“Mythos”
By Shotzette
PG
This is only a piece of fanfic; move along, nothing to see here. It was written for grins and giggles and is not meant to infringe upon anyone’s copyrights or intellectual properties.
“Forty eight, forty nine, fifty,” Laverne counted out the last of the
cash for the register just as the clock on the wall clicked to one am.
“Hell of a way to spend a Friday night after working all day,” she
grumbled, and then immediately felt guilty.
She’d offered to stay late and take care of the high school basketball’s
team’s victory party. Division champs,
they reminded her a hundred times as she feigned interest and refilled pitcher
after pitcher of Coyote-Sodies. Still, burgers and ribs for nearly twenty
people counting coaches and girlfriends, gave Cowboy Bill’s a necessary shot in
the financial arm. Between the
competition from the two taco stands on the corner and the health food joint on
the corner; Cowboy Bill’s wasn’t doing so great. The way things were going, Laverne couldn’t
believe that her father and Edna were fighting over it.
She glanced out of the window of the swinging door and was dismayed to
see a light still on in her father’s trailer.
Laverne frowned; her father had looked tired and winded earlier that
night, which had prompted her to suggest that he go home early. She’d hoped that he’d be in bed by now.
Within ten minutes she was knocking on the door of his trailer.
Frank DeFazio opened the door, looking
slightly disoriented. He blinked at her
in surprise. “Muffin, what?”
“Your light was on, so I figured you was still up. Here,” she said as she thrust the remainder
of a small rack of ribs wrapped in tin foil into his hands, “I figured you
might want to heat these up and have them for lunch tomorrow.”
Frank smiled as he took the package from her hands, “Thanks,
Muffin. I don’t know why I can’t re-heat
them and sell them to the paying customers tomorrow,” he grumbled. “It’s a sin to waste food.”
“Pop, that guy from the health department was pretty clear on that the
last time, remember?”
Frank snorted in derision.
“Bum. I don’t know why he’s
picking on me. I never had to deal with
health inspectors like him back in Milwaukee…”
“Yeah, but you were a one-man shop back in Milwaukee. These guys know that if they fine you hear,
Cowboy Bill’s inc. will pay.”
“If Cowboy Bill doesn’t revoke my franchise license…”
“Look, Pop. I didn’t mean to get
you upset.”
Frank shook his head. “You
didn’t. I just couldn’t sleep, so I
started going through her things so I could take them to the dumpster,” he said
as he contemptuously gestured to the cardboard box on the floor.”
“Pop…” Laverne’s voice held a warning tone. This was not a topic that she wanted to deal
with in the wee small hours of the morning.
Again.
But, Frank was already agitatedly rummaging through the box. “Here’s her stupid ukulele. Did I ever tell you how much I hated this
thing?”
Laverne bit her tongue as memories of her father smiling as Edna sang
and played for him in happier days flashed in front of her eyes. “Maybe you shouldn’t throw her stuff out,
Pop. The way you two are going, the only
people who are going to be happy with the terms of your divorce are your lawyers.”
Frank appeared to reconsider and carefully placed the ukulele back in the
box. “Maybe. By the way, I want you to meet my
lawyer. His name is Donnie Fusco; really
nice guy, successful, Italian, lives with his mother…”
“Yeah, yeah,” Laverne said
quickly in an attempt to ward off the latest, ‘you’re nearly thirty, why are you
being so choosy’ lecture. That’s great,
Pop. Maybe after the divorce is over and
the dust settles you, me, and Donnie can all get together and split a can of
sardines.” The sarcastic words were
barely out of her mouth before she regretted them. “I’m sorry, Pop. I just hate seeing you two act like this.”
“She left me!” The thin trailer
walls nearly shook with the volume of his bellow.
Laverne put her arms around her father and gave him a quick hug,
silently willing him to calm down. “I
know, and I wish she hadn’t, but she did.
You gotta accept that.”
“I was a foolish old man for ever marrying her,” Frank muttered.
“No, you weren’t. You just took
a chance on love and followed your heart.”
Oddly, Laverne felt her father tense up after hearing her words.
“Edna ain’t no Josephine.” Frank
DeFazio stuck his lower lip out, looking nothing more
to his daughter like the pouting child who didn’t get a red bicycle on
Christmas morning. Laverne drew in her
breath sharply. She hadn’t heard her
father talk about her mother in years, really since he and Edna married.
“I said it before, Pop. Mama was
Mama, and Edna is Edna.”
“You’re mama never would have left me, dying don’t count. She knew that marriage was a sacred
commitment, no matter what.”
“I know, Pop.” Eager to change
the subject, she asked, “Why don’t you try to get some sleep. I can carry this stuff,” she said as she
gestured to the cardboard box on the floor, “out the to dumpster for you.”
Her father favored Laverne with a smile that reminded her of a
world-weary Santa Claus before kissing the top of her head and trundling off
through the bedroom door of the small trailer.
When Laverne heard the bed springs creak, she sighed sadly and picked up
the dilapidated cardboard box. It was heavier
than it looked. Frowning, Laverne picked
through the contents as she glanced around the small living area in hopes of
finding another box or bag for a second trip to the dumpster at the far end of
the parking lot. He must have gone
through their storage locker, she thought in dismay as she picked through the
hodgepodge of items, some Edna’s some of her own belongings from her high
school days, and …
The leather-bound book caught her attention. Laverne lifted it out of the box gently,
surprised by her own reverence. The
spine was cracked and the scratched leather cover had definitely seen better
days. She gently opened the book,
mindful of its fragility and instinctively inhaled its musty antiqued
scent. The elegant penmanship on the
foreword page caught her eye, and she gasped aloud.
March 12, 1928
To: Guiseppina Maria Abruzzi
With trembling fingers, Laverne gently turned the ancient page and read the first entry.
Papa gave me this
diary today on the day of my twelfth birthday.
He said I should write in it every week, so I will learn to write
English as good as I talk it.
Mama doesn’t know
why Papa thinks it’s so important that I write.
She says all I have to learn is how to cook, clean, mend clothes,
volunteer at Church, and marry a nice Italian boy and have babies.
I think writing is
easier.
