For Want of a Nail
By Missy

SERIES: For Want Of A Nail
PART: One of One
RATING: PG-13
PAIRING(s): Heavily perfumed with Lenny/Laverne, but they're not together in this fic.
DISTRIBUTION: To LW, Kai, Myself and FG so far; any other archives are welcome to ask, but disclaimers must be included, my email left intact. send a URL, and provide full disclaimers as well as credit me fully. Please inform me if you are going to submit my work to any sort of search engine. Please do not submit my work to a search engine that picks out random sets of words and uses them as key words, such as "Google"

Please contact me in order for this story to be placed on an archive, or if you want know of a friend who would enjoy my works, please email me their address and I will mail them the stories, expressly for the purpose of link trading. MiSTiers are welcomed! Please do inform me that you'd like to do the MiSTing, however, and send me a copy of the finished product. I'd also love to archive any MiSTings that are made of my work!
CATEGORY: Monologue, L/L
FEEDBACK: PLEASE?!
SETTING IN TIMELINE: It's the first reunion-show cannon fic! Post "Island of Doom".
SPOILLER/SUMMARY: Laverne muses over what she gave away for what was perceived to be a 'better deal'.
NOTES: A simple Laverne angst monologue; it's fun to explore why exactly she had married four times.

****

For the want of a nail, a shoe was lost
For the want of a shoe, a horse was lost
For the want of a horse, a message was lost
For the want of a message, a battle was lost
For the want of a battle, a kingdom was lost
All for the want of a nail.

-Anonymous

I had it all. No one told me, but I did, ya know. Had a guy who appreciated me, loved me, even.

But I didn't notice him.

I guess his muscles weren't big enough; or his nose was crooked. Cause I was shootin' high for a perfect hunk.

Shirley said I should; I should follow my dreams. What did she do? She married a doctor she knew for five minutes. They were happy fer awhile; but she settled for a little bitty piece of her big dream.

Me? I ain't never had one.

The closest I got to a perfect guy was Randy...I bet if I spent more time with him, he woulda seemed less great. But he died...I ain't been the same since.

But bein' with him made me forget; made me feel better.

Maybe...he looked at all of the 'hunks' I dated all the time an' thought there wasn't a chance fer us. Not that I coulda thought that way...but I wish I had...

Didn't stop me from gettin' married...four times. When I think it out, the only thing any of 'em had in common was a nice tushy and a strong face. When I married Ben, Pop was so proud...an Italian guy, his muffin was marryin' an Itallian guy. After I had the twins, he acted like I was disgustin' or somethin'. Wouldn't touch me. Then I found him an' Rhonda in bed together. I kept screamin' at him, but he managed ta tell me that their affair was only a temporary thing.

I divorced him.

Pop never forgave me for that. He died thinkin' I was scum. I dunno if dyin' changes anythin, but wherever he is, he probably still hates me. The church hates me, too.

I think I hate myself.

Alvin was next; he was quiet and nice, and I thought maybe an accountant could handle havin' two little girls who looked alike runnin' round the house. But we never did get along all right, an' I started messin' around...everyone messed around, in the seventies.

I shoulda messed around with him.

Yeah, Alvin was a nice guy...I shouldn't'a done to him what I did. He had dignity, not pride, and divorced me. But he always did right by Frankie, our little boy.

I was lookin' to get outta California, but instead....the kids and I moved in with him. We got too close; I got scared, so scared. Then I met Patrick O'Brien.

He was the biggest mistake I ever made.

We ran away together, got married; like I said, he was beautiful. On the outside.

The first time he hit me, I thought it was a joke; the second, I was scared. By the millionth time, I was just staying with him just for an 'I told you so' on the world.

I couldn't take it anymore, An' I ran home to Milwaukee.

I changed everything when I got home; jobs, the color of my hair. I wouldn't let him find me, told people to lie for me. Maybe he grew up; he never tried to find me. Katie was the best baby in the world; never cried, never complained; the result of a disgustin' love.

Aaron was my last husband, and I thought I loved him (Oh, I thought I loved all of 'em, but I didn't know love at all.). He was a nice guy; quiet. The rest I needed from Pat.

And dull as dishwater, until Shirley came to town.

Suddenly, Aaron was jealous of the two of us. I wasn't goin' through that again; I divorced him, quick. But I was pregnant when I did.

All of this stuff; It hurt my kids. The twins won't speak to me, and when they do, it's in screams. They're so far out of my reach that I can't take it, sometimes.

Katie's frighteningly quiet; she's sad, all the time, so sad. Frankie's the solid, dependable guy, but Pat screwed him up, too. Loretta's seventeen now, an' I think I did OK with her.

God, I screwed up.

You tried to be there for me, through all a this, but I shoved ya out of my life; It hurt too much, just like it hurts now, because I shouldn'ta wasted my time on alla these jerks. I shouldn't a just picked a pretty face an' tried ta hang my dreams on it.

I never knew I had 'em until I saw ya.

I couldn't help yellin' after knowin' it was you who licked me; I was standin' in front of Shirl; I hoped that you'd understand that, but ya didn't. An' when I tried ta, you were the one who shoved me away.

"Ya had yer chance, Laverne." And then you just walked away.

Yer right; I had so many chances; I coulda been with ya, my kids coulda had one father. We coulda lived together in California for the rest of our lives and been happy.

Yeah, an' instead I'm mushin' through the snow in Milwaukee, prayin' I won't get killed workin' security at the Packers game tonight. I gotta stop actin' like Shirl, an try to remember my old self; the realist; the dirt-solid girl who doesn't dream ever.

I'll never tell anyone, but you were my dream, Len. An' I gave you up for somethin' I thought was better.

But it wasn't, and I lost the best guy friend I ever had.

I lost you. All for the want of a nail.


The End











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