E-Strange-Mints
By Missy

TITLE: E– Strange – Mints.

UNIVERSE/SERIES: Even More

EPISODE: 1 of 1

RATING: PG-13 (Adult thematic material, references to mature acts and drug use)

PAIRING(s): SF/SSJ; CR/LDF; LK/KC

DISTRIBUTION: To myself so far; any other archives are welcome to ask, but disclaimers must be included, my email left intact. Send a URL, and provide full disclaimers as well as credit me fully. Please inform me if you are going to submit my work to any sort of search engine.  Please do not submit my work to a search engine that picks out random sets of words and uses them as key words, such as "Google"

Please contact me in order for this story to be placed on an archive, or if you want know of a friend who would enjoy my works, please email me their address and I will mail them the stories, expressly for the purpose of link trading. MiSTiers are welcomed! Please do inform me that you'd like to do the MiSTing, however, and send me a copy of the finished product. I'd also love to archive any MiSTings that are made of my work!

CATEGORY: Slice-of-Life; Romance; Drama

FEEDBACK: PLEASE?!

SETTING IN TIMELINE: Part of the "Even More" Universe - preceded by   "Three Kisses", "Even More", "The Third Door", "Roadtrippin'", "Patchouli", "Love on a Rooftop", "The Real Blonde", "Detachment", "Hell or Highwater" and “Short Fuse”.  Eleventh in a continuing universe.

SPOILLER/SUMMARY: Laverne and Shirley spend an afternoon together that may not be the stress-reducer they had hoped for.

****

 “Hey Shirl!” Laverne suppressed a laugh as her best friend whirled around with a shriek, dropping a bag of groceries.

“Oh, Laverne!” she moaned, kneeling down and re-organizing baggies of oranges, boxes of Chocodiles and cardboard trays of meat. 

“I’m sorry,” Laverne knelt beside her and began stuffing everything randomly into the first bag she found.  “I thought you heard me coming.”

“I’ve been exhausted, thanks to inventory time at Bardwells – I guess my mental acumen is a little off,” she admitted.

“You too tired to go out?”

Shirley paused, a bunch of broccoli in hand.  “I thought you had plans with Edna.”

“I’m supposed to meet her at five,” Laverne shrugged.  “So I’ve got a couple of hours to spare.  Want to go down to the beach?”

Shirley slipped a hand through her hair, which, thanks to a quick salon appointment and some hilights, didn’t look quite as impulsively cheap as it had before.  “Give me a little time to put away the groceries and I’ll be right with you!”

Laverne eagerly grabbed a sack.  “I’ll help.”

“Oh, you don’t have to,” Shirley insisted, grabbing the other bag and getting to her feet.  She turned toward her apartment door and twisted the knob. 

“It’ll be just like the old days,” Laverne grinned, carrying the bags over to the counter and helping Shirley put everything in its correct place.

Shirley’s smile was a bittersweet one.  Laverne – who was embarking on a business deal with Edna, who was cohabitating with Carmine at the Hollywood Jungle Motel -  seemed firmly convinced that somehow things handn’t changed at all in the past few months.  Shirley was, however, both patently aware of everything that was different and everything, paradoxically, that lived kitty-corner to it, completely untransformed. 

As if on cue, Lenny barreled downstairs, yelping “Shirley!” at the top of his lungs.

“What is it, Leonard?” she wondered, a permanent calm in his vortex of a life.

“I got someone for you to meet!  Wait til you…oh, hi, Laverne,” he said when she walked by.

“Hi,” Laverne said flatly, her eyes emerald bullets.  

Shirley ignored the strife between them, silently approving of Laverne’s insistence on giving Lenny the cold shoulder after the way he’d yelled at Carmine and ruined her dinner three weeks ago.  On the other hand, it was awfully hard to stay mad at Lenny for very long – he was just too darned pathetic.  “You’ve met someone?”

Lenny bobbed his head enthusiastically.  “She’s really pretty and really smart…and I’m two minutes late meeting her.  Excuse me, ladies,” he bowed, leaving the apartment as quickly as he could.

Laverne slammed the refrigerator closed.  “I don’t know how you can stand that guy!”

