I see it in his eyes, how much he loves me. Although it's undeclared (well, at least for now, the whole thing from last year is still painfully fresh in my mind) it shines from his gentle features as plain as day. And it's the little things, too, that I've begun to notice recently. In the way he looks at me, or a simple touch as he speaks my name.

I hate it so much right now, but I've come to terms with that fact that I'd miss it all if his affections were turned to another girl. He warms me with his gentle blue eyes and soft, innocent voice. And, strangely enough, it seems as if all my troubles will melt away if I just give myself up to him.

Well, Laverne Marie DeFazio knows the ways of the world, and that even the simple thought of such a thing is just ridiculous! To think, that just being with someone is going to make it all better. Make all of my dreams come true...

God, it makes me sound like Shirley. What a pipe dream.

It's her fault, too. She made me believe in love. That there would be a right guy for me. Well, maybe this *is* him, but doesn't matter. Even if I was looking for a relationship, in the end I'd only cause him pain.

Besides, I can't! I don't even know why I'm considering the notion. We're the worst imaginable couple, and he's much too sensitive for me. I'd rip him to shreds in three dates or less, guaranteed, and probably not even realize it. Still, I can feel his eyes on me, filled with such caring.

I don't think I've ever seen that before. Someone who can love so unconditionally. Who still talks of his mother with the highest respect, even though she committed the ultimate betrayal: desertion. And yet, he still loves her. Still loves me.

And, I seem to get it now; that he's going to keep loving me, no matter how many times I have to break his poor little heart.

I don't want to do it again, but what choice do I have? It makes me heartsick to think of the look that's going to be on his face when I tell him I don't love him.

I don't. I can't.

Can't have him loving me quietly either, though. Admiring me from a distance, falling deeper and deeper in love. Putting out his heart on the table just so I can squeeze the life from it, which is what's going to happen.

But, most of all, I certainly can't let myself love him back. You love, you loose. It's a fact of life, and life isn't about to take me again. I'm not a fool anymore.