Laverne and Shirley "Best Blind Date" Written by Joanna Hunter * * * * * Fade in - Scene 1: Int. Pizza Bowl day Lenny, Squiggy, Laverne, and Shirley are coming in through the door in their bowling outfits arguing about who's paying for bowling. Squiggy I'm not paying! I payed last time! Laverne and Shirley look at him. Laverne What last time? This is the first time we all bowled together. Personally I wonder why this is the first. I hope it's the last. Lenny and Squiggy argue more about that comment and Laverne starts to argue with them while Shirley stands there annoyed. Shirley (Normal tone) Guys. (Louder) Guys!! The arguing stops and everybody looks at Shirley. Cont. Shirley Okay now guys, let's handle this like adults. They all nod in agreement. Laverne Eenie, meenie, mynie, mo. Catch a tiger by the toe, if he hollers let him go. Eenie, meenie, mynie, mo. The "Mo" lands on her. Cont. Laverne My mother, told me to pick the very best one and you are "It". Squiggy get's caught with the "It". He grumbles and then walks over to the counter to pay. Shirley We'll be in the bowling alley practicing okay? Lenny and Squiggy nod while Laverne and Shirley exit. Lenny Boy, too bad you have to pay Squig. Lenny starts to exit when Squiggy stops him. Squiggy Hey wait a minute! You pay for the drinks and I'll pay for the bowling okay? Lenny thinks for a moment. Lenny Okay. Lenny goes and orders a drink while Squiggy waits by a table. A beautiful girl, JoHunter Fonzarelli, comes in, not wearing her leather jacket or hat. Squiggy get's bug eyed, he's about to tell Lenny to come over but then thinks. M.V. Squiggy All the more for me. Now just play it cool, Squiggy. Squiggy tries to casually walk over to Jo who's sitting down having a drink. He starts talking to himself. Squiggy Play it cool, play it cool, play it cool... Jo looks up and smiles. JoHunter Hi. Squiggy starts to get a little crazy and dumbfounded. Squiggy Hello. Muh-muh-my name is...is... Squiggy thinks for a moment to remember his name. Cont. Squiggy Andrew Squiggman! Yeah that's it! My friends call me Squiggy. Jo laughs a little. Squiggy calms down a little bit. JoHunter My name is Joanna Hunter, most people call me Jo though. Squiggy is shaking nervously. Squiggy You want to do something Saturday night? Go to a movie and then eat perhaps? JoHunter Saturday...(thinks for a moment) yeah I'm free. I'll meet you at your place 8:00. Squiggy is VERY surprised. Squiggy My place?! Saturday?! 8:00?! Great, I live at this address! Squiggy takes a napkin and a fork, thinking that the fork's a pen he tries to write with it. Shaking it up and down a few times to get some ink. Cont. Squiggy The stupid pen isn't working! JoHunter It could be because, you're trying to write with a fork. He looks at the fork, frowns and chucks it behind him. He finds a pen in his pocket taking out mounds of strange treasures and writes on the napkin giving her his address. Cont. JoHunter Okay, see you Saturday! Bye! JoHunter walks out of the Pizza bowl with the napkin. Lenny starts to come over with the drinks and a fork. Squiggy has a dazed, happy look on his face. Lenny You won't believe this Squig, but someone threw a perfectly good fork at me... He looks at Squiggy who has the look still on his face. Cont. Lenny Squiggy? Are you alright? (He waves a hand in front of his face) Whoohoo. Laverne and Shirley come back into the main room of the Pizza bowl looking impatient and confused. Laverne Lenny, Squiggy are you coming or n... She takes a look at Squiggy. Shirley Oh, my god what's wrong with Squiggy?! Laverne gives her a strange look. Lenny I don't know what's wrong, I get some drinks and he comes back looking like this. They all look at him and he smiles and closes his eyes. Squiggy (Singing) I came from rags to riches... Laverne Oh, my god he's delirious! Get some water! Lenny gets her a cup of water and tosses it on Squiggy. He seems to snap out of his daze. Squiggy What'd you do that for!! Are you crazy or something? Squiggy gets a cup of Pepsi from Lenny. Laverne Well I was just trying to... Squiggy splashes the cup of Pepsi on Laverne. Lenny, Squiggy, and Shirley laugh. Cont. Laverne Could I get a cup of milk to go with that? While the boys are laughing she chases them out of the resturant. Fade out * * * * * Fade in - Scene 2: Int. Laverne