Bookends
By Shotzette and Missy

1977
By Shotzette


"Hello?"

"Vernie!"

"Shirl!"

"Vernie!"

"Shirl! Where are you? I called your old number in France and no one would give me your new number or address."

"Walter was transferred to Belgium three months ago. I've missed you so much, Vernie, and I've got so much to tell you..."

"I've got some pretty big news for you to--"

"Walter was just promoted to major!"

"Major what?"

"No, Laverne, he IS a major. I finally got promoted from captain and he's been assigned to on of the most prestigious hospitals in Brussells whre he'll work on the top brass. The kids are great! Donny just--"

"Shirl! I wanna tell you about my news!"

"But TransAtlantic calls are expensive, and I just wanted to give you all the important facts."

"Well, my news is important to, y'know!"

"Of course it is, Laverne. So, what's your big news?"

"I'm in love!"

"Oh. Again. How nice. Well, as I was saying, Donny--"

"Shirl! Did you hear me?"

"Yes. You're in love. Again. Now, as I was saying--"

"Shirl, not again. For real. As in the real thing, with a future and everything."

"Really?"

"Really."

"Well in that case, tell me all about him. What's his name? What does he do?"

"It's Lenny."

"Lenny who?"

"Lenny Lenny."

"Lenny Kosnowski?"

"Yeah!"

"Laverne, TransAtlatnic calls are very expensive, and I really don't have time to horse around--"

"It's not a joke, Shirl! Lenny and I are in love."

"Why? When? How? Are you--"

"NO! I am not, and I really wish everyone would quit asking me that!"

"Why Lenny? I know the single's scene can be pretty desperate, but do you really think it's fair to the poor boy? I mean, he's always had a big of a crush on you, and hanging out with him just out of friendship or pity will only encourage him."

"Shirl! It ain't friendship and it ain't pity! I love him! I am in love with him and I want to spend the rest of my life with him! I want to be a stepmother to his daughter--"

"Back up there a minute! Lenny has a daughter? Laverne, you poor naive girl, where there are children, there's a wife. How can you be trampy enough to date a married man?"

"Lenny's not married, Shirl. Trust me, I know."

"Oh great. A divorced man. A man who ran out on one woman he said vows with. What's to stop him from doing it again?"

"Shirl! It's different. Besides, Lenny never married Sky's mom."

"Lenny has an illegitimate child? Named Sky? I don't know which part is worse!"

"Would you pipe down for a second? Karen ran out on both Lenny and Sky over a year ago. he's raising his daughter on his own."

"Oh. Now I see. Laverne, I know the temptation to play "mommy", especially being childless at your age, must be overwhelming. But you can't use Lenny and his poor unfortunate daughter to fill the emptiness in your own life..."

"Lenny and Sky are as far from unfortunate as I've ever seen, Shirl."

"What's Lenny doing for a living these days, Laverne?"

"Selling ice cream."

"Still?"

"Yeah."

"Wasn't he doing that ten years ago?"

"Yeah. but he's his own boss."

"Because no one else will hire him! Heavens, I knew he and Squiggy would never change."

"Lenny doesn't need to change. He's grown up a little, but he's the same sweet guy he always was."

"Will that be enough for you? Laverne? Are you still there?"

"Shirl, I know this call is costing you a lot of money. I don't want to waste your time no more. 'Bye."

*****

"Hello?"

"Hello, yourself!"

"Squig!"

"None other than! Listen, Lenny, I ain't got a lot of time, so I'll make it short and sweet. Pack up your spawn and hightail it back to Wisconsin pronto. I got the deal of a lifetime for us."

"Again?"

"Yeah. I got this opportunity to buy an arcade here in Oshkosh. I got almost all the down payment from my lawsuit."

"You got sued?"

"No, dummy. I was the sue-er"

"I shoulda realized."

"Yes, my good man, you shoulda. Anyhoo, as my dear father used to say, "Son, everyone falls down in life, but only the brilliant fall down on commercial property in front of at least five witnesses."

"Your dad said that?"

"It was my favorite bedtime story as a child. But that's neither here nor hair. Besides what are you doing still talking? Why ain't you packing yet?"

"Squig.. Moving back to Wisconsin... I dunno..."

"What's there to know? Everytime I talk to you, you tell me how miserable you are in California, how much you hated the commune, how hard it is raising Cloud--"

"Sky."

"Whatever. Are you still fronting for the New Squigtones? You got a record deal, or something?"

"No..."

"Karen come back?"

"Hell, no!"

"You a suspect in a murder case and you ain't allowed to leave town, like on Perry Mason?"

