A Little Crushed
By Old Time Fan
Holiday Exchange
Rating: PG
All Standard Disclaimers Apply
Featured Characters: Len/Squig/C/L
Summary: Lenny's got a crush and so does Laverne...on someone else. Can Squiggy actually help?










A Little Crushed

"So, today's the day, huh?" Squiggy ran his comb through his well-greased hair, peered at the results in the fogged bathroom mirror. Satisfied, he adjusted his 'personality' - the little squiggle of hair on his forehead - and walked into the bedroom.
His long-time roommate, Lenny, sat on the edge of the bed, bouncing a threadbare pillow on his lap. "Yeah."
Squiggy folded his arms. "That's a pretty lame 'yeah' there, pal."
Lenny shrugged. "I mean, you know. I'm kinda nervous and stuff."
Squiggy sighed. He couldn't be too hard on Lenny. The boy just didn't have the internal fortitudiness of a Squigman. "You like her, right?"
Lenny grinned shyly. "Shut up. You know I do."
"And you're sick of watching her waste time with guys that just get what they want, then dump her sweet hiney. Right?"
Lenny's grin faded and his blue eyes narrowed. "They don't appreciate her like I do, the bums!"
"Sooooooo?" Squiggy waited, hands outstretched to coax the answer from Lenny's mouth.
"So I need to tell her that I, uh, like her."
"She knows you like her, doofus." Squiggy looked heavenward. Lord help him bear the burden of being the smart one. "What don't she know?" Lenny looked blank. "Come on, what's after like?"
"Oh!" The big blond lug's face brightened. "That I like like her, not just like her, like I like you...not that I like you, that'd be weird...well, no, not if it's like like as a friend likes...."
"Okay, okay, enough with the like-fest!" Squiggy sighed. "Anywho, you're right, you gotta tell Laverne that you like like her. That you've like-liked her for a long time and your sick of keepin' it all bottled up inside, 'cause if you keep doin' that, you're gonna bust like a bottle full of shaken beer."
Lenny stared at him in admiration. "Geeze, that was real poetical, Squig. I wish I was as smooth as you." His eyes widened. "Hey, maybe you should...."
"Hun-uh, no sir, no way." Squiggy held up his hands to indicate stop-right-there-bub. He'd expected Lenny to try and make him his-oh, who was that old guy in the musical? Syrup de Burgerac or something like that. It was a role Squiggy had no desire to play. "This has to come from you, Len."
Lenny frowned. "I'm gonna screw it up, Squig. You know I will." His shoulders slumped. "Maybe I oughtta just leave good enough alone. After all, Laverne doesn't throw up in her mouth when I touch her no more. Maybe that's all I can hope for."
Squiggy snatched the pillow out of Lenny's hands and smacked him over the head with it.
"Ow!"
"That. Is not. An acceptable. Solution!" Squiggy punctuated each phrase with a pillow pummeling. Lenny raised his forearms to block and shrank back. "Stop bein' such a wussycat and tell that woman you want to be her one and only already, or I'm gonna have to beat you to death with this hear bundle of goosefeathers!"
Lenny fell off the edge of the bed and scrambled across the room. Squiggy started after him, pillow raised. "Wait! Okay, okay, I'm going, I am!"
Squiggy took another menacing step. "Goin' where, exactly?"
"To Cowboy Bill's." Lenny kept his arms up over his face.
"To do what?" He took another step.
"To find Laverne and talk to her." Lenny's back bumped against the door to the bedroom. He dropped one hand and scrabbled behind him to find the knob.
Squiggy took two more steps, clearing the distance between them. He raised the pillow up over his head. "And tell her what? Finally? After like a thousand years of waiting?"
Lenny's fingers closed around the doorknob and gave it a sharp turn. "That I love her!" he cried, then yanked the door open and dashed out.
Squiggy paused, listened to the sound of the apartment door being jerked open and slammed shut again. He lowered the pillow and felt a pang of worry. "Um, who said anything about love?"
