SERIES: Ordinary Things
AUTHOR: Missy
EMAIL: lasfic@yahoo.com
PART: 1 of
3
RATING: PG-13
(thematic material; possible eventual NC-17)
PAIRING(s): L/L
DISTRIBUTION: To Myself so far; any other archives are welcome
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CATEGORY: Romance
FEEDBACK: PLEASE?!
SETTING IN TIMELINE:
SPOILLER/SUMMARY: Laverne takes Lenny's final proposal far
more seriously than he intended. When
Laverne's mock-wedding starts to take on way more meaning than she intended,
Shirley begins to question the validity of her rushed nuptials to Doctor Walter
Meaney.
NOTES: From something Kath told me about the proposal scene.
***
"What did you just say?"
Lenny Kosnowski made himself twenty times smaller against
his wrought iron seat in Cowboy Bills.
Opposite his seat, two green eyes glared out at him over the top of a
stack of wedding invitations. "Uh -
uh - duh..."
Laverne DeFazio's lips turned up into a somewhat bitter
smirk. "English, Len?"
He didn't want her to remember what he had said. "Uh - nice weather we're having?"
She grinned and picked up an envelope, sealing it with a
heart-stopping flick of the tongue.
"I think you said something about driving me to Vegas."
He felt his eyes open a little wider. "I did?" he had, without
thinking.
"Uh huh." She reached for another envelope and sealed
it.
"Oh," he sat up a little taller in his seat. "So what? You're busy...licking." She had turned him down twice - the likelihood
of her saying yes to his spontaneous question was about the same as him
becoming a handsome millionaire overnight.
She took a sip of her Pepsi, watching him. Then a luxurious bite of
her burger. Chewing, she wiped
her lips with a napkin; then picked up another invitation and sealed it with a
much-more rapid flick of her tongue. He
tried to look casual as he crossed one leg over the other to mask a painful
arousal.
Desperate to avoid her provocative display, he searched
around the room for something to foccus on. First, his eyes landed on Frank DeFazio, but
the man's angry glare made him look away - damn, he'd forgotten how much he and
Squig owed on their tab. Frank fed them out of loyalty, if not
affection, but the thin crowd inhabiting Cowboy Bills that afternoon made Lenny
remember that these weren't exactly the chain's best times. He looked up to the ceiling, finding a
rabbit-shaped stain over his head. How
had it gotten there? Hadn't he and
Squiggy done that with a glass of Quick one morning a year ago? Squiggy was right -the tail was sort of
lop-sided....
"...we could get my Pop to cater it."
Lenny snapped to immediate attention, cricking his neck in
the process. "Huh?" he
wondered, rubbing his now-sore neck.
Laverne sighed, rolling her eyes. "Len, you gotta
learn how to pay attention to me," she smirked and picked up another
invitation. "That's what married
guys have to do."
"First you gotta learn to say
stuff that's - HUH?" he almost fell out of his chair - luckily two strong
hands reached out for him and yanked him back into his chair. Laverne brushed some imaginary dust off of
his orange Hawiaan shirt. "Wah?" he
blurted out, his head buzzing.
Laverne shrugged casually, sitting in her chair. "I said I'd marry you."
"Where?" he blurted out.
"Not in Vegas," she clarified. "Someplace smaller,
nicer. Maybe I can convince Shirl to have a double wedding..."
Lenny felt sweat drip down the back of his neck. "But - I don't..."
"That way we could share all the expenses," she
smiled. "I know you guys aren't
doing so hot this month, Len."
"Gee," he said dourly, "what tipped you
off?"
"Your fifty dollar tab - my Pop was ranting about to me
yesterday," she said. She reached
for his hand and squeezed it. "You
don't got to worry about supporting me - my job at Bardwells'll pay all the bills."
Lenny felt a chill run through him, and he yanked his hand
away. "Ain't no one gonna support
you, Laverne. That's my job." What was he saying?
"It's okay, Len - I don't got
a lot of money nowadays, either - heck, none of us do. But that don't mean we can't enjoy a pretty
big slab of wedded bliss."
Lenny rubbed his throbbing temples, and then began rubbing
the bridge of his nose, a habitual action when he was under stress. Those words sounded an awful lot like his
own, but he couldn't remember saying them.
Darn ECT therapy... "You don't got to do
this, Vernie."
"What?"
"You don't got to be with me
if you don't wanna. I know this whole
Doctor Walter thing is sudden and real fishy, but..."
"I don't wanna talk about Doctor Walter." A shadow danced across her eyes. "Anyway," she picked up the pile of
invitations and her purse, "I gotta take these
to the post office. Swing by the apartment
tonight with a ring and we can talk some more about this..."
He grabbed her by the arm, hauling her back to the
table. "Waitaminute,"
he said, standing up. "If you wanna
get married to me so bad, why don't you kiss me goodbye?"