"He's Ironsides now, and no, again."

"Then, what?"

"I'm seeing someone."

"No, really. Why are you dragging your feet on the opportunity of a lifetime."

"Squig, I'm really seeing someone. And, it's getting serious."

"Fine, fine, you're serious. Bring the bimbo with you."

"Hey! Laverne ain't no bimbo!"

"Laverne? As in, DeFazio? As in, she hates your guts and you haven't even spoken in ten years?"

"The very same."

"Len, Len, Len, my poor delusional fool. Just because you live in the same state with someone, doesn't mean your going out with them. I know for a lonely, addled, fool like yourself, the lines can blur, but--"

"But, nothing. Laverne and I are dating, and it's very serious."

"Y'know, you've said this before. Hmm... When was it? Oh, yeah! About ten minutes before she broke your heart, again, by telling you that you two would always be just friends. C'mon, Lenny! You and Laverne ain't dating!"

"We are too! We ran into each other at Lou's a couple months ago, and made up."

"Yeah, right."

"I swear, it's the truth!"

"Okay, I can see her allowing you back into her orbit as a friend, but you two ain't dating? What are you doing? Seeing monster movies and ordering pizzas together, Dutch treat? That ain't dating Len! That's called "being a sucker" by hanging out with a girl until she finds someone dateable. Which in Laverne's case means the next Fleet Week."

"That ain't the way it is! And you take back what you said about Laverne! We're very serious! We're getting more serious every day! We're so serious, we're nearly grim!"

"Yeah, right! Laverne DeFazio getting serious with you. I'll believe it when I see it."

"Well, why don't you pack your bags and haul your cookies back to Burbank, and see for yourself, Mr. Know It All?"

"Because, I live in the real world, where I have a real girlfriend and a real business opportunity that I was willing to share with you. But you'd rather live in your little Laverne-fantasy world where the clouds are cotton candy and Bosco falls outta trees. I weep for you, Lenny Kosnowski."

"Save your weeps for somebody else, buddy! I'm happy now, and Laverne and I are going to have a great life!"

"The saddest part of this is, even if, and that's a big even if... Even if any of this dream was real, you'd still be out here in a month or so. It's not like any of Laverne's relationships have lasted for too long. See ya, chump!"


****

"I can't believe I'm wasting an entire evening with Lenny Kosnowski!"

"Pop," Laverne said in a warning tone as she took the lasagna out of the oven, "be nice. You said you'd give him a chance."

"I gave him a chance twenty years ago when the greasy bum used to hang out at the Pizza Bowl all day. He and Squiggy would bother the real customers, use spoons as shoe horns in the bowling alley, and only order one slice of pizza then split it! I was running a business, not a halfway house..."

"Pop! This is not being nice." Laverne sighed while she finished setting the small table. Her current apartment was smaller than the one she and Shirley had shared on Laurel Vista, and getting three adults and one child comfortably seated at the table was going to be dicey at best. "Lenny is important to me. I'm in love with him, and I really want tonight to go smoothly. Can you at least try?"

From the couch, she heard a grunt that she interpreted to be a "yes".

"Okay," she said as she stepped back from the table, and surveyed her handiwork. "Lasagna's warming in the oven, the salad's in the fridge, we've got milk, and Pepsi, and that bottle of chianti you brought, and ice cream for dessert. I'm all set," she said as she smoothed her blouse over her casual pants, then frowned when she realized how clammy her palms had become.

"Muffin," her father queried, apparently seeing her for the first time that night, "why are you nervous? I said I'd behave, and I'm a man of my word."

"It ain't you, Pop," she replied as she retrieved a coloring book and some crayons from the top shelf of her bookcase, "Skye hasn't really warmed up to me, and she's never been over here before. I just don't want her to feel like she's stuck in some dumb grownup house for the night."

"I can't believe that bum has a kid!"

"Pop, don't start," Laverne said sharply, probably the most brusquely she had ever spoken to him. "Skye's a sweet kid and I just want her to like me, not think I'm some..."

"Wicked stepmother? her father finished, as awareness dawned in his dark eyes. "That's why it's so important for you that tonight goes well, isn't it?" He shook his head in disbelief. "So you and Lenny are that serious?"

"Yeah, Pop. We are." She took a deep breath before continuing. "I really wish people would take me seriously when I tell them I'm in love." Walking away from her father, Laverne began to fluff and straighten the couch cushions for the umpteenth time that day.

"Has he asked you to marry him? Lately, I mean."