#
Lenny couldn't stop bouncing in his chair at Cowboy Bill's. Sure, part of it was because they were the most damnably uncomfortable wooden seats he'd ever had the mispleasure of sitting in, but the other, bigger reason was that Laverne was helping out her Pop today. Which meant, any second now, she was gonna stroll up to his table and ask him what he wanted and he was gonna have to tell her that he wanted her and not a big hamburger with the works (although that would be good, too). His nerves had nerves and, if it weren't for the memory of Squiggy and his far-too-solid pillow waiting back home, he'd have slunk out before Laverne came back out the swinging kitchen doors.
He caught his breath as said doors swung open and she walked through them. He drank in the sight of her, a vision in a sauce-stained apron with tight denim shorts and tank top barely, teasingly visible beneath. She walked up to the table with her order pad and pencil in hand but, when she saw it was him, she tucked them back into her apron pocket and smiled. Her smile lit the whole restaurant in soft golden light. "Oh, hey Len," she said. "Burger with the works, large fries, and a Coke?"
"Yeah," he said, dreamily. Then, remembering his mission, he said, "Wait, no. No! Today I want more than a lunch special. I want...another special. Thing." What? he thought, puzzled by his own words. He was off to a great start.
Laverne looked equally confused. "Uhhhh, okay," she said. "I think we've got a deal on the pea soup."
Lenny shuddered. "No, thanks, I ain't suicidal today."
She chuckled. "Aw, c'mon, it ain't that bad." Lenny just stared at her. "Okay, yeah it is," she admitted. "Fine, so no soup. What is it you're after, Len?"
He took a deep breath. This was it, his chance, probably the only one he'd ever get to tell her how he felt. "Laverne, I..." he began.
"Hey, Vernie!"
Lenny's head snapped to one side as Carmine strode into the restaurant. He walked up to Laverne and leaned in to kiss her. To Lenny's surprise, Laverne turned her head so that Carmine's lips landed not on her cheek, but on her mouth. His stomach lurched.
Carmine blinked but otherwise didn't comment. "Thanks for hanging out with me last night," he said. "I really appreciate your advice."
Laverne's cheeks reddened. "Aw, Carmine, it wasn't a big deal. Not like I didn't tell you what you already knew."
He shrugged. "Yeah, but somehow, when you say it? It all makes a lot more sense." He looked over at Lenny, who didn't try to hide his scowl. "Hey, Len."
"Carmine," Lenny muttered. He felt a little bad for acting mean, but geeze, could Carmine's timing be any worse? Plus, he'd just gotten to a further base with Laverne in the middle of restaurant than Lenny'd ever made it in over a decade.
If Carmine had noticed his annoyance, he didn't show it. "I just need a quick coffee to go, Vernie. I've got a lot to get done today. Gonna need the caffeine boost."
"Good on ya, Carmine," said Laverne. "I'll get that right away." She started toward the kitchen, hesitated. "Oh, Len, what was it you wanted again?"
"Bowl of pea soup'll be fine," he said, dropping his chin into his hands, elbows on the table.
"Right, gotcha. Be right back, boys." She sashayed off.
Carmine pulled up a chair, uninvited, and said, "You okay, Len? You look kinda down today."
Now Lenny felt worse for not being friendly. He raised his eyes to meet Carmine's and manage a little smile. "I'm a little under the weather, is all," he fibbed. "My heart's kinda sore."
Carmine looked alarmed. "Really? Maybe you should see someone about that."
"I'm trying."
"Well, good. Life's short, Len, and there's a lot to get done between now and when we check out."
Lenny tried to puzzle out what Carmine meant. "That's kind of phily...phillipso...deep of you, Carmine."
"Yeah." Carmine leaned his chair back on just the rear legs, folded his hands behind his head. "Actually, Laverne's the deep one. She let me bitch and moan about some stuff that's been weighing on me for awhile last night, and...."
