Author's Note: This was written as part of allura99's "Me, Myself, but no I" writing challenge - which was to write a first person POV story, but not use the word "I" anywhere in the story.

Deer Leonard. Eye aint gonna be there!

by Jo Z. Pierce

Deer Leonard,

Thank you very very much! For nuthing!

Who wulda thot? My own best frend in the hole wide world, telling me he aint my frend no more!

Why didnt you just take a nife and stab me in the back? That wuld have been a hole less painful.

It was just a practical joke It was just you and me goofing round Just like we always done. So I aksidentally droped you out of the window and you aksidentaly fell into a garbige can and broke your leg. Things like that happin every day. Why you getting so up set about it?

Hu was your best frend all thru skool? Me. Squiggy!

Hu ran off and joined the circus with you! Squiggy! Not every buddy will do that for there best frend. Wood they?

And just hu is the backbone and the hartbeet of our very popular and soon to be world famus band? That’s rite. Squiggy.

Look! Even the name sez it! Wat kind a band wood be called

Lenny and the?

You aint got nuthin without the Squigtones. Do you?

Thats the way it wuz. Lenny and the Squigtones. Squiggy and Lenny. We go together. Like Bosco and milk. Like Lassie and Timmy down that well. Like Lassie and a fire hidrant even.

But if you aint my frend no more Im not gonna stay there with you. That’s it. Lenny, Eye am leeving you. For good. You can keep the apartmint for all eye kare. By the way, Eye will send for my belongins later.

And don’t bother loking for me at Uncle Eliots Wax Museum. Cause eye aint gonna be there!

Sined, Yur once best frend

Andrew Squigman

Also comonly nown to you and to the rest of the world as Squiggy