She paled slightly beneath her innocuous appearance. "Kiss you?"
"Uh huh - right on the lips." He puckered up and closed his eyes. The sudden impact of her body against his and
her tongue in his mouth took him off-guard and nearly off of his feet.
The embrace was brief but searing. She released him and he rocked backward on
his heels. "See you tonight,"
she said lightly, her step frisky as she vacated the scene.
Lenny staggered back to his table, where Squiggy studied his
beer glass intently. "What do I owe
you?"
"A brass ring," Lenny decided. "And a bottle of Pepto."
***
"ARE YOU CRAZY?!"
Laverne winced, involuntarily covering her ears at Shirley's
wail. "Relax," Laverne begged
her friend. "I'm just doing this to
teach Lenny a lesson about making bets on my sex life."
"Phew!"
Shirley held her fluttering breast, causing her ring to glimmer brightly
and ostentatiously. She frowned. "Sex life?"
"I tell ya, Shirl, I'm getting sick of the boys making fun of me 'cause
I ain't married. Squiggy ain't dated a
girl for more than a month straight - why does that make him a stud and me an
old maid?"
Shirley shook her head reproachfully. "They have a way of looking at things
negatively."
"I'm gonna get Len back. Remember last month? He said I was easy - going."
Shirley smirked, quickly hiding her amusement at Laverne's
glower. "Yes, I remember that. How far are you planning on taking this, Vernie?"
"I know Len.
After he gets his five bucks from Squig, it'll
all be over."
"Speakin of five bucks, I
need you to take these checks down to a caterer with me after lunch - what's
wrong?"
"Huh?"
"I know that expression Laverne - that's your 'I don't
know' face. I know you barely know
Walter, but I'm a grown woman, and I'm completely in love with him."
"I didn't say anything about Walter," Laverne
pointed out.
"Or your sex life."
"I don't wanna talk about my sex life," Laverne
said, kicking off her pumps and rubbing her aching toes. She hid her worries from Shirley - the
worries Lenny had inadvertently stirred up in her that afternoon. Shirley and Walter's relationship was less than
a month old, and her best friend was sporting a teeny-tiny diamond. Something felt strange in that set-up, but
Laverne couldn't figure out what.
"I didn't even know you had a sex life," Shirley
said, sounding sad about that fact.
"We used to tell each other everything."
"We do."
"You have to have told someone. Rhonda?
Rhonda knows about your sex life and I, your best friend since
kindergarten, know nothing about it!"
"NO."
"Vernie, don't get mad - I
just wanted to know if..."
"You're butting into my beeswax, so I'll but into yours
- where did you meet Walter Meeney?"
"At the Armed Forces Mixer we went to in April. Remember, you left early with two very tall
sailors who both called themselves Biff?"
Laverne flushed and stared at her knees. "That was a fun night."
"Yes, I bet it was."
"Don't you look down your nose at me!"
"I'm not looking down my nose at you, Vernie. As I said,
you're my best friend. And if I didn't
have you, you can imagine what kind of person I'd have to turn to in my time of
need..."
The front door slammed open, but no "Hello" issued
from the doorway. Instead, Lenny
Kosnowski crossed the threshold, making a beeline to Laverne. He fell to his knees in front of her, and
held out something small and glittery.
"Here's your ring."
She looked down, but instead of a plain brass band Laverne
was surprised to see a thin band encrusted with small emeralds. Despite herself, she gasped aloud as Lenny
slipped it onto her ring finger.
"How much did this cost?"
"Forty bucks - it was everything I had left in the
bank, but you're worth it." He
kissed her noisily. "You got
anything you want me to do?"
"Uh - yeah - can you run this down to the caterer? The address is on the envelope."
"Okay - see you later, my beloved."
Laverne watched Lenny leave.
His words had been smooth artfully uttered, but there was no real
romance behind them. Very
unlike him.
Shirley noted lightly, but Laverne's eyes were a million
miles away. "You're doing it again
- leading him on. You're going to hurt that
boy, Vernie."
She stirred from her dream. "It's just a game. He knows I ain't gonna go through with it."
“You’re playing head games with him? Vernie, that’s a thousand times worse than what I thought!”
“Relax Shirl: I can handle
him. I’ve always been able to handle
him.”
"All right. If you know what you’re doing." Shirley yawned. "I need to get going on supper! What would you like?"
"Anything."
"I'll make fish sticks." Laverne barely moved. Her eyes were focused on the door as Shirley
started crashing through the cupboards behind her.
"It's a nice ring."
"Huh?"
"It is a nice ring.
And it certainly plays its part in another silly little joke by being bigger
than mine."
Laverne had noticed that.
She just hadn't dared to wonder out loud what it meant.