SEVEN
morning

The alarm clock comes on.

Lauren reaches over blindly and starts hitting everything, looking for it. She finds it and accidentally knocks it on the floor.

Lauren (groggily)- Len?

Lenny replies with that noise he kept making in "The Note".

Lauren (sits up and looks at him)- That clock didn't wake 'im up. Well, guess I'll hafta try the other wake up call. (leans over and kisses him... right on the lips)

Lenny- I'm awake, but I'll fall asleep if ya wanna do that again. (smiles)

Lauren- That's okay. I think the fact I let ya stay on the bed should be enough.

Lenny- Yeah, I might not've gotten any sleep. Thanks.

Lauren- I did that so I could get some sleep.

Lenny- Gonna share again tonight?

Lauren- Len, it's too early for smut thoughts, okay? (pause) I'm goin' in the bathroom.

Lauren gets up, goes over to her suitcase, picks up a pile of clothes, and goes in the bathroom.

Lenny- Boy, she really gets up a man's goat.

O.S. Lauren-I heard that!

EIGHT
later that morning

Lauren is sitting in the gazebo, looking at the lake.

Lauren (to herself)- Good thing I brought alot of film! Laverne's gonna love lookin' at these pictures. (starts clicking a few pictures)

Lenny comes over and slumps down next to her.

Lauren- What's the matter?

Lenny- If he makes me sign one more thing, I'll beat 'im to a crisp!

Lauren (smirks)- That's just one of the many things you'll be doing. (seriously) Listen, this is just a trial run. Besides, do you really want the throneship?

Lenny- Really?

Lauren- Really.

Lenny- No, besides, I'm startin' to doubt that the 88 in front of me all got wiped out by a plague, that was Squig who said that anyway.

Lauren- Well, then let's try to get atleast a vacation outta this.

Lenny- Okay.

Jonathan starts over to the gazebo.

Lauren 9quietly)- Here he comes.

Lenny (quietly)- He's gettin' to be as dreaded as the plague.

Jonathan (comes over)- How are you enjoying the grounds?

Lauren- It's beautiful.

Uneasy silence.

Lenny- How come ya asked me back here?

Lauren- Subtle.

Jonathan- Two reason, really. One, we have not been able to contact any of the next 11 behind you and two... her.

Lauren shoots Lenny the 'I told you so' look.

Lenny- 'Scuse me? What's Lauren go to do with this?

Jonathan- Well, you are married, aren't you?

Lauren rolls her eyes.

Lenny- Who told you that?!

Jonathan- A Mr. Squiggmann.

Lauren (quietly)- I'll hurt him...

Lenny- You've got the wrong idea. We're not married, she's my girlfriend.

Jonathan- Then that causes a slight problem.

Lenny- Huh?

Lauren- Now what?

Jonathan- The last papers you signed this morning gave you the throne and one of the stipulations is you must be married. That is the reason why there has been mo one for the last year. Our last Count was not married and dies with no one to claim the throne.

Lenny- So let's just tear up the papers and we'll go home.

Jonathan- Those are binding contracts. You must meet every stipulation before you can do anything like stepping down. To get out of the contracts, you must get married. (turns and walks away)

Lenny- I don't believe this guy!

Lauren- Let's skip the country!

Lenny- What?

Lauren- Sorry, but he said you've gotta meet all the requirements before you can do anything... so wouldn't that include the marriage thing?

Lenny- Black loop hole?

Lauren- No kidding.

Lenny- It looks like the only legit way to get outta this, though.

Lauren- What?

Lenny- Get married.

Lauren sits there, silent.

Lenny- Lauren?

Nothing.

Lenny- If we do this, I can get outta the contracts, and then we can get out of it.

Still nothing.

Lenny- Well?

Lauren gets up, walks towards the mansion, and goes inside.

Lenny- Is that a yes or no?!

NINE
bedroom, a few minutes later

Lauren is laying face-down on the bed, silent.

Lenny (comes in)- Lauren? (nothing) You who? (goes up next to her) Hey, you!?

Lauren turns her head and gives him a look that could kill.

Lenny (backs off)- Sorry. (pause) What's the problem?

Lauren- I don't know why I let you talk me into comin' with you. What I do know is when we get back to Milwaukee, Squig is a dead man!

Lenny- Okay, so we got painted into a corner... but it won't take much to get outta this.