Laverne smiled at her mother’s childlike scrawl. Memories of being held in her mother’s arms, her mother buttoning up her coat, and the smell of oregano, and the taste of almond pizzelle cookies all but overwhelmed her. Without knowing exactly why, Laverne quietly slipped the diary into her oversized handbag as her adrenaline quelled her fatigue from a few minutes before. She quickly threw the remainder of the items in the box and lugged the heavy thing to the dumpster in one trip, hernias be damned.
A half hour later, Laverne was in her bed, her lower back supported by a scrunched up pillow, and a glass of milk and Pepsi and a box of scooter pies on the nightstand. For the first time in a year, she was actually glad that Shirley had moved to the Philippines to be with Walter. As much as she loved her best friend, any one else’s presence would have seemed intrusive. Taking a fortifying sip of milk and Pepsi and a deep breath, Laverne opened the aged journal and prepared herself to meet the woman that she had never really had the opportunity to know…
April 3, 1928
My teacher liked my
essay so much that she read it to everyone in the class! I was so embarrassed to have everyone looking
at me, even the boys. Everybody was
nice, except for Bridget O’Herlihy, that witch! She had the nerve to say that someone else
wrote it for my since everyone knows that Italians can’t read or write, just
shoot people. Miss Higgins hollered at
her, then sent her to the principal’s office.
I didn’t see her for the rest of the day.
Mikel Kovac talked to me
after class and told me to ignore Bridget since she’s Irish, and they don’t
know much anyhow. He was nice, even
though he can’t say my name right; he calls me “Josephine”.
May 10, 1928
Mama was cross with
me today. I was dumping the soiled
papers in the alley behind the butcher shop, and Mikel
was there. We were only talking for a
few minutes, when Mama came out and started hollering. Mikel ran away so
fast.
I’m not allowed to
talk to him anymore. Mama says I can’t
talk with boys who aren’t from nice Italian families ever again.
June 1, 1928
Father Di Medici came by the shop today. Papa donated three carcasses to the poor and
butchered them up for free. Father said
that if everyone were as generous as my Papa, that no one would ever be hungry
again. Papa just smiled, and gave the
Father a leg of lamb as well.
Mama yelled at Papa
most of the night for giving away so much.
She said that if he keeps this up, her, Funji,
and me will all end up on the streets penniless. Papa joked and said that nothing would put Funji on the streets—he’d never leave the kitchen long
enough. Mama didn’t think it was funny,
and scolded me for laughing.
August 18, 1928
We moved! We left Williamsburg, and just moved into the
biggest apartment I’ve ever seen in Flatbush! It has three bedrooms, and I have my
own! Funji was
angry because he thought he should have his own room since he was older, and a
boy! Mama agreed with him, but Papa got
very stern. He said there’s nothing that
Funji should do in private that he can’t do on the
sofa in the living room. I’m glad that
there’s room for Grandma, and I wouldn’t mind sharing with her, but Papa insisted.
November 3, 1928
Grandma died last
week. It was awful! She couldn’t breathe in the middle of the
night, so Papa and Funji ran out to look for a
doctor. Mama and I couldn’t do anything
to help her. By the time Funji got back with a doctor who spoke Italian a little, it
was too late. Papa got home later. I never saw him cry before.
January 28, 1929
I like my new
school. My studies are harder, but the
teachers are nicer. I got high marks on
my grades this term. Mr. Logan said I
got the highest grades out of all the girls in my class. Papa was so proud of my when I told him. Mama said that it mattered more that I learn
to cook better, and made me do most of the cooking for the St. Vittorio’s dinner.
She said that I didn’t do a good job afterwards.
When Papa yelled at
her, Mama said that at this rate, I’d be bobbing my hair and doing the
Charleston in a speakeasy with Al Capone any day now.
What is the
Charleston?
March 6, 1929
A movie house opened
on 7th Avenue! Maggie Ryan
and Theresa Camilucci asked me to go with them to see
“It!” If Mama had been in the store, she
would have said no, but she was taking the receipts to the bank, so Papa gave
me a dime, and told me to have fun.
I LOVE Clara
Bow! I want to cut my hair off (Maggie
said that she can just tell by looking that I could carry off a bob!), and move
to Hollywood! Funji
said that I was too skinny and ugly, Papa laughed, and Mama just cried.
July 18, 1929
We have a
radio!!! Papa came home with it last
night, and it’s the grandest invention ever made! We all stayed up until ten listing to the
Fleischmann’s Yeast Variety Hour! Mama
didn’t understand how Papa could afford it since it was five dollars. He explained that all he had to do was sign a
piece of paper saying that he would pay the money later. Mama didn’t understand how that works, and
neither do I; but I’m glad we have the radio.
I’ve never seen Mama laugh so hard!
September 4, 1929
Theresa and I went
to the movie house again. Clara Bow was
in “Wings”, but I did not notice her a bit once I saw Gary Cooper! He is so handsome! Both Theresa and me solemnly pledged that we
were going to move to Hollywood when we were old enough so we could meet (and
marry!) Gary Cooper!! Funji overhead us and now calls me Mrs. Cooper in front of
Mama! She doesn’t understand it, but Funji threatened to tell her unless I gave him the
twenty-five cents that I had saved up for my new shoes.
For Funji’s sake, my old shoes better last me a long time!
Before the picture
started, there was a little drawing of a mouse on the screen. It wasn’t a drawing of a real mouse, sort of
a man-mouse, wearing shorts and driving a steamboat. I thought it was silly, but it really
frightened Theresa. I hope I never see
THAT again at the movie house!
October 30, 1929
What an awful
day! No one came into the shop today, no
one at all! Papa said things would get
better, that people were in shock. He
said things would be back to normal in a week.
Mama didn’t say anything for once; she just kept sweeping the floors
over and over.
November 4, 1929
Things aren’t any
better. No one has come into the shop
since the Crash. Funji
and Papa threw out a lot of meat today because it had spoiled. Mama hollered that we should have wrapped it
up and brought it home for the family instead.
November 6, 1929
I saw a man in the
alley taking the meat that we threw out two days ago.
December 11, 1929
Funji is trying to get a job. Mama cried because she wanted him to finish
his schooling, but Papa said he had to quit.
I feel guilty for going to school, and I know Mama hates me for going
when Funji can’t.
Papa said that I need to stay in school for now.
January 5, 1929
Funji can’t find work, so he’s back to helping
Papa in the shop. A few customers have
come back, but they don’t buy much.
