Time And Time Again
By Shotzette

"Time and Time Again"
By Shotzette
Rated PG-13


In honor of Missy's Birthday
A sequel to "Severed Time"


This is a work of fanfiction, people. This was written for fun, not profit; and if Paramount or ABC get upset about it, they have way too much time on their hands.




Daisy Kosnowski awoke with a mild headache and a fuzzy, disconnected feeling throughout her being. Hardly anything new.

Waking up on the floor of a blindingly white room, was a different matter entirely.

Instinctively, she curled up in the fetal position, before getting a grip on herself. She was probably just in a mental ward with over zealous flourescents. She'd woken up worse places, and, as she looked down at the stark, hospital-white sweatsuit she wore, wearing less clothing. She gingerly rose to her feet, experience had taught her not to be in too much of a hurry to rejoin the world of the vertical. If you're already on the ground, you usually don't have far to fall.

"Hello?"

It wasn't like she expected an answer, but the lack of timbre in her own voice surprised her. She'd never heard herself sound so flat, almost as tone-deaf as her mother.

Mother.

Good God, where was Nataysha?

"So, you finally remembered you had a kid, huh?"

Daisy jumped halfway out of her skin as she whirled around to see a scowling middle aged man standing behind her. "Jesus Christ! You scared the Hell out of me!"

"Watch the language! I don't think your mama raised you to talk like a sailor."

Great. All the drunk tanks in all the world and she had to wake up in some born-again, religious one. Time to play the repentant sinner once again. Smiling sweetly, she said, "I'm sorry. I didn't mean to offend you. I was startled, and worried about my daughter."

The man snorted, his huge eyebrows crinkled down his forehead like two caterpillars re-enacting the kama sutra. He waved a meaty finger under her nose and said, "The first thing you need to learn, is that everyone here can tell when you're lying, Daisy. Don't forget that."

"Please, I need to find out where my daughter is. She's only three, and I told her I'd be back in a few minutes."

"Well, you lied to her. Again."

Daisy felt her face grow hot as she felt her temper rise. "Listen," she growled as she used the last bit of her self-control to not grab theman by his eyebrows and twist them for all they were worth, "My daughter is three, and she's unsupervised. Take whatever you feel about me and cram it, because it's not important right now. Nataysha is!" Daisy whirled around again, when she heard the sound of hands clapping behind her. She turned around to see a beautiful woman, with dark, auburn hair that hung in waves to her shoulders.

"I'm glad you finally figured that out, Daisy." The woman's eyes held no censure, only pity as she continued, "Just now was the first time you've ever truly put Nataysha's welfare above your own, isn't it?"

Daisy caught herself nodding before she could stop herself. Quickly regaining control, she asked, "Where's my daughter?"

The woman smiled soothingly at her. "Nataysha's fine, you don't have to worry about her. She's with her grandparents and they will take excellent care of her."

"Mom and Dad are here? In Detroit? Omigod!"

"What did I tell you about--" the burly man started, only to be shushed by the strange woman.

A thousand thoughts ran through Daisy's head at once. She was obviously in a facility of some sort. Nataysha had been found by social workers and her parents had been notified. They'd come to Detroit, no doubt having had to close down the diner--and she was sure her mother wouldn't spare her the gory details about how much it was costing them--and they'd find out the truth. All the truths. That she'd been laid off from her job. That she was behind in the rent. That her eighteen hundred dollar car needed two thousand dollars worth of repairs. That her latest boyfriend was a cheating scum-bag. And worst of all, that she'd "slipped" yet again. Daisy opened her mouth, to plead, beg, argue herself the hell the way out of albino-land. The woman merely smiled again and said gently, "As I said, you're worrying is over."

"Yeah, other people will pick up your slack, just like they've done you're whole life," the angry guy said.

"That's enough, Fabricio! You were supposed to greet her, not browbeat her."

"But, she--"

"No buts. Go. I'm assuming you have other things to attend to?"

