Carmine Ragusa ran his fingers through his sweat-dampened curls as he dashed up the stairs to Shirley’s apartment.  There’d been a back up on the four-oh-five and the city bus he’d been on had been delayed by twenty minutes, making him fifteen minutes late to get home and pick up his daughter.  He groaned aloud.  Shirley was going to be furious.  She didn’t clock out of Bardwells until seven tonight and Laverne and Lenny had to be at their Pre-Cana class by six, which left Squiggy as Megan’s only possible babysitter.  He groaned again and realized he deserved all one hundred and fifteen pounds of Irish rage that he was about to be given.

He burst through the apartment door, his mouth already moving.  “Squiggy, so help me god if you are thinking of taking Patty out to a bar again to try that pathetic widower crap, you’ve got another thing coming…”

“What?”  Shirley stared at him from across the kitchen, her mouth open wide.

“Shirley?  Angelface, you’re home early.  Is everything okay?  Is Meggy okay?”

Shirley smiled and rolled her eyes at him.  “Everything is fine and so is Meggy.”

He dropped heavily onto the couch and exhaled, letting his head loll back in relief.  “I was just afraid that Squiggy…”

“Yeah.  He gave some of the women he met at that bar my phone number so that they wouldn’t bother him at home.  I’ve had to explain to two of them that I am not the late Mrs. Squiggman and I am not speaking to them from the great beyond.”

“Only two?”

She smirked.  “The others didn’t quite believe me, so I just started answering the phone, “Boo!”  It seemed to scare them away after a while.”

“I’m sorry you had to come home from work early.”

“Don’t worry about it.  I skipped lunch today so that I could clock out a little early.  Laverne was just wild eyed this morning on getting in to see Father Czinski before the formal class started, and I didn’t want to stand in her way in case the Friday traffic held you up.  Father Czinski is a little concerned that Laverne’s father doesn’t approve of her marriage.”  Shirley shook her head ruefully.  “The fact that Lenny got in to talk to Father Czinski privately before class started last week didn’t really help their cause.”

“I can only imagine,” Carmine murmured before spying his toddler in her playpen.  “How’s daddy’s itty-bitty girl?”  He leaned over and picked up the child as she reached out eagerly for him.  For the thousandth time that day, Carmine marveled at the small miracle that was his daughter.  Tiny dark curls like his crowned her little head and her dark as midnight eyes shone with a trust and innocence that rivaled those of her mother.  Meggy Ragusa may not have had the most typical of starts in the world, but she had always been surrounded by two loving parents and a whole army of aunts and uncles who each in their own way had made it their mission to spoil her rotten. 

The thought of family stirred his mind to a topic that had gnawed at him for far too long.  “I love you and I always will, you know that, don’t you?”

Shirley shot him a quick smile as she spooned a hideous looking concoction out of a Gerber jar and onto Meggy’s Pebbles Flinstone plate.  “Carmine, Meggy knows you are crazy about her.  She always lights up when she hears your voice.”

He gave her a slight smile.  “Thanks, Shirl.  That means a lot.  But I wasn’t talking to Meggy-bug over hear,” he said as he kissed his daughter on the forehead and put her back in her playpen, “I was talking to you.”

“Carmine…”

He looked at the woman standing in front of him, and noted her baby food-stained sweatshirt and slightly disheveled hair.  “I love you, Shirley, and I know that you love me.  I also understand why you didn’t want to marry me when you were expecting.”

She nodded at him warily, her blue eyes holding his gaze with a strength and evenness that he’d only recently seen there.  “That’s right.  I never wanted you to look back at us and feel like I trapped you, and that Meggy and I held you back.”

Carmine shook his head.  “I’d never feel that way, Shirley.  Not in a million years.  I know that I panicked when you first told me about Meggy, and I know how much that hurt you…”

She nodded, her mouth pursed shut.

Emboldened, he took a step closer to her.  “Fatherhood was the scariest thing that I’d ever seen coming at me.  Nothing frightened me like that before; not any guy I’ve gone toe to toe with in the ring—not even the thought of losing you scared me as much as she did.”

“And now?”  Her words were whispered and barely audible.

He smiled back at her.  “Now?  Nothing makes me happier than being around her.  Or,” he admitted, “more scared.  I just see everything differently now.  Every time I hear a siren, I think of Meggy.  Every time I see anything on the news about Vietnam, I thank God that the draft board labeled me 4F all those years ago so I don’t have to go over there and leave her.” 

Shirley smiled back at him, her expression soothing him as it always did.  “You’re a good father Carmine.  Worry comes with the territory.”

“What I’m trying to say, Shirl is that I’m always going to be Meggy’s father.  I’m always going to take care of her, and you too, if you let me.”

Shirley’s shoulders slumped and the smile left her face.  “Carmine…”

“But,” he continued, “just because I’m Meggy’s father, doesn’t mean that I have to be your Mr. Right.”  Carmine spoke his next words swiftly, forcing them out of his reluctant mouth before losing his nerve, “I know how I feel about you, and how I always will; but if we’re not going to be together as husband and wife—the way that we both think a couple should be—let’s just agree to be friends now.  I want to be with you, Shirley.  I want you to marry me, but,” he said as Walter Meaney’s geriatric face flickered before his eyes, “If I’m not your Mister Right, you need to get out there and find him.”