Usually, they just check the alley for what we may have thrown out. Not that we throw anything out any more. I got real sick from some old sides that Mama
tried to cook last week and missed two days of school.
February 2, 1930
We lost the
store. Papa couldn’t afford the rent
anymore and the landlord took it back.
Mama cried as they locked us out.
Funji found work in a warehouse in the meatpacking
district. He’s not a butcher, but they let
him herd the cattle in from the wagons for slaughter. He’s earned fifteen cents so far. He tried to get them to hire Papa, too. They said they didn’t need any more butchers,
and he was too old to work the wagons.
March 9, 1930
Mama started taking
in laundry, and made nearly two dollars before Papa found out and made her
stop. I’ve never seen Papa yell at Mama
before—it was awful! I feel so bad now
for wasting money going to the picture shows.
May 7, 1930
We’re moving again, back to Williamsburg. It’s awful!
We’re going to live in the shabby building two blocks down from where we
used to live. I used to be afraid of
walking past that building when I was younger.
Fungi told me that Gypsies and Sicilians lived there and that they were
always on the look out to steal children.
He said if I didn’t behave, he’d call the Gypsies on me.
May 10, 1930
The building is worse than I remember. There are drunks all around it when I go to
school, and strange women. Mama yelled
at Papa when we moved in and she saw the place.
Later, Fungi pulled me aside and said that I wasn’t allowed to hang
around outside, and that he’d walk me to and from school every day.
July 20, 1930
Papa still hasn’t found work. Mama started taking in laundry again, and he
didn’t even yell at her. He just sits in
the front room staring off into space. I
wish he’d yell again.
September 18, 1930
Papa is sick with a fever. Fungi was able to find a doctor who spoke
Italian this time, but when he found out that we couldn’t pay him, he wouldn’t
come.
September, 1930
Papa is sicker. I’ve never seen him look so small.
October 10, 1930
Papa died last week. We went back to St. Antony’s
for the funeral. Father Di Medici isn’t there anymore, and the new priest, Father Rossi,
never met Papa. He said his name wrong
twice during the Mass.
November 17, 1930
We’re moving again. Fungi got me and Mama jobs at the packing
plant, sweeping up after the butchers.
The new place is smaller, just one bedroom which Mama and I share. Fungi didn’t gripe about having to sleep in
the front room like last time. I can’t
believe that was only two years ago.
Mama looks a lot older.
December 16, 1930
Elsie Ryan is going with an usher at the
movie house, and he let us in for free today.
It was a Gary Cooper movie, “Only the Brave”. I didn’t enjoy it. Hollywood has never seemed so far away
before.
February 12, 1931
Fungi was beaten at work today. He was promoted to assistant butcher ahead of
two other men. I heard them hitting him
in the alley as they called him awful names.
Three other men, Vincenzo, Angelo, and Franco,
broke up the fight. Then the boss came
out and docked them all a days pay for goldbricking.
June 30, 1931
Fungi wants me to quit working at the plant. He says that it’s taking too much of his time
looking after me since the other men have started noticing me. He was very angry. He says that now that he’s making more money,
Mama and I don’t have to work. I’ve
never seen Mama holler at him before.
She said that she’d rather have me working at the plant than going back
to school having my head filled with nonsense.
August 3, 1931
I overheard Mama talking to old Mrs. Cannelli down the hallway about me. She said that she wanted to know the name of
a good matchmaker.
November 15, 1931
Mama said that Mrs. Cannelli
wants me to meet her neighbor’s nephew.
He is twenty-five and has a lazy eye and works in his father’s grocery
store.
They are supposed to visit us on Sunday. I think I’m going to volunteer to help out at
Church this week.
January 10, 1932
I’ve met him, I’ve met the man I’m going to
marry!!! His name is Paolo Cagliari and he works at the factory! He’s Fungi’s boss! I met him Wednesday when I was sweeping
up. He was smoking in the alley and
started to talk to me when I was hauling out the trash. He said that I looked like an Italian Clara
Bow!! He’s handsome, but older. He’s in his thirties. Mama and Funji
mustn’t know!
February 8, 1932
Funji hollered at me today. He heard gossip at the plant and found out
about me and Paolo. I told Paolo, and he
threatened to fire Funji if he made trouble, or told
Mama.
Funji’s giving me the silent
treatment, but I don’t care!
I’m going to sneak out tonight and meet Paolo
at the movie house. I know there’s a
Gary Cooper movie playing, but I forgot what it’s called.
February 9, 1932
Who needs Gary Cooper? I don’t even remember what the movie was
called; I just looked at Paolo the whole time.
He’s such a wonderful man! He
held my hand all through the movie, and then actually kissed me good night at
the stoop. It was all I ever hoped a
kiss would be.
I am in love.
February 12 1932
Paolo is so wonderful!!! He brought me a pastry at work from the shop
down the street. He hid it in his
handkerchief and slipped it into my hand as I passed him in the hall. When I smiled at him he looked away. Later, he told me that he didn’t want
everyone at the plant gossiping anymore because he was trying to protect my
reputation. He’s a living saint!! He also wants to take me out on the town for
St. Valentine’s Day because I am his sweetheart, his one true love. I cannot wait; it will be the most romantic
night ever. I have to wait until Mama
and Funji are a sleep, and then sneak out to meet
Paolo on the corner. I am finally going
to see a speakeasy!!
February 15, 1932
Paolo is a monster!! A horrible, lying
monster! I met him on the corner last
night, like I promised. We walked five
blocks in the cold. I guess he was so
warm in his coat, he didn’t notice that I didn’t have one. The speakeasy was a horrible place! Paolo knocked four times on the door of the
basement of that bar that mama crosses herself when she’d pass it to deliver
washings. An ugly man let us in after
Paolo tipped him a dime. There was a
large room, filled with smoke and men cursed as they played cards. There were six or seven painted ladies that
wore dresses without sleeves and had bobbed hair, but they weren’t pretty like
the ones in the picture shows. They
smiled at me when we walked in, but I’ve never seen such unfriendly smiles
before. And there was a bar, and a man
behind it serving liquor!! I have never
been so frightened in all of my life!
I told Paolo that I wanted to go home, and he
laughed at me! He laughed at me and
called me a stupid little girl. When I
started to cry, the ugly bartender and the painted ladies started
laughing. Everybody laughed except the
young man who was loading the liquor barrels behind the bar. It was awful!
