Setting: Laverne and Shirley's apartment, weekday morning, Shirley is sick with a cold. We see her shuffle into the living room in her robe, grasping a tissue in one hand. She walks into the kitchen, opens the refrigerator, pours a glass of orange juice, and rests her hand on the counter while she gulps it down. Laverne emerges in her robe, also.

Laverne: Shirl, you gotta stay home today. You're too sick to go to work. Hey, I can stay home too and take care of ya!

Shirley: No, Laverne, we have to go today. We've missed too many days already this year and if we missed many more, we won't even be able to pay the rent this month.

Laverne: You're sick, Shirl! Do you actually wanna spend today at the brewery? You should be home, in bed.

Shirley: Yeah, I guess you're right, but there is absolutely no reason for you to miss work on account of me. I can take care of myself.

Laverne: Shirl, last time you took care of yourself, Lenny and Squiggy ended up in our bedroom bugging you because you didn't have the energy to make them leave. Do you want them to come here? They'll probably try to walk on our couch again.

Shirley: (rolls eyes & sighs) Of course I don't, but you shouldn't be missing work.

Laverne: Well, I am. I'm gonna take you to the doctor. You've been sick for....What's it been now? Almost 4 days? Shirl, this is too much.

Shirley: Fine.

Laverne: Alright, go get dressed and we'll go right away. I just gotta call Shotz and tell em I can't come in today. (She picks up the phone, dials the brewery and turns, frantically to Shirley while covering the mouthpiece on the phone) Quick, Shirl! Gimme a deadly disease!

Shirley: I don't have any.

Laverne: Aw, Shirl, just go get dressed. (pause) Uh, hi, yeah, this is Laverne DeFazio, bottle capping. Yeah, uh, I'm sick today, so I can't come in. (Pause) What have I got? Umm...The mumps...Yeah, right, the mumps. Okay, bye.

(Shirley walks into the bedroom. Laverne goes into the kitchen and pulls out the milk and the Pepsi, pours it and begins to drink it just as Lenny and Squiggy barge in.)

Squiggy: Hello!

Laverne: Guys, what are you doing here? You're supposed to be at work!

Lenny: Yeah, uh, we don't have to go in for a while cause we're drivin an order to Chicago, so we thought we'd say hi.

Laverne: Well, say "goodbye" now.

Squiggy: But...

Laverne: No, Shirley is sick and she doesn't need you two around. (She pushes them out the door and slams it behind them. Laverne then dissappears into the bedroom.)

Scene 2-Later that morning. Laverne and Shirley are walking into their apartment. They have just been to the doctor.

Laverne: Alright, Shirl, the doctor says you're to take these pills every 4 hours. We'll start with now. I'll go get you a glass of water and you go get into bed.

Shirley: Alright.

(She goes into the bedroom and Laverne follows her with the water and bottle of pills. Shirley sits down on the bed and Laverne hands her the pills and the glass. Shirley takes the pill.)

Laverne: That's it. You'll be better in a couple of days he said.

Shirley: I know what he said. I'm not deaf. Stop treating me like a child.

Laverne: I'm not treating you like a child!

Shirley: Yes, you are. You insist on taking me to the doctor and then you tell him all of my symptoms and then he talks to you for the rest of the time about what I should do.

Laverne: Oh, I'm sorry, Shirl, it's just that I hate to see you sick.

Shirley: I know.

Laverne: Okay now, sweetie, you just get right into bed and go to sleep. You want me to get Boo Boo Kitty?











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