Bookends
By Shotzette and Missy

Independance Day
By Shotzette


"Independence Day"
By Shotzette
Rated PG-13

This is a work of fanfiction only, and is not intended to infringe upon any copyrights held by anybody anywhere. This was written for laughs, not cash.




A nasal shriek threatened to shake the faux stucco off of the small house in Tarzana. "That does it! This is over, done, finito, no more..." Laverne stomped into the kitchen, wild-eyed and fuming.

Lenny looked up calmly from the Black Scorpion comic he'd been reading. "You upset about something there, Vernie?"

"This, Len! Look at ...this." She flung the tiny scrap of red lace down on the kitchen table, nearly missing his Bosco, Lard, and Tomato sandwich.

He grinned lasciviously. "Oooh, I like," he said as he picked up the tiny thong. "They're sexy, but I don't know if you can fit into 'em." He yelped as her palm connected with the back of his head. "Ow! What did I do?"

"They ain't mine, Len. They're Liz's!"

"Eww!" Lenny yelped again as he flung the thong in the general direction of the kitchen sink and then proceeded to vigorously wipe his hands on the table cloth. "What are you doing going through Liz's stuff? That's even a little more creepy than me doing it, Laverne."

"I didn't have to snoop through her stuff, Len," Lavern snapped. "Princess Liz left these in our hamper. As in "do my laundry for me, Laverne-the-maid!". Who does she think she is?"

Lenny shrugged. "Maybe she put them there on accident?"

Laverne let a short burst of air escape her pursed lips, the noise that used to drive Shirley up the wall in their younger days. "Yeah, like the room she shares with Frankie isn't one the other end of the house."

"It ain't that big of a house."

"You're telling me, it starts to feel smaller every day." Laverne glanced around the tiny bungalow before slumping heavily into the kitchen chair opposite Lenny's. "I don't know how we coped when Skye and Andy lived here too."

"They was all littler." His words were punctuated by a coarse female guffaw from the floor above them. "And a lot quieter," he added as he barely suppressed a shudder.

"I swear, Lenny. I'm gonna lose it. Liz has got to go."

Lenny's eyes widened in alarm. "It'll break Frankie's heart, Laverne. He loves her!"

"Len," Laverne said as she reached out to touch his forearm reassuringly, "he loves her because she's the first girl who gave him the time of day. Not to mention what else she's given him that I never want to know of," she said,as she heard a bed spring squeak from above.

"That just mean's their normal twenty-somethings, Vernie. Remember how we were? I mean, with other people," he needlessly clarified before furrowing his brow and looking off in to the distance.

"That's just the point, Len," she said, hoping to steer him away from how many "other" people they'd individually had. "I mean, don't you think it's weird that Frankie's never wanted to move out?"

"Why would he? We're great to live with. He don't pay rent, he doesn't have to have a job, his girlfriend lives here... Oh," he said as understanding dawned on his features. "Okay, I see what you mean."

"He should be eager to jump out of the nest and try to stand on his own two feet, but he ain't moving, Len. I'm starting to wonder if we're doing right by him. I mean, he can't life with us when he's in his forties." Laverne felt herself pale as she visualized a balding and saggy Frankie planted on her living room couch next to a heavyset Liz in a pink velour track suit.

Lenny shook his head as he dog eared a page of his comic book before setting it aside. "I don't like the idea of throwing him out, Laverne."

"I don't want to throw anyone out-okay, I don't want to throw Frankie out," she said, after glaring at the ceiling. "I just think that it's weird that he don't want to go. I couldn't wait to move out, and I was four years younger than him when Shirley and I got our first place together."

"Yeah, your Pop threw a fit." He paused and look sad. "And I moved out because my brother in law lost a bet with my Dad."

She reached out and massaged his shoulder, those sad baby blues could always melt her heart. "Len, Len, Len, you had a great time when you and Squiggy moved in together."

His expression brightened momentarily. "Yeah, we did. We could have fun like that again, if he ever speaks to me."

Len, Squiggy'll get over Liz's moving out. I'd like to have the chance to get over Liz's moving out, too," she added. "I think we need to lay down some rules."

"What kinda rules?"

"Okay, they pay rent, for starters. That means they'll have to get jobs, which means they won't have all day to sit around here and..."