I tried to run out the door and the ugly man
grabbed my arm and started to pull me into a back room. The next thing I knew there was a banging at
the door and gunshots were fired. I screamed
and kicked the ugly man in the shin and I ran towards the door—and past the
policeman who were running into the speakeasy.
I stopped, but the young man who had been stacking the liquor barrels
grabbed my arm and pulled me past the policeman and together we ran down the
alley. Oh diary, the police were raiding
the place! Once I got outside I kept
running, even though the police were shouting at me to stop. I don’t think they were shooting at me, but
better I end up dead in an alley than in the police station. Mama would let me rot there-- I know it!
We ran until we couldn’t run any longer, we
both fell to our knees on the sidewalk in exhaustion. I realized then that I had run past our
building four blocks ago. The young man
(Fabrizio) walked me back to the building. At least someone was a gentleman last night!
February 23, 1932
Paolo no longer works at the plant. Funji said that he
had been shot and killed during a raid in a speakeasy, and that he was glad
that I wouldn’t be seeing him anymore. I
waited for Funji to laugh at me, or to finally tell
Mama, but he just hugged me.
I don’t understand men.
April 13, 1932
Dear Diary,
I nearly died of fright today!! I was helping Mama carry her washing up Grant
Avenue today, when we ran into Fabrizio!! I was so terrified that Mama would find out I
had been out with Paolo and gone to a speakeasy! Fabrizio pretended
that he didn’t know me, and bumped into Mama, causing her to drop her
bundles. As he helped us pick up the
laundry, he introduced himself to her and apologized for being clumsy. He tipped his cap to me and winked when Mama
wasn’t looking.
Mama then looked through the laundry to make
sure that he didn’t steal anything. She
said that “DeFazio” is a Sicilian name, and you can’t
trust those people. She then scolded me
for smiling at him.
June 8, 1932
Dear Diary,
Fabrizio
walked me home from the plant today when my shift ended. I don’t know how he always knows when I’m
leaving, but he’s waiting on the corner more often than not. I think Funji tells
him, since the two of them have become friends.
Fabrizio has started pitching pennies with Funji and his friends on the corner on Saturday
nights. Mama warned Funji
that Fabrizio is pocketing the stray pennies and that
he needs to make sure that he counts his money before he comes home.
Mama worries too much.
August 30, 1932
Dear Diary,
Mama is furious! She saw me talking to Fabrizio
on the street last night, and saw him buy an ice for me! She hollered at me for being outside with a
man without a proper chaperone and said that I was on the way to ruin!!
If she only knew…
Fabrizio is
kind to me, but he’s no Gary Cooper!
He’s Funji’s friend, for heaven’s sake and I
told Mama that he was just being kind—being another brother. Mama just got angrier and yelled that I was a
stupid girl who would be easy prey for a crafty Sicilian. She said she was
going to put a stop to my misbehavior right away.
October 2, 1932
Dear Diary,
The worst has happened! Mama spoke to Old Missus Scarpelli,
the butcher’s mother, and said that I needed to get married to a nice Italian
boy immediately. This week we have had
two prospective suitors come by the apartment to meet me! The first was a square-headed, hairy thumbed
troll without a neck, whose father works in a cheese factory. The second was old—he had to be thirty at
least—with a lazy eye! It was
horrible. The third prospective suitor
didn’t even have the courage to show up in person! He sent his Mama who looked me up and down
and announced for all to hear that she didn’t think I looked strong enough to have
enough grandchildren!! If they would
inherit her bad teeth, I would not want to have them!
November 15, 1932
Dear Diary,
Funji told Fabrizio
about Mama’s plans to marry me off, and Fabrizio was
furious! I have never seen him angry
before, and it was a truly frightening sight.
Fabrizio told me that he was in love with me,
and how he wanted to marry me. Before I
could say anything, he kissed me. I
should have slapped his face, but I didn’t.
He’s a good man, and I wish that his kiss had moved me like Paolo’s did,
but it didn’t.
But, Paolo’s not here and I need a husband.
December 1, 1932
I lied to Mama and told her that I was going
to stay after church and help Father Marshiarelli
with the orphan’s breakfast. Instead, I
went with Fabrizio to his mother’s apartment. Oh diary, every bad thing that Mama has ever
said about Sicilians is true if it’s about Fabrizio’s
mother. What a horrible witch! She didn’t say that I wasn’t strong enough to
bear enough grandchildren, which would have been a kindness. She told Fabrizio
that I wasn’t good enough for him and that I would only break his heart! I ran out off the apartment crying, and Fabrizio followed me.
He told me that he loved me and that nothing that anyone—even his
mother—could say would change that. He
is so brave and strong!
December 25, 1932
It doesn’t feel like Christmas anymore
without Papa. I miss him so much! I feel, in my heart, that if he were still
with us, everything would be all right.
Our lives would be good again, Mama would quit worrying about my future,
and I could go back to school.
Mama spent part of her laundry money buying
me a blanket so that I could start a hope chest. Mama and I are hoping for two different
things.
January 12, 1933
Mama told me that the hairy thumbed troll
wishes to marry me, and that the wedding is in two weeks. She’s already spoken to Father Marschiarelli and he said that he could marry us in the
Church alcove so that Mama wouldn’t have to pay anything and she could save her
money for my dowry.
Dowry?
His father has a good job, and they live in a nice apartment back in Flatbush, or so they say.
Why do they insist on a dowry?
Mama says that a dowry is tradition; it will prove that we are from a
good family. I thought meeting us would
prove that. Funji
said that he doesn’t think that their family is as good as the matchmaker
claims and Mama hollered at him.
I do not wish to marry Vito, but I cannot
disobey Mama. I will tell Fabrizio tonight and break his poor heart.
January 13, 1933
I have never seen anyone as hurt or as angry
as Fabrizio was last night. He said that he loves me, and that it would
be a tragedy for me to marry another, especially a hairy thumbed troll.
Fabrizio
said that he has a plan.
February 2, 1933
I cannot marry Vito in the Church tomorrow
because I married Fabrizio yesterday at City
Hall. We lied and told the clerk that
I was twenty-one, not that I think he would have noticed. We said our vows without a mass or a
blessing, so it didn’t even feel real to me, even after signing the marriage
certificate.
