SERIES: Italiano Song

PART: 9 of 9

RATING: PG-13 (Adult content and Adult thematic material)

PAIRING(s): L/L; S/C; F/E; some Shirley/Anthony DeFazio

DISTRIBUTION: To LW, Kai, Myself and FG so far; any other archives are welcome to ask, but disclaimers must be included, my email left intact. send a URL, and provide full disclaimers as well as credit me fully. Please inform me if you are going to submit my work to any sort of search engine.  Please do not submit my work to a search engine that picks out random sets of words and uses them as key words, such as "Google"

 

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CATEGORY: Romance

FEEDBACK: PLEASE?!

SETTING IN TIMELINE: During "Festival," after part one and just before part two; some alternate material from the established canon for the episodes.

SPOILLER/SUMMARY: What if Laverne's grandmother had taken a shine to Lenny instead of Squiggy during "The Festival"? 

NOTES: Basically follows the events and timeline of "The Festival," though using some alternate material. 

 

***

 

 

Lenny Kosnowski cursed himself for the millionth time as his wife's soft groan drifted through the tight seal of her grandmother's bedroom door.  It had been three o'clock when Alessia had shepparded him out of the room and locked herself inside it with Laverne and Shirley, instructing him to wait for Frank. 

 

What could have gone wrong?  What if something really bad had happened, and Alessia thought he couldn't take it?  What if she and Shirley were trying to make Laverne's body as presentable as possible?  Mother Nature shared his anguished thoughts, making the wind howl and thunder boom with such violence that Lenny worried the building might be torn asunder. 

 

A soft whimpering at his side drew Lenny out of himself.  Maggie rested her grey head on his knee, looking up with soulful brandy eyes, and her master rested his long fingers upon the crown of her head, rubbing gently.  The canine recognized the distress in her mistresses' moaning and would occasionally walk over to the door, batting futilely against it with her paw.   She had presently given that up and decided instead to stare Lenny down.

 

"I know." He bent down in his chair, resting his head against Maggies and feeling her gooey tongue lap his cheek.  "I'm scared about Mommy, too."  Maggie continued to give Lenny the saddest look in the world and, desperate to remove himself from her questioning gaze, Lenny resorted to matters most desperate - he dangled his uneaten portion of steak poivre over the dog's mouth.  Gratefully, Maggie leapt up to snatch it from his fingers.

 

If Laverne could see him at that very moment, Lenny mused, she would kill him.  The vet had ordered them to cut down on table scraps, as Maggie was five pounds overweight, and this and her advanced age - the vet guessed her to be seven now - contributed to slight arthritis in her back limbs.  Unfortunately, neither of them could refuse their dog a thing.

 

The front door burst open, admitting a soaked and cursing Frank DeFazio to the room.  He yanked off his sodden overcoat and hat as Lenny shot to his feet.  The curses rolling from Frank's tongue put another knot in his stomach.

 

"Did Doctor Mattan say he'd come?" Lenny said timidly.

 

Frank's rantings were not to be interrupted.  "That bastard!  That no good sunuvabitch!  He said it was crazy for me to be walkin' out in a storm!  Told me that no one goes out in a tropical storm - and that he wasn't gonna risk his neck doin' the same thing for me!"  Lenny swayed alarmingly.  He felt a stinging slap to his jaw and came about right away.  "He told me to stay at his place till the eye went over, but I sure as hell wasn't gonna stay in close quarters with that coward."

 

"Calm down," Lenny said, and on shaky legs he walked over to Alessia's liquor cabinet, taking out a small bottle of absinthine she saved for important occasions.  Lenny took out two shot glasses and poured one for each of them of the foul-looking liquid, then carried one over to Frank. 

 

"This is Mama's good absinthine," he said worriedly. 

 

"Will it get me blotto?" Lenny asked.

 

"Oh yeah!"  Frank watched his son-in-law gulp the shot down with all speed.  "Don't you worry, kid - my mamma delivered Laverne.  She was a midwife in the old country for years, and not one baby died in her hands."

 

"There's a first time for everything," said Lenny gloomily.  Frank took a long look at the sad-eyed young man his daughter had chosen to wed and was glad once more of the union. 

 

Frank clapped Lenny on the shoulder.  "Hey, I say it's gonna be all right - and what I say, I mean, capiche?"