She shot him a look that could have frozen flame. "No, Pop. He hasn't asked me. We're taking it slow". At least the formal part, she thought to herself. Memories of last night's passions after his set, made her body tingle uncontrollably. It was only slightly more intense than the loneliness she felt when he left her bed at 4:30 to be home before Skye's baby sitter returned his daughter to him.

Skye.

She glared at her father. At least Skye had an excuse for acting childishly around her, she was a child, for Pete's sake! Her father had no such excuse.

"Laverne, do you know what you're getting yourself into? Lenny Kosnowski was no prize ten years ago, but now he's no more successful than he was then and he's got a kid! And as you know too well," Frank said as his dark eyes looked right through her, "little girls don't like to share their daddies."

Laverne's face reddened as she remembered how she acted around the women her father dated after her mama's death. At her best, she had been bratty, at her worst, outright hostile. "Is this your way of telling me that paybacks are hell, Pop?"

"I'm telling you that no marriage is easy and you'd be starting this one with a lot of baggage."

"Pop, I love you, but I'm asking for your blessing, not your permission. Lenny and I are going to have a future together, and I really need for you to accept that," she said, her green eyes bright with unshed tears and her voice quavering slightly.

"Muffin," he said as he pulled her into a bear hug. They stood that way silently for several long minutes, words not necessary, until they heard the buzz of Laverne's doorbell.

"Thanks, Pop," she mumbled as she made her way to the door.

"The kid doesn't have webbed feet or a tail, or anything, does she?"

"Pop!" Laverne hissed, right before opening the door with a flourish and giving her guests a far too cheery hello.

"Vernie," Lenny said, as he reached out and pulled her into a tight embrace.

She closed her eye as she hugged him back, blocking out everything around her except for the warmth of his arms, and the combined scent of licorice and aftershave. He was her pillar, and she never wanted to let go. She was startled to feel his arms tighten around her further, as many long moments passed.

Skye's tugging on Lenny's pant-leg and the sound of her father clearing his throat for the third time, finally broke through their reverie. Reluctantly they parted and looked into the two disapproving faces of their reality.

"Good to see you, Mr. DeFazio, it's been too long," Lenny said as he proffered his hand. He recovered with a quick, if forced, smile when his hand was not taken after five seconds.

Breaking the awkward silence, Laverne knelt down and opened her arms to embrace Skye. She also gave up after five seconds, before turning to her father and saying, "Pop, this is Lenny's little girl, Skye. Skye, this is my Pop, Mr. DeFazio."

The child and the old man regarded each other suspiciously for several seconds.

"What's that on your face?" Skye asked suddenly.

"Shhhh, Skye," Lenny hissed, "it's his nose. Be polite."

"No, what's the thing under his nose? He looks like the walrus in my Alice in Wonderland book."

Frank DeFazio's hearty laugh rang through the tiny apartment. "A walrus, eh? So who do you like better, the walrus or the carpenter?"

"The walrus!" Skye cheered.

"Smart girl," Frank replied, then pulled Lenny aside and asked, "You sure she's yours?"

Before Lenny could collect his wits to reply, Frank had scooped Skye up in his arms and tossed her gently in the air. Skye's squeal when he caught her on her descent was earsplitting, to say the least.

"Pop, Pop..." Laverne yelled over the din, "Upsy-Daisy is an outside game, and if you haven't noticed, we're indoors now."

"Spoilsport!" her father retorted with a mock grimace which made Skye laugh all the harder. "Come on, little Peanut," he said to Skye, ignoring Laverne's shocked expression, "Ill introduce you to Laverne's goldfish." With those words, he carried Skye to the other end of the living room, leaving Lenny and Laverne to stare with identical expressions of disbelief.

"Who was that nice man?" asked Lenny.

"I thought I was his Peanut!" Laverne whined.

"Aww...you've been a peanut for years," Lenny said, "give someone else a shot."

Feeling much more optimistic than she had been five minutes earlier, Laverne gave him a quick squeeze and a peck on the lips.

Dinner was eventful, but not traumatic. A minor catastrophe when Skye loudly announced she "hated" her as yet untouched lasagna, was averted by the quick boiling of two frozen hotdogs. Not surprisingly, Skye had no complaints about the chocolate ice cream for dessert, although Laverne blushed when she realized her redundancy in serving ice cream to an ice cream man.

Later, after Lenny and Laverne had cleared the table, Laverne was pleasantly surprised when Skye wanted to help her the way she helped her daddy when they did the dishes. Minutes later, Laverne looked on approvingly as Skye carefully towel dried each piece of flatware with the precision of a surgeon.