Nothing seemed real until later that night,
when Fabrizio…
What have I done?
February 4, 1933
Mama has disowned me. She said that I let a dirty Sicilian ruin me
and that in the eyes of the Church, I am a whore. She says that the piece of paper from City
Hall means nothing, and that I was seduced by a crafty Sicilian.
Funji is angry that Mama is upset, but I think he’s happy that I didn’t marry Vito. He and Fabrizio went outside to “talk”, but I heard shouting and angry words. Funji later pulled me aside and said if Fabrizio was ever cruel to me, that I should come home right away, no matter what Mama says.
Home?
I won’t be living at home anymore…
Laverne blinked in
surprise. City Hall? Her parent’s weren’t married in the
Church? She set the diary down and
vaguely tried to remember any photos she may have seen at her grandmother’s
home in Brooklyn of her parents as a young couple. Try as she might, she couldn’t seem to
remember any of them in wedding clothes, standing in front of the Church. There were dozens of photos of herself, and
Anthony, and the rest of her cousins dressed for first communions and weddings
in front of St. Angelio’s…
She shook her
head. What did it matter? It sure wasn’t a big deal to most these days,
including herself, she was forced to admit as she guiltily remembered nearly
eloping to Vegas twice; once with Sal and once with Derek DeWoods
from that rock band that she used to adore.
She smiled as she flirted with the idea of letter her so very Catholic
father know that she had this little nugget of information before returning her
attention to the diary.
March 15, 1933
I have made a terrible mistake. Living with Fabrizio
and his mother is horrible. I can avoid Fabrizio desires by using my womanly excuse; at least I can
most of the time.
His mother is worse; she doesn’t holler like
Mama does, she just sits silently all day glaring at me. Fabrizio won’t let
me go back to work at the factory, so I am stuck with the old hag all day
except for when I deliver the clean washing that she takes in.
I dare not cry in front of her, she would use
my tears against me.
April 27th 1933
Fabrizio
brought Funji to the house to cheer me up. I never thought I would miss my brother but I
do. I held onto him and wept tears of
joy for the longest time while Fabrizio’s mother
glared at me.
Funji says Mama still doesn’t talk
about me and threw my belongings on the ash heap. Funji was able to
bring some clothes to me, which was a relief since all Fabrizio’s
mother has done was complain that I showed up on her doorstep like a shoe-less
Gypsy peddler.
She was as kind as could be to Funji, though. She
said what a handsome, and strong young man he was. When Fabrizio left
the room she added that Funji was a good Catholic boy
who would never bring shame on his family by not marrying inside the church.
I hope Funji comes
back soon to visit me.
April 30, 1933
I cannot even find joy in this, the holiest
of all Sundays. Fabrizio
knows something is wrong, and he’s trying to make me happy. He brings pastries home from work because he
knows I like sweets. His mother said he
was foolish to indulge me and that I am rightfully miserable for all the pain I
have caused others.
I wish he hadn’t brought home the pastries;
not only has he given his mother another thing to hate me for, but the smell
sickens me. I haven’t felt well in the
last few weeks.
May 28, 1933
I now know why I am sick; I am with
child. I told Fabrizio
last night, and he wasn’t angry like I thought he would be. He works very hard at both jobs to keep food
on the table for us. His mother will
never let me forget that. But he was
happy that I am expecting. He’s already
pronouncing that Fabrizio Junior will be the first
Italian-American President. I don’t mind
if we call the baby Fabrizio, even though I want to
name him Salvatore after Papa—I just don’t want anyone to call the baby “Frank”
the way Fabrizio’s American boss calls him. I hate that name!
June 3, 1933
Fungi brought Mama to the house today to see
me. I hoped she had forgiven me, but she
has not. She never once looked at me,
except for my belly, which grows larger every day. Fungi said that she hadn’t believed him
when he told her I was expecting. Like
me, he thought she wanted to welcome me back to the family. Mrs. DeFazio even
tried to be kind to her; I never realized she was capable of it! Mama just said that I had disgraced the Abruzzi name even more by bearing a Sicilian bastard.
I cried all night while Fabrizio
was at work, and Mrs. DeFazio stroked my hair. She asked me to call her Mama Sofia.
August 12, 1933
God is punishing me for being such a wicked
girl. I started having pains yesterday,
and I knew it was too early to have the baby.
Mama Sofia stayed with me while Fabrizio ran
out for the midwife, but it was too late.
Our son, Fabrizio Antonio DeFazio
Junior is dead. Mrs. Silvestri
said that he was too young to be born.
She then said it was my fault since that black cat crossed my path when
I went to the grocer’s with Mama Sofia; that’s why expectant mothers shouldn’t
leave the house.
Mama Sofia later told me that Mrs. Silvestri was full of nonsense. She said that she used to help midwives in
the Old Country and none of them ever said anything about avoiding cats.
I know why my son died; Fabrizio
and I sinned by not marrying in the Church.
Mama was right.
The diary fell from
Laverne’s numb fingers onto the bed sheets.
A brother; she’d had a big brother, just like she’d always wanted. She felt her eyes sting with tears as she
tried to visualize what he would have looked like as a boy and as a man had he
lived. Her brother, Fabrizio
Jr.; the son that her father had always wanted…
November 14, 1933
Funji came to see me today, but I
wouldn’t leave the bedroom. I didn’t
want to see him—I don’t want to see anyone.
If I saw him, he would see my shame, and I cannot even bear to look at myself
in the mirror, much less reflection of my brother’s eyes.
Diary, I never new that such misery was
possible. Mama Sofia does all the
cooking now, as well as delivering her washing.
Fabrizio works double shifts at the
plant. At first, he just took the extra
work to pay for our baby’s tombstone, but now…
I think he just wants to be away from me. He sleeps on a blanket on the fire escape
now, leaving me the bed to myself. Not
that I have ever truly wanted him there anyhow.
Still, the fact that he cannot even bring
himself to look at me cuts like a knife.
Mama Sofia had angry words with him the other
night, low toned because she must have thought I was asleep. She told Fabrizio
that he is wrong to not be my husband now; that even though the Church didn’t
bless our marriage, he still owes me his love.
I find that I care less about his debt with
each passing day.