Shirley blithely ignored Laverne’s growl.  “Do you want to spend an entire, and may I add completely gorgeous, afternoon talking about the boys, or do you want to spend some time out in the sun?”

Laverne grinned, seizing the final item in her bag - a bottle of suntan lotion.  “Let’s get going!”

*** 

Shirley grimaced as Laverne slurped happily on a Fudgicle; the treat was making quite a mess as it dripped down her arm.  Laverne noticed, frowned and blotted at her bare skin with white napkins and Shirley smiled to herself – she had trained the girl well. 

It was a glorious day, the sun and surf were beautiful, the men just as much.  She and Laverne giggled, gossiping about the attractiveness of the various clusters of boys dotting the sand, talking about music and  - in Laverne’s opinion – the oddness of California.  She enjoyed the cool breeze, the way it mingled with the hot sun, good conversation and her nearly-finished vanilla cone.

She caught sight of a too-familiar muscular, tanned figure jogging up the beach and meeped, trying to hide behind Laverne’s taller form. 

“Whattya doing?” Laverne asked, her mouth full, shoving her forward.  “It’s just Sonny…”

“I know it’s Sonny,” Shirley hissed.  “I haven’t said a word to him since you caught the two of us during the blackout.”

Shirley knew, somehow, that this would only encourage Laverne to push her into Sonny’s path.  She did – and he saw them and came over.

“How’re you girls doing?”

“Okay,” Shirley said lightly.  “Just out, enjoying the sunshine…”

“Sun’s good for you,” he said awkwardly, his arms crossed tightly over his chest.

“So’s kissing,” Laverne said brightly.  Sonny and Shirley fixed her with simultaneous death glares.  “I think I’ll go find some seashells for my Grandma,” she said, her amused tone showing not an ounce of intimidation.

Now that they were effectively alone, Shirley rested her shy eyes on his face.  “How have you been?”

“Busy.  I got a job with the new Burt I Gordon picture.  It’s only minimum wage, but I get to coordinate my own stunts.  How’s Bardwells.”

“Busy.  We’ve been doing inventory.”

“So I guess we’ve both been busy.”

“Busy busy busy…”  The words came out abruptly.  “Sonny, are you busy tonight?”

He blinked at her.  “No.”

“Would you like to see a movie?  Or go to the Pasadena Playhouse?  I can get them for free; Bardwells has company passes.”

“I’d love to go with you.”  He seemed relieved by her boldness.  “I thought you weren’t into me after the blackout.”

“It was a bad time,” she admitted.  “I didn’t know what to say after Laverne burst in.”

He glanced at her.  “She’s something else.  Milwaukee sure makes ‘em different.”

“Brooklyn by way of Milwaukee,” she corrected, and then smiled.  “I’ll see you tonight.”

“By seven?”

“By eight; a girl needs time to fix her face.”

“Your face is perfect,” he told her, jogging down the beach. 

She rubbed her blushing cheeks as Laverne returned to her side, a smirk on her face. 

“He’s a cutie,” Laverne remarked.

“Yes, indeed.”

“And his hinie’s almost as nice as Carmine’s,” she added, the tiniest of edges in her voice.

Shirley ignored her friend’s sudden whist.  “LAVERNE!”

*** 

Two hours later, Laverne stood in a vacant lot by a Ventura Highway offramp, slackjawed in shock.  “This can’t be the right lot.”

Edna stood by her side, jet-lagged from her Milwaukee-based flight.  “It’s not a bad location,” she defended.  “It’s highway-adjacent, water and gas line accessible….”

“It’s right next to a strip club!”

“You know as well as I do how hungry strip club types are…”

Laverne groaned.  “Are you sure this is the best lot?”

“It’s the best lot in our price range in Burbank.” 

She looked over her shoulder at the eager real estate agent, then back at Edna, then at the bottle-strewn lot.  It was a chance.

“We’ll take it.” She declared.

At that moment, a herringbone suit-wearing man in an ill-fitted orange toupee stumbled out of the club and up the sidewalk toward them.  He waved a fifty-dollar bill in the air.  “Hey!”  he called.  “How much for a lap dance?”

***

“Wouldya like another beer, Karen?”