"How late last night?" Lenny blurted out.
Carmine arched his eyebrows. "Um, like, around midnight? Why?"
"No reason." Lenny frowned at the tabletop.
"Oh-kay. Anyway, she helped me see that I've got to stop passively waiting for things to happen for me and start making them happen for myself."
Lenny saw a gleam in Carmine's eyes. His concern that Carmine had already made stuff happen with Laverne increased. "What'd you do?" he asked, struggling to make it sound like a one-of-the-guys kind of question. "Make a big ol' pass at Laverne?"
Carmine let his chair drop back onto all fours with a loud clack. "Huh? What are you, nuts?" His dark eyes grew wide. "Why would l do that?"
"Uh, because?" said Lenny. Maybe he wasn't the dopey one in their group after all. "She's a hot, single woman and you're an unattached man with needs?"
"I have a girlfriend, Len." Carmine pressed his lips together for a moment. "Well, technically. That's on my to-do list today...but, never mind that. Where's all this me and Laverne nonsense coming from?"
Lenny shrugged. "You guys have been hangin' around together a lot since Shirley up and vamoosed with her papoose and her mummy-husband."
"So? We've been friends forever."
"Yeah, but lately, you've been touching more. Kissing and stuff. In a not-just-friends kinda way." He frowned and folded his arms tightly.
Carmine chuckled. "Lenny...no. I mean, I love Laverne." Lenny felt an iron band tighten around his chest. "But only as a friend. Probably my best friend, but that's it."
"Really?" Lenny remained skeptical.
Carmine leaned across the table. "Okay, Len, I'm gonna tell you something I ain't said to anyone else yet. Not even Laverne, even though she's the reason I'm going to do it. Promise me you'll keep this between us for now?"
Interested despite himself, Lenny nodded. "Sure, Carmine. You can trust me."
Carmine nodded. "I'm leaving, Len. I'm wrapping up my life here in California in the next couple weeks and then I'm moving East."
"Really?" Lenny felt a surge of hope. Surely a Carmine back in Milwaukee would be less of a threat to his hopes and dreams with Laverne than a Carmine right upstairs in the same apartment complex. "But why? I thought you wanted to make it in Hollywood."
"And have I?" Carmine looked down, his expression sad. "No, Len, this whole thing, moving out to California, has been a colossal mistake. Let's face it, I only did it 'cause I wanted to be near Shirl. We both know how that turned out."
Lenny felt a pang of sympathy. "I know you really cared about her."
"I did, but obviously..." He shook himself, as if shrugging off a too-heavy coat. "Anyway, that's done now. As for my career, I've just been spinning my wheels. The competition out here is insane and I haven't paid the dues other Hollywood wannabes have. If I stay here, I'll keep running up against the same ceilings, going after roles and jobs that people with solid connections always snag first. "
Lenny shook his head. "I'm still not getting you, Carmine. I mean, if you go back to Milwaukee, how's that gonna help you get your big break?"
"Not Milwaukee, Len." Carmine's eyes lit up. "New York!"
"Oh. Oh!" Wow, that was seriously back East. Across the country East. Definitely far enough away from Vernie to make the Carmine factor a non-threat. He felt much better, all of a sudden, and gave Carmine a big grin. "Thanks."
"You're...welcome?" Carmine gave his head a brisk shake. "Anyway, I don't want to tell everyone until I've settled my life here and gotten what I need together to move out there. You understand, right, Len?"
"Sure, sure I do." He felt so cheery now. He reached over and gave Carmine a supportive punch in the shoulder. "Hey, I'm really happy for you, Carmine. You're doing the right thing."
"You think so?"
"Yeah I do. You can sing and dance great, you should totally be on Broadway." Lenny thought for a moment. "That is where Broadway is, right? New York...or is it New Jersey? Or New Hampshire? I get all those News confused sometimes."
"No, you got it. I'm Broadway-bound." Carmine smiled. "Hey, thanks for the vote of confidence, man. I really appreciate it."
