ONE
Lauren & Kristin's apartment, afternoon

Kristin is sitting at the kitchen table. Lauren comes out of the bedroom.

Lauren- What're you eating?

Kristin- Ice.

Lauren- Sounds good... any left?

Kristin (looks down at the empty tray)- Sorry.

Lauren- It's 80 outside and prob'ly 85 in here and you eat all the ice cubes!... I'm gonna go see if I can borrow the boys' fan... and some ice! (leaves)

Lauren goes across the hall and knocks on the boys' door. No answer. She knocks again. Still no answer. She turns the doorknob, opens the door an inch, and listens. Nothing. She opens the door all the way and goes in. She spots the fan, goes over, and picks it up She starts out when something catches her eye. She sets the fan down and picks up a piece of paper.

Lauren (reading silently)- "If you're reading this, then we've gone coal minin'. There's s'posed to be a mine just outside of Milwaukee called 'Rich Man's Mine'... I dunno why, that's a stupid name for anthing. To be continued..." (starts quickly back to her apartment) Kristin! (rushes to the kitchen table)

Kristin- Where's the fan?

Lauren- Who cares!? Lookit this! The fellas went coal mining!

Kristin- Coal mining?... Yup, that sounds like som'en they'd do.

Lauren- Yeah, but there're also diamonds in coal mines!

Kristin- Diamonds?! What're we waitin' for? Let's get Laverne and Shirley and find the boys!

TWO
Laverne & Shirley's apartment

A few minutes later...

Shirley- Diamonds in Milwaukee? Very unlikely.

Laverne- The mine isn't in Milwaukee, Shirl.

Lauren- Are we goin' or what?

Shirley- I don't know...

Kristin- Oh com'on, Shirl! Live a little!

Shirley- Well...

Laverne- We'll drag Carmine along...?

Shirley- Okay!

They leave.

THREE
somewhere just outside Milwaukee

Squiggy is trying to read a map. He keeps turning it around.

Squiggy- I hate these things! Why can't they tell ya which end is up!?

Lenny- Doesn't it have anything to read on it?

Squiggy (looks at the map)- Oh. (he turns it 180º) They made the print too small...

Lenny- Squig, are you sure there's som'en in this mine?

Squiggy- It's named 'Rich Man's Mine', ain't it? It's gotta have som'en valuable in it.

Lenny- Yeah, well, first we gotta find it.

Squiggy- It's... (looks at the map) that way. (points to his right)

They start off.

FOUR
an hour later

Carmine- I'm tellin' ya, this is a really bad idea! If we find anything of value in that mine, there'll be a claim jumper just ready to shoot us in the back!

Shirley- I knew we should've stayed home.

Kristin (smacks Carmine's arm)- Good goin'! What're ya sayin' somethin' like that for?

Carmine- It's the truth! Every movie I've seen where someone finds a mine, they get shot at and sometimes they even die.

Lauren- Yeah, I saw one of those one time. They guys were shootin' at him and he stumbled over the cliff. He landed on a ledge and got the wind knocked outta him... but he didn't get shot!

Shirley- But you said they were shooting athim!

Laverne- Stop it with the movies already! We gotta find the fellas... and I saw that movie, too... besides Squig, that guy's the only other person I've seen wear Converses searching for a mine... wore 'em on a safari, too...

Kristin- Let's just go before we relive every movie plot we can think of, okay?

They start in the same direction the boys went.

FIVE
in the mine

Lenny (chopping at the ground with a pick axe)- Hey, Squig... (stops) why don't ya help?

Squiggy (looks at him like he's crazy)- Cuz I'm decidin' on the next place where ya should dig.

Lenny- That's fair. (starts chopping at the groud again)

OS- I thought I heard voices down there. C'mon.

Lenny (stops)- Did that sound like Lauren?

Squiggy- You're hearin' things.

About30 seconds later, Lauren appears with everyone else just behind her.

Lenny (looks at Squiggy)- Hearin' things?

Lauren- Did ya find anything yet?

Squiggy- Nutin'.