Lauren (mockingly)- Awe, no! Not much at all! Ha! (normal) Are you nuts? (pause) Stupid question. marriage is a bonding contract in itself and whether it gets us outta this or not, I'm not playing along!

Lenny- If you go along with this, we could be on a plane to Milwaukee tomorrow! If not, who knows how long we'll be here.

Lauren- Tomorrow?... Well...

Lenny- Please!? (gives her that pleading look again)

Lauren- Awe, Len, why do ya do this to me?

Lenny- C'mon...!

Lauren- Oh... I'm gonna hate myself for this... okay, I'll play along.

Lenny (excited)- Yippee! (runs out the door)

Lauren (to herself)- Let's just hope he forgets about what usually comes after the ceremony... (looks down) Let's hope they don't mind jeans.

TEN
Milwaukee, Laverne & Shirley's apartment

Kristin is sulking on the couch.

Kristin- Lauren's so lucky it drives me nuts!

Shirley- True, but you have to remember who she went with.

Laverne- I can't believe we couldn't go! An' why was Squig so persistent about getting Lauren to go anyway? I'da thought Squig woulda weazled his way into it.

Shirley- I wonder if he's up to something.

Kristin- Squig? Naw, what could he possibly have in mind?

The phone rings.

Laverne- I got it! (goes over and picks up the receiver)Hello? (listens) Hi, Lauren!

Shirley and Kristin rush over to Laverne.

Laverne- What's with the music in the background? (listens) What? I think I heard you wrong. I thought you just said... (listens) What!? (listens) Why!? Who!? (listens) I'll kill 'im for ya! (listens) Try to call again tomorrow, okay? (listens) Bye. (hangs up the receiver)

Kristin- What's wrong?

Laverne- Squig did have a little plan.

Shirley- Well, what did Lauren say?

Laverne- As it turned out, they actually let Lenny take the throne... but the only way they could get outta there and come back to Milwaukee was... Oh, I can't say it!

Shirley- Laverne, spit it out!

Laverne- To get outta all the contracts Len signed... without reading 'em, I might add, they had to (deep breath) get married.

Shirley's jaw drops.

Kristin- That's ridiculous!

Laverne (starts for the door)- I got a funny feeling Squiggy's about to have a small accident! (leaves)

Kristin (waves her hand in front of Shirley's face)- Nothin'.

ELEVEN
Poland, midnight

There's a full moon out. It's so bright, it lit up the whole yard, including the gazebo.

Lauren is sitting on the grass near the gazebo.

Lauren (looking at the ring)- Mom and dad better never find out about this, they'll disown me. (shakes her head) I told Laverne, now she prob'ly won't leave enough of Squiggy for me to do som'en to him... Yeah, leave tomorrow. (shakes her head again) Sure, Len. (sighs) Unbelievable. (holds her hand out and looks at the ring shining in the moonlight) Boy, I hope that ain't real gold. Gold plating would be too much. (pulls her knees up and rests her head on them)

A few minutes later...

O.S.- I fell asleep like that once... they hadta untie me the next morning.

Lauren looks to her right and sees Lenny sitting next to her.

Lauren- You know I'm not happy about this.

Lenny- I know.

Lauren- You know I'm not happy they're not letting us leave tomorrow?

Lenny- I know. (pause) But I got power over them. We can leave anytime!

Lauren looks at the ring again.

Lenny- My finger's got a green ring on it already.

Lauren (smiles)- You always do this! Whenever I try to be mad at you and be serious, you say som'en like that. How do ya do it?

Lenny- It's a gift.

Lauren- Could I ask just one thing... seriously?

Lenny- What?

Lauren- When we get back to Milwaukee, what are we gonna do about this? (holds up her hand to point out the ring)

Lenny- Yeah, I guess we should do som'en.

Lauren- It's not that I don't love ya, I do, but I'm not ready for (points at the ring) yet. Ya know?

Lenny- Yeah, I know. (pause) We'll get outta here, back to Milwaukee, and take care of this. (pause) Some honeymoon.

Lauren- I was hoping you didn't remember that.

Lenny- I didn't mean it like that...

Lauren- Hm. Well, we are alone out here...

They look into each other's eyes and start making out.

{author fans herself... again}

TWELVE
Milwaukee, next day

Laverne has just hung up the phone.

Laverne- Good news! They're on their way back this afternoon and should be here tomorrow morning!