The doors to the kitchen swung open again as Laverne re-entered, balancing a bowl and cup on her tray. Carmine winked and said, under his breath, "Remember, Len, this is just between us guys for now. Cool?"
"Cool," Lenny confirmed. He couldn't keep a happy smile off his face as Laverne put the bowl of questionable pea soup down on his table. She then handed the to-go cup of coffee to Carmine.
"Here ya go," she said, sounding oddly shy. "Two sugars, one cream, just like you like it."
Carmine stood up and took the cup. He held it for a moment, stared at it like he was considering something important. Then he looked up at Laverne and smiled. Lenny thought there was a little regret in his expression. "Thanks, Laverne. For everything."
She rested her hand over his and looked into Carmine's eyes. "You're welcome."
Carmine opened his mouth, like he might say something else, but then just nodded. He dropped a couple of quarters on the table, gave Laverne a quick kiss-on the lips again, this time on purpose-then turned and walked out.
Lenny watched him go, returned his attention to Laverne. She was still staring at the exit, her fingertips pressed against her mouth. "Hey, Vernie," he said. "You got a minute to keep me company?" His own boldness surprised him.
She turned back to him, slowly, as if not wanting to stop seeing where Carmine had just been. "Yeah, sure," she said, absently. She sat down in the chair Carmine had used.
Lenny inhaled deeply. He was ready now. He was going to do it. After all, if Carmine could pack up his whole life to move to a strange city and make a fresh start all alone, he could say a few simple words to let the girl he adored know he wanted her. How hard could that be, in comparison? "Laverne," he began.
"Oh, Len," she exclaimed. She leaned across the table and grabbed his hand. "I'm sorry, but if I don't talk to someone about this, I'm gonna explode!"
Lenny nearly swallowed his tongue. He stared at her hand on his and thought, Wow, is she about to tell me what I was about to tell her? Because if she did, that would sure make everything a lot easier. "What is it, Laverne?" He held his breath.
Her green eyes were aglow. "You gotta promise to keep this between us, okay? I mean, if this is all one-sided, I'm gonna be so embarrassed...but I really don't think it is, not anymore. I mean, it's more than just a crush, I'm sure of it."
Lenny's heart beat faster. "Of course it is," he said. He put his free hand over hers, made a nice hand sandwich that warmed him all over.
She nodded, knowingly. "You see it too, don't you? And if even you can see it, I've got to be right."
"'Course you are," he said. "You're really smart, Laverne. If you say something's something, then it's gotta be something." Careful, he cautioned himself. Don't let your mouth get ahead of your brain.
Laverne didn't seem confused at all, though. She got him, as usual. "I'm sure it's something, Len. I mean, I've felt this before, but Shirl was always a factor and so it went nowhere. But she's completely out of the picture now and that chick - I can't even remember her name - she's no one he's serious about. And what I'm feeling now is so much bigger than before."
"Right. Wait. Huh?" Damn. He'd tried hard, but she still managed to lose him.
Laverne looked around at the nearly-empty restaurant. She leaned further across the table and said, in a loud whisper, "I think Carmine's starting to feel the same way about me as I do about him."
If she's smacked him in the face with a lead pillow, Lenny would have been less stunned. He sat there, his hands still tight around hers. "Say what again?" he finally managed.
"Carmine." She grinned, as though just saying his name gave her joy. "I got it bad for him, Len, only this time? I'm pretty sure he feels the same way."
"No he don't." It popped out before Lenny could stop himself.
Laverne sat back in her chair, pulled her hand out of his. "How do you know?" she asked, brow furrowing.
"Because." He got stuck there. What to say, what to say? At last, something came to him. "I mean, you guys had a mutual crush thing back in Milwaukee that time and then you told me you tested the waters and decided you didn't really want to be more'n friends. So, that was that. Right?" He looked at her, heart thumping hopefully.
