Written by: Lina Karnen
TITLE: Life or Death
CATEGORY: Drama/S & C Romance
SUMMARY: Carmine has a deadly secret to tell that jeopardizes his life and someone else’s.
NOTE: This takes place in California.
Laverne and Shirley were in the bedroom getting ready to leave. They were going to go do fireworks w/ Lenny, Squiggy, Carmine, Edna, Mr. DeFazio, Rhonda and Sonny. Shirley was standing in front of the mirror over the sink in between their beds and Laverne was in the bathroom getting ready.
Shirley: Are you ready Laverne? We don’t want to keep them waiting!
Laverne: Yeah, yeah! I’m coming. So what are we gonna do after all the fireworks?
Shirley: What do you mean?
Laverne: Well, I don’t know, I mean, isn’t it kinda a special night?
Shirley: Yes….it’s the 4th of July!
Laverne: No, no…. I mean…. since it’s the 4th of July, aren’t you and Carmine gonna set off some fireworks? If ya know what I mean!
She walked out of the bathroom and nudged Shirley. Shirley rolled her eyes.
Shirley: Well what about you Laverne?
Laverne: What about me?
Shirley: Are YOU going to set off some fireworks?
Laverne: Hmmm…well it depends!
Shirley sighed and put on her earrings.
They both had on matching outfits: red skirts that came to their knees, and blue blouses that were had straps over the shoulders and white sweaters, and their black pumps they usually wear to work.
Shirley: Are you ready now?
Laverne: Yep come on.
They walked out the door and met everyone outside on the steps in the front of their apartment building. Everyone was there with their date: Lenny and Francis/Squiggy and Connie/Rhonda and Ben/Mr. and Mrs. DeFazio/and Sonny and Laverne. Carmine had not shown up yet so Shirley was just sitting on the steps listening to everyone and smiling.
Laverne: Hey Shirl, where’s Carmine?
Shirley: I don’t know. He should be here soon.
Laverne: Why don’t you call him?
Shirley: Ok, be back.
Shirley got up and ran to her apartment to call Carmine. She dialed his number but no one picked up. She figured he was on his way. Right when she hung the phone up she saw him walking up to everyone on the front steps. She ran outside to see him.
Carmine: Hi Angelface.
Shirley: Hi Carmine. Where have you been?
Carmine: Oh, well, I need to talk to you about something.
Shirley: What?
Carmine: Uh…
He grabbed her arm and they walked around the corner to the side of the building. He had his hands on Shirley’s shoulders. Everyone looked at each other and started to walk to where they could hear them, then Laverne pushed them all back and the went on talking.
Shirley: What is it?
Carmine: Um…well…you know-well-
Shirley: What Carmine?
Carmine: Ok, here it is. I think I have…
Shirley: WHAT?
Carmine: AIDS.
Shirley: WHAT!
Carmine: Now wait a minute! Don’t get mad!
Shirley: HOW IN THE WORLD COULD YOU HAVE AIDS?! HOW COULD YOU DO THIS TO ME?
Carmine: Now wait, I didn’t get it from someone else. Well, I did, but not the way you think I did.
Shirley: Oh ok, so how did you get it Carmine? You don’t get it from touching someone or looking at them!
Carmine: You know how I had to get those shots? Well they think the needles weren’t clean.
She looked at him for a second and started to cry.
Shirley: How could they be that careless? Don’t they understand…
They looked at each other and she reached for him and hugged him. They stood there for a few minutes hugging. Shirley couldn’t stop crying and Carmine tried as hard as he could to not cry. They stopped hugging and walked hand and hand to where everyone else was.
Laverne: Everything ok?
Shirley: Yeah! Of course!
Laverne and everyone else clearly saw she had been crying and Laverne reached over to wipe off Shirley’s mascara.
They all heard the popping noise of fireworks.
Laverne: Hey look! Fireworks!
They all turned around and watched them. Shirley and Carmine sat down on the steps and watched too. To Shirley the fireworks seemed to bother her. They were like explosions and it seemed like the end of the world. At least at that time it seemed. Shirley got up and walked inside. Everyone saw and looked at Carmine who had his head down. Laverne ran after her.
Laverne burst through the door and saw Shirley standing next to the couch. She walked over to her and put her hand on her shoulder so Shirley could face her.
Laverne: Shirl, what’s wrong?
Shirley: Nothing.