and Shirley's apartment day Laverne and Shirley push Lenny and Squiggy into the apartment demanding an explaination. Shirley What happened back there?! Squiggy Oh, well Laverne poured water on me so I poured Pepsi on her. The boys laugh at what happened a few minutes before. Laverne We know that! What was wrong with you? You looked like you just vodey vo doe doed. Shirley, Lenny and Squiggy look at her very strangely. She shrugs her shoulders. Squiggy You wish! Laverne and Shirley look a bit confused. Cont. Squiggy I just got a date with the most beautiful girl I have ever seen in my whole life! She makes you two look like a couple of scumbags. The girls look offended. Shirley Well if she was so great, why did she get a date with you? Boys think about that for a minute, not coming up with an answer. Laverne What was her name? Squiggy Joanna Hunter. Oh, what a beautiful name, for such a beautiful girl. I think I'm in love. Squiggy swoons. Lenny Boy she must really be something. Squiggy Oh she's something! Laverne looks as if she's trying to remember something. Laverne JoHunter, that name sounds so familiar. Shirley escorts the boys to the door leaving Laverne thinking behind. Shirley Okay boys it's time to go. Squiggy Wait, I need one of you to go with me on the date with Lenny. Laverne and Shirley shake their heads. Cont. Squiggy Come on! You'd get to see my girlfriend. Laverne and Shirley look at each other in thought and then shake their heads. Cont. Squiggy PLEASE?!! Laverne you go with Lenny and Shirley can bring Carmine. Laverne is about to say "Absolutely not!" When Shirley has a look of agreement on her face. Shirley Well if I can bring Carmine, I guess it'll be okay. Squiggy Great, it'll be this Saturday at 8:00 for a movie and then out to eat. Shirley nods as Lenny and Squiggy leave. Laverne looks irritated. Laverne What'd you do that for?! I don't want to go with Lenny. Shirley Come on Laverne, it can't be that bad. Laverne You only say that because you can take Carmine. Laverne looks like she's thinking about something again. Cont. Laverne I could swear that I've heard that name before. Joanna Hunter... Shirley Don't worry about it Laverne. Shirley laughs but tries to hide it behind her hand. She can't control herself and bursts out laughing. Laverne What's so funny? Shirley You should have seen yourself when Squiggy splashed that Pepsi on your face. It was hilarious! She continues laughing as Laverne gets a glass of orange juice and splashes it all over her. Laverne laughs as Shirley wipes the juice out of her eyes. Cont. Shirley You know that wasn't very nice. Laverne You should see yourself, you're hilarious. Laverne stops laughing as Shirley chases her around the apartment. Fade out * * * * * Fade in - Scene 3: Laverne and Shirley's apartment morning Shirley is still in her pajamas, making breakfast. Laverne is in the bathroom brushing her teeth. Laverne comes in occasionally to talk to Shirley. Shirley So what are we going to do tonight Laverne? O.S. Laverne (She mumbles something with her mouth full of toothpaste) Shirley What? There's a spitting sound and she comes out. Laverne I said that we have that date tonight with Lenny and Squiggy. Shirley Oh, yeah I almost forgot about that. I'm still interested in seeing JoHunter, and see how great she is. Laverne goes back into the bathroom. O.S. Laverne I still say I think I've heard that name before. I wonder if she's crazy or there's a part of Squiggy that we've never seen before. Lenny and Squiggy come in dressed in formal outfits, but still wearing their sneakers. They look a bit urgent. Squiggy Hello. Lenny and Squiggy stare at Shirley in her pajamas, Lenny puts his palm in his mouth. Laverne comes out and screams going back into the bathroom. Shirley ducks behind the counter. Shirley What are you guys doing here?! Squiggy Shirley do you know what time it is? She looks at the clock on the wall. Shirley Yeah, it's almost 8:30, but wha... Squiggy I've been heartbroken, I've been murderalized, I've been... Lenny He's been stood up. Shirley looks a bit confused. Shirley What do you mean? Squiggy I mean, Jo didn't show! She said she'd meet me at our apartment at 8:00, and she's not here! Shirley is getting impatient. Shirley Maybe she meant, 8:00 at night. Lenny See I told you Squig!! Girls don't like to vodey-yo doe in the morning! Squiggy grumbles something, while Shirley gets a little tense. Shirley Okay, bye guys, see you tonight. Lenny and Squiggy say bye and argue about 8:00 at night and 8:00 in the morning when the reach the door. Lenny Don't sweat Squiggy, we still have...