December 25, 1933
Mama Sofia begged me to go to Church with
her, and I couldn’t say no. It’s strange
being outside after so many long months in the apartment. It was so cold, with the icy wind blowing
through my coat that I just realized that I don’t remember it being hot this
summer, though I know that it must have been.
Some people whispered and nudged one another
when we entered St. Angelio’s but Mama Sofia glared
them into silence. The Mass was all but
a blur to me, but I felt a strange sense of piece that I haven’t known since
losing my baby. Mama Sofia and I walked
to the cemetery after the Mass, and I realized for the very first time that I
never had been to my baby’s gravesite—Oh, what a horrible mother I would have
been. I had no more tears to shed as we
stood there in the snow staring at the tiny white stone, but I know that my
heart will never heal from this wound.
Fabrizio
stayed home.
February 8, 1934
Mama Sofia invited Funji
and Mama for supper this Sunday. Funji came alone; I was not surprised. I think Mama Sofia thought that seeing Funji would cheer Frank up, but it didn’t. Frank barely said more than two words to Funji, at his supper quickly, and then left for another
extra shift at the plant. Mama Sofia was
furious that he worked on a Sunday, but I was glad to see him go.
Funji is keeping company with a girl
that works at the bakery on 115th Street, Elsie Reiss. A German girl; I can’t imagine that Mama is
pleased over that! Funji
asked if I would meet with Elsie and I surprised myself by saying yes.
March 30, 1934
Mama Sofia is ill today. I don’t think that it is serious—nothing like
what happened to poor Papa—but I didn’t realize until today how much of the
chores she had taken upon herself.
Enough is enough! I am young,
healthy, and strong, and I should be taking care of her, not the other way
around. From now on, I will do the
cooking, the cleaning, and the shopping while she rests. She’s mothered me more this last horrible
year than I could have imagined, and now it’s my turn to help her.
June 2, 1934
Elsie and I went to the fish market together
today. She wanted to cook for Funji and wanted me to help her select clams. I didn’t have the heart to tell her that nothing
at the wharfs would be fresh this time of the week. Then again, she could serve my brother
sawdust and nails and he would happily ask for a second bowl. I wish I knew what it was to be in love like
that. I am so happy for Funji when I see them together, but it also reminds me how
little Fabrizio and I have.
Forgive me, Diary, but I envy them.
August 1, 1934
Fabrizio has
joined the Army, and Mama Sofia is furious.
Fabrizio says that he can earn more money in
the Army than he can at the plant, and since he won’t be living with us, he can
send more money home. At least this is
what I overheard from the bedroom; he told his mother, not me.
Mama Sofia is convinced that the Army will
send him to Italy where there is so much danger these days. I am so glad that she cannot read English so
that the headlines on the newsstands cannot frighten her further. Fabrizio told her
that America isn’t involved with all of the nonsense going on in Italy. He doesn’t think he’ll go any further away
than New Jersey.
Part of me does not care if he ever comes
back.
October 3, 1934
I met Elsie at the docks yet again. She is convinced that I am her good luck
charm when it comes to buying fish! I
didn’t realize until recently that she had never spent every Sunday cooking
fish—the girl is a Lutheran! As much as
I adore Elsie, I cannot believe that Mama has not put a stop to this romance.
While we were on the docks, the fishmonger’s
helper, Robert, gave me an extra cut of haddock for free. I tried to give it back, but he said that
since I kept bringing Elsie back, I was good for his business! Robert is so funny! He’s a Scotsman, and it took me the longest
time to understand his strange way of speaking, but now that I do, he keeps me
in stitches every time Elsie and I see him.
Oh dear!
I hope that he realizes that Elsie is all but spoken for!
November 28, 1934
Funji came by last night, and he had
been drinking. He sat in Mama Sofia’s
front room and bawled his eyes out. Mama
did it; she finally convinced him to break things off with Elsie. Funji said that
Mama has been ill lately, and he couldn’t bear the thought of his romance with
Elsie making her worse—especially since she had been sick on and off after I
married Fabrizio.
I am so disappointed in Funji.
December 12, 1934
Robert gave me some extra cod at the wharf
this morning. He said that in his city
back in Scotland, it was a tradition to give friends salmon for Christmas, but
since he was in Brooklyn, cod was the best that he could do. Robert is such a dear man! He’s no Gary Cooper, with his bucked teeth,
but when he tells a funny story, his green eyes just dance with laughter. The silly faces that he makes never fail to
make me laugh! I don’t think that I have
ever laughed as much with anyone as I have with Robert.
He didn’t ask about Elsie when I was there
today. I think that the next time I see
him I will let him know that Elsie is no longer spoken for. As much as I love my brother, I think he was
foolish to quit seeing Elsie. If she can
find happiness with another man, I think that she should.
May 17, 1935
I couldn’t sleep last night. I lay awake tossing and turning as I thought
about my life. Am I married? I do not feel like it; especially now since Fabrizio has left. Funji has come by three nights this week and he still pines
for Elsie.
I do not think that I am pining for Fabrizio, but part of me wishes that I was—that I cared
enough.
What sort of a woman am I?
June 9, 1935
Fabrizio has
not written me one letter since he’s been away, but he’s apparently been
writing his mother once a week. I was
cleaning the floor in Mama Sofia’s room, and I saw a small box under her
bed. Heaven forgive me, but I opened
it. I wish that I hadn’t.
Fabrizio
says the Army is much harder than he thought it would be; he’s actually down
south, North Carolina, instead of only being in New Jersey. He’s the only Italian in his company and they
all think he’s involved with La Cosa Nostra. How foolish!
If he was involved, he’d be back here in Brooklyn and we’d have a much
nicer apartment!
The worst part was that in one of the
letters, Fabrizio said that he’d been “tempted” by
one of the girls who lived near the base—and was apparently well known around
the base. He said he didn’t do anything
wrong because he still considered himself to be a good husband. Hah!
August 31, 1935
I saw Elsie on Warwick Avenue buying cloth
for a dress. I was so happy to see her,
I couldn’t wait to tell her how much Funji still
loves her; how much he misses her. Before
I could tell her anything however, an older, burly man came up to us. Elsie then introduced me to her husband,
Erik.
I wished them the best before I walked
away. I did not mention Funji.
I guess that I am not the only one who can
stop loving.