Daisy was slightly amused to see his face redden, as he suddenly looked at his feet like a scolded nine-year old. She fought the urge to stick out her tongue. Fabricio must have sensed her amusement, for he looked up and for a moment seemed ready to insult her again. Instead, he took a deep breath and smiled sweetly to the strange woman next to him. The smile almost made him seem human for a moment. Almost.

"You're right, Josephine," he said, in a polished tone that surprised Daisy. "I overstepped. Again."

"Fabricio, your passion to do the right thing is your greatest gift. You just need to temper it--and your tongue--with a bit of tolerance and forgiveness. I know better than anyone how difficult that is for you."

Daisy watched something that she couldn't identify flicker between Fabricio and Josephine for a moment, before Josephine turned to her and grasped her hand. "I do apologize for your slightly rocky beginning here, Daisy. I trust that this experience won't stop you from approaching this moment with an open mind."

Daisy smiled wanly and said, "It doesn't look like I have much of a choice, does it?"

Josephine's features darkened immediately. "You have much to learn. It's ALL about choice."

*****

Daisy looked around as she was led down a bright white corridor and into another glaringly white room. The glare didn't seem to bother her eyes as much as it had earlier. Then again, she'd given up on focusing on her surroundings and concentrated on the few faces she saw.

There were three of them, talking together as they sat in chairs which formed a loose semi circle. All wore the same white sweatsuits as she did, and she was glad to not see that Fabricio guy among them.

"Everyone," Josephine called out in a pleasant, yet authoritative voice, "this is Daisy. Daisy, this is Ava, Edna, and Bart."

Daisy felt her stomache drop as she was painfully reminded of all of her "first days" in the various Southern California school systems she'd attended through the years. "Hi," she mumbled, as she stared at the ground beneath her feet. How the Hell did they manage to keep the floor so white? Someone around her must have one helluva Clorox fetish. She looked up quickly at the sound of a muffled giggle.

"Sorry honey," the woman named Edna laughed as her blue eyes twinkled. "Couldn't help it, you just reminded me so much of--" Edna broke off, apparently getting a warning glance from Josephine. "Someone I used to know," Edna finished, lamely. "C'mere, and sit beside me," she said, patting the chair to her right.

Daisy smiled and started towards her, only to have Josephine raise her hand and say, "Actually, I've thought things over, and I think it would be best if Ava mentored Daisy."

Daisy looked over at the brunette to her left who seemed surprised--and not to happy--about the change in plans. Daisy flashed her a tentative smile, and tried to not react to Ava's cold gaze. It's all about control, she told herself, control over her temper and her addictions.

Ava rolled her eyes. "Thanks a lot, Josephine. I see I have my work cut out with this one."

Josephine smiled blandly at the two of them. "That was the idea."

Ava snorted, then looked away.

"Hey, I'm not doing cartwheels over being paired up with you either," Daisy said, "But, if I can buckle down and get through this program, I can get out of here."

Ava snorted again. "See," she said to Josephine, "she's too far in denial to even know what's going on. She's not going to change."

Before Daisy could tell Ava where to shove it, Josephine said, "She is in denial, but not about what you're thinking about, Ava. She doesn't know."

"What?" Ava asked, as surprise took over her scornful features. "What do you mean, she doesn't know *know*?"

"What, there's an echo in here? No, she doesn't know, Ava. You're her mentor, it's your job to tell her."

"But I..."

"Not so talkative now, are you? Go ahead, Ava. Tell Daisy why she's here."

Cold fear gripped Daisy's belly. What the hell was going on? She'd once woken up in rehab after OD-ing at a party, once after drunkenly plowing her mother's Saturn into a ditch, and another time after hitting a security guard at a concert. Nothing had frightened her as much as what everyone seemed to avoid saying.

Nataysha. She must have hurt Nataysha. That's why they wouldn't let her see her daughter. Desperately, Daisy wracked her foggy memory for answers. Her car was in the shop, so she couldn't have gotten behind the wheel with her baby. She vividly remembered locking the apartment door before leaving to meet Darryl, and Nataysha was too smart to open it for a stranger. Wasn't she? "What happened," she whispered to Ava, unable to fully voice herd question. "Did I hurt Nataysha?"