 

Lenny smiled shakily.  "At least you won't have to worry about not havin' a grandchild!"  He remembered the past five years of his life with a laugh and a shake of his head.  The two of them had gotten engaged within days of returning to Milwaukee, and had been married less than six months later, in a haste that some in Laverne's family considered speedy.  He learned later that most folks in the family thought the union was a shotgun wedding - and when no baby arrived after in nine months, much confusion set in.

 

They were equally confused by Laverne's continued insistence on working outside the home after marriage.  It wasn't something Lenny was going to throw himself in her way over - every bit of money helped.  While he took his dispatcher's test and ended up making an extra five bucks an hour, Laverne was laid off from the capping line.  It had caused the young marrieds no amount of anxiety, as their little apartment required both salaries for maintenance and upkeep.  Finally, out of desperation, Laverne took Carmine's advice and auditioned for a small -and paying- part in the Milwaukee Modern Tap Company.  Despite being of an "advanced age", Laverne won out, and ended up being employed on a regular basis - to her dismay, cast as the "older woman" and in "grandmother" roles at twenty-six. 

 

Of all of them, Carmine had changed the most in five years.  After his break-up with Shirley, he became a workaholic, developing his branch of the Marjorie Wards chain into something phenomenally successful.  So successful that he had opened a second branch in the suburbs - Carmine's Marjorie Wards - which was doing better business than the urban chain.  Luckily for the Kosnowskis, Carmine always felt a little guilty about paying Lenny to spy on Shirley during the New York trip, and when the Repertory was between shows Laverne took work with Carmine.

 

It was Carmine who had encouraged Lenny and Laverne to think of moving to New York, where Laverne could get a job in a chorus line, but neither of them wanted to gamble so much on so few opportunities.  Lenny sometimes worried that it was his fault Laverne wasn't reaching her possible full potential, but his wife emphatically blamed him for nothing. which was a miracle - she blamed herself for too much.

 

In the second year of their marriage, after much trying, Laverne became pregnant.  The both of them had gone into a frenzy of preparation and excitement, only to have their dreams dashed when Laverne miscarried in her second trimester. 

 

For Laverne, it was proof that she was a dope, unsuccessful, useless.  She had spiraled into a depression and Lenny dragged her to the only therapist he knew of - the Shotz company psychiatrist.  After another two years of counseling, she felt ready to try again - that had resulted in this latest pregnancy.

 

For the umpteenth time, Lenny cursed Doctor Milo Green and his insistence that it would be safe for Laverne to travel.  Their annual summer vacation in the city had fallen within a month of Laverne's due date, but he felt that the baby was progressing along the lines of an eight-monther, as he put it.  Lenny had been anxious to go, but Laverne's ease of manner had mollified him - not to mention Alessia's fine cooking and her stories.  No one had dared to imagine that Laverne's water might break, or had predicted that a strong tropical storm would strike, preventing anything but pedestrian progress outside.

 

Laverne moaned again, and Lenny shot up out of chair.  "I'm goin' in there!"

 

"Trust me, son, you don't wanna see that," Frank said, humor in his voice.  He picked up a copy of "Life".  "Wouldya look at this?  Liz Taylor's divorcing Eddie Fisher already!"

 

"How can you be so calm?"

 

Frank shrugged.  "Babies take a long time.  Your wife took two days coming into the world..."

 

"TWO DAYS?" Lenny clutched Frank's shoulders.  "I CAN'T TAKE TWO DAYS OF THIS!"

 

Frank shoved Lenny back into his dining room chair, upsetting Maggie, who trotted over to Frank's side.  "It takes as long as it's gonna take," said Frank, as he rubbed the dog's back.  "Whatt're you worried about?  Shirley's in there, and she's got doctor training."

 

Lenny occasionally forgot about that - that Shirley Feeney had immediately taken up night school classes again upon getting back to Milwaukee - this time with the intention of becoming a real, full-fledged nurse.  She had told them all that she planned on taking her last rotation on the pediatrics ward - in her fourth year of training, she nearly had enough credits to graduate to being an actual nurse.

 

"I just don't know how you can be calm," said Lenny.  "Only a real moron could stay calm at a time like this!"

 

On cue, the front door burst open, admitting Squiggy into the living room.  He wore a bright yellow slicker and fisherman's hat and carried a large box of bubblegum cigars under his arm.  "Hello!"  he peered out from under his saturated hat.  "Aww, the kid ain't here yet?"

 

"Nope," Lenny miserably said.

 

"You mean I walked all the way from Ernestine’s place for nothin?"  Squiggy complained.  "Whatta gyp!" he slammed the sopping box of bubblegum cigars onto the dining room table, where they made an unappealingly sloppy mess. 