"Do what we used to do on top of the dryer?" Lenny added, unhelpfully.

"Eww..." Laverne allowed herself a few moments to recover from the full body shudder before continuing. "Maybe when they start to pay rent, we could afford to buy a new dryer," she mumbled. "Also, they'll have to do chores, like, oh I don't know, laundry perhaps?"

Lenny winced. "I think it will be weird if Frankie starts to wash your undies. That could give him a complex."

"That would give us both complexes, Len. Maybe if we start making it not so fun here, maybe it will push Frankie to stand on his own two feet."

"Who says I can't stand on my own two feet?"

Laverne and Lenny turned around to see their son, with a pouting lower lip, Evil Dead t shirt, and flannel pajama bottoms-and Liz-standing behind them.

"Frankie, Liz, it's good you're both here-I never thought I'd hear those words coming out of my mouth, Len," she said as an aside. "Sit down, Len and I want to talk to you both about your future plans."

Liz's eyes lit up. "Did my father call you again and say that Frankie and I need to get married? Because--"

"No," Laverne said, "I am happy to say that Squiggy isn't involved in this at all. This is about you two living here..."

Frankie slapped the top of the Formica table angrily with his hand. "I'm gonna kill Andy. He said he could keep a secret."

"What secret?"

Frankie shook his head. "Don't try to protect him, Dad. I wanted to tell you and Mom about me and Liz moving out myself, but Wonder Boy had to open his big mouth and blab..."

Laverne blinked in surprise. "You and Liz are moving out?"

"Wow, Mom. You play surprised better than dad. Respect."

"We found a house," Liz blurted.

"You two are buying a house? Lenny's jaw threatened to hit the floor.

Liz snorted, then quickly shook her head. "Buy in that neighborhood? Are you crazy? No, we're renting. You know our new drummer, Chad?"

Lenny favored her with a sour smile. "The guy with all the metal crap in his face?"

Liz nodded. "Yeah. His uncle owns a house downtown and the uncle's tenants had to leave...unexpectedly. Chad needs a place to stay since his mom's out of rehab-don't ask, you don't even want to know how messed up that situation is-and he's offered to rent one of the three bedrooms to us."

Laverne's eyes narrowed in suspicion. "Rent. Okay, so where is this 'rent' going to come from?"

"From us. We are going to pay rent, Mom." Frankie turned to Liz and said, "She used to know how this stuff worked, really..."

Laverne poked her son sharply in the shoulder. "I know how stuff works, young man. Where are you going to get rent since neither one of you are working?"

"We're not working...yet! I didn't want to say anything since it's not a one hundred percent done deal, but Liz and I start our new jobs next week." Frankie leaned back in his chair, smiling like the cat who'd just caught the canary.

"Doing what?"

Liz smiled her usual predatory, vampire-red grin. "You are looking at the newest sales person at the MAC store at the Glendale Mall."

"You're going to get paid to wear short skirts, too much make up, and generally make women feel so bad about themselves they have to buy make up?" Laverne asked.

"I know!" Liz squealed. "It's a dream come true! Don't worry, though, " she said reassuringly, "It's just to pay the bills. My main focus is still going to be the band."

"Great," Lenny mumbled, "What is the name this week?"

"Terry Cloth Tent."

Frankie shot her a sideways look. "I thought we were Chinese Drywall?"

Liz shrugged. "Chad, Paul, and I changed it when you were in the bathroom."

"I knew I shouldn't have tried the all-you-can-eat taco bar," Frankie muttered.

Lenny shook his head disapprovingly. "I don't know if I like the idea of my son being a kept man..." He stared off into space again for a few seconds, and then said with a grin, "Okay, it's not too bad once I thought about it..."

"Dad, I got a job too. I start waiting at Mr. Chow's Tuesday night."

Laverne was flabbergasted. ""How did you get a job there? That's where every actor wannabe tries to get a job. It's like the Whiskey a Go Go used to be."

Liz rolled her eyes and then loudly whispered to Frankie, "OMG, do they always geez like this?"

"Yeah, but it doesn't last long," her boyfriend muttered back. "Dad, I've been working in food service since I was twelve."

"Fourteen!" Lenny shrieked.

Frankie shook his head. "There aren't any labor law inspectors around, Dad. You and Mom taught me all you know about the business."