"Oh, that." She waved her hand. "Yeah, well, we were still kids and Shirley was still with him. We weren't ready yet." She hugged herself. "But ever since Shirl tap-danced on his heart and married Walter and got knocked up inside of a minute, things have been different for both of us. Between both of us." She leaned forward again. "Come on, Len, you've gotta have seen it. He's always hugging me, kissing me. We talk for hours, day or night. We've opened our souls to each other, Len."
Lenny wanted to die. He took a big spoonful of pea soup, hoping it would usher him on his way. He swallowed with difficulty around the lump growing in his throat. "We talk a lot, Laverne," he murmured.
"Not like this," she said, absolutely unaware how her words stabbed him. "I'm falling hard, Len. Hell, I've fallen. The only question is how do I make sure he feels the same way? I...I don't think I could take it if another guy I really cared about didn't want me. Especially not this guy. Not after knowing each other so long." She lowered her eyes. "I don't know what to do, Len. Do I say something and risk losing everything, even our friendship?"
"That would be a bad thing." Lenny could hardly make his mouth form words. His eyes filled with tears and he blinked rapidly to clear them before she noticed.
"Yeah, but then if I just go along and act like nothing's changed between us, I could be missing out on a great future with a terrific guy." She shrugged helplessly. "I'm scared. Scared and excited, confused and hopeful. I'm...kind of a mess." She gave a strained laugh.
Lenny offered one in return. It sounded like he was gagging and felt that way, too. "Laverne," he said.
Then stopped. Because what could he say in response? That she was totally misreading Carmine, that not only didn't he want to be her boyfriend, he had no problem leaving her behind to pursue his own dreams in New York? That would be the easy choice. He knew Laverne, knew she'd react by being pissed at Carmine and stomping down her feelings for him until he didn't matter anymore. It would sure clear a path to her wounded heart, give him an opening to swoop in and comfort her.
On the other hand, it would hurt her so bad. There was no way Lenny could do that. Besides, he'd promised Carmine he wouldn't tell anyone about his plans. So, what was left? Offer himself up as a poor alternative to the good-looking, talented guy she really wanted? Yeah, that'd work.
"Lenny? Earth to Lenny." Laverne was waving her hand in front of his face.
He blinked and returned his attention to her. "Sorry. Just...spaced for a sec, there."
She gave him a gentle smack on the side of the head. "Pay attention, Len! I need your advice here."
"I...don't have any," he said, shrugging helplessly. "I'm sorry, Laverne, I'm just not the right guy for you to talk this over with."
She looked disappointed. "But Len."
"I said I can't help you!" It came out with more heat than he'd intended. He stood up, nearly knocked his chair over, and pulled out his billfold. He fumbled for two bucks and dropped them on the table. "Thanks for the soup."
She stared at the money. "You didn't even finish it."
"Who does?" He headed for the door. Then he paused, sighed, and turned back to her. "I'm really sorry, Laverne, but I'm no Dear Abby. You want Carmine, you should be talkin' to him."
She looked at him, her eyes clouded. "I'm afraid to," she whispered. The look on her face broke his already cracked heart right in two.
He blinked rapidly. Damn his girly eyes, trying to betray his secrets. "Then talk to Squiggy," he said. "He's a great big help with matters of the heart." Unable to say another word, he walked out of Cowboy Bill's.
#
"Hold your hearses, I'm comin'." Squiggy muttered under his breath. Whoever was pounding on his apartment door, interrupting his 12:30 pm naptime, was asking for a knuckle sandwich. He nearly yanked the door open without checking to make sure there wasn't a large apartment-mugger on the other side, but thought better of it. He stood on tiptoes (rotten Lenny and his tallness) to peer through the peephole. What he saw made him unclench his fist.
"I guess this was inavoidable." He prepared himself with a couple deep-knee bends, then pulled open the door. "Hello."
"Oh. It's you." Laverne didn't try to disguise her disappointment. Sure, and why would she? He was just like something she'd stepped in, the snooty - girl.