 

"How is Ernestine?" asked Lenny.

 

"Let's just say she's crazy about me."

 

"How crazy?"

 

"Crazy enough," Squiggy said proudly, as he straddled another dining room chair, "to say she'll move to Milwaukee with me."

 

"Really?  Aww gee, that's great!"

 

"Yeah, well, you left a big hole in my life, roomie - a big, thirty-dollar shaped hole..."

 

"Riiight..."

 

"So I got her a job lined up with the Ripleys' Museum!  She's gonna be a showgirl!"

 

"A bearded showgirl?" asked Frank sarcastically.

 

"And why is that so hard to believe?  Ernestine has talent!  She has charisma!"

 

"She has a hairy chest!"

 

"How did you know that?" Squiggy seemed so crestfallen that Frank could do nothing but sigh at him.

 

Anthony DeFazio poked his head out of the kitchen door.  "Hey, is the kid here yet?"  he laughed when all three men jumped at the sound of his voice.  "Sorry - I came up the fire escape."

 

"Nothing yet," Lenny said tiredly.  "And yeah, that means Shirl's too busy to see you."

 

Anthony grumbled at this news.  He and Shirley had been trading letters back and forth, in a friendly but noncommittal way.  It had been clear to Lenny during their joint vacation that Anthony wanted more than Shirley was willing to give at this point.  He couldn't quite fathom that Shirley wanted to have an identity outside of motherhood and wifehood - an idea that stood on a new, shaky foundation of hope with Shirley. 

 

Suddenly, Shirley entered the living room, her white smock and green gloves dotted with blood and unidentifiable fluids.  The tears in her eyes alarmed Lenny over anything, and he was on his feet and had her by the shoulders in a second.

 

"What happened?!"

 

"Life!" blubbered Shirley.  "I had life in my hands!"

 

Lenny all but pitched Shirley to the floor and climbed over her, running to the guest bedroom and throwing open the door. 

 

On the bed lay his wife, her hands white as she clutched the bed stand.  He was completely unconscious of the fact that she was naked from the waist down, and that her grandmother crouched on the floor between her legs, holding something slimy, with wriggling arms...pulling it out of his wife.

 

"Len!" his wife screamed. 

 

"Vernie," he reached out for her and tripped over a discarded chair.  Quickly, he scrambled to his feet, and she grabbed him with her left hand. 

 

"You're not supposed to be here," she panted.

 

"Laverne!" Alessia shouted.  "One push!  The bambina is nearly out!"

 

Lenny released her hand, putting his arm around her shoulders and supporting her back as she made one final effort.  The baby emerged completely, a chubby, red-stained, motionless thing.  Horror gripped the child's father, and he reached out to take the child from Alessia.  But the older woman took the baby up against her shoulder, smacking it three times upon the back.  A little coughing noise came, then a long, deep, lusty wail. 

 

"There we are!" Alessia said, relief filling her voice.  She got off of her knees and walked over to the chest of drawers, where she began to clean the baby, humming soothingly to it.

 

Lenny had his wife in his arms, and they were both somewhere between laughter and tears.  "You did it, baby," he said to her softly. 

 

"Yeah," Laverne said, scooting up until she rested against his torso, "once I started, I couldn't stop."  He noticed the tears in her eyes as she watched the wriggling infant as it was measured by its great-grandmother. 

 

"I know who you're thinkin' of," Lenny said.  He rested his chin against her shoulder, keeping the quiver from his voice.  "I think he's watchin' over us."

 

Lenny rarely brought up the little boy they'd lost - it was a wound so deep that it had nearly broken them apart.  She kissed his cheek, licking away a tear.  "I love you," he said in an exhalation.  "How do you feel?"

 

"How do I feel about loving you?" she responded sarcastically, and he laughed.  "I feel...hungry," she admitted.  "And really excited.  Like I could swim to Russia."

 

"You won't be doing that for a long time, princessa," said Alessia, as she gently laid the baby on her kitchen scale.  With a smile, she recorded the weight on a piece of yellow notepaper.  "Eight pounds, nine ounces - sixteen inches long!"

 

Lenny was impressed.  He needed to finish caring for Laverne first.  "You gonna be okay?"

 

She nodded, craning her neck.  "I wanna see the baby..."

 

Lenny climbed around the bed, ignoring the mess on the blankets and sheets on the floor.  "How is it?  WHAT is it?"