“No thank you,” she smiled.  “These are a little potent for me,” she decided, resting her bottle against the table. 

“Yeah, Shotz is a little stronger than your usual beer,” Lenny agreed.  “They say it’s the double hops.”

“Ooh, that sounds so sophisticated of you…” Shirley rushed downstairs, clipping on a pair of mock-diamond earrings into place.

“Shirl,” Lenny called,  “This is Karen Caldw-“

“Hello,” Shirley said politely, barely noticing Karen.  “Lenny, has Sonny called?”

“Nope,” Lenny retorted.

“Good,” she whirled around, “do I look all right?”

“Nice dress,” remarked Karen.

“I got it onsale at Bardwell’s,” Shirley smiled.  The front door slammed open.

“SHIRL,” Laverne cried, “I don’t believe it!  I can’t!”

“Laverne!  Breathe!  Breathe!” Shirley stopped rubbing her best friend’s shoulders.  “Now, what’s the matter?”

“Edna and me bought our lot.  We own land.  We’re gonna have a Cowboy Bills restaurant.”

Shirley squealed, “I’m so happy for you!  How do you feel?”

“I think I’m gonna puke.”

“Couldya not do it in here, Laverne?”  Lenny asked.  “Me and Karen’re gonna go out to eat.”

Laverne glared at them.

“That’s Laverne?” Karen remarked.  “I thought she’d be more…I mean less…” Karen gripped the edge of the end table.  “I think I will have another beer…”

“Now sit here and calm down, Laverne.  Why are you so nervous?” Shirley asked, maneuvering her friend into a chair.  “I thought you and Edna were looking forward to owning your own business.”

“We are – it just kinda hit me all of a sudden…”

The door opened again.  “Hey Laverne!” Carmine bounded into the room and pecked his girlfriend on the forehead.  “I finally found you.  Hey Shirl, Len – girl I don’t know…”

“My name’s Ka-“

“What’re you doing here?” Laverne asked.  “I thought you were shooting late.”

“I got off early – Sinatra threw another tantrum.” He shook his head.  “You can idolize a guy for years and never know what a p-urk he is….” Carmine corrected himself, remembering Karen’s presence.  He patted Laverne’s shoulder.  “Wanna head out and catch a movie?”

“Sure,” Laverne carefully got up.  “Thanks, Shirl.”

“You’re welcome,” Shirley said brittlely.  A knock sounded at the door.

“All ready, Shirl?” asked Sonny.  He peered into the apartment and locked eyes with Carmine.  “What’s he doing here?”

“Shirley,” Carmine said, turning toward her, “you ain’t really going out with this clown, are you?”

Shirley opened her mouth, but Sonny jumped in, “you don’t get to say who she sees,” he snapped.  

“No,” Carmine said calmly.  “But you’d better be good to her, or…”

“Or?” Sonny laughed.  “Or what?  Or you’ll cheat on her again?”

“Okay,” Shirley turned and gently shoved Sonny back toward the door.  “We’re leaving, and this is a closed subject.”

“But…” Shirley slammed the door.  “Dammit…” Carmine grumbled.

“Don’t worry about it,” Laverne requested.

“He’s a jerk.  What the hell does Shirley see in him?”

Laverne glared.  “Why do you care?”

“I care about Shirley – she’s a friend…”

“You care MUCH more about her – just look at you!  You’re all red and puffed up.”

“Are you crazy?”

Laverne growled.  “I’m gonna go sit on the balcony.”

“But we were gonna go out!”

“Why don’t ya go find Mister Sinatra and spend time with him?”

“Fine!”

“FINE!”  Laverne stamped upstairs, entered Lenny and Squiggy’s room, let out a muffled shriek and blew past all of them on her way out the door.  Carmine exited the apartment behind her, caterwauling her name.  Squiggy blindly entered next, walked inside, his eyes glued to the interior of a Hustler magazine.  He headed directly upstairs and locked closed the bathroom door.

Karen turned toward Lenny.  “Those are your friends?”

He nodded his head.

“It’s a good thing you met me, then.”

“Why?”

She smiled, got up off the couch and clicked shut the door.  “I know how to lock a door.”