(tries to calulate how many hours before Jo gets there) a lot of time before she gets here. They exit and Shirley stands up getting ready to get back down again if they come in. O.S. Laverne Are they gone? Shirley Yeah, they just left. Laverne cautiously comes out of the bathroom. Cont. Shirley Boy, they must be real hyped up. They thought that Jo, meant 8:00 in the morning, not at night. Laverne Well what'd you expect with those two? Shirley Yeah, you're right. I'm still curious about what she looks like, and why she's going out with Squiggy. Laverne Well you'll find out tonight. Fade out * * * * * Fade in - Scene 4: Laverne and Shirley's apartment night Laverne and Shirley are ready to go on their date, Shirley is putting in her earing while Laverne is adjusting the "L" on her dress. There's a familiar knock at the door and Laverne goes to answer it. Laverne Who is it? O.S. Carmine It's me, Carmine. Laverne opens the door for him and he comes in with formal wear. Carmine Hey the Big Ragoo is here! Shirley Hi, Carmine. Boy do you look handsome. Carmine Hey, Angel face. You look lovely too. Laverne Hi Carmine. The boys should be down here any second. The boys come through the door in the formal wear they wore this morning. Squiggy Hello. This is my date, Joanna Hunter. JoHunter Fonzarelli comes in, seeing Laverne and Shirley she steps back and makes a motion for them not to say anything about her being Fonzie's sister. Laverne and Shirley's eyes bulge out in reconization. Laverne is about to say something but Shirley covers her mouth up with her hand. Shirley Very nice to meet you Jo. JoHunter Same here, you must be Shirley, and um... Laverne. Laverne throws Shirley's arm off her face. Laverne Nice to meet you. Carmine Hi, I'm Carmine Ragusa. Hey I know you, you're... Laverne and Shirley flash him a "NO!" look. Cont. Carmine You sometimes hang around Arnold's. Jo smiles, already knowing who Carmine is. Lenny and Squiggy are getting a bit impatient. Squiggy Can we get a move on already? I'm starving! The group nods and goes out of the apartment. Leaving Carmine, Laverne, and Shirley. Laverne I knew I heard that name before. That's Fonzie's... Shirley makes her quiet down. Cont. Laverne (Quieter) That's Fonzie's sister! They nod in agreement. Carmine I know her, she's a nice kid. Wonder what she's doing with Squiggy. O.S. Lenny You guys coming or not? Laverne We'll be right there! (Quietly) We gotta talk to her at the resturant. They nod once more and exit. Fade out * * * * * Fade in - Scene 5: Fancy Resturant night The gang are coming from a movie that they are discussing. Then commenting on the beauty of the resturant. The M.D. comes. M.D. Do you have a reservation? Squiggy Of course we have a reservation! Look for Squiggman, party of six. He looks in his book. M.D. I'm sorry we don't have any reservation for Squiggman. Lenny How about Kosnowski, party of six? He looks again. M.D. We have a party of six for Hunter/Kosnowski. Is that you? They all nod. Squiggy looks a little confused. Lenny smiles at Jo. Laverne gives Shirley a strange look. They're escorted to their table. Carmine Boy this is really fancy. They all agree. Shirley Excuse me but us girls have to go to the powder room. The three girls stand up and exit. Squiggy Why does it seem that when ever you go on a date with a girl they always have to go to the can? The boys shrug. Fade out * * * * * Fade in - Scene 6: Resturant bathroom night They enter in casually and then shut the door. Jo stands by herself while the two girls stand together looking at her. Laverne Jo what are you doing here with Squiggy? You know who he is. JoHunter Yeah, I know. It's just that I... never mind. Shirley Does Fonzie know you're here? Jo shakes her head wildly. JoHunter He'd kill me if he knew that I was going out with Squiggy. Laverne Then why'd you go out with him? JoHunter Well I just... no, I'll tell you later. Shirley Well okay. They exit. Fade out * * * * * Fade in - Scene 7: Fancy Resturant night The girls go back to their seat and are