He crossed his arms. "I do live here," he reminded her. Then he remembered that this conversation was destined to go to a sad, dark place and let up a little. "I guess you was hopin' Lenny would be here, huh?"
She nodded. Her eyes were red around the rims and she had a hanky in her hand. "Is he here?" Her voice shook a little, but she held it together otherwise.
Squiggy twisted the toe of his sneaker against the floor. "Uh, yeah. About Len. See, the thing is...."
"I really need to talk to him."
"And the fact that my mouth was makin' words is no reason you should stop and listen to 'em." Squiggy glared at her.
Laverne sighed. "Look, just tell Lenny I came by, okay?" She started to leave.
"Wait, hang on, I can't do that!" Squiggy said quickly, before she got too far.
Laverne stopped and looked back at him, eyes narrowed. "And why's that?"
"Cause." He twisted his toe some more. "On account of Lenny don't live here no more."
"What!" Laverne came at him so fast, Squiggy wasn't sure whether to punch her in the gut or run. As it was, she had him by the collar and slammed up against the wall inside his apartment before he decided. "What do you mean, Lenny doesn't live here anymore? Where did he go? What'd you do to him?"
"I didn't do nothing!" Squiggy cried. He pulled at her hands on his collar, but she had a hell of a grip for a broad. "Len left me a note - I know you're familiar with that sort of thing - and he split. At least he left me his half of the rent for this month. Don't know what I'm gonna do about...."
"Lenny's gone?" Laverne let go of his collar and stood there, stunned.
"Again, my words mean nothing to you, do they?"
"But why?" Her eyes filled with water and Squiggy's heart sank. Heaven save him from female historyonics. "Why would he do that and not even say goodbye? At least Carmine said goodbye." She turned away and hung her head.
And here come the waterworks. Squiggy straightened his rumpled collar and thought over what the right thing to do was. He settled on thumping Laverne on the back a few times, like his Mamma used to do when he was a youngin'. "There, there, shut up now," he said, in the same comforting way he remembered. "What do you mean, when Carmine left? Carmine didn't go nowhere. Did he?"
"He did. Just now. Probably already on the road to New York as we speak." Laverne sniffled into her hanky.
"For vacation?"
"No. Forever."
Squiggy frowned. He and Carmine had never been what anyone would call close, but for all the years they'd shared, he figured the Big Raccoon owed him at least a wave as he headed out the door. "Did he at least leave a note?"
"He just said goodbye to me in my apartment." Laverne slumped down on a chair. She didn't even seem to notice it was covered in laundry. "I was so surprised. I mean, we talked last week about him makin' a go of it on Broadway, getting off his tushy and taking a shot, but I had no idea he would, you know, actually do it."
"But that's a good thing, right?" Squiggy sat down on the couch, careful to avoid a spring sticking through the cushion. "He actually listened to you and did something with himself. Which is more than what I can say about my now long-lost roomie."
Laverne stared off into space. "It was so last-minute. I couldn't even get my brain in gear fast enough to tell him why I wanted him to stay." She shifted her gaze to him. "Squig, what is wrong with me? Why does everyone I care about leave?"
He fidgeted. He hated talking about feelings with people. Everyone was so full of feelings and they just made him think about his own, which he preferred to avoid, thank you very much. "Well, Laverne, I wouldn't take it so personal-like. I mean, you gave the guy such good advice he jumped right on it. That's kind of a big compliment, if you ask me." He cleared his throat. "As for everyone leavin', I think that's kind of much, don't you? Your Pop ain't goin' nowhere."
"My mother did." Her voice was barely above a whisper.
"Yeah, but she didn't have much choice in the matter, did she." Laverne shrugged. "And Shirley got married to an Army-guy. They'll come back to the States someday and then you'll see her again." He tugged on his personality. "Plus, I'm sittin' right here with you, ain't I?"
