ONE
girls' apartment, afternoon

Lauren, Laverne, and Shirley have been watching TV.

There's a knock at the door.

"It's open," Laverne said, loudly.

The door opened and Edna came in. "Hi, girls."

"Hi," the three girls said in unison.

"I just wanted to let you know there's a new tenant. Would you girls like to meet him?" Edna asked.

"Sure!" Laverne said, happily.

Edna leaned out the door and gave a signal to him.

He appeared in the door. "Hi, I'm Michael."

The three girls turned and looked at him. They froze immediately. Their reason - this guy, Michael, looked just like Lenny!

TWO
later

Shirley left to get a pizza. Laverne and Lauren have been talking.

"I've always had this thought that everyne has a twin... and I keep gettin' proved right in my thinking!" Lauren said.

"It's so strange... they could be twins... but I've never seen twins look more alike!" Laverne said.

There's a knock at the door.

"I'll get it," Lauren said. She got up from the couch, went over to the door and opened it.

Lenny was standing there. He came in quickly and slammed the door after him.

Lauren went back over to Laverne. "You think he saw Michael?"

THREE
20 minutes later

"This is really creepy!" Lenny said.

"You've never heard my theory..." Lauren started.

"Not now with the theory," Laverne said, then added, "Len, you aren't gonna leave, are ya?"

"No, not anytime soon," Lenny said

"I'm not sharing the couch again..." Lauren said.

Laverne finally had enough. "Lenny! So what if he looks like you! Big deal!" she paused, "I wonder if I could get a date with him..."

"Awwe..." Lenny started.

"Don't do that!" Lauren said. "You've got me, remember?"

The door opened and Shirley came in carrying two pizzas. She saw Lenny. "It's a good thing I decided to get two pizzas... but, this time, Len, don't get sauce all over the place, okay?"

FOUR
evening

Shirley and Lauren have gone to see a movie. Laverne saw it already and stayed home to watch TV.

There's a knock at the door.

If it's Lenny again, I'm gonna ring his neck, Laverne thought. She opened the door and fouNd Michael standing there. "Hi. This is a surprise!"

"Can I come in?" Michael asked.

"Sure... you can even sit on the couch, if ya wanna," Laverne said happily, not realizing how stupid that sounded.

"Thanks," Michael said, walking over to the couch. He sat down.

Laverne followed. "Soo... have ya met any of the other tenants, Michael?" She sat down next to him.

"Mike... and, yeah, I have... those two weird guys on the fourth floor - I'm right across the hall from them. I couldn't help but notice that the taller one..."

"Lenny," Laverne said.

Mike continued, "...Lenny and I look an awful lot alike."

"Yeah, we figured that out," Laverne said.

"Oh," Mike said. "Uh... what was your name again?"

"Laverne... Vernie for short," Laverne said.

"You wanna go see a movie?" Mike asked.

"Sure!" Laverne said She jumped up and got her coat.

"Don't you wanna know what's playing?" Mike asked.

"Who cares!" Laverne said. She grabbed Mike's arm and pulled him all the way up the stairs.

FIVE
on the stoop, midnight

Lenny has been sitting on the stoop for about an hour.

Lauren came out. "What're ya doin' sittin' out here?"

"Nothin'," Lenny said, looking down the street.

"Are you waiting for Laverne?" Lauren asked.

"Yes and no... Ya wanna sit?" Lenny asked.

"No, I'll pull up a piece of cement step, thanks," Lauren said.

"It ain't so much I'm waitin' for Laverne... I don't trust that Mike," Lenny said.

"Jealous?" Lauren asked.

Lenny looked at her quickly. "No!... It's just... I dunno why."

"I believe ya. I wonder why Laverne went out with him... She couldn't have found out enough about him unless..." Lauren stopped, the words catching in her throat.

"Unless what?" Lenny asked.

"She went out with him for his looks," Lauren finished.

Lenny was quiet, as if thinking, but not too hard. "You mean..."

Lauren sighed. "She likes you."

"Why couldn't she have liked me when I wanted her to like me?" Lenny asked.

"It's me..." Lauren said. "Laverne is jealous of me!"

"I don't wanna be in the middle of this," Lenny said.

A car came down the street and stopped in front of the steps.

Laverne got out of the passenger side and Mike got out of the driver side.

"What're you two doin' out here so late?" Laverne asked.

"Star gazing," Lauren said, quickly.

Laverne looked up. "It's cloudy."

"Cloud gazing," Lenny corrected.

"Okay, don't tell me," Laverne said.

Mike came up next to Laverne. "Why don't you go in, it's gettin' a bit cold out here."

"I'll be waitin'," Laverne said and went in.

"I guess not everybody sleeps, huh?" Mike said, trying to be funny. He wasn't.

"Naw, we're owls. We sleep durin' the day!" Lenny retorted.

Lauren snickered, supressing her laugh.

"You act like you don't like me..." Mike started.

"It ain't that I don't like ya..." Lenny said, standing up. "It's that I don't trust ya."

"Then I guess you also don't trust what you see in the mirror!" Mike said and went in the building.

Lenny stood there amazed.

Lauren stood up. "Low blow!"

"What an insult!" Lenny exclaimed, balling up his fists. "I should beat that guy to a crisp!"