Ava's dark eyes narrowed, and her lips formed a tight line across her face. "Yes. But not the way you think." Ava looked away again and exhaled a long breath, before turning and facing Daisy again. Daisy saw contempt in her eyes, as well as an almost hysterical energy she couldn't define. "Nataysha's with her grandparents now, and believe me, she's better off."

"Ava..." Josephine's tone held warning.

"I'm sorry!" Ava slammed her palm against her thigh, as her voice tremored, "I'm not as forgiving as you, Josephine. She," she said, as she angrily pointed her finger at Daisy, "left a three year old child alone so she could go God only knows where with someone drug dealer she didn't even know, just so she could get high."

"I made a mistake..." Daisy began.

"You've made a lifetime of mistakes, haven't you?" Ava was on her feet now, red-faced and ranting, "You've always been selfish! You've never thought about how your actions affect others! How many people have had to step in and clean up your mess, Daisy Kosnowski?"

"I thought we weren't supposed to use last names in these things?" Daisy asked.

"You'd know! How many programs have you been through? How many times have you learned to skate on by and do just enough work to get out of the program? How many people have you hurt?"

"I don't need to take this crap from you!" Daisy was on her feet now, in front of the other woman, mentally begging her to take the first swing. "I left my kid alone for a few hours. It was a shitty thing to do, and I'm not mother of the year. I'm not perfect, and neither are you if you're here with me." Part of Daisy felt triumph, as she saw the blood drain from Ava's face. Gotcha with that one, didn't I? One of the most grimly satisfying parts about time spent in rehab was learning that all addicts swam in the same cesspool. After years of being part of the tribe, Daisy felt that nothing she could hear in one of these sessions could shock her. She was so wrong.

Ava sneered. "A few hours? You really don't know what's going on, do you? You left Nataysha alone for a day and a half, you stupid bitch!"

Daisy sank back into her chair, stunned.

"Who knows how long she would have been there if your neighbor, Mrs. Perez--you know, the one you cursed at in the laundry room because she told the building manager that your boyfriend stole her new checks out of her mailbox? Well, lucky for you Mrs. Perez heard Nataysha crying. It only took her a few hours to realize something was really wrong and call the police."

Daisy wanted to vomit, to purge all the poison from her system, even though she suspected there wasn't anything else left inside her at that point.

Ava continued to talk, her dark eyes taking on an almost zealot-like shine, "It wasn't hard for Social Services to put two and two together, to realize that Nataysha's missing mommy was Jane Doe, Number forty-two in the morgue."

Daisy gagged, but instead of the sensation of bile lurching upwards, she felt like maggots were crawling over her brain, her soul, her inner being. Tears flooded her eyes, as a loud buzzing sensation rang in her ears.

"Was that quite necessary, Ava?" Josephine asked.

"Yes! Yes, it was!" Ava looked around, maniacally. "You've all always made excuses for her, always tried to see the positive side of her. We all knew she'd do this! We all knew she'd make the wrong choices!"

Josephine shook her head sadly. "We knew nothing, Ava. The future isn't yet written for anyone. We see harbingers and portents, but nothing concrete, nothing written in stone. Every moment we have on earth is a choice. You should know that better than anyone, shouldn't you?"

Daisy looked up from her lap in time to see Ava blink in surprise. "This isn't about me, Josephine, it's about her," she said, as she once again gestured angrily at Daisy.

"She's made mistakes, as we all have," Josephine replied evenly.

"But not like this, not like...her," Ava nearly spat the word. "She ran off to get high, choked to death on her own vomit behind a convenience store, while her child was home alone. Anything could have happened to Nataysha, don't any of you care about that?"

"You know we care, Ava. You know that better than anyone," Edna replied, as she stood and placed a comforting hand on Daisy's shoulder.