She met his eyes. He glanced away, uncomfortable, but then forced himself to look back at her. "Maybe I am feelin' a little sorry for myself. It's just with Carmine up and going...he kissed me goodbye. Twice. Like he meant it." Her voice cracked on the last words. "Still went out the door, though. Guess whatever I thought we had -- could've had -- was just in my head. No surprises there, though, right?" She tried to smile. Failed.
Squiggy took a deep breath, released it slowly. "Laverne, I'm sorry I ain't Lenny," he said, and meant it. Lenny was a lot better at this mushy listening stuff than him. He was the guy she needed.
Hey, yeah. Lenny was the guy she needed.
"So, what did this note of Lenny's say? I can't believe he'd go off without so much as wavin' goodbye to me." Laverne's eyes clouded with anger.
That Squiggy could handle. He sat up a little straighter and reached into his front jean's pocket. Producing Lenny's crumpled note, he smoothed the paper against his knee. "Perhaps a little reading-time will clear things up for you." He cleared his throat. "Ahem. It says, "Squig, Here's my half of the rent. I'm real sorry to leaf you in the lurch...."
"Leaf?"
"I think he meant 'leave.' Len was never good at conjugatin'."
"Sorry, right. Go on."
"As I was reading - let me skip to the part that's relevant to you, Laverne." He skimmed past Lenny's yakkity-yak about being best buds for so long, appreciating this and that, missing him, until he came to the bit about Laverne. "Here we go. As you know, or maybe you don't, because I ain't sure I was clear about how much like-like I've been feeling, but my heart belongs to Laverne. It has for a long time now and I guess it always will, even though she couldn't care less."
"What? What!" Laverne hopped onto her feet, eyes wide, mouth fallen open.
"Hang on, there's more." Squiggy bulled on. "Anywho, she's all hung up on Carmine, who just don't get it because he ain't nearly as smart about this sort of thing as you'd think and is planning on running' off somewhere to do something (sorry, I can't say what, I promised) but none of it has anything to do with becoming Laverne's boyfriend but I can't tell her that it'd make her cry and I can't make her cry cause I love her and...."
Laverne burst into tears.
"Hm, guess he was right about that." Squiggy folded the note and laid it on the sofa beside him. "It kinda goes on like that for awhile."
"Lenny left because...he loves me?" Tears streamed down Laverne's face. Squiggy had to strain to understand her words between sobs. "But why didn't he tell me?"
"Oh, I don't know. Maybe 'cause the day he was gonna try you told him all about how you were in love with another man?" Squiggy couldn't keep his annoyance bottled up any longer. After all, because of this very moist woman, he'd lost his best pal and roommate to parts unknowable. "Len came home after you poured your little heart out to him about Carmine." He imitated her voice. "Oh, Carmine's so dreamy, I want him to be my man and give me little squat dancer babies!"
"Cut it out!" Laverne glared at him hard enough to make him shrink back into the couch. The spring nearly unmanned him. "I never said anything about babies, or love for that matter. I don't think...anyway, it ain't important right now. If Lenny had just told me how he felt?" She shook her head and put her hands over her face.
Squiggy watched her shoulders heave. "What?" he asked. "If Lenny had told you, what would you have done? Fallen into his arms or laughed in his face? Be honest, Laverne."
"I-I don't know." Her hands dropped to her sides. She sniffled and spoke in a softer tone of voice. "Squig, I just don't know. I never realized. I mean, we've had a few moments, Len and I. A couple of times it crossed my mind, but...." She shook her head, slowly. "I know I never meant to hurt him so bad he felt like he had to leave town."
Squiggy studied her for a minute, decided she was on the level. He stood up and walked over to her side. He risked taking her hand and she was nice enough not to slap him for it. "He should've told you a long time ago. He was just shy, is all, and scared. It was easier for him that you didn't know and he could hope someday you'd feel the same way than tell you and risk you not feeling that way. You understand?"