 

Alessia smiled fondly.  She held the infant in a large Pyrex bowl and was washing the refuse from its body.  "I think," she said, as she gently ran a sponge over the baby's torso.  "That this little girl is more Kosnowski than DeFazio."

 

Lenny felt a touch of relief - a little girl, not another little boy - then looked down into the half-opened baby blue eyes and fell instantly in love.  "Hi, honey," he whispered, extending his ring finger and carefully running the finger over her cheek.  As Alessia finished washing her, Lenny tried to match each feature back to his wife - she had Laverne's eyes and her chin, and his nose and ears.  The rest were quickly obscured as Alessia picked the now-clean infant up and turned, intending to hand the baby to him.

 

"Here is your papa, bambina," said Alessia quietly.  Lenny took the infant into his arms and stared down into her face with dumbfounded wonder.  After a long moment of silence, punctuated only by a particularly loud clap of thunder, Alessia interjected, "Leonardo, maybe you should put a diaper on her."

 

"Oh?  Oh!" He turned back to the dresser and automatically began to dress the baby in a cloth diaper.  Alessia watched judiciously as he pinned it in place, making sure he remembered every word of her weeklong lecture in How To Keep a Baby Dry.  Once dressed, Lenny swaddled the baby in a yellow blanket that Alessia had been knitting since she received word of Laverne's second pregnancy.  As Lenny bonded with his daughter, Alessia began cleaning up the messy sheets, carrying everything out to the bathroom.  Anxious murmurings were punctuated with a few shouts of confusion on seeing Alessia, but the woman said nothing as she reentered the bedroom.

 

"The are anxious to see the new one," Alessia said softly. 

 

"I can't see!" Lenny heard Laverne saying, and he broke from his reverie and carried the baby back to his wife.  Very gently, he lay her against Laverne's chest and knelt down on the floor beside her. 

 

A play of emotions crossed his wife's face - sublime and tender.  She stroked the baby's back, listening to the child's soft mewling noises.  "I don't believe she's real," Laverne said finally.

 

"She is," Lenny said quietly.  "And she's perfect."

 

Laverne gently pulled the blanket back a little, looking into the child's face.  "She looks like you," Laverne said.  At that note, the baby wailed, puckering her lips.  "She's got your appetite," her mother added wryly.

 

"You want me to go tell the good news?" Lenny asked.  Laverne shook her head.

 

"Grandma?"

 

"I will go," Alessia said quietly.  "Congratulations, me amos," said Alessia, before she exited the room and left Laverne and Lenny quite alone with their child.

 

Lenny felt quite useless as Laverne unbuttoned her blouse, shrugging it off and exposing her milk-engorged left breast.  She fed the baby her nipple, then leaned back against the propped up pillows and sighed dreamily. 

 

He had a family now.  His greatest dream was a reality.

 

Laverne turned her head.  "When I'm done, I wanna change the sheets.  Can you...gimmie a sponge bath?"

 

A slight glimmer appeared in his eye, but he knew enough to keep improper thoughts to himself.  "Okay..." once the baby had finished her meal, Laverne burped her, then handed the infant back to her husband.  Lenny took a moment to admire her once more before lying her back in the bassinette.

 

Silently, his wife held out a hand to him, and he helped her from the bed to a chair, where she undressed herself and watched as he stripped off the sheets and tucked on a new, fresh set.  Once they had clean sheets, he helped her lay back down, then dipped his sponge into a second Pyrex bowl left behind by Alessia.

 

"You remember the last time I did this?" Lenny asked, as he wicked away the sweat beading his wife's brow.

 

"Uh huh," said Laverne.  "Our honeymoon.  They didn't have no showers in our motel," she grinned.  "Sorry it's not gonna end the same way."

 

"Surprises are fun," Lenny laughed.  "You worked real hard, and I'm real proud of you."

 

Once her body was clean, Lenny plucked a nightshirt from Laverne's suitcase, then helped her into it.  When she was covered, she pressed a kiss to his cheek.

 

"I made a good choice," Laverne said quietly. 

 

"I made a better one," said Lenny, covering his wife with a light sheet.   He sat down in an abandoned chair beside her.  "What the heck was Shirl yelling about when she got into the living room?"

 

"She got to touch our daughter's head and help it out," Laverne smiled.  "It overwhelmed her a little."

 

"I thought you were a goner..." Lenny stopped himself.  He wouldn't allow his thoughts to mar such a beautiful day. 

 

"I'll kick her in the shins for you," Laverne yawned.  The voices outside the door became louder, and she roused herself.  "I think we got company."

