EIGHT
the girls' bedroom

They are just entering the room.

"Okay," Laverne said, hoarsely, "how'd you get fired?"

Shirley sat down on her bed, "It wasn't really my fault... I found something in the script that I didn't like. So I tried to get the director to change it, but all he did was yell... in German! He changed over to English just in time to tell us we were fired."

Laverne thought for a moment, then said "That don't make sense! So ya found somethin' wrong with the script! Why didn't ya just deal with it?"

Shirley looked at her. "I couldn't just deal with it. That wouldn't be fair... Lenny didn't deal with it..."

"Of course not. He can't even go up a step ladder without gettin' light-headed!" Laverne said, cutting her off.

"There's no sense in this... Me explaining this to you... You'd rather defend Lenny than me..."

"Wait a minute, Shirl! I only mentioned that to make a point!" Laverne argued.

"Then why is he on our couch?!" Shirley cried. She buried her face in her pillow.

"Shirl?" Laverne asked. No answer. She got up and left the bedroom and went into the living room. Squiggy had left, but Lenny was still on the couch. Laverne knelt down by his head and tapped him on the shoulder. Nothing. She began shaking him.

"Not again," Lenny said, weakly.

"Len, can't ya go back to your own apartment?" Laverne semi-pleaded. "I'll call Squiggy back down to help ya..."

"Why can't I stay?" Lenny asked.

Laverne was silent. She didn't have a good reason. "Hold on a minute..." she said and turned towards the bedroom, "Shirl, get out here!"

Shirley came out of the bedroom.

"Shirl, Lenny wants to know why he can't stay here?" Laverne asked, relaying Lenny's question.

"Well..." Shirley staggered.

Laverne motioned for her to come closer. "Get over here!"

Shirley moved closer.

"Look at him... He hasn't moved all day!" Laverne told her.

Shirley tried desperately not to meet Lenny's eyes, but the moment she did, she broke down. "Okay, okay, you can stay... for tonight. In the morning, out-you-go."

"Thanks, Shirl," Lenny whispered.

"Thanks, Shirl," Laverne repeated. She looked at Lenny. "You want 'nythin'?"

"Could ya get Jeffrey?" Lenny asked.

Laverne shuddered. "Okay... Shirl?"

"All right, all right, I'll go get him... it... whatever!" Shirley agreed and left.

"Anythin' else?" Laverne asked.

"Um... got 'ny Bosco?" Lenny asked.

NINE
the next morning

The girls' living room is pitch black.

The phone rings.

The girls' bedroom is also pitch black.

The phone stops ringing.

"Shirl, did you get the phone?" Laverne yawned.

"I thought you did," Shirley replied, yawning.

Both girls shot straight up in their beds and faced each other. They screamed.

"Where's my bat?" Laverne asked, looking for her bat.

"In the living room..." Shirley answered.

The girls argued for a few minutes and finally got up the courage to go into the living room.

Shirley sent Laverne out first. She poked her head and looked around.

"I don't see 'nyone," Laverne whispered.

"Hi, Laverne!"

Laverne screamed and fell back, knocking Shirley over, too. The two girls sat on the floor.

"LENNY! Don't do that!... my heart," Laverne said, trying to catch her breath.

"What are you doing?" Shirley asked, getting back up on her feet.

"Well, I..." Lenny said, motioning towards the bathroom.

"Nevermind," Shirley told him.

"What about the phone? We heard it ring," Laverne asked, standing up.

"Oh, the phone... That was Squig, he wanted me to give ya a message from Carmine," Lenny said.

The girls stared at him, waiting for the message. Nothing.

Laverne hit him in the arm. "What's the message?"

"Oh, right, he got a new job..." Lenny started.

"A new job? How wonderful! Did he say what it was?" Shirley asked.

"Squig said that Carmine said he's gonna come over later to tell you girls in person," Lenny said.

"I'm just so happy for him..." Shirley stopped.

"Shirl?" Laverne asked.

"Turn on a light," Shirley said.

"Okay." Laverne turned on a light.

Shirley let out a scream. "GET OUT!" She ran back into the bedroom.

Laverne turned and looked at Lenny. She began laughing and put her hand over her mouth and tried to say calmly, "Len, you forgot somethin'!"

Lenny looked at her, then looked down and realized he forgot that he wasn't wearing pants. He looked at Laverne again and said calmly, "I didn't forget my shorts."

TEN
a half an hour later

The girls are coming out of their bedroom, dressed for work. As they walk by the couch, they glare at Lenny. The girls sat at the kitchen table.

"He's gotta go," Shirley said. She got up, got a box of Cheerios and two bowls. She sat back down.

"Shirl, I'm not arguin' with you again about this," Laverne said, getting up. She got the milk from the fridge and grabbed two spoons. "If you want him outta here, you tell him." Laverne set the milk and the spoons on the table and got a glass and a bottle of Pepsi.

"Milk'n'Pepsi?" Shirley asked, making a face.

"What!? It takes the 'kuh' outta the milk and the 'puh' outta the Pepsi! I already told ya that!" Laverne explained. "Well...?"

"Oh, all right," Shirley said, getting up again. She walked over to the couch and sat down next to Lenny, but about a foot away from him. "Lenny, it's been great having you here, but I think it's time you went back to your own apartment."

Lenny stared at the TV the whole time she was talking to him and continued staring when he said, "I can't."

"Okay, that's... did you say you can't?" Shirley said.

"My keys are in my shoes," Lenny said, still staring at the TV.

Shirley gave up and got up. "Laverne, I'm going to work. I'll see you there." She headed for the door, opened it, stepped out, and slammed it behind her.