Laverne: Oh please! So you mean you just happened to have mascara running down your face and you ran in here for no reason? Is that right?
Shirley: Oh Laverne.
Laverne: Shirl, you know you can tell me anything.
Shirley walked over to the door and then turned around slowly.
Shirley: Carmine, thinks she has AIDS.
She started to cry hysterically. Laverne ran to her and hugged her. She started to cry herself. Shirley started to fall to the ground and Laverne sat there with Shirley with her arms around her as Shirley cried harder then she had ever cried in her whole life.
It was the next day and Shirley and Laverne were talking on the blue couch.
Laverne: So, how did this happen?
Shirley: Well, he had to get shots and the needles weren’t clean. At least they think.
Laverne: This is horrible. I’m so sorry.
Shirley: Me too. I guess I’ll never have kids.
Laverne: Sure you will. He probably doesn’t even have it. And you could find someone else.
Shirley: Yeah, maybe.
They heard the phone ring. It was Carmine. He was coming over. So Laverne said she would leave and some back later. Right as Laverne was leaving Carmine walked in.
Shirley and Carmine stood a big distance from each other.
Carmine: So…
Shirley: So…
Carmine: Look, if I do have AIDS, I want you to know that you are the only one I have ever loved and if I die it’s for you. I mean, everything happens for a reason.
Shirley ran to him and they hugged. They started to kiss.
Shirley: Carmine…let’s go upstairs.
Carmine: Why?
Shirley: Please.
They walked upstairs and into her room. They started kissing more and she was up against the door. She started to pull Carmine’s jacket off but he stopped her.
Carmine: No Shirl we can’t.
Shirley: Yes Carmine. If you die I want to die too!
Carmine: But Shirl-
Shirley: Carmine just don’t say anything. Even if we didn’t do this and you died I would kill myself anyway. So you might as well.
Carmine looked at her and they started to kiss more. She pulled his shirt off and they fell back onto Laverne’s bed with Carmine on top. Then…well… you can imagine what happens from there.
It was around 5:00 P.M. and Laverne walked in to see Shirley sitting on the couch. When Laverne came in Shirley ran to Laverne.
Shirley: Oh Laverne I’m so glad you’re home. I have to tell you something.
Laverne: What?
Shirley: I think I have AIDS.
Laverne: Shut up! That’s isn’t funny.
Shirley: No I mean it! While you were gone Carmine and I…. Well…we…
Laverne: ARE YOU CRAZY!
Laverne slapped Shirley.
Laverne: I can’t believe you! Now you’re gonna die!
Shirley: Laverne-
Laverne: I hate you for that Shirl! I’m your best friend! How could you do that to me!
Laverne ran off upstairs and Shirley ran out the door.
Carmine was sitting on the couch in his apartment waiting for a phone call from the doctor’s office when Shirley burst through the door. She ran over to him and slapped him across the face.
Carmine: What was that for?
Shirley: For last night! You shouldn’t have let it happen!
Carmine: WHAT? You’re the one who started it! You said that I died you wanted to die too. And you wouldn’t let me go!
Shirley: Oh gosh!
Shirley put her hand to her head and walked around in circles.
Carmine: Shirl, Shirl, SHIRLEY! Stop walking in circles!
Shirley: Oh Carmine! Now I’m gonna die and if I do Laverne won’t even care. But it doesn’t matter because I’ll always be with you, but what about her! What am I saying! This is ridiculous! Oh I might as well just kill myself now!
Carmine: Shirl! Stop! We don’t even know if I have it!
Shirley: You’re right! And chances are you don’t. But then chances are you do! Oh Carmine…I can’t believe myself!
Carmine: Shirl, calm down!
Shirley: Carmine I can’t! When that doctor calls it will be the call of a lifetime for both of us! And I’m scared! I don’t wanna die Carmine! And I don’t want you to die! I’m scared for both of us!
Carmine: Shh! Shirl, it’ll be all right! Even if we are gonna die then we still have some time before we do die.
Shirley: I just don’t know how I could live the rest of my life knowing some day soon you and I are going to die from the same thing and you went first I don’t know what I’d do! I guess it wouldn’t matter because I would be right after you!
Carmine: Shirl, you shouldn’t think about that! Remember that song you used to sing…. uh…oh yeah, High Hopes!
Shirley: Yes. But… oh no…
Carmine: What?
Shirley: I’m gonna be sick!
She got up and ran to the bathroom. Ten minutes later she came out.