Lenny- How do you know? I'm the one who's lookin', here.

Squiggy- Complain, complain.

Shirley- He said they found nothing... let's go home!

Kristin- But we just got here.

Shirley- I know, that's why I wanna leave!

Squiggy- everybody's complainin'... geez.

Laverne- Is there anyone besides Shirl who wants to leave? (silence) See? Just pull up a piece of ground and let us have a little fun. Ya never know... we might actually find som'en.

Lenny- Someone wanna gimme a hand, I can't get the pick outta the ground.

Carmine goes over and starts trying to help pull it out.

Squiggy- Ya ain't doin' it right... (goes over and starts pulling on Lenny)

Lauren- Ya gotta try and rock it out, ya cna't just pull it straight outta the ground!

The guys give one last tug and they all fall back on the ground, with the pcik still sticking up out of the ground.

Lauren- Well?

Shirley- Plan B... we go home! (starts to leave)

Laverne (calls after her)- You're goin' alone!

Shirley- Fine. (leaves)

Kristin- Well... that really doesn't help with gettin' the pick outta the ground.

Lauren- Why don't we try? (looks at Laverne and Kristin)

Kristin- Okay.

Laverne- Sure.

The three girls go over and each grab the handle of the pick and start rocking it back and forth. The pick starts to give and a small puddle of water begins to form where it's stuck.

Kristin- Why is there a puddle of water there?

Laverne- Nevermind it, let's just get the pick out.

They keep rocking it until it finally gives way and the girls topple over. Water starts coming out at a nearly gushing rate from where the pick was.

Lauren- Oh, great, we struck water! Good goin' guys!

Lenny- How were we supposed to know it was a water mine?

The water is now gushing and has covered half of the ground.

Kristin- Uh, I think I'm starting to see a slight problem here...

Laverne- We're gettin' flooded out!

Lauren- Well, I'll see you all outside! (makes a run for it)

Lenny (follows)- Right behind ya!

Squiggy- Afraid of a little water...

The water is about an inch deep now.

Kristin- I'm gettin' outta here! (starts out and grabs Squiggy, pulling him along with her)

Laverne- I'm not very interested in the wading pool.

Carmine- Nah, the public pool is better than this.

Laverne and Carmine run out.

SIX
outside

Shirley is sitting about fifty feet away from the mine and sees Lauren running towards her, with Lenny not far behind.

Shilrey- What's going on?

Lauren- The mine got flooded.

Lenny- Yeah, we struck water.

Kristin and Squiggy come running up.

Kristin- That was interesting.

Squiggy- Whatta gyp!

Laverne comes running over, with Carmine right behind her.

Laverne- So much for the mine.

Carmine- Yeah, now it's a well.

Shirley- I told we should've stayed home.

Everyone glares at Shirley.

Shirley- What did I say?

SEVEN
Laverne & Shirley's apartment, later that day

Shirley- What a waste of a day!

Laverne- Shirl, stop it, please. You never wanna try anything new. I thought it was fun and I never thought we'd find anything of value. Besides, we were just joking with the claim jumper stuff.

Shirley- You were?

Laverne- I was, I dunno about the others.

There's a knock at the door.

Lavenre- It's open!

The door opens and Lauren comes in.

Lauren- You girls have a fan I could borrow?

Laverne- Yeah, I'll go get it for ya. (goes into the bedroom)

Shirley- Were you joking around with the claim jumper stuff?

Lauren- Yeah. I'm sorry about that. I didn't realize you'd take us seriously... Well, I'm assuming the others were just joking, too.

Shirley- Thanks.

Laverne comes back with the fan.

Laverne- Here ya go, just don't forget to bring it back when you're done with it.

Lauren- Okay. (starts for the door and turns) It's too bad the boys didn't find anything in that mine before it got flooded. Boy, that water was really dirty. (leaves)

Laverne- Yeah, that water was awfully dirty.

Shirley- Laverne...?

Laverne- Nah, couldn't've been.

Silence.

Laverne & Shirley- Oil!