ready to order. Squiggy What would you like to eat Jo? JoHunter Well I would like... Fonzie comes in through the door in a tie and his jacket with a beautiful date. Jo seems him right away. Cont. JoHunter One dead Fonzarelli. Lenny and Squiggy look through their menus for the order. Carmine and the girls turn around and see Fonzie. Jo yelps a bit and hides under the table, but not before Fonzie spots her. His eyes grow wide and goes over to the table. Everyone tries to look casual. Fonzie Well looky here, the Howdy Doody gang. How you guys doing? They nod and say various "okays", and "fines". Cont. Fonzie Well that's great! Say Squiggy I notice that you don't have a date. I wonder where she could be. He hits the table with his fist and Jo comes scrambling out. She tries to make a run for it, but Fonzie grabs her arm. Cont. Fonzie Where do you think you're going? JoHunter Well Fonzie I was just... Squiggy blows his top and stands up toe to toe with Fonzie look furious. Squiggy Now look Fonzie, you can't take my girl! She's mine I saw her first and you ain't gonna take her away! Fonzie and Jo look very surprised along with the rest of the gang. Lenny stands up next to Fonzie also look very mad. Lenny Yeah, you can't treat our date that way! Everybody looks at Lenny then at Jo. Squiggy Your date! She's my date! The boys argue about who's date it is. Fonzie (Normal) Hold it. The boys continue to argue. JoHunter (In Fonzie tone) Whoa! Hold it!! The boys immediatly freeze. Fonzie Number 1, I'm not going to take Jo away from you. Number 2, Jo is my sister. (To Jo) Number 3, WHY are you going on a date with Lenny and Squiggy? JoHunter Well you see, Fonz. You're gonna laugh at this, you know. Um... uh... Fonzie looks impatient. Jo hides behind Squiggy. Cont. JoHunter You tell him Squig. Squiggy looks a little alarmed. Squiggy Me?! You're his sister! JoHunter Well you're the one that asked me out on a date! Fonzie He asked you out on a date, and you accepted? Jo, how many times do I have to tell you don't date strangers. And Squiggy here is as strange as they get! JoHunter You can't tell me what to do, Fonzie! I'm a big girl now! Fonzie Oh, yeah, than why do you still have Binky? JoHunter You be quiet Fonzie or I'll tell everybody about... Fonzie Okay, okay! You win. Now just be careful Jo. Fonzie starts to walk away. Then he turns back. Cont. Fonzie By the way Jo, where's your leather jacket? JoHunter By my bike. Why? Fonzie Just checking. Fonzie leaves and everybody looks a little relieved to have that over. Fade out * * * * * Fade in Scene 8: Lenny and Squiggy's apartment night Everybody comes in laughing and chatting. Jo is wearing her leather jacket over her dress next to Squiggy. Carmine Well, it's been a strange night. I better go home. Great seeing you again, Jo. They adlib byes. Cont. Carmine Bye, Angelface. Carmine kisses Shirley and then leaves. Shirley Well come on Laverne we better go to our apartment. Laverne and Shirley are about to leave when Lenny goes up to Laverne. Lenny Bye, Angelface. He kisses Laverne and then goes back by Squiggy and Jo. Laverne looks like she's on the verge of puking and walks out of the room. Squiggy Well Jo, I've had a great time. I guess you'll leave now. Jo kisses Squiggy. While Squiggy's turning in a daze, Jo kisses Lenny and then leaves. Cont. Squiggy Now I know how it is to be kissed by an angel. Lenny Yep. I think she liked you Squig. Squiggy Liked me! She was crawling all over me! Too bad you didn't get kissed by Jo. Lenny Oh, I think I can imagine how it's like. The boys smile in a daze. Fade out * * * * * Fade in Scene 9: Pizzabowl day Lenny, Squiggy, Laverne, Shirley and Jo come in arguing about who's gonna pay for the bowling. JoHunter I'm not paying, cause this was how the whole Squiggy and me thing got started. Squiggy Well I paid last time. JoHunter Okay okay. Eenie, meenie, mynie moe. Catch a tiger by the toe. If he hollars let him go. Eenie, meenie, mynie moe. The "moe" lands on her. Cont. JoHunter My mother told me to pick the very best one and you are it. The It lands on Squiggy. He starts to go and pay but the girls stop him before he does. Laverne Oh, no, we're not going through that again. We'll pay. The boys shrug as the girls go and pay. Jo gives a thumbs up to the guys and they give a thumbs up back. Fade out