She nodded. "I do. I really do, Squig." She took a ragged breath. "Look, I'm still kinda reeling, between Carmine and Lenny and all, but...."
"But what?"
"I need to sort out my feelings, that's all." She wiped her runny nose, her tears, and stood up straighter. "Do you have any idea where Lenny went?"
"No." Squiggy pointed to the note. "He said he was hittin' the road, wasn't sure where it'd take him. Said he needed time to clear his mind. Driving's always been his favorite way to settle himself."
She nodded. "Right. How long ago did he leave?"
Squiggy checked his watch. "About two days ago."
"That gives him kind of a big head start." She grasped his wrist. "Squig, you know Lenny better than anyone else. True?"
"True," he said, proudly.
"So, if you were Lenny and you wanted to hit the open road, where would you head?"
He thought about it. Hard. For several seconds. Laverne began tapping her toe restlessly before he said, "I think he'd probably want to go back home. At least give the place a final once-over with his own two eyes before moving on to greener pastures."
"Milwaukee. Of course." Laverne's face brightened. "Then that's where I'm heading. Len likes highway driving better'n back roads. It should be too hard to check the rest stations along the way, right?"
"Right. Wait. Hang on." Laverne was already heading for the door. As she pulled it open, he reached around and slapped it shut again. "Are you tellin' me that you're gonna chase after Lenny?"
"Right exactly now," Laverne confirmed.
"But, hold it. Shouldn't you be goin' to New York?" Squiggy was confused. Womenfolk were so changeable. "I thought you had a thing for Carmine, so why ain't you chasin' down the highway after him?"
"Because Carmine doesn't want me." She hugged herself briefly and repeated it, as thought drumming the idea into her head. "Carmine doesn't want me." She raised her eyes and hope shone through them. "But Lenny does. So, I'd be kind of a dope if I went racing after a guy who ain't interested when there's a perfectly great guy who does. Right?"
"Well, yeah, I guess." Squiggy had to admit she was making sense. He scratched the top of his head. "Y'know, I like Lenny, too. Maybe I should let him know that."
She eyed him suspicious-like. "You want to come with me?"
"Well, I am the professional driver, Laverne, whereas you...ain't." He was being nice. Truth was Laverne was still kind of a menace behind the wheel. It wouldn't do for him to let Lenny's potential-girl get herself killed by driving into a ditch if he could prevent it.
Laverne fixed him with a stare. "You get that this is just a road trip to find Lenny, right? No funny stuff. I ain't interested in you, Squig, just to make things clear."
He grimaced. "Ew. I wouldn't touch you with a ten-footer's pole. Not that you're repulsive or nothin'," he quickly added, "but my best friend's got it bad for you and if I tried to move in on that, it'd be like incest. And incest's bad. It's a deadly sin, you know."
She sighed. "Okay, then. Let's go find Lenny." She opened the door.
He let her, this time, pausing only to grab his leather jacket and car keys. "Laverne?"
"Yeah, Squig?"
"If we do catch up to Lenny, what're you gonna do?"
She paused. "What do you mean?"
"I mean what are you plannin' to say to him? I don't want you hurtin' the poor lug."
She smiled. "Aw, you really do care about Lenny, don't you?"
He squirmed. "Not in a fruity way or nothin'."
"Don't worry. I've got no intention of hurting Lenny." She stared off at nothing for a moment. "Truth is, I'm not sure what I'm gonna say. I just know that I can't let him disappear out of my life without at least finding out what could be, if anything." She returned her gaze to him. "I'll have the right words by the time we catch up to him."
Squiggy still felt doubtful, but followed Laverne out the door of his apartment and locked it behind. They headed for his ice cream truck-cum-talent agency office.
At least a road trip would be a hell of a lot more fun than driving around the neighborhood selling goodies to grabby little kids. Besides, if it resulted in him getting Lenny back home, so much the better.
Not because he missed the guy all that much, of course. It was just he didn't feel like breaking in a new roommate.
Yeah, that was it.
--END--