 

Indeed, Alessia could barely hold back the incoming flood of friends and relatives.  "You want some visitor?"

 

"Do we got a choice?" Laverne joked.

 

Into the room burst Frank, Shirley, Squiggy and Anthony.  Their cacophony of voices melded into a perfect howl, and Laverne could not understand the one of them.

 

"HOLD IT!" she shouted, demanding silence.  "The baby's over there!"  A cluster of grandparents, aunts and uncles formed around the old cradle. 

 

Frank finally said,  "Hey, she got your eyes, Laverne!"

"That's what he said," smiled Laverne.  "Bring her over to me - I miss her."

 

Frank managed to scoop up the baby and carry it over to his daughter.  "Boy, wait 'til I tell Edna she missed the big show - she's never gonna go to visit Amy alone again!"

 

"She should have brought Amy here," Laverne said.  "I want to meet her."

 

"I know, but she don't want her traveling too far," said Frank.  He tickled the baby's chin.  "Cootchie coo!  She smiled at me!"

 

"Pop, that's just gas."

 

"That ain't gas!  I know a smile when I see it!"

 

"Hey Shirl," Squiggy was saying, "you owe me a nickel!"

 

"What for?"

 

"Waddya mean, what for?  You bet me that it was gonna be a boy - I picked girl.  Therefore, it's the land of the law that you buy me either a nickel or box of Abba-Zabba!"

 

Shirley rolled her eyes.  "Is that the lay of the law now?"

 

"Yes!"

 

She sighed, but then sat by Laverne, squealing at the sight of her new goddaughter.  "She's so pretty, Laverne - thankfully, she got Lenny's nose."

 

"Oh gee, thanks," Laverne snorted. 

 

"Hey Len, I owe you a beer, man!" said Anthony from the back of the crowd.  Shirley startled at the sound of the young man's voice, meeting his eyes inadvertently.  He smiled at her.  She smiled back.  Laverne wanted to ask what that was about when Maggie charged into the room, barking, clearly overjoyed as she planted her paws on the bed and began frantically licking Laverne's chin. "Hi, Maggie!" She nuzzled the dog, her arms occupied in holding the baby. 

 

"See the baby, Maggie?" asked Shirley, her voice high-pitched.  The dog whimpered at the sound of Shirley's voice, but stared curiously into the baby's face.  She lapped the tips of the baby's fingers curiously, and then took one long sniff.  Satisfied that the infant was no threat, she curled up on the bed beside Laverne.

 

"Good thing we had that practice doll," Laverne noted.  "Hey!  Ain't anyone curious about what we named her?"

 

Silence overtook the room. 

 

"Well," Lenny said casually, "we had two names picked out - for girls and boys.  So now that we got a girl, I guess that eliminates one set..."

 

"So, long story short - this is Alice May Kosnowski."

 

"Alice May!  Simple!  I like it," said Frank.

 

"We knew you would, Pop."  Laverne said.  "I think we all know who the Alice is for..."

 

Alessia bent over the dog and held her granddaughter.  "I'm honored, bambina."

 

"That's nice, but - who's the Mary short for?" Squiggy asked.

 

"Wellll..." Lenny said.

 

"Uh..." Laverne continued.  "May is a form of Margaret...which is short for..."

 

Four sets of incredulous eyes pinned down the happy couple.  "Maggie?"  They cried together.

 

The dog, on hearing her name, perked up ears and barked.

 

"Laverne," Shirley said, a fake laugh caught in her throat.  "You really don't mean to name your daughter after a DOG, do you?"

 

They looked to each other and shrugged.  "She kinda brought us together," Laverne stated.

 

"LAVERNE!" Frank protested.

 

"Lenny!" Accused Shirley.  Squiggy and Anthony had fallen to their knees in laughter, and she smacked them both on the back of the neck.  "Stop encouraging them!"

 

The room filled with arguing, bantering voices.  Amused but wanting to give the baby peace, Alessia took the baby from her granddaughter and carried Alice May to the bedroom window.

 

Outside, the wind had ceased to howl - the sun had broken through low, hanging clouds.  Doctor Mattan stood on her stoop, far too late arriving but technically still necessary.  Children began to emerge into the late day sun, enjoying what was left of summer, preparing for a new festival season and the parades, fireworks and games they would bring.

 

"Welcome to the family, little one," Alessia said.  "Welcome to the world."

 

Alice slept through this little speech, the little argument behind her - placid and sweet as a spring meadow.  But she smiled, and Alessia believed she heard it all - and agreed with every word.