"Do not turn this around on me, Edna!" Ava flared. "Daisy's a horrible mother. People like her shouldn't have children, they're too selfish. Too involved with their own pain to see anyone else's needs." Ava's voice shook, and at that moment, her eyes reflected a soul in torment and pain. "They let the wrong kind of people near their children, they neglect them, they run off and leave them, they run away..." Ashen now, Ava sank back into her chair and looked as if she was seeing a nightmare off in the distance.

Josephine swiftly crossed over to her and took the distraught woman's hand in her own, while putting her arm around the trembling woman's shoulders. "It's okay, Ava. You've held onto your pain too long, let it go."

"I--" Ava started, as her eyes darted from Josephine to Daisy. The eyes that held anger and condemnation moments ago were now only filled with grief and remorse. "I shouldn't have gone! I shouldn't have left Lenny! He was only five, he thought it was his fault..." The sobs overtook her as she keened against Josephine's shoulder.

Ava's words came to Daisy as if through a fog. Her body went weak as the full implications penetrated her overtaxed mind, and she barely felt Edna and Bart lead her away.

*****

Daisy leaned back against the--couch? Wall? Inner part of the cloud? She didn't know, and when she thought about it, it really didn't matter.

She was dead. Really dead. Mentally as well as physically, it seemed. She didn't feel grief, or sorrow, just numbness with an underlying guilt. Ava was right about one thing. She'd been a shitty mother. Wonder who I picked that up from, she thought bitterly. A loud sigh behind her startled her, and she turned around, only to scowl at the now familiar face behind her.

Her grandfather looked younger than he had in the photographs where he held her as a baby. His face was meaty, but he didn't have that jowly walrus look that had grinned out of the polaroid at her as she had poured through the family albums as a child. His eyes weren't twinkling like they had in the photo either, they looked heavy with sadness. "Oh, it's you. Come by to take up where Ava left off? Oh, I don't know. Should I call her Grandma, or something?"

"We don't use titles up here, it keeps everyone on even footing," he replied as he sat down next to her.

"Josephine seems to be in charge."

"Yeah, but that's 'cause she's Josephine. She's been here the longest."

"So the old-dead get to push around the new-dead? I never thought there'd be snobbery in Heaven." His chuckle astonished her.

"So, we're friends now, Grandpa?"

He sighed, as exasperation colored his voice, "I told you, no titles. Just call me Fabricio."

"I thought your name was Frank."

"Frank was a nickname I picked up as a kid. It was more American, and it helped me fit in with the other kids."

"Oh." She looked at him more closely. "I really don't remember you. I was real young when you died."

"Yeah. You were the age that Nataysha is now."

Pain hit her anew. "So she won't remember me, is that what you're trying to say?"

Fabricio shook his head. "I don't know what she's going to remember, and what she's not. I ain't a mind reader, Daisy. I just think it's a shame she won't grow up with you there."

"No big loss."

"Don't say that! Thinking like that is what's kept Ava in pain for over forty years. Didn't you learn anything today?"

"Yeah. I learned that I'm a loser, and I know where I get it from."

"You're more stubborn than your mother and your father put together, do you know that? Ava made her choices and her mistakes. You have made yours, and I have made mine. We can be influenced by others, but the final responsibility is ours and ours alone. If you learn one thing while you're up here, please let it be that."

"Again with the choices... Tell me something. Is this my final resting place? Cause, I really am not feeling all that rested. Isn't this the point where I either roast, get a pair of wings, or dissolve into nothingness? What's the deal with the group therapy?"

"If you don't go to group, how do you expect to get better?"

"Hello? News flash, I'm dead!"

"Yes. One lifetime is over--prematurely, I might add. But that doesn't mean you're journey's over."

"You lost me."

"Don't you think one lifetime is too short for all of the lessons that we are capable of learning?"

"I've never really thought about it..."

"Well, think. You've got the time, and it's not like you're going to be doing drugs anymore."

This time it was her turn to chuckle. "I should have realized something was up. When I woke up here, it was the first time in years I didn't wake up craving anything."

"Well, my yelling probably distracted you."

"Oh, were you yelling? I couldn't tell."

