ONE
Laverne & Shirley's apartment, afternoon

The girls come in the door carrying paint cans and brushes.

"Trust me, Laverne, this'll be even better than one of those smut-beds you've been wanting," Shirley said.

"Why do I let you talk me into these things?...and it's not a smut-bed!" Laverne argued.

"Painting our bedroom walls will be fun. Besides, we don't have any dates for tonight," Shirley said, going into the bedroom.

Laverne followed her. "Do ya know why that is, Shirl?"

"No, why?"

"I'll tell ya. It's because you won't give any guy at the brewery a chance..." Laverne answered.

"I've given them chances. It's just that most of them seem to always have a glazed over look and a smell of beer about them," Shirley said.

"Because they work at a brewery," Laverne paused. "Hey, Shirl, you said somethin' rather disgusting and the boys didn't come bargin' in. Are they still on vacation?"

"Yes, Thank God!" Shirley said, then looked around the room. "We're gonna have to take down the wallpaper and cover everything in plastic first so that we don't get any little paint splatters."

There's a familiar knock at the door.

"It's Carmine! I'll be right back!" Shirley said, running out of the room.

"Sure, I'll wait - but only for five minutes, then I come and paint YOU," Laverne said.

In the living room, Shirley let Carmine in and they sat on the couch.

"You girls want any help painting?" Carmine asked.

Shirley started playing with Carmine's shirt collar. "You could find us a step-ladder."

"What do I get in return?" Carmine asked, leaning closer to Shirley.

"SHIRLEY!"

"Five bucks," Shirley said, quickly getting up. She ran into the bedroom.

Laverne stood in the center of the room, holding a brush dripping with paint. "I told you, Shirl, five minutes or I paint you."

Shirley smiled. "I'm sorry, but I got Carmine to go get us a step-ladder!"

Laverne took a few steps closer.

Shirley's smile began to fade. "Laverne?..."

Laverne stayed silent, still coming towards Shirley.

"Now, wait a minute, Vernie, I apologizd," Shirley said, beginning to back up towards the door.

Laverne kept coming. She backed Shirley completely out of the bedroom and began chasing her around the couch.

The door flew open and Lenny came in.

"Gir-" Lenny started, but stopped and gawked at the girls chasing each other. "Are you having a paint fight without me and Squig?"

The girls kept doing laps around the couch.

"Shirl said that we should paint our bedroom walls. Fine, but she starts talkin' with Carmine and leaves me to paint alone. So, since she wouldn't help, I'm gonna paint her," Laverne said, calmly.

Shirley squealed. "Help me!"

The girls did another lap and Lenny grabbed Shirley's arm and pulled her out of the running. She spun out the door. Laverne tried to follow, but tripped over the first step, narrowly missing Lenny, but getting herself on the nose. She sat up and began laughing.

"I didn't know it was Christmas already!" Laverne laughed, touching a finger to her nose, then looked at the red paint.

Shirley came back in. "You remind me of Rudolph!" she said, begining to laugh.

Lenny began laughing and the girls stopped and looked at him.

"What're you doin' back so soon?" Shirley asked.

"...And where's Squiggy?" Laverne asked.

"Squig's at the apartment gettin' my stuff together," Lenny answered.

"Huh? Gettin' your stuff together? You guys just got back, didn't you?" Laverne asked.

"Yeah, we did, but I'm leavin' again," Lenny said. He turned and started for the door.

Laverne grabbed the back of his jacket. "You wanna explain what's goin' on before I have to hurt you?" she said, still holding his jacket. She pulled him over to the couch and pushed him over the arm. He landed face down and Laverne sat on his legs.

"Oh, alright... but only 'cause ya asked so nice... ya wanna get off?" Lenny said, giving in.

Laverne got up and Lenny shifted on the couch. She sat back down and Shirley sat on the other side of Lenny.

"Well, you remember when I said I was 89th in line for the throne of Poland and Squig said that all I need was one good plague?" Lenny asked, then paused.

The girls sat for a moment, then realized he wasn't going to continue.

"Yes!" Laverne said.

"You'll never guess what happened..." Lenny started.

"There was a plague and you're going to Poland," Shirley said, jokingly.

"How'd ya guess?" Lenny said, surprised.

"What?" Laverne asked. "Are you serious?"

"Yeah, I'm leavin' tonight," Lenny said. "I just came by to say goodbye."

The girls froze with surprise.

"You're really going?" Shirley asked.

"Yup. Hey, I gotta get goin'," Lenny said. He got up and left, leaving Laverne and Shirley sitting on the couch, expressionless.

TWO
Lenny & Squiggy's apartment, about 15 minutes later

Squiggy has just left to do his second shift of deliveries for Shotz.