Shirley: I think I have it!
Carmine: What, AIDS?
Shirley: Yes! What else could make me sick like that?
Carmine: Shirl, you can’t get sick like that from AIDS. That’s not a symptom.
Right then the phone rang and they looked at each other. Carmine slowly picked up the phone.
Carmine: Hello? Yes. Thank you.
He hung up.
Shirley: Who was that?
Carmine: The doctor. He said… I don’t have it!!
Shirley walked over to him and the hugged.
Shirley: I’m so glad! Now you won’t have to die!
Carmine: You won’t have to either!
Shirley: I don’t think I was especially worried about me dyeing, it was you… I didn’t mean to over react.
Carmine: It’s fine!
Shirley: Boy, I don’t think I’ve ever thrown up that much in my li- wait, if I didn’t get sick from AIDS, then why did I throw up so much?
Carmine: I don’ kn-… oh no…I think I know why.
Shirley: Why?
Carmine: Well last night, if you didn’t get AIDS from me… you probably got…pregnant form me.
Shirley: Oh…well… that’s not bad…I mean…
Carmine: That would be wonderful Shirl! I mean, if you felt that-
Shirley: I think it’s wonderful too! So this means that…we’re gonna have a baby!
Carmine: Yeah!
They kissed.
Shirley: Well I’ll be right back I need to do something.
Shirley walked in from Carmine’s and saw Laverne sitting on the couch just starring off.
Shirley: Laverne I have something to tell you.
Laverne: Well save it ‘cause it won’t change anything. You’re gonna die and I’m mad at you because you did that stupid thing just to be with him. Well what about me Shirl? You’re best friend!
Shirley: I don’t have AIDS.
Laverne: You knew that he had AIDS- you don’t have AIDS! That’s wonderful!
She got up and hugged her best friend.
Laverne: But I’m still mad because you would leave me all alone without you.
Shirley: Oh Laverne you’re just stubborn!
Laverne: Well maybe, but I would miss you with all my heart and you know that!
Shirley: Yes, well, I need you to come to the doctor with me. Will ya?
Laverne: Why?
Shirley: Well Carmine and I came to a conclusion and I’m…pregnant.
Laverne: How did this happen?
Shirley looked at her funny.
Laverne: I mean, how did you figure that?
Shirley: Well I got real sick at his house and throwing up wasn’t a symptom of haven’t AIDS, so we figured that if I didn’t get AIDS from the other night, then…
Laverne: Oh I see! Obviously you had no protection so-
Shirley: Ok that’s enough.
It was the next day and Shirley was in the doctor’s office and Laverne was sitting in the waiting room. Shirley walked out.
Shirley: Well come on Laverne.
Laverne: Well… wait, what did he say?
Shirley: …I’m pregnant!
They started jumping up and down and screaming and then noticed all the other patients looking so they stopped and left.
Shirley told Carmine about it and they decided to tell everyone. So they gathered everyone and were ready to tell. They were all at Cowboy Bills and they were all going to have a small get together with dancing and eating.
Carmine: Ok, ok everyone sit down! All right, well, Shirl, tell ‘em.
Shirley: Um, ok, well I’m pregnant!
Everyone started to scream and clap and yell about how happy they were and they were hugging Shirley and Carmine. They all got everyone’s opinion about the subject too.
Edna (whispering in Shirley’s ear over the hollering): It’s about time!
Sonny (whispering in Carmine’s ear): You finally got her Carmine!
Mr. DeFazio (whispering in Carmine’s ear): How about that ring Ragusa!
Lenny (whispering in Shirley’s ear): Will ya name it after me?
Squiggy (whispering in Carmine’s ear): Lucky you!
Laverne: Well ok now let’s them be alone and we’ll all go outside and dance some.
They all left. Shirley and Carmine could hear the music playing outside. The song "Oh What a Night" by Four Seasons came on.
Shirley had her arms around Carmine’s neck and he had his arms around her waist.
Carmine: Well, Shirl, I have something to ask you. I’m not to good at speeches, but I think all these years and all the things we’ve said and done with each other will explain this. Will you marry me?
Shirley: Oh Carmine!
She kissed him. The pulled away and were only centimeters away from each other’s face.
Carmine: Is that a yes?
Shirley: Yes!
They kissed more.
Carmine: Oh what a night!
Shirley: More like what a week!
They laughed.
The End
(Close This Window To Return To LAS Fic)