Divergence
By Shotzette

Divergence

2010 Laverne & Shirley Fan Fiction Holiday Exchange
By Shotzette
Rated R

This is only a work of fan fiction and is not intended to infringe upon anyone's copyrights any where. It was written for grins and giggles, not dollars and cents.


Laverne DeFazio broke the kiss with a gasp. She usually didn't stop breathing during kissing, but nothing about this situation was usual. She shivered involuntarily as the goosebumps that covered her body took control.

Carmine's lips had found the oh-so-sensitive part of her neck after she had banished them from her own. "Wait, stop..." She gently pushed his body away from hers, albeit reluctantly.

Carmine blinked and his dark eyes seemed to refocus on her. He moved off of her and flopped back against his couch. "Sorry," he wheezed. "Got carried away there"

"We seem to do that. Carmine..."

"Yes, Laverne?" His eyes were closed and he breathed heavily.

"You hand is still up my sweater." At the friction of his hand's movement across her flesh, she sighed. "Not that I don't love it, but we gotta talk about this," she said as she firmly grasped his wrist and liberated his hand from the lavender angora.

Carmine grimaced. "I know, I know. I gotta do it."

"I know. But not now."

"Huh? Laverne, I don't like sneaking around with you. I'm not saying that I don't like being with you," he hastily added as he caught her glare, "but I don't like cheating on Shirley."

"Do you think that I like this? I mean, this," she said as she gestured down at their disheveled clothing, " I like-but not the lying part."

"I know. That's why I gotta break up with her."

"You can't until after next weekend."

"Why?"

"You don't remember?"

Carmine rolled his eyes in exasperation. "Apparently not. What?"

"Shirley's Aunt Maude is going to be in Chicago that weekend, and Shirley got tickets for 'The Pajama Game'."

He slapped himself in the forehead. "Aww... I totally forgot about that. I can't stand Shirley's Aunt Maude."

"No one can, she's a terrible person." Laverne shook her head ruefully before adding, "Can you believe that Shirley's mother is the easy going one in that family?"

:Laverne, I'm not going to feel right about enjoying a night on the town with Shirley with all of this--us-- going on. It ain't right."

"You ain't going to be there to have a good time, Carmine. You're going to be there so Shirley ain't alone with the woman who told Shirley's mother that she would end up being a tramp on her 16th birthday. Your job is to be a buffer."

He looked at her suspiciously, "Why don't Shirley want you to be the buffer?"

";Cause her Aunt Maude thinks it's weird that we're still roommates after all this time. You know, 'that' kind of weird..."

"Oh yeah," Carmine said, after giving her a knowing look.

"What do you mean, oh yeah?"

He shrugged, "I mean people talk..."

"Who's talking and where?"

"Relax," Carmine said as he held her close, " Let's face it, I know it ain't true about either one of you better than anybody!. Okay, so we go to the show on Friday night-deal with Aunt Maude-and then I tell Shirley on Saturday."

Laverne pushed him back. "You can't tell her on Saturday."

"We have more plans?" Carmine looked at her blankly. "I gotta start writing stuff down."

"You don't, but Shirley does. She's got a date Saturday night with Mrs. Babish's friend's nephew's roommate. Louis owns his own business and he's supposed to be a good really good dancer. After you and Shirley break up, he might be really good in helping her pick up the pieces," she added, with hope in her voice.

"Nice. So, while I'm doing all of this self-sacrificing stuff, what are you doing?"

Laverne drew her breath in sharply before answering. "I'm looking my very best friend in the eye every day and lying to her face."

He looked instantly chagrined. "I'm sorry."

"I know," she said as she managed a small smile. Suddenly, the close confines of his sofa seemed suffocating and she rose to her feet. "Everything is going to change when Shirley finds out, you know that don't you?"

"We could stop." He looked away, as if to confirm that he could not believe his own lie.

"If we could, we would. We have to be the ones to tell her. Together."

"It's the damnedest thing," Carmine said as he stood up from the couch. "If it was anyone else other than you, I could tell her. I'm mean," he added hastily, "it wouldn't be all that easy, but she'd get over it. The two of us though..." His words trailed off as he opened his apartment door and stepped out into the hallway.

"I know."

Carmine turned toward her suddenly and pulled her close. "You know this ain't just playing around right? I mean, I want us to go steady. Real steady; not just have an arrangement."