Lenny is gathering the last of his things.

There's a knock at the door.

"It's open," Lenny said.

The door opened and Laverne came in.

"Hi," she said, looking around the room. All that was left was Squiggy's stuff. "You're really goin'."

"Yup," Lenny said, finishing his last box. He turned towards Laverne and the door. He came up to her and was about to leave, but he paused, "I gotta go..." He was just about out the door when Laverne turned around to him, grabbed his arm, spun him around, and kissed him right on the lips.

THREE
girls' apartment, an hour later

The girls are watching TV, when a noise is heard.

"What was that?" Laverne asked.

"It sounded like it came from the dumb-waiter," Shirley said. She got up, went over to the kitchen, and opened the door of the dumb-waiter. She turned around, holding Lenny's "LONE WOLF" jacket.

Laverne came into the kitchen and saw the jacket. "That's what was in the dumb-waiter!?"

"Yeah," Shirley said. She opened up the jacket and an envelope fell on the floor. She picked it up and held it out to Laverne. "It's got your name on it."

Laverne took the envelope, opened it, and pulled out the paper. She read it silently, while Shirley began folding the jacket.

"What's it say?" Shirley asked.

Laverne looked at the back of the paper. "All it says is 'Lone Wolfette'."

FOUR
Shotz brewery breakroom, morning

Laverne and Shirley are sitting at their usual table chatting. Laverne is wearing Lenny's jacket.

Shirley got up and went to get a cup of tea. "Laverne, I don't understand... you slept in that thing!" She sat down.

Laverne got up and went to the candy machine. "So what if I did? It seems he gave it to me."

"Yeah, but do you realize that it must've been touched by..." Shirley started.

The door flew open.

"Hello!" Squiggy said, coming in the room. He went over to the coffee pot and looked inside. "Yup, same old mold."

"Ewww... thanks for the coffee report," Shirley said, then covered her mouth with her hand.

"You seem awfully cheerful, Squig," Laverne pointed out.

"Yeah, well, I won't be wastin' my time here much longer," Squiggy said.

"Why? Are they firin' ya?" Laverne asked.

"Nah, I'm quittin'," Squiggy said and sat down next to Shirley.

"You're quitting? Why?" Shirley asked. "Where are you gonna get money for your rent?"

"I asked Lenny to send me some every month and he said he'd send prob'ly five-hundred bucks a month," Squiggy said.

The girls' jaws dropped.

"Five-hundred bucks a month?!" Shirley repeated.

"I wouldn't mind gettin' that much," Laverne commented.

Squiggy grinned. "Well, you coulda gotten half if ya'd married Lenny and gone wit' him!"

"You're a dead man!" Laverne said, loudly, jumping up.

Squiggy got up and ran out the door, slamming it behind him.

Laverne ran into the door. "I hate that little guy!" she said, rubbing her arm.

Shirley came up to her. "He made a good point, though. He's gonna get money from Lenny and if you'd married him you could've sent me money," she said, then smiled.

Laverne turned and faced her. "Shirl, don't help."

FIVE
girls' apartment, afternoon

Shirley is making supper.

Laverne comes in the door with the mail. "There's nothin' but junk mail in here. Junk... junk... junk... hey!?"

Shirley looked at her. "What? Did we actually get a letter from someone?"

"Yeah, but there's no return address. I dunno who it's from," Laverne said, begining to open it. "I'm surprised that we even got this, I can barely read the hand-writing."

"Lemme see!" Shirley said, grabbing the letter. She unfolded it and another paper fell to the floor. "This is from Lenny!"

Laverne bent down and picked up the paper. "And this is a check... for five hundred bucks!"

"What!?" Shirley said, surprised.

"Read the letter, Shirl," Laverne told her.

Shirley looked at it. "I can't read his hand-writing..."

"Gimme," Laverne said and snatched the letter from her. "'Girls, here's a little som'en for you to throw around. But don't tell Squig - I only sent him two-hundred and fifty bucks. Lenny. PS: I'm still the Count Of Coolokowski!!!' That's it." She showed the PS to Shirley.

"That doesn't tell us much about any of his. Why would they call on him? There's no way a plague could've wiped out the eighty-eight before him! They couldn't all have been in Poland!..." Shirley said.

"Shirl!" Laverne yelled, putting her hand over Shirley's mouth. "Stop it. Let's face it, he lucked out. One of us had to. Just deal with it."

"I'm sorry - it's just... just that... well, I'm jealous... and I dunno why," Shirley said, sitting on the couch.

Laverne sat next to her. "I shouldn't've yelled at ya. I dunno, I mean, I'm jealous, too - he gets to be a Count and all I've got is his jacket..."