Shirley dropped the jar of baby food she’d been holding onto the tile floor.  It clattered loudly before rolling under the refrigerator, and she made no move to pick it up.  “Carmine!  “

“I’m serious, Shirl!  Look, this is probably the toughest thing that I’ve ever had to do, but it needs to be said.”  Carmine took a deep breath and stepped forward, taking her hands into his.  “You’re beautiful, smart, kind hearted—a wonderful mother.  You’re what any guy with half a brain in his head would want.  But…”

“But?”  A frown marred her ivory brow.

“You’re not getting any younger.”

“Carmine!”

Wincing and internally cursing himself for his lapse in tact he said, “Okay, that didn’t come out the right way.  I mean, what do you do all day?  You work at Bardwells, then come home and take care of Meggy.  That ain’t much of a life”

“I’m hardly on my own with Meggy, Carmine.  You’re here every spare minute you have, Laverne has given Meggy almost as many middle of the night feedings as I have, and Lenny…” She glanced quickly at the Bosco stained stuffed rabbit in the playpen.  “Well, Lenny tries...”

Carmine shook his head.  “But it all boils down to you, Shirl. And that ain’t fair.”

She looked at him like he had suddenly started to speak Martian.  “I’m her mother, Carmine.  It’s my responsibility to take care of her.”

“And I’m her father.  And it ain’t right for me to ask you to put your life on hold to take care of her.  You’re a great mother, Shirley, but you owe yourself a life and a future.  I don’t want you to ever feel like you had to give up everything for Meggy.”  Carmine paused for breath and Lillian Feeney’s face flashed before his eyes.  I never want you to end up as bitter as your mother is.

“I’m her mother, that’s my job.”

“No, it ain’t.  You deserve to be happy Shirley.  I’d like to be the one to make you happy, but if,” he swallowed noisily, his throat suddenly tight, “if it ain’t gonna be me, you still have to go on and find the person that you want to be with.”

“I’m not looking!”  The exasperation in her tone turned it into a shrill screech.

Carmine shook his head sadly.  “I know, because you’re too busy with Meggy.  Shirley, I see how tired you look every night when you come home, and how you stay home with Meggy night after night.  I mean, I know couples with babies do that, but it’s not right that you’re the one making all the sacrifices.”

“Carmine, you’re here with me every night with Meggy when you don’t have an audition.  I don’t feel like I’m in this all-alone.”

“But…”

“No, hear me out,” Shirley said with a ring of authority in her voice.  “Yes, taking care of a baby is a lot of work, but if I wanted to go out at night, I could occasionally.  Laverne and Lenny have offered to watch Meggy a hundred times, Squiggy too,” she added.  “And, Rhonda’s even offered once or twice.  Meggy’s not the reason that I’m staying home every night, Carmine.”

He blinked in astonishment as he once again marveled at the level of self-sacrifice his Angelface was capable of.  “Then, why?”

Shirley took a step closer to him.  “You’re here with me most nights.  Why should I go out and hunt for Mr. Right when he’s sitting on the couch next to me?”

Her words hit him like a ton of bricks.  “Shirl…” His shaking voice sounded unfamiliar to his own ears.

“Carmine, I love you.  I’ve never stopped.  You know why I didn’t marry you when you proposed…”

He swallowed noisily and his face reddened in shame.  “I’ve done some things that I ain’t too proud of.”

Shirley’s lips thinned into a grim horizontal line across her face.  “Me nearly marrying Walter wasn’t my most shining moment, but you got over that.”

His gut clenched at the memory of Shirley standing next to the stranger that would have ended up raising his child if fate had not sent him into that horrible gazebo that night.  “You wanted to give your baby a secure home.  I didn’t like what you did,” he said as he looked away from her briefly, “but I know why you did it.”

“I didn’t like what you did with what’s-her-name.”

“Careen.”

“No one really cares, Carmine,” she said sharply.  “Anyhow,” Shirley added, “I know that you were trying to get your career together so you could take care of me.  I didn’t like what you did either, but I’m trying to get over it, too.”

“You know I’d never do anything like that again, don’t you?”

She nodded.  “You know that I needed to prove that I didn’t need a man to marry me and save me, don’t you?”

Carmine smiled at her gently.  “I get that now.  What do you want, Shirley?”

She smiled the smile that had first one his heart in seventh grade.  “I want to spend my life with the man I love, who also happens to be my daughter’s father.”

His arms encircled her and he pulled her against him.  “That’s all I’ve ever wanted.  Shirl, will you…”

She nodded and smiled as her eyes glistened with the beginning of tears.  “Yes.  You don’t have to ask at this point, but yes.”

His lips met hers in a brief, but poignant kiss.  As he held her next to him, he was reminded of the last time that they had been close, the night that they made their daughter.  The joy of the present made his earlier memory seem shallow and artificial next to the woman in his arms.  “I love you,” he whispered to her brokenly as their lips parted.

“I know, “ Shirley mumbled against his cheek.  “I love you too.”  He felt her lips smile against his flesh.  “Want to call Father Czinksi and see if he could arrange a double wedding with Lenny and Laverne?”

Carmine hugged Shirley tightly to him and looked over her shoulder to his daughter who smiled back at him wisely from her playpen.  If he didn’t know better, he could have sworn that he saw her nod back at him.  “It couldn’t hurt,” he muttered into Shirley’s neck.  “At the least, we’ll make Laverne and Lenny look better to Father Czinski.”

Fin