Written by: S. Wilhelmina Feenster
Scene 1
INT. Lenny and Squiggy's Apartment - Day
Laverne knocked on the door and Squiggy answered.
Laverne: Hey, Squig. I need to talk to Lenny. Is he here?
Squiggy: No, he moved out.
Laverne: Moved out? Why?
Squiggy: Cause that she-woman took him far away from here.
Laverne: Cara.
Squiggy: Yeah.
Laverne: Do you know where they went?
Squiggy: They're gonna go someplace in Atlantis.
Laverne: Atlantis?
Squiggy: Yeah, to visit George or Georgia.
Laverne: (smiles) I know exactly where they are. Thanks, Squiggy.
Laverne left.
INT. Laverne and Shirley's Apartment - Day
Shirley sat in the living room and read Boo Boo Kitty a book before sending him upstairs for his nap.
Shirley: ...and then the little kitten climbed over the fence and... [phone rang] Just a minute, Boo Boo Kitty. [gets up to answer it] Hello?
Petula: Hi, Shirley. It's Petula.
Shirley: Am I glad you called.
Petula: Why? What's the matter?
Shirley: Laverne is chasing Lenny around. She wants to tell him about Tara.
Petula: Like what?
Shirley: She's going to tell him that Tara is really Cara and that she's not pregnant.
Petula: Tell you what, I'll be on the first flight out of here. I believe the fog has let up.
Shirley: Good.
Petula: Talk to you soon.
Shirley: Bye. [hangs up the phone]
Scene 2
EXT. Atlanta Train Station - Afternoon
Cara and Lenny got off the train and Cara sat her suitcase down at look a deep breath.
Cara: (southern accent) My, my, my, it is a beautiful day, isn't it? [reaches into her bag and pulls out a bonnet] There. That's much better.
Lenny: Why are you talkin' like that?
Cara: Talkin' like what? Oh, Lenny, I'm home!
Lenny: I thought you're from Milwaukee.
Cara: Heavens no. I'm from Georgia.
Lenny: (confused) Oh.
Cara: They don't call me Cara Scarlet O'Har---I mean, Feeney for nothing.
Lenny: Okay.
Cara: Come on. We must go to Tara.
She took his hand and led him off to Tara.
INT. Milwaukee Train Station - Afternoon
Laverne went to the train station to see if Lenny went to Atlanta and when the next train was to leave.
Laverne: Can you get me on the next train?
Ticket person: The next train is scheduled to leave tomorrow.
Laverne: Oh, no. I need a train now. It's an emergency.
Ticket Person: I'm sorry.
Laverne sat down and tried to think of another way to get there.
Scene 3
INT. Laverne and Shirley's Apartment - Evening
Shirley sat at the kitchen table and ate her dinner. There was a knock at the door and she got up to answer it.
Petula: Hello, Shirley.
Shirley: Petula! You're here! [hugs her] We must get to the train station fast!
Petula: What for?
Shirley: It's Laverne! She called and told me that she is going to Altanta, Georgia.
Petula: Well, then, let's not waste time.
Shirley grabbed her purse and they were out the door.
INT. Home In Tara
Cara: (southern accent) Daddy, I'm home! Daddy?
Daddy: Cara, honey, is that you?
Cara: Yes, it's me.
A tall round shaped man came out of one of the rooms and greeted his daughter with open arms.
Daddy: Oh, darlin', you've come home.
Cara: Yes, daddy, and I brought along someone that I want you to meet. Daddy, this is my one and only beau, Lenny Kosnowski.
Daddy: (extending his hand) Nice to meet ya, boy. You plannin' on courtin' my lil apple dumplin'?
Cara: (embarrassed) Oh, daddy. He just came with me to visit, that's all.
Daddy: Well, I'm glad ya came. Let me look at ya. Yep, you are a spittin' imagine of your mother. God rest her soul. Tell ya what? Why don'tcha go into the washroom and clean yourself up a bit while I get more aquainted with your friend, here.
Cara: Okay. [leaves]
Daddy: (puts his hand on Lenny's shoulder) Do ya hunt, boy?
Lenny: Only wild and exotic ducks.
Daddy: (taken back) Ducks? [laughs] You mean you've never killed a bear or skinned a rabbit or shot deer?
Lenny: No.
Daddy: Well, then, ya have quite a bit of learnin'. You're a young boy and if ya ever marry my daughter, ya best know how to hunt.
Lenny: But...
Daddy: I don't wanna hear it. That's my baby you're courtin' and I want only the best for her. Come on, I'm gonna teach ya how to shoot. Nothin' I hate more than a blind man in the woods with a shotgun.
Lenny: Yes, sir.
He put his arm around Lenny and led him into the dining room where a woman was slaving away in the kitchen.
Daddy: Have a seat, son. Prissy will see that ya get your meal. Cara, darlin', are you just about ready?
Cara: Yes, daddy. [background music "Gone With The Wind" theme]
Cara came downstairs and walked into the dining room wearing a deep red gown and her hair was in curls with a big red bow.
Daddy: Ain't she the purtiest thing ya ever did see?
Lenny: Yeah.
Cara: (blushing) Oh, daddy. Stop.