Laverne picked up her glass of milk'n'Pepsi, walked over to the couch, and sat down next to Lenny. She set her glass on the coffee table. "Why do you keep your keys in your shoes?"

Lenny turned away from the TV, looked at her, and scoffed, "Because they hurt my feet when I keep them in my boots."

A puzzled look came over Laverne's face.

Lenny grabbed the glass of milk'n'Pepsi and took a sip. He went back to staring at the TV, still holding the glass.

Laverne stopped wondering why Lenny keeps his keys in his shoes and blindly went for her glass. She sat back; she knew she brought it over with her. She looked to her left and saw that Lenny was holding the glass. "Len, can I have my glass back?" No answer. She waved her hand in front of his eyes.

Lenny grabbed her hand and looked at her. "What glass?"

"That glass," Laverne said, pointing at the glass.

Lenny looked down at his lap and saw that he was holding the glass between his knees. "Oh, that glass!" He picked up the glass and was about to give it to her when...

"Hello!" Squiggy said, barging in. He came up behind the couch, grabbed the glass, and took a drink. He realized what it was and sprayed it on Laverne and Lenny. "This needs some Bosco!"

ELEVEN
later, at the breakroom in the brewery

The girls are sitting at their usual table and Shirley is ignoring Laverne.

"Shirl, talk to me!" Laverne pleaded. "I can't stand the silent treatment! Oh, c'mon, Shirl," she pleaded again. "You can't ignore me like I'm some annoying little brat...

"Hello!" Squiggy said, barging into the breakroom. He sat down next to Shirley. "Shirley?" No answer.

"She won't speak to anyone..." Laverne said.

"I got just the thing..." Squiggy said. He got up and opened the door to the breakroom. Lenny stood there holding a brown paper bag.

The boys went over and sat down - Squiggy next to Shirley and Lenny next to Laverne.

"Got a present for ya, Shirl," Lenny said, pushing the bag over in front of Shirley.

Shirley looked at it suspiciously.

"Open it..." Lenny started.

"It's from Carmine," Squiggy finished.

"Oh..." Shirley tore into the bag and found a silver chain.

"Look at that... it's so beautiful," Laverne said.

Shirley put the chain on and said, "A beautiful present from a beautiful person through two dofuses."

"That's dofi!" the boys said in unison, correcting Shirley.

TWELVE
the Pizza Bowl, early evening

Laverne and Shirley are sitting at a table eatin a pizza. The boys are at a nearby table. The girls are trying to ignore them.

"I wish Carmine would get here," Shirley said, dreamily.

"...This is one I call the 'double-foldo, backward-flippo'," Lenny said, curling his slice of pizza into a long U.

Squiggy sat in amazement as Lenny flipped the pizza into his mouth.

Then Lenny added, still chewing, "If ya do it right, you get the sauce up your nose and everythin'."

"Let me try that..." Squiggy said, grabbing a slice of pizza.

Laverne turned around in her seat and leaned towards the boys' table. "Hey, Len, don'tcha ever get tired of teachin' that trick to people? I mean, no one's done it right, yet." She turned back around and mumbled, "They never get sauce up their nose."

The boys made faces at her.

"Laverne, please don't encourage them..." Shirley began.

Carmine walked in and gave Shirley a hug, then said, "How's my AngelFace today?"

"I'm fine... I loved that silver chain!" Shirley told him, showing off the necklace.

"I knew you would," Carmine said. He pulled up a chair and sat between the girls.

"Carmine, what's your new job?" Shirley asked.

"You ain't workin' for that loan shark again, are ya?" Laverne asked.

"Well, Shirl, I got a part in a TV show," Carmine said, ignoring Laverne's comment.

"What TV show?" Laverne asked.

"Yes, the suspense is killing me, what TV show?" Shirley echoed.

Carmine ignored Laverne again, "That's the funny part. It's the one that the four of you got fired from."

Shirley glared at him, then yelled, "WHAT!?"

"You're kiddin'?!" Laverne said, in shock.

Carmine began laughing. "Gotcha!"

"Huh?" Laverne said.

"What... I... what do you mean?" Shirley staggered.

"It was all a joke. I figured you were upset over gettin' fired and all. So, I..." Carmine said.

"A joke!?" Shirley asked, angrily.

"Well, that's not all of it. I also did it because you both were mopin' because Laverne missed that week of work. This was all a set up!" Carmine said.

Suddenly, Squiggy began laughing. "We got you girls good!"

Lenny began giggling.

"What!? All three of you were in on this... What about that director?..." Laverne asked.

"A friend!" Lenny answered through his giggling.

"Everything?... Even Lenny being sick?" Shirley asked.

"Well, that was a little joke..." Lenny began.

"He got airsick on a ladder. So, we used that in our little prank!" Squiggy exclaimed.

"What ladder?" Shirley mumbled.

Laverne stood up. "Okay, I wanna know who's bright idea this was!"

The three guys looked at each other. They pointed at Shirley.

"And you thought I was a bad actress," Shirley said.

"I never said that..." Laverne whined. "This was your idea!? You put this whole thing together? Why would you do a thing like that?!"

"Well, you were sick for a week and I thought you needed to get up, do things, have some fun..." Shirley said.

"Have some fun, huh?" Laverne said, diving for Shirley. "I'm gonna get you for this!"

Shirley ran out of the Pizza Bowl, with Laverne on her heels.

Carmine's smile faded. "Gee, I feel kinda bad now."

"Don't feel bad, Carmine..." Squiggy began.

"Yeah, Shirley runs faster than Laverne," Lenny finished.

THE END :)~

On To Part 2









(Close This Window To Return To LAS Fic)