"You got a fresh mouth, just like your mother."

"No, no," she corrected, "I choose to have a fresh mouth, like my mother."

"You're getting it. You're picking it up faster than most."

Daisy's face fell. "I think it just really hasn't totally hit me yet. I mean, I'm gone. I'm never going to see Nataysha again, or my parents. I never had a chance to say good bye." Her voice thickened as she felt her eyes tear up. Great. She was going to end up one of those weepy, martyr saint guys she had to read about in CCD.

"Not by a long shot, kiddo," Fabricio grinned.

"How do you do that? Y'know, read my mind?"

"It's not as much as me reading, as it is you shouting in your head. Don't worry, you'll be able to do it in a few decades."

Decades. "So, is this what you've been doing everyday since your heart attack? Going to group therapy and meeting people at the gate?"

The dark eyes twinkled back at her. "Mostly. It sounds boring, but it isn't. You'll find out that there's a lot to learn before re-entry."

"Re-entry?"

"Yeah. When you're ready to have another shot at life on Earth."

"Like reincarnation?"

"Sort of," Fabricio pursed his lips together. "Y'know, I'm not really good at explaining the finer points--something that Josephine reminds me of all the time. You need to get Josephine, or Edna to explain it to you."

"Edna? Is that the same Edna that you..."

"One and the same."

"Let me get this straight, you're in nearly eternal group therapy with your wife and ex-wife? Even by California standards, that's weird."

Frabricio chuckled again. "Every man should be so lucky to have two such wonderful women in his life. Josephine's last lifetime on earth was too short. Being with Edna made a few of my later years happier, kept my old ticker going long enough to meet you."

"But you two divorced."

"Yes, but if I had the chance, I'd do it all over again."

"I thought we were supposed to learn from our mistakes."

"Loving someone is never a mistake, Daisy. Sometimes you get hurt, but it's how you handle that hurt that makes you into the person that you are." Frank looked away briefly before continuing, "As I said earlier, Josephine's time was too short. For too many years, I closed my heart up, I was so afraid it would be broken again. The only person I let in was your Mama, such a wonderful little girl she was, but I couldn't even muster up enough strength to love her fully for years. We all learn different things from love and loss. Your Mama unfortunately learned how much losing someone can hurt you. She learned it when Josephine died, and then when her boyfriend, Randy died. It took her years to work up the courage to love anyone like that. Lucky for her, your father was strong enough to tough it out."

Daisy shook her head. "I can't see Mom being scared. Angry--all the time, but never scared."

"Laverne's always been scared. Scared of being left behind and scared of being alone."

"You'd think Dad would be the one with abandonment issues, with Ava leaving and all."

"Not as much as you'd think. Your father chose to learn to never hold back what he was feeling, no matter how much it annoyed anyone else. He felt for a long time that Ava left because he didn't love her enough. Believe me Daisy, that man has spent his entire life making sure that you kids and your mother knew how much you meant to him."

A tear slowly rolled down Daisy's cheek. "I wish they both knew how much I love them, and how much I miss them."

Fabricio gently wiped her tear away. "They do, Daisy. They see you everywhere. Your pop will always think of you when he hears a woman singing acompanied by an acoustic guitar. Your mama will always think of you when she hears young girls laughing. And they will both think of you when they see Nataysha smile." Fabricio cleared his throat and blinked a few times. "Come one, we need to get going or we'll be late to group."

"Hopefully this session won't be as out of control."

"I don't know. With you and Ava in the same room, anything can happen."

"Ava's coming back? I thought she was going to, y'know, re-enter, or something."

"Yes, eventually. But, she still needs to learn. And so do you. Josephine thinks you two will be able to do a wonderful job of mentoring each other."

"But, I'm still a newbie..."

"You only learn by doing, Daisy. And," he said, as he leaned in to whisper conspiratorially, "it's okay to make a mistake here. It's a pretty forgiving crowd, all in all."

Daisy smiled, as she realized that Steven Tyler had been right, life's a journey, not a destination.

FIN












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