The phone rang.

Laverne jumped up and ran to it. She picked up the receiver. "Hello?..."

"Hello," Squiggy said, coming in the door.

"Shh!" Laverne said. "Who? Lenny!"

Shirley juped up and the three met at the phone and began fighting over it.

"I had it first!" Laverne said, yanking the phone away. "Sorry, these two were fightin' me for the phone. So, what's the story over there?"

SIX
Poland, Lenny's house

Lenny looked around the room. "Well, there's not too much goin' on now... oh, sorry! You guys would love it here. I don't hafta do nothin'! There's this guy that's always wearin' this black suit and he's always askin' me if I want him to do stuff for me..."

"That's probably the butler, Len," Laverne said.

"Oh, so that's why he told me he 'butles'," Lenny said. "It's not too bad here, but these people won't leave me alone."

"Well, that's part of their job, Len," Laverne said.

"Hey, Laverne, are Squig and Shirley still there?"

"Yeah."

"Oh, I wanted to tell ya som'en. You think you could get rid of them?"

"I can try."

SEVEN
girls' apartment

"Could you two go out on the stoop or somethin'?" Laverne said, shooing them away.

"Why?" Squiggy asked.

"You especially - get out! If Len wants to talk to YOU, he can call YOU, but he called us so get lost!"

"Fine. I'll just leave," Squiggy said, starting towards the door. "You can tell I'm leavin', my voice is gettin' fainter." He went up the stairs.

"You, too, Shirl. Uh, go into the bedroom or somethin'."

"Okay, let me know when you're off," Shirley said and went into the bedroom.

"Okay, Len, what is it?"

EIGHT
Lenny's house

"I don't like it here," Lenny said.

"What?! Why?" Laverne asked.

The butler came in the room.

Lenny moaned. "Oh, he's back again." He turned to the butler. "I still don't need nothin'. I'll letcha know when I do."

The butler left.

"Laverne, I'm comin' home, but don't tell no body. I wanna surprise everybody, okay?" Lenny said.

"Okay," Laverne answered.

"Bye."

"Bye, Len," Laverne said and hung up the phone.

NINE girls' apartment, a few days later

It's three in the morning. Laverne is walking around half-asleep, trying to get a glass of milk'n'Pepsi.

There's a knock at the window.

"Huh?" Laverne said, staggering towards the window. She grabbed one side of the curtains and opened the window. "Lenny!"

"Shh! Ya don't hafta announce to the whole neighborhood I'm back. Geez," Lenny said.

"What're ya doin' out there?..." Laverne started.

"I saw the light on... Can I come in? That creepy guy that looks like Ricky Ricardo* is out here and I think he's gonna start singin'... and I don't wanna be out here when the whole neighborhood starts throwin' stuff at him," Lenny said.

"Yeah... once that guy starts, he doesn't stop 'til the cops come," Laverne said. She closed the window and the curtain, then went to unlock the door.

TEN
morning

Shirley staggered out of the bedroom and stopped, then screamed.

Lenny rolled off the table behind the couch.

Laverne sat up quickly. "Shirl! What're ya tryin' to do? Scare us to death? All ya had to do was shake me."

Shirley pointed at Lenny, who was getting up off the floor. "What're you doin' here?"

"I didn't like it there... I missed you guys," Lenny said.

"Even Squiggy?" Shirley asked.

"Yeah," Lenny said, not too sure.

"Anyway, atleast Laverne won't be sleeping, wearing your jacket anymore," Shirley said.

"Shirl!" Laverne said, jumping up. She ran over and put her hand over Shirley's mouth.

"Oh, yeah. Can I have it back?" Lenny asked.

"All right," Laverne said. She went over to the closet, opened the door, and stepped in. She emerged holding the jacket.

Shirley went back into the bedroom.

Laverne handed the jacket to Lenny. "Why did ya leave a paper in it that said 'Lone Wolfette'?"

Lenny put the jacket on. "Because..." He went to the door and opened it. "You love me," he said and went out the door, closing it quickly behind him.

Laverne stayed silent. She convinced herself that she wouldn't scream or run after him.

Suddenly, laughter came from the bedroom.

Laverne went in to find Shirley laughing, almost hysterically. "What're you laughin' at?"

Shirley calmed herself down to giggling, got up, and put her arm around Laverne's shoulders. "I think you two make a cute couple!"

Laverne stepped away and went over to her bed. She sat down and picked up her mirror. She looked at herself. "Yeah? Well, I think that you and Squiggy make a cuter couple!"

Shirley screamed.

Laverne started laughing.

THE END :)~