October 3, 1935
I saw Robert at the docks today. Mr. Washburn, the fishmonger, is letting
Robert buy part of his stand—he will actually own part of a business! Robert was so excited when he told me that I
could barely understand him! He laughed
and said that I should be his translator for all of his Italian customers;
which made us both laugh all the harder.
Robert then said that owning a business is why he came to America in the
first place, and that he wanted to be a respected businessman before finding a
wife.
My heart nearly broke as I thought of Elsie,
and I couldn’t let him keep going on; so I told him that she had married
another man. Robert looked at me for a
long moment and then said, “Oh, was that your plump friend who didn’t know a
gill from a fin?”
I then burst out laughing out of
relief—Robert doesn’t love Elsie and his heart isn’t broken. When I laughed, Robert clasped my hand in his
and joined in.
My hand is still tingling…
November 18, 1935
Mama Sofia got a letter from Fabrizio today and she was so happy. They made Fabrizio
peel potatoes as a punishment for something and the mess chief took a liking to
him. From now on, he will work in the
mess tents instead of being a post sentry.
Mama Sofia thinks that this will keep him out of harm’s way. I smiled when she told me about it, but I am
worried that Fabrizio sent home less of his pay this
time. I’ve heard rumors around our
apartment building that the landlord may raise the rent.
January 3, 1936
Our rent was raised ten dollars a month, but Fabrizio’s pay was not.
He was able to come home on leave for Christmas and he told us since his
new job in the mess tent isn’t considered dangerous, he’s being paid less. I want to be angry with him, but he looked
happy for the first time in so long, that I couldn’t be stern with him. Cooking seems to agree with him—he has put on
some weight!
Mama Sofia was very angry with him. Somehow, she had it in her head that he would
be coming home for good. When she found
out that he would only be here for four days, she stayed in her bedroom most of
the time.
It was odd with Fabrizio
back. We shared a bed, but nothing has
changed between us. I think that he was
disappointed, but it’s hard to say. He
went back to the Army in North Carolina anyways, so nothing has really
changed. Except, of course, I need to
find a way to make more money. Mama
Sofia is taking in laundry, but I know that there is something better for me
out there.
February 27, 1936
I work on the docks with Robert now, scraping
the scales and cleaning the fish. Also,
Robert wasn’t teasing me when he said that he would need a translator; now that
Lent approaches, he will have so many Italian customers that he won’t know what
to do!
Robert is a Protestant, but I he is a very
kind man, nevertheless. He was
surprised to find out that I have a husband, and that he’s gone most of the
time. He asked me once how I stand the
loneliness. I never thought about it
until he asked me, Diary, but he’s right.
I am very lonely.
Mama Sofia is wonderful, but she is Fabrizio’s mother. I
cannot share what I feel with her, it would be too cruel. Funji has moved to
a rooming house in Queens, so I rarely get to see him anymore.
The only times that I do not feel lonely is
when I am working with Robert.
July 30, 1936
Fabrizio is
so angry with me! He is home on leave
and is furious that I am working. He
hollered at me that it was his job to take care of his mother and me and
demanded that I never go back to the docks.
I screamed back that if he could support us, I would not need to work
and his mother would not need to take in laundry. Fabrizio then threw
a saucer at me; I swear, Diary, had his mother not jumped in front of him, I
truly think he would have hit me. I have
never seen him so angry; I hated to make Papa angry as a child but Papa’s anger
is nothing compared to Fabrizio’s rage. Mama Sofia then yelled at him for breaking
her saucer, and Fabrizio stormed out of the
door. After he left, Mama Sofia yelled
at me for making him angry and disobeying him.
Fabrizio
only has four days of leave, but I have not seen him in two. I was foolish to think that he would ever be
a good husband. Mama was right; I was a
foolish little girl.
September 4, 1936
Funji has met another girl! Her name is Gertrude Schoener,
and she is Jewish! I was shocked when he
told me, but I held my tongue. I will
not poison his love with Gertrude the way Mama ruined his romance with Elsie. Funji is a good
man, and he deserves to be happy. I am
trying to be happy for him, but I’m so sad.
Gertrude’s uncle owns a butcher shop in Milwaukee, and he wants Funji to come work with him. Funji and Gertrude
will leave next Friday after they marry in City Hall.
Where is Milwaukee?
November 2, 1936
I have not heard anything from Fabrizio since he left this summer. I know that he still writes letters to his
Mama, because she is still receiving money.
I see her sneak his letters in from the mailbox and then lock herself in
her bedroom to read them.
I no longer care enough to sneak into her
room and read his letters.
January 12, 1937
Robert told me that he loves me today. I do not know what to do, Diary. I am a married woman, aren’t I?
The Church doesn’t seem to think so. I found out a few weeks ago that part of the
reason that Fabrizio had to work so hard wasn’t to
pay for the tombstone—it was to give to the Church so that we could bury our
son on hallowed ground. Because we were
married at City Hall, he was considered a bastard. Why do I care what anyone thinks
anymore?
I think that I love Robert too.
February 16, 1937
Robert wants me to leave Fabrizio
and be with him. He said that since I
wasn’t married in my Church, that even I do not believe that I am married. I wish that I could say that Robert is wrong,
but I cannot. Maybe I am unhappy because
God disapproves of Fabrizio and I loving in sin? Maybe that is why I am being punished?
But, wouldn’t divorcing Fabrizio
be more of a sin?
I am so confused, Diary, even more so when
Robert kisses me.
March 30, 1937
Mama Sofia knows. I came home late last night. I lied and told her that I had to help Robert
clean out the stand; that some fish had gone bad and we had to scrub everything
with bleach, but I could not look her in the eye. She looked at me like she was seeing a
stranger, and then turned and went to bed.
I wouldn’t have felt more shame if Fabrizio had found out.
April 24, 1937
Robert and I quarreled today. He wants me to leave Fabrizio,
and he doesn’t know why I don’t. I
foolishly told him that Fabrizio is coming home next
month on leave and Robert is beside himself with jealousy and worry. He knows that Fabrizio
and I did not part on good terms the last time that I saw him, and he is
worried for me.
I know the truth now, Diary. I am in love with Robert. I wish it was not true, but it is. I only want to be with him, and the thought
of having Fabrizio touch me makes me ill.
