The Countess Wore An L
Chapter Five
By Missy

SERIES: Goosebumps!
SUBSERIES: The Countess Wore An L
PART: five of undetermined for this arc
Author: Missy
Email: lasfic@yahoo.com
RATING: PG (For language)
PAIRING(s): L/L; S/C; S/R

DISTRIBUTION: To LW, Kai, and FG so far; any other archives are welcome to ask (Please Email Me), but disclaimers must be included, my email left intact. send a URL, and provide full disclaimers as well as credit me fully. Please inform me if you are going to submit my work to any sort of search engine. Please do not submit my work to a search engine that picks out random sets of words and uses them as key words, such as "Google"

Please contact me in order for this story to be placed on an archive, or if you want know of a friend who would enjoy my works, please email me their address and I will mail them the stories, expressly for the purpose of link trading. MiSTiers are welcomed! Please do inform me that you'd like to do the MiSTing, however, and send me a copy of the finished product. I'd also love to archive any MiSTings that are made of my work!

DISCLAIMER: Laverne and Shirley, of course, not my property and belongs to its creators.

CATEGORY: Epic Drama
CANNON/SPOILERS: Pre-Reunion Show Cannon; set five years after the series' conclusion.
FEEDBACK: PLEASE?!
SPOILLER/SUMMARY: Lenny finally graduates, and the gang heads to Poland, where mystery and intrigue await them.
NOTES: The first chapter in the seventh portion to this series. For previous chapters, see the Goosebumps! Section at LAS Fic or The Look. The next arc will be entitled The Countess Wore An "L".

And yes, I couldn't quite figure out how to spell the name of Lenny's soverign mini-nation, so I improvise.

***

"Ahh, Countess," said a suave-looking Italian gentleman in a waistcoat, "How are you enjoying Poland?"

"It's.." She almost said swell in a very obvious Bronx accent, "Splendid."

"And how do you find the weather?" Asked a woman with a British accent.

"Perfectly clement." Laverne realized that someone else had taken possession of her mouth.

"Charming! Splendid!" And then another round of hands to shake. She was reminded absurdly of the Duke's ball; the never-ending cycle of white gloved hands and glittering jewels.

Then, of course, there was food; too much food. Pate made from ground animal organs; marzipan fruits. Heavy breads and tripe soup. Sausage. She ate until she felt like exploding in order to avoid everyone else in the place.

She wanted to go up to Shirley and tell her how awfully bored she was, but then she and Lenny were swept into the middle of the floor and ordered to dance.

It was, all considered, the least romantic moment she had ever experienced in her life. Stiffly waltzing with Lenny, their feet only somewhat trained, her hands forbidden to touch anything but his own, dancing to music she hated in front of a bunch of people she didn't know.

Finally, the music stopped. She clung to Lenny's hand for a moment before finding herself pulled away by a Polish ambassador. He began to babble rapidly to her in Polish, so fiercely that she couldn't follow. He asked her something and paused, expecting her to answer. Her brain dug up what she felt was the right phrase, and she said:

Wybaczaja mnie, wy wielki, gruba swinia!

He gasped, clearly offended. She cleared her throat.

"I mean... Jak pogoda w Londynie, was brudny kon?."

Now the ambassador just looked confused. He left her, marching up to Lainie and repeating what Laverne had said in a babble of angry words. Her eyes widened and she replied with a series of phrases that Laverne couldn't follow. She coolly strode up to her sister-in-law to be and asked.

"Laverne, are you aware of the fact that you just called the US ambassador to Poland a filthy pig?"









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