Lenny grinned to see Skye and Laverne interacting so naturally together. Laverne had been so worried that Skye wouldn't like her, but tonight had been a real turning point in their relationship.

He just hoped acceptance from Laverne's family would come as easily to him.

Almost on cue, Lenny felt a meaty hand clamp down on his shoulder. Turning around, and half expecting a blow, he came face to face with Mr. DeFazio.

"Lenny," the older man intoned, "you got a beautiful little girl."

"You ain't telling me anything I don't know," Lenny replied defiantly, as he let the cost of always trying to be accepted color his words. "Yeah, Skye's a great kid, and I'm the luckiest guy in the world to hae both her and Laverne in my life. Look, Mr. DeFazio," he continued, having said too much to shut up now, "I know I ain't your perfect choice for a guy for Laverne. I ain't Italian. I ain't rich. I probably won't do much more than sell ice cream, drive a truck, or play part time in a second rate band," he said as he counted off all of his bad points on his fingers. "But, I love Laverne and Skye with all my heart, and I will do whatever it takes to take care of them both." Lenny's voice rose as his adrenaline took over. "Everyone told me I couldn't take care of Skye after Karen left us. Hell, some people even said she'd be better off with a foster family instead of being raised by me. Well, I proved them wrong, and I'm going to prove you wrong by taking care of Laverne. And another thing..." he said as he warmed up for a fresh rant.

"Lenny, you moron! You don't have to tell me you're a good father, I have eyes to see that for myself. You also," Frank added, "are talking to a man who knows how hard it is to raise a daughter alone, firsthand."

Lenny's face reddened in embarrassment as he regretted his earlier harsh words.

"You're a terrific father," Frank said, sincerity growing in his dark eyes. "You've had to both mother and father to that little angel, and between you and me, half the guys out there can't do the job of one parent, much less two. Never let anyone ever make you feel you're not good enough to take care of her, because you are."

Lenny smiled feebly, as his eyes became suspiciously bright.

"Enjoy these years with your daughter, Lenny, because they never come back," Frank paused and looked, almost wistfully at Laverne while she re-fastened Skye's barrette.

Wow, Lenny thought, as his eyes followed the direction Frank had stared. This is big, Skye hated having her hair fussed with, but she was even smiling as Laverne's nimble fingers worked out a snarl before fastening the barrette. Tearing his eyes away from the two he loved most in the world, he forced his attention back to Frank.

"Lenny, you're close to her now, and you're her hero. Nothing is more important that the time you spend with her today, because," he said as his eyes hardened slightly, "when she's sixteen some guy like you will come sniffing around, and your relationship with her will never be the same." With that, he gave the younger man a friendly, if not quite painless, punch in the shoulder, and smirked as he watched the color drain out of Lenny's face. "Paybacks are hell, kid," he whispered before hollering into the kitchen, "Laverne! I gotta go!"

"Go? We just finished dinner..."

"I know, and it was wonderful. Before you asked me for dinner tonight, I had plans with Mrs. Collucci at the Senior Center. We're going to see a midnight movie. "The Rocky Horror Picture Show" is playing at the Rialto and Bernadette says it's a hoot," he said as he kissed his daughter's cheek.

"Great," Laverne said as she rolled her eyes and tried to chase away the image of her father surrounded by dancing Transylvanians.

"And, you!" Franks said as he pointed to Skye.

"You!" she echoed as she pointed back.

"Where's my hug?"

"Right here, Nonno!" she chirped as she launched herself into his arms.

"Nonno?" Laverne repeated. "You've got her calling you grandfather?"

Frank shrugged. "I'm an old man. Who's got the time to waste?" Turning the child in his arms to face him, he gave her a noisy kiss on the cheek before saying, "I like you. Get your father to bring you to my apartment. We got a huge playground down the street with swings, and monkey-bars, and everything."

Skye let out another decibel intensive shriek that rivaled a Who concert in it's volume as she waved goodbye.

"Thanks a lot, Pop," Laverne muttered under her breath. Turning to the man beside her, she said, "Len, I'm sorry he said that. You know I'd never do anything to pressure you..."

"Why not? Don't you think we're going anywhere?" There, he said it. The question that had been rattling around in his brain ever since his call from Squiggy earlier that morning.

Her green eyes widened in surprise. "Len, if I didn't think we were going anywhere, why would I invite you and Skye over to dinner with my Pop? I mean," she continued glibly, "I only save that sort of torture for guys I'm serious about."

"When was the last time you were serious, Vernie?"

"What?"

"Laverne, I love you. This ain't no game to me. If you're not as serious about me as I am about you, I need to know it. Now."