"And you started a band anyhow," Laverne murmured to no one in particular.

Frankie ignored her. "My knowledge, coupled with my stellar people skills and dashing good looks..."

Laverne reached her limit and then reached over to grab her grown son by the earlobe. "Really, Frankie, how did you get the job?" She twisted his earlobe ever so slightly, a move that she'd perfected over the years with Frankie, Andy, and their father.

Frankie's words tumbled out of his mouth quickly, like water out of a spigot. "I left Skye as a reference and she told them how great I was-Ow!" He yanked himself out of her grasp and rubbed his sore earlobe. " What? Her cell number still has an L.A. Area code and she was acting manager."

Laverne's eyes narrowed meanly as she leaned toward her son. "Yeah, when I had the flu and your Dad was visiting Grandpa Kosnowski in Milwaukee! She managed for what, five days?"

Frankie shrugged again, but didn't meet her gaze. "Well, fortunately they were more interested in my work record that hers."

"Son, why didn't you just ask me for a reference," Lenny asked with reproach in his voice, "I would have give you a good one."

Frankie flashed his father the lopsided grin that he'd inherited from him. "I know dad, but let's face it, since you and I have the same last name, I don't think you would have been as convincing as Skye was." Frankie then let loose with a higher pitched version of his father's walrus-like guffaw. "Boy, did she lay it on thick..."

"Frankie," Laverne began.

"Don't cry, Mom. I know it's going to be rough on you two when we leave. I mean, I'm your little Frankie-boy."

"You ain't that little," Laverne pointed out.

Liz leered. "I'll say..."

"Liz! I mean," Laverne said as she swallowed, "I think it's probably a good idea. You're a young man now, Frankie. You need to be on your own."

"How about me?" Liz asked.

"You just need to be gone." Laverne took a deep breath and smiled. "So when do we get to see this place."

Liz and Frankie exchanged a look before Frankie said, "We were planning on moving out next weekend, but we can show it to you tomorrow."

Lenny peered at his son over his reading glasses. "How about now?"

Liz shook her head. "You really don't want to drive in that neighborhood after dark."

"What!" Laverne looked at Lenny, mild panic coloring her features.

Frankie chuckled. "Don't worry, Mom. Chad has got the cutest little pit bull. You'll love him. Just don't make any sudden movements," he added.

"I think I'm gonna have a sudden movement," Lenny mumbled.

Ignoring his father's comment, Frankie said, "In honor of this being our nearly last supper, why don't Liz and I go get some take out for dinner tonight. Our treat," he added in a tempting tone.

Lenny sighed. "You're going to the restaurant aren't you?"

Frankie shrugged. "It's the closest I've ever known to a home cooked meal. Can I borrow some money for a tip?"

Lenny sighed resignedly. "My wallet's in my coat pocket."

Lenny exhaled slowly as he watched Frankie and Liz all but skip down the driveway towards his car. Okay, they were borrowing his wheels as well. Nice.

He turned towards his wife who sat quietly at the table. "So. They're leaving." He took a deep breath and realized that the words didn't sound too bad out loud. "Y'know Laverne, you might be right. This may not be a bad thing." Lenny favored his wife with a small smile. "I mean, he's twenty three. He should be out on his own, be a man. I'm not thrilled that Liz is going, but at least she could probably save him from the pit bull." At Laverne's look, he added, "Frankie wouldn't have to outrun the dog, he'd only have to outrun Liz, and she wears them high heels all of the time..."

Lenny looked out of his small, cramped kitchen and into his small, cramped living room. "Y'know, since we turned Andy's room into a gym and Skye's old room is the guest room, we could probably put the computer and the restaurant files in Frankie's room and have ourselves a real home office."

Lenny walked into the living room and looked around. "Now that Frankie won't be living here, we could actually get some good furniture. You've hated that ratty old couch for years, Vernie," he added. "Since the computer desk won't be cluttering up the living room, we could probably get a bigger screen TV, maybe one of those plasma-jobbies. What do you think, Laverne?"

She looked up at him from the table, tears in her eyes. "How can you think of redecorating the house when our baby is leaving!"

Lenny watched her run out of the kitchen sobbing before sighing and returning his attention to the Black Scorpion.

Fin


To Hello I Must be Going