don't have to sleep in the gutter! Sleep on the bench in Phister Park – there's a great view of Milwaukee Mental Institution! Maybe you'd  get to see them givin' one of them crazies the shock treatment through the window!”

“Whatever you say Squig... I'm goin' now...”

“Have fun watching the underwear spin! If you can, try grabbin' that blue number that Shirley wears for me...”

He walked down the four flights of stairs to the basement, trying to block out the fact that Squiggy knew what kind of underwear Shirley wore, and wishing with all his might that Laverne would be down there doing her laundry. They hadn't had much time alone lately, and he tried his best to schedule his daily chores around hers.

When he reached the laundry room, he saw that she was already there, dressed in navy slacks and a white sweatshirt, but still looking beautiful. Once his eyes left her rear end, he noticed that she was folding his laundry for him. He blushed when he saw her looking at his boxers. She turned around to see him standing stock still behind her. She jumped, not knowing he had been there.

“Geez, Len, ya scared me!” she giggled questionably, “and where do you get under shorts with green stripes like these?”

“I...” he said, not knowing what to say. She winked and tossed them onto the pile with his other clothes. He grinned smugly at her, knowing that he never had to explain anything to her.

She was the only woman besides his sister that loved him for who he was.

Not even his own mother could do that.

“So I guess this is goodbye, huh?” she questioned, avoiding the glare of the hot California sun. He gave her a forlorn look when he saw her chin quiver as she rocked backwards against the ice cream truck. He stroked her coiffed blonde hair, still almost unrecognizable to him in comparison to the careless hairstyle she usually wore.

“It ain't goodbye, Vernie... it's more like... see ya later...” he lifted her chin to meet her eyes “...right?”

She scoffed, a nasal bark escaping her lips. “How should I know? It took almost two weeks to drive out here in the first place and you know neither of us will ever have enough money to take a plane to visit...”

“Hey – you're in California now! You and Shirl'll be movie stars! You're gonna have tons of money to visit me in Milwaukee!”

She lightly slapped his arm with her manicured hand. “Yeah... me and Shirl... movie stars. That may  be her dream but it sure as heck won't happen in this lifetime. For all the glitz and glamor, this don't seem like no Promised Land to me.”

“Hey – you let Shirl dream. And don't you stop, neither. Somehow we'll get the money to visit each other. I...” he looked away. “Well... nevermind.”

She grabbed his wrist, “What, Len?”

With all the courage and love he'd harbored for her since the day they met, he let her know the truth. “I can't live without you.”

He wasn't expecting her to agree.

“Daddy!”

“Punkin'!” he yelled, as his little girl jolted towards him, her blonde pigtails flying in the air.

“Where's mommy?” the six-year-old asked, yanking on the top of his pant leg, which she did with ease now that she was as tall as his waist. Gosh, that kid was growing up fast. But with legs like both of her parents, she was bound to grow like a weed.

“Mommy's at home, Josie. She had to go to the doctor today and he said her stomach's so big that she's gotta stay in bed until the baby comes.”

Josephine furrowed her brow as he handed her a red lollipop from his jacket pocket. “When's that gonna be?”

“Real soon. A coupla weeks even!” he said, proudly.

The truth was, both Laverne and Lenny had been hoping for another child. Just... not at the time she discovered she was pregnant. Now that Josie was in school, Laverne and Lenny had at last been getting back into the groove of their old sex life. They managed to take their lunch breaks at the same time so they could finally have a little day time fun, and all of the sleepovers that Josie was invited to helped with the night stuff. A little depressed with the thought of losing that freedom again, they tried to be as happy as they possibly could. But once they both saw the sonogram, they were head over heels in love. Laverne felt like an old pro with this second child and Lenny didn't have to worry as much as he had with the first pregnancy.

“I hope it's a girl,” she squealed. “I really want a baby sister!”

“Me too, punkin'. Me too.” Lenny knew Laverne wanted the same. While Lenny and Squiggy once made a pact to “produce nothin' but male heirs,” he didn't feel as though he would miss out by not having a younger male companion. Watching his daughter grow to look more and more like her mother everyday was enough of a thrill for him, and he knew that Josie would always be a daddy's girl. He loved and cherished her, and prayed that this second one would be a girl too. Laverne reminded him daily that no matter what the sex of the child was, they would love it unconditionally, and while they both knew that was true, they still secretly hoped and prayed for another baby just like Josie.

“Can play on the playground, Daddy?” she pleaded, pointing to the empty swing surrounded by occupied ones with young girls with their fathers pushing.

“Sure, honey.” He smiled and patted her back. “Lemme just use the pay phone to call your mama and tell her we'll be a little late.” With that, she wandered on over to sandbox while he searched his lint-filled pockets for a dime. Finally grasping a shiny silver coin, he rolled it into the pay phone and dialed his home phone.

Shirley answered.

“Hello?!”

“Shirl?”

“LENNY! We've been waiting for you to get here – Laverne's going into labor!”

His head began to swim in a thousand different directions and his heart leapt. “Is... is... is she okay?” he stammered, his throat suddenly thick. “She's not due until three weeks! Did you call the doctor?!” He heard Laverne crying his name in the background and cursed himself for not being at her side.

“Yes, as far as we know, she's fine. We called the doctor and we're getting ready to leave – how far away are you?”

“I'm at Josie's school by the playground – I'm ten minutes away...” Ten minutes away felt like ten galaxies to him. “Just... just wait up for me and Josie, okay? I'll be right there.”

“Okay, Lenny. But hurry!”

“I'll try and be there in half that time! Hand the phone to Laverne will ya?” he demanded.

“Lenny...”

“Vernie...” he murmured, overcome with emotion.

“It's finally happenin'...”

“I know! Listen, baby, I love you so much it hurts, and I'll be right there and we're gonna get to the hospital real quick so you and I can see our new kid!”

“I love you too, Len,” she said, grunting.

“I'm hangin' up now – get Shirl to have you ready by the door!” and with that, he threw the pay phone and jolted out of the booth. “JOSIE! We need to get to the car now! Mommy's havin' the baby!”

She flew towards him “I thought you said it wasn't comin' yet!”

“I didn't think it was!” He scooped her up and bolted to the car, tossing her in the front seat, buckling her in, and tearing ass out of the parking lot.

The traffic jam awaiting him on the main road in front of Josie's school wasn't exactly what he had been hoping to see.

Laverne sat on the edge of the bed, exhausted and pulling her pumps off her her swollen feet. “I still don't know how we finally got Matt outta the house,” she marveled. “And married, no less...”

“Me neither... it's a miracle...” he blankly stared at her rounded back. From this angle, she still looked like she did when they were first married. “Well, Mrs. Kosnowski... now that we got our last kid outta the house. Now what do we do?” He smirked at her, still perverted even at the ripe old age of sixty-six.

“I don't know, Mr. Kosnowski. We could do puzzles... take up stamp collecting... travel the world...”

He grabbed her around the waist, pulling her towards him. “I was thinkin' about somethin' else. You know... that thing married couples do all the time once the kids are out of the house and they're retired...”

She chuckled, “I don't know how many couples our age you think are still doin' it, but lemme tell you, it's not a lot.” He frowned. “But...” she whispered, “we're an exception.”

“Oooh... I like exceptions,” he gurgled, as she smiled against his shoulder. And suddenly, he was a young man on his wedding night all over again. For the time being, he could just spend time forgetting everything that mattered with the one person in the whole world who could understand and complete him all in one breath.