"Len, where's all this coming from?"

"I talked with Squiggy today, and he made me think about some things."

"Squiggy. Great."

"Hey, he's been my best friend since kindergarten. He's only looking out for me."

"Well," Laverne said, as her voice started to tremble, "what did he say that got you so all upset and everything?"

Lenny looked away since it was easier to say the horrible words he hoped weren't the truth. "He said if, and that was a big if, if we was dating, it was only till you found a better guy." Forcing himself to look at her, he added, "Is that true?"

"No, Len. It ain't. In fact, what Squig said is almost as hurtful as what Shirley said to me on the phone last night."

"You spoke to Shirley? How's she doing?" he asked, momentarily distracted.

"She's fine, but that's not the point. Shirl said I was just using you and Skye. Playing 'mommy' because I'm lonely and don't have any kids," she said with her voice quavering.

In two seconds, Lenny had his arms wrapped around her. "Shirl don't know what she's talking about! You're great with Skye, and you really like her! Any idiot can see that, and I noticed right off the bat!"

Laverne stifled a giggle into his chest before looking up into his eyes. "Squig's wrong too, Len. Why would I want to look for a better guy when I've already found the one who's the best for me?"

He sighed as he looked down at her, "Laverne, I ain't perfect--"

"Don't you think I know that? I've known you since we were six years old, Lenny. You're not perfect, and neither am I. But," she said as she hugged him tighter, "when we're together, it don't matter if we're perfect. We just...work."

"I love you, Vernie," he whispered, his breath ruffling her hair as he held her even tighter against him.

"I love you too, Len."

Breaking the embrace suddenly, Lenny clutched her arms and held her in front of him as he looked searchingly into her eyes. "Laverne, I know this is kind of sudden. We ain't been going out all that long, but we've known each other for years and years. And, as your Pop said, who's got time to waste? Laverne--"

"Lenny, are you going to ask me what I think you're going to ask me?"

He nodded.

"Don't."

"What?" he asked as his life threatened to flash before his eyes.

"You've asked me this question twice before, and both times I said no. I don't regret turning you down those two times," she said into his anguished face, as she grabbed his wrists to keep him from running away. "Neither time was the right time for us. I could never marry a man I didn't completely love, and you deserve a woman who will love you with her whole heart, forever and ever." She reached out to stroke his quivering jaw as she continued, "I've become that woman now, Lenny. I love you completely. I want us to raise Skye together, maybe even have more kids, and I definitely want us to grow old together. Leonard Kosnowski, you are my future. Will you marry me?"

Lenny's jaw dropped and his face went blank for several seconds. Blinking rapidly, he said, "I don't know, Laverne. This is all so sudden."

"Len..."

"Yes!"

His next words were cut off by a kiss that made him weak in the knees.

Their kiss heated up, as they usually did. Laverne's lips parted to admit his insistent tongue. His arms tightened around her, as he began to walk her backwards on the now familiar path to her bedroom.

Just as they reached the doorway, their passion was interrupted by the clanging of metal against linoleum. Their eyes flew open and they spoke as one.

"Skye?"

Dashing back to the kitchen, they were greeted by the sight of a pale child holding a spoon. A three quarters empty gallon of chocolate ice cream sat on the table.

"Skye!" Lenny repeated, as he grabbed the spoon out of his daughter's hand, "you already had your dessert!"

"I know," the little girl sniffled, "but..."

The second Laverne saw Skye's face change from pale to green, she scooped the child up into her arms and rushed her to the bathroom.

She almost made it.

"Ugh...," she moaned, as she patted the now crying girl on the back while simultaneously hollering to the kitchen, "Len! Get a can of ginger ale from the fridge. And a mop."

Deftly, she removed Skye's wet top and deposited her in the empty tub--just in case there was a round two. Lenny appeared quickly and handed her the ginger ale before turning back to the mess in the hall, mop in hand.

Abruptly, he turned toward her, with a serious expression on his face. "This is what it's like being a parent, Laverne. It's messy, and we're not always going to have, uh, privacy, every time we want it. Me and Skye are a packaged deal. Can you handle it?" he asked, his blue eyes baring his soul.

Laverne drew her gaze away from his eyes, only to look into eyes that were just as blue, and just as intense, peering up at her from the bathtub. It wasn't Skye's eyes that made the decision for her It was the mouth which suddenly turned upward into the most lovingly sincere smile she'd ever seen.

"Yes, Len," she replied, her voice trembling as she held out her arms, "I can handle it."

The hug Skye gave her was worth the wait.




To Christmas Past

To Peace Pipe













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