Laverne put her arms around him and kissed him softly. "That's what I want too, Carmine. This is big."

The nasal tone behind her cut through her like a knife. "Carmine. Laverne."

"Lenny..."

His eyes bulged with anger and an ugly red flush colored his normally pale features. "You oughta be ashamed. Both of you!"

"Lenny!" Carmine's voice held both anger and a warning as Lenny bolted down the hallway.

Laverne yanked his arm and for once didn't allow herself to be distracted by it's muscular strength. "No, Carmine. Let me talk to him."







Lenny ran heedlessly down the stairwell as the scene he just witnessed flushed in front of his eyes like a really bad movie. Laverne...with...

Before he could finish his thought, strong fingertips clamped down on his shoulders and latched on to him like Rodan's claws must have done to Godzilla a half a dozen times. He was spun around by his beloved Lone Wolf jacket and shoved face first into the faded wall paper of the hallway.

"Len, stop," Laverne wheezed.

"Mmm"

"What?"

"Mmm...Can't breathe!" He spun out of her grasp and glared at her as he regained his breath.

Silence fell between them, awkwardly. "I'm sorry that you hadda see that, Len," Laverne finally mumbled.

"Stinks to get caught cheating, don't it, Vernie?" The bitter accusation was out of his mouth before he could stop it.

Her cheeks reddened, but she met his gaze. "Yeah, it does."

Her admission caught him off guard.

"Carmine and I are in love."

He shook his head in disbelief as a lifetime of memories contrasted with her words. "Nuh uh! I don't believe you."

"Lenny, it's the real thing."

He ignored her words and chose the easier, and less painful route of moral superiority. "How long has this been going on behind poor Shirley's back? You outta be ashamed, Laverne, ashamed!"

She dropped her gaze, but her voice was steady. "I ain't too proud of myself, Len. I admit that. But, there's also something real between me and Carmine. We're gonna tell Shirley."

"Yeah, right," he snorted in derision.

"We are too! We're telling her together next weekend."

He narrowed his eyes in suspicion. "Why not now?"

"Shirley's got some other stuff that she has to deal with between now and then, and she doesn't need something like this to hit her now."

"She don't never need anything like this to hit her, Laverne." Part of him was glad to see her flinch at his words.

"Carmine and I didn't choose to fall in love," Laverne explained, "believe you me, it would be a lot easier if we could both walk away from each other right now."

"So why don'tcha? It's not like you've never had to turn a guy down before," he said. Friends are forever, Len...

"Because we think we're right for each other." Her truth hung in the air between them for several long moments. "Please don't tell her, Len. I swear, we're going to tell her on Sunday."

"You might wanna go to confession this week so you don't all bust out into flames when you walk into the church."

"Len!"

"So how long will it be before Carmine gets to hear your "friends are forever" speech."

"Lenny, I..."

"Leonard, Laverne, what crawled in your bonnets this morning?"

Lenny jumped in surprise, but managed to supress his girly shreik to a mere squeak. "Don't do that, Shirl! A fright like that could make me non-potent."

"It's nothing," Laverne replied quickly. "Right, Lenny." Her green eyes pleaded with him not to tell.

Lenny's jaw clenched and it felt like something brittle broke in his chest. "Right, Laverne," he said in words that had no tone to his ear, "less than nothing."

Shirley took a step forward. "Laverne, I--"

Laverne spared her roommate a quick glance. "Shirley, can it wait? I promised my Pop that I'd give him a hand this afternoon since Mary's visiting her sister this weekend."

Shirley shrugged. "Sure, Vernie. No problem."

Lenny noted the wistful tone in Shirley's voice. "You okay, Shirl?" he asked as Laverne beat a hasty retreat down the stairs.

Shirley blinked and the seemed to give herself a brisk shake. "Yes, Leonard. I'm fine, thank you. Laverne is just acting a little strange this week. It's like every time that I see her, she's running off in the other direction." She flashed a quick and tenuous smile. "It's probably my imagination. I have family coming into town this weekend and I'm not really looking forward to it," she added.

"Can I help."

She looked surprised, but covered neatly with her ever present good manners. "No, Leonard. But thank you. That's sweet."

Lenny straightened his spine and looked her in the eye. "Sweet ain't got nothing to do with it. We're friends Shirley, and," he added as he looked down the now empty hallway, "friends are forever."

FIN












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