Alice And The Guy Holding Prince Charming's Horse
SERIES: Alice and The Guy Holding Prince Charming's Horse
PART: One of one
RATING: PG (Pretty innocent)
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CATEGORY: Humor, SOL, Shirley/Squiggy
SETTING IN TIMELINE: Post The episode Shirley's Operation; any time after that, circa Milwaukee.
SPOILLER/SUMMARY: Shirley tells a fairytale to her infant son, one tha just might be based in reality.
NOTES: I'd been yearning to do some Shirley/Squiggy for awhile; my Shrek fixation tipped me off.
The insistent screams of her son dragged the tiny brunette back to wakefulness. Squinting at the clock (Yes, it was still four in the morning), Shirley staggered from her cool, empty room, into the closet she and her husband had transformed into a nursery.
"Shhshh, Sean," Her voice rose to a level only dogs could hear, "Mommy's here! Mommy's here!" She sighed when her lips caressed his forehead. The fever had broken, his diaper was clean; he clearly wasn't in pain. The second she picked him up, he stopped weeping.
"Aww! Mommy's little man just wanted some attention, didn't he?" She cooed, and Sean gurgled, "Do you want mommy to tell you a story?" She carefully made her way over to her rocking chair and settled down, cradling his tiny body in her arms. His wide, dark eyes regarded her with interest as she began her tale.
"Once upon a time...there was a princess. A princess named..Alice! She was tiny, with dark, dark hair, and big eyes...and she was a size five from the waist up." Shirley thought to herself that that wasn't too bad of a beginning at all. "Alice was fair, and good, and kind, and she liked little bitty forest animals with big eyes that scamper.." Her son's eyes showed fright as Shirley's voice climbed higher, "You're just like your father," She sighed.
"The Princess had a kitty named Boo Boo Kitty, the prettiest black cat that ever lived. She had a wise old crone of a handmaiden...her best friend, Lavinnia. And from the time Sh-I mean, Alice was a little girl, she had always had a crush on the handsomest knight in the kingdom, Sir Brillo."
"Alice and Sir Brillo were betrothed when they were very, very young; oh, and how Alice loved him: all shiny and bright up on his white horse. But the years went by, and it seemed that Sir Brillo would never, ever marry Princess Alice. And frankly, the princess was sick of it. So her father consented for Alice's dating any eligible man in the fair kingdom of..Brewskie.
"Alice dated and dated and dated, all the while waiting for fair Sir Brillo to return from his adventure sailing the Seven Seas of Floozy and marry her.
"One day, Boo Boo Kitty turned up missing; Alice was crazy with worry! She searched through hill and dale for her precious kitty, but no one had seen it! Poor Alice had given up hope of ever seeing her cat again, and sat down to cry on a...rock. But just as she did, a voice cried out to her:
"Hey, Princess! This your cat?" She said, affecting an accent much heavier than her natural one.
The baby giggled; Sean seemed to love it whenever Shirley spoke in that particular voice.
"Alice looked up, and there was her cat! She was overjoyed to see it and grabbed it from the arms of it's rescuer. The man began to explain that he'd found the kitty in his...um, flower patch," Shirley wasn't sure if they had a word for 'laundry' in those olden days, "It didn't take Alice too long to realize just who had rescued her cat; A stable boy, and, I might add the family troll, Squiggles."
"Alice had never liked Squiggles much at all; he was crude, loud, a bit unrefined. He had never done something so nice for her before. She asked Squiggles what he wanted most, as a reward for finding her precious Boo Boo Kitty. This was the very opportunity that Squiggles had been looking for all of these years; he asked Alice for a date. And, though Alice had been out with Squiggles before and not had a very pleasant time, she decided to accept his offer.
"Alice was surprised by Squiggles on their date; how kind and charming he could be when he was under the spell of love. The more time they spent together, the less it mattered to Alice that Squiggles was a troll. For months, Alice dated Squiggles, and over those months she grew to love him.
Love him. That was the part that still surprised Shirley.
"Alice's mother had always told her never to fall in love with trolls; they were slimy and scary. But Alice realized that Squiggle's sliminess was just surface; there was something truly sweet and kind beneath his bumpy skin...
"Alice asked her wise crone friend what to do, and Lavinnia told her that that's exactly what love is supposed to be about: and maybe, if she kept looking under Squiggle's surface, she would find a prince worthy of marriage."
"This was a lot for Alice to take in, and wouldn't you know it, Sir Brillo returned from skimming the surface of Bimbo Lake just as she was about to ask Squiggles to marry her...." She looked down at the quizzical expression her son wore, "Don't look at me! It's a well-known fact that if a Princess falls in love with someone beneath her social standing that SHE has to be the one doing the proposing." With that Said as though it were a fact that even the simplest person knew, Shirley continued...
"I...Alice just didn't know what to do! She'd given up all hope that Sir Brillo would ever return to her. But Sir Brillo quickly let her know that he wasn't at all interested in Alice any more; he'd discovered a whole new world of girls, and Alice simply couldn't compete with them for beauty and.." She glanced down at her own chest, "...Assets."
"Alice's heart was broken. All of her childhood dreams came crashing down around her, and she wondered if she could ever go on. But as she cried her distress," Shirley paused and thought to herself, "You know, Alice does do a lot of crying in this version of the story..." She shook her head, "Squiggles came to her. He had a handful of daisies that had been yanked out of a window boxum meadow...and he'd found a red ribbon for Boo Boo Kitty's neck in the gutters...uh, offal dump. Alice's tears stilled; usually, she would scream at getting a used ribbon. But Squiggles was really, really sincere; he meant them as gifts, and this was his way of showing how much he loved the princess.
"She kissed him for cheering her up; and with that kiss, Squiggles ceased to be a troll. He really was Alice's Prince Charming." She stroked her son's cheek, "And Squiggles took her away in his white ice-cream truck. They all lived happily ever after."
Shirley looked down at Sean; he lay, asleep, in her arms. She laughed to herself, gingerly standing and transferring him to the crib, lying him carefully down and kissing his head before sneaking to the door, "You ARE just like your daddy," she re-iterated, sneaking out of the room...
...And bumping nose-first into Squiggy.
"Hello," He blurted, trying to be quiet. Shirley gently closed the door and kissed her husband.
"How long have you been standing there?" She suspiciously asked.
Squiggy smirked, "Eva since I found Boo-Boo Kitty in th' laundry pile."
Shirley blushed, "It's his favorite story...Or it used to be. For some reason, it puts him to sleep." She looked sheepish, "I hope you don't mind that I made you a troll."
"Not's much as Laverne'd care about bein' a crown," Said Squiggy. He gave her a semi-suspicious glance as they walked together to their bedroom, "What else are you tellin' that kid of ours 'bout our courtship, anyway?"
Shirley smiled affectionately to her husband and pulled open their bedroom door, "You'll have to ask Sean," she smiled, "I'll never tell."
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