Shirley- Good! I'm sure Lauren wants to get her hands on Squiggy. (glares at him)

Squiggy (holding an icepack on his d)- I'm sorry! geez, I didn't think it'd actually happen!

Kristin- Com'on, haven't ya picked on him enough yet?

Carmine- No, I haven't gotten to him yet... Shirl won't let me.

Shirley- I don't like violence!

Carmine- Ya let Laverne beat him up!

Shirley- I was in shock! I didn't know she left!

Laverne- Okay, okay, enough already. I admit, I flipped out a little, I'm sorry, but I had another thought. What do we do now? I mean, we don't know what they're gonna do.

Kristin- Well, what did Lauren say?

Laverne- She said anulment... and I know she's got every right, but I dunno if she can actually decide to do that. guess we'll hafta wait and see.

THIRTEEN
plane, in the air

Lauren- I'm amazed they actually gave you that contract.

Lenny- Yeah. It says if I ever wanna come back and claim the throne, I can... but only if I'm married... Why is that still in there?

Lauren- Speaking of which, do we have a definite decision about what to do about that?

Lenny- Well... (looks at the contract, then tears it up) I won't need this.

Lauren- I was hoping you'd do that!

Lenny- So... ya don't mind flying this time?

lauren- Huh? (realizes) I never had the chance to remember that fear! Why'd ya hafta mention that?

Lenny- Sorry 'bout that.

FOURTEEN
Milwaukee airport, next day

Lauren and Lenny are walking through that tunnel-type thing.

Lauren (quietly)- If they've got anything embarrassing waiting for us...

Lenny- Boy, you're in a bad mood.

They go over and meet with the rest of the group.

Lauren- Squiggy!

Squiggy- Oops, time to go!

Carmine grabs his arm.

Lauren- Thanks, Carmine. (to Squiggy) I'll deal with you later.

The group starts out of the airport.

Laverne goes over to Lauren.

Laverne- So, is it really true? What you said over the phone?

Lauren (holds up her left hand)- Whadya think? (pause) Don't answer. You're thinkin' along the lines of... your favorite phrase?

Laverne- What phrase?

Lauren- You know.

Laverne- No.

Lenny (butts in)- Vodey-yo-doe?

Lauren slaps her forehead.

Laverne- That phrase! (pause) Well?

Lauren (quickly)- No!

Laverne- Just wonderin'.

FIFTEEN
Laverne & Shirley's apartment, later that day

Lauren- Has anyone found the phonebook yet?

Kristin- Nope.

Shirley- Not yet.

Laverne- Don't dial the operator, they make ya pay more for the call.

Lauren- Why does no one have a phonebook when ya really need it?

Laverne- Maybe it's a sign you shouldn't do this? (smirks)

Lauren- Just keep looking, please!

The door opens.

Carmine- I found ya a phonebook.

Lauren runs over, grabs it from him, grabs the phone, and sits on the couch.

Carmine- You're welcome.

Kristin- Ugh. I'm gonna go see if Squig's still in one piece. See ya later. (leaves)

Carmine (to Shirley)- Wanna go see a movie?

Shirley- Okay.

They leave.

Laverne just stands where she is.

Lauren- ...later this afternoon? Oh, that's great, thank you! (hangs up the receiver) Now, to see if Len will go willingly. (gets up and starts past Laverne)

Laverne- Wait.

Lauren- Yeah?

Laverne- You didn't completely agree on this, did ya?

Lauren- No, why?

Laverne- Well, this is sorta reminding me of when Len had that crush on me...

Lauren- Yeah, I remember you told me about that.

Laverne- Just be nice... and make sure there's no coffee table nearby and don't let 'im sit on your legs.

Lauren (smiles)- Thanks, Vernie. (leaves)

SIXTEEN
Lauren & Kristin's apartment, late night

Kristin (about to get in her bed)- So, how'd it feel to be married for two days?

Lauren (writing in her notebook from earlier)- Not all that different, really. Of course, the whole trip was kinda weird anyway.

Kristin- Ya gotta tell me all about it tomorrow, okay?

Lauren- Okay. (puts her notebook on the far nightstand)

Kristin gets into her bed and turns on her side, with her back to Lauren.

Lauren reaches into a pocket and pulls something out. She turns the light out. The moonlight coming through the window curtains is reflecting off the ring on her left hand.