"Normally, I'd disagree... but that attitude does not fit that face!" Lauren said.

SIX
girls' apartment, morning

All three girls are in the kitchen eating breakfast.

"Did anyone hear some noises last night just before one?" Shirley asked.

"Naw," Laverne said.

"I thought I heard a little som'en strange..." Lauren said.

The door opened. Lenny came in, holding a hand over his eye.

The girls turned and looked at him.

"You girls got an ice pack?" Lenny asked, semi-whining. He took his hand off his face to reveal a black eye.

"What the...?!" Shirley started.

Lauren jumped up and looked for something to put ice in.

"Len, what happened?" Laverne asked.

"Did Mike do that?" Lauren asked, filling a Zip-Lock bag with ice.

"Yeah," Lenny answered.

Lauren walked over and handed Lenny the bag of ice. "Whatta jerk that guy is!"

Laverne stood up and walked towards the couch, where Lenny and Lauren were now sitting. "Who would he do that?"

"All I said was that I didn't trust him..." Lenny said.

Lauren glared at him. "And...?"

"And I swung at him first... I missed," Lenny said.

Shirley came over to the couch. "I think we should tell Edna and get Mike outta here."

"I agree!" Lauren said.

"Well..." Laverne started.

Shirley, Lauren, and Lenny glared at her.

"He was nice to me," Laverne said.

"Tell me som'en, Laverne, why did you go out with him?" Lauren asked.

"I went out with him because... and... also..." Laverne paused, then sighed. "He looks like Lenny."

"I knew it!" Lauren blurted out. "She's jealous!"

"What?!" Laverne said. "I'm not jealous of you!"

"Then why do you all of a sudden have an interest in Lenny?" Lauren asked.

"I'm in the middle again!" Lenny whined. He sunk down on the couch.

"Uh... well... um... oh," Laverne said, frazzled. "Alright, fine. I am jealous... but not of you! Happy?" She got up and went into the bedroom, slamming the door behind her.

"Another fight," Shirley said.

"I didn't mean to argue with her. Besides, I didn't think she'd leave the room... I thought I'd end up with a black eye to match Lenny's... Sorry, Len," Lauren said.

Lenny sat up. "It's okay... I was sorta expectin' it, too."

SEVEN
later that afternoon

Laverne and Shirley are still at work. Lauren and Lenny are in the girls' apartment talking with Edna. She has just told them that she kicked out Mike.

"I'm glad he's gone," Lauren said. "I just can't figure out Laverne - she went out with that guy because he looks like Lenny and says she's jealous... but not of me."

"So, Laverne said she was jealous... but not who she was jealous of. I think there's a deeper reason why she went out with him," Edna said.

"I've been startin' to think so, too, but she won't talk to me... and I don't wanna drag Shirl into the middle of this," Lauren said.

"Isn't there anyone who's already in the middle?" Edna asked.

"Well," Lauren said. She looked at Lenny.

"No way! I don't wanna! I'll end up with two black eyes - one's plenty enough," Lenny said.

"Len, someone's gotta find out what's up with Laverne and you're the only one that's in the right place - in the middle. She'll talk to you. I'd do it if she'd talk to me, but she won't, so you're elected," Lauren said.

EIGHT
evening

Laverne is alone in the girls' apartment.

There's a knock at the door.

"Come in," Laverne said, loudly.

The door opened.

"Hi, Laverne," Lenny said. He closed the door and walked over to the couch.

"Whadya want?" Laverne asked.

"Um... who're you jealous of?" Lenny asked.

"Real subtle, Len," Laverne said, sarcastically. She got up and went towards the kitchen.

Lenny followed. "I'm serious... Who?"

Laverne spun around and walked over to Lenny.

Lenny leaned away.

"Ya wanna know wo I'm jealous of?! I'll tell ya," Laverne said, loudly.

Lenny leaned away more and nearly fell over.

"You!" Laverne said. She backed off.

"Me?" Lenny asked. He stood up straight and went towards Laverne. "Me?"

Laverne sat down at the kitchen table. "Yeah, because you found Lauren..."

Lenny sat down next to her at the table. "I tried two times..."

"I know... and I'm the one who ended up striking out," Laverne said. "I dunno why I thought that guy could replace ya. I mean, who else woulda come here to talk to me..."

"Well, Lauren woulda, but she said you weren't talkin' to her..." Lenny said.

"Len, I'm tryin' to give ya a compliment... Thanks," Laverne said. She gave him a kiss on the cheek, but Lenny didn't giggle. "What's wrong?"

"I'm confused," Lenny said. "I'm still in the middle."

"No, we're friends. Besides, I like seein' you and Lauren together," Laverne said.

"Ya do?!" Lenn said, surprised.

"Yeah... I've been wondering som'en, though... Does Lauren hafta stand on som'en to kiss ya?" Laverne snickered.

"I heard that!" Lauren said. She came into the living room. "So what if I'm only five foot? It's better that Lenny's taller. Look at Squiggy. He's only a few inches taller than me..."

"Are high heels comin' into this somewhere?" Laverne asked.

Lauren smiled.

"Squig's lucky to have a step-sister like you - always pickin' on him!" Lenny said.

Lauren crossed her arms. "I know... I'm the best, aren't I?"

THE END :)~

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