I cannot leave Mama Sofia, though. There is no one to take care of her while Fabrizio is away, and I cannot abandon her. She has been kinder to me than my own mother
ever ways, even though I have lost her respect.
I do not know what to do.
May 2, 1937
I told Robert that I would not be coming back
to the docks this afternoon, or ever seeing him again today. He looked as if he would cry at first, but
then became angry.
I did not tell him that I am still in love
with him, because that would hurt him further.
I wish that I had been stronger last night when he kissed me, but I was
not. When I awoke with him this morning,
I realized that as much as I love Robert, I could never divorce my husband to
be with him.
It is better that he thinks of me as a whore;
perhaps he will forget me faster.
Fabrizio
comes home next week,
May 3, 1937
I snuck into Mama Sofia’s room and read
Fabrizio’s most recent letters while she was gossiping in the yard with Mrs. Colletti.
I am not the only one who has betrayed our
marriage, Diary. The girl’s name is LaVerne Bonner, and she works in the payroll office on the
army base. Fabrizio
confessed to his mother that he is in love, FOR THE FIRST TIME! Why was I so foolish to believe that he
wasn’t out with a different tramp each night?
Part of me wishes that Fabrizio would abandon
me, go off and be with her so that I could run to Robert and beg his
forgiveness. Why do I even care what Fabrizio does?
May 10, 1937
Fabrizio
came home. I had been to the market that
morning, and when I got home, he was there, waiting for me, Mama Sofia nowhere
in sight.
He’d lost some weight, but he looked older to
me. There was also sadness to him, and
when I saw that, I knew he was home to stay; that he had chosen our marriage
over HER. We made awkward small talk for
nearly a half an hour; it touched me that he was as uncomfortable as I
was. I told him that I had quit my job,
and he actually smiled and hugged me. He
then started to cry as he apologized about throwing the saucer at me; he at
that moment swore to me, on his Mama’s Bible, that he would never, ever raise
his hand to me again. Part of me also
wanted to ask him to swear that he was done with his little chippie, but I
didn’t. Fabrizio
said that he wants to work hard to be a good husband to me. If he can make that promise, I can promise to
try to be a better wife. I haven’t seen Fabrizio smile that happily in years. I want to see him smile more.
June 13, 1937
Fabrizio has
found work as a dishwasher in a restaurant in Manhattan! Fabrizio served
with the sous chef’s brother in the Army, and the sous chef promised him that he would give him a chance to
work as a an apprentice in a month. I
have never seen Fabrizio so happy! I wish that he was earning more money; now
that I am no longer working at the docks, money is tighter than ever. I will not complain, however; I am just glad
to see everyone smiling for a change!
I wish that I could smile too, but I haven’t
been feeling to well the last few mornings.
July 2, 1937
I am with child. I haven’t told Fabrizio
yet, but I think that Mama Sofia knows. For once, I am now glad that Fabrizio and I share a bedroom.
September 30,
I am so large, that I cannot leave the
house! Mama Sofia must know; she has
made a few remarks on how much bigger I am than I was last time. Fabrizio shushed her and told her not to
tease me about being fat.
Mama Sofia told me that she would no longer
tease me, but she said that she would knit faster since it looks like my baby
will be so big that it may come out early.
December 24, 1937
Fabrizio and
Mama Sofia are at Midnight Mass. Mama
Sofia told me that she would have father Dante come by and give me the
sacraments since I cannot leave the house.
I have the feeling Father Dante’s penance will be much easier than
anything that Mama Sofia would dish out!
January 3, 1938
I am a mother! Our little baby girl was born right after New
Years two days ago. Fabrizio
adores her; I didn’t know that he was capable of so much love. We are going to try to get through the snow
tomorrow to get her to the Church for her baptism. Thank heaven’s that both Mama Sofia and Mrs. Colletti had helped midwives in the past!
Fabrizio
stayed in the room with me the entire time, holding my hand and wiping the
sweat from my brow. The ladies tried to
make him leave but he actually shouted at his Mama that he would not abandon me
again.
I have never been more grateful to him! Especially now…
Her eyes are a beautiful shade of green--
just like Robert’s. Fabrizio
noticed her eyes and asked me, with a catch in his voice, if other members of
my family had green eyes since Mama, Funji, and I all
had brown eyes.
I didn’t lie to him; or cower from him. Those days are over for us. I looked straight into his eyes and told him that no one in my family had ever had green eyes. I then asked if we could name her Laverne.
Laverne blinked her eyes as she watched the sun climb from the east, battling the southern California smog and the darkness. The cold light made her flinch nevertheless, her retinas ragged from tears and sleeplessness.
The stench from the dumpster barely registered on her as she
flung open the rusted metal lid loudly and hurled her mother’s diary into the
rancid jumble of torn trash bags, half-empty beer cans, and stained Styrofoam
containers. What I shoulda done last night; what Pop probably wanted to do…
Pop? Could she even call him that anymore? Who was he now; Frank? Mr. DeFazio? Who the hell was she anymore?
As if on cue, the door of the double wide trailer at the other end of Cowboy Bill’s parking lot opened.
“Laverne!” Frank DeFazio barked. “Why are you here so early?”
“I…”
Before she could say more, she was swept up in a rib crushing bear hug. “I’m glad you came by last night, Muffin,” he whispered in her ear. “You’re a good daughter, not wantin’ your old man to be alone in his misery.”
Tears welled up in her eyes at his words. “I just didn’t want you to be alone. You’ve been through too much. Way too much,” she said, her voice thick and ragged from emotion.
He held her at arms length and looked at her more closely. “Ahh,” he sneered dismissively, his usual machismo reasserting itself. “An old workhorse like myself don’t stay down for too long. You know that, don’t you?” The dark eyes that had seen through her since childhood now peered at her intently.
Unable to speak, she merely nodded.
He then brushed the tear from her cheek with his thumb as his smile softened. “Don’t cry, everything’s gonna be okay.” Frank DeFazio shook his head resignedly. “You’re just like your Mama, you know that? Under all the mouth and fire, you’re just a big old softy.”
His words cut her to the quick. “Am I really like Mama?” She held her breath as she watched his reaction closely.
Frank’s smile dropped a half notch and his eyes seemed to look very far away for a split second. “Yeah. In a lotta ways, yes,” he replied, breaking her heart.
Fin