Daddy: Ya look just like your ma. [Cara smiles] Prissy, is dinner ready?
Prissy: Yes'em, sir. [serves food]
Daddy: Prissy here was my baby girl's mammy till she was 18 years old.
Lenny: I thought your mama died.
Cara: [giggles] Oh, Lenny. Prissy is not my mama. She was my mammy. She took care of me and dressed and made sure I was fed.
Lenny: Oh.
Daddy: Prissy has been around for a long time. I swear that woman never ages. She took care of my mother. She was one beauty to behold.
Prissy: Yo mama was very nice, but she was spoiled rotten.
Daddy: Prissy, get back in that kitchen, ya here?
Prissy: Yes, sir.
Cara: My grandmother was very beautiful. I have a picture of her. You want to see, Lenny?
Lenny: Okay. [goes into the other room]
Cara: [comes out with photo] Here she is. Isn't she lovely?
Lenny: [face turns pale] She's, uh...
Cara: She's my grandmother.
Lenny: She looks like...
Cara: Yes, Lenny. She is.
Daddy: She loved Tara very much.
Cara: Her name was Scarlet O'Hara.
Scene 4
EXT. Chicago Airport - Night
Laverne and Petula were about to board a jet to Atlanta.
Laverne: [boarding the jet] Gee, I'm sure glad you own a jet.
Petula: Well, we mustn't waste anymore time.
Shirley: I brought one of my favorite novels to read.
Petula: Oh really? What?
Shirley: "Gone With The Wind." [takes out the book]
Petula: May I?
Shirley: Sure. I must have read that book 100 times.
Petula: [reads through the book] Uh-oh. I had a bad feeling about this.
Laverne: Why? What's wrong?
Petula: Look on page 834[hands Laverne the book]
Shirley: Wait, if I remember correctly, that book has 833 pages. The last few pages are blank.
Laverne: [eyes bugged out] No they ain't, Shirl.
Shirley watched the words appear on the originally blank pages.
Petula: I'm going to tell the pilot to hurry. [goes to the front]
Shirley: This is scary. All this writing wasn't there before.
Laverne: No offense, Shirl, but your cousin is a nuthead.
Shirley: Aw, Laverne...you know what? I bet this is all a dream.
Laverne: A dream, huh?
Shirley: Uh-huh. I'm sure I'll wake up and Carmine will take me on a wonderful picnic.
Laverne: [smiling] Yeah, and I'll win the british lottery. [hits Shirley over the head with her "Gone With The Wind" book] Get real!
Shirley: Ow!
Laverne: That hurt, didn't it?
Shirley: Yeah.
Laverne: In dreams it ain't supposed to hurt 'cause it ain't real.
Petula: The pilot will get us there in 10 minutes.
Laverne: Good. I need to stop Lenny.
Petula: I need the book. I've contacted my friend from the University and she'll tell us what this all means. She's meeting us at the airport.
EXT. Atlanta Airport - Night
Petula: Laverne, Shirley, this is Professor Isabella Bradshaw.
Shirley: Hello, professor.
Professor Isabella Bradshaw: Call me Lucy.
Laverne: I thought your name was Isabella.
Lucy: I'm not at school and you're not my students. Besides, my middle name is Lucille.
Shirley: [enthusiastic] Well, I love Lucy! [laughs]
Laverne: You're a real corker, Shirl.
Petula: Lucy, here's the book. [hands it to her]
Lucy: Uh-oh. I have a bad feeling about this. I feel strong vibes coming from this book. We better hurry or your friend will be gone forever.
Laverne: But it's only a book. It can't do nothin'.
Lucy: Ah, a skeptic. I guarantee by tomorrow, you will become a believer of the supernatural.
Scene 5
INT. Home In Tara
Cara woke up bright and early and rushed downstairs to see her father before he went hunting with Lenny.
Daddy: Well, boy, are ya ready to go huntin'?
Lenny: I-I think so.
Daddy: Haven't ya used a bow and arrow before, boy?
Lenny: I played cowboy and Indians once with Squiggy.
Daddy: [laughs] Ya have a lot to learn, boy.
Cara: Good mornin', daddy.
Daddy: Why Cara, you're up so early.
Cara: I had to see you off.
Daddy: We have a big day ahead of us.
Cara: Must you go, daddy?
Daddy: Honey, you're married to the lad, aren'tcha?
Cara: Yes.
Daddy: Well it's fit for a man to take his son huntin'. Ya know that I love ya, darlin'.
Cara: I love you, daddy. [hugs him] Will you promise to get him home before the party tonight?
Daddy: I promise. Let's go before the deer scamper away.
Lenny: Okay. [they leave]
EXT. Home In Tara
Laverne, Petula, Shirley, and Lucy waited outside the gates of Tara.
Petula: Alright. I had a friend of mine bug the house so that we would know Cara's every move. Okay, everyone knows what to do, right?
All: Right.
A beeping sound came from Petula's watch.
Laverne: What's that?
Petula: This is technology at work, girls. [talks into watch] Have you any word on what's going on?
Woman: Yes. Elvis has left the building.
Laverne: [curious] Elvis is there?
Shirley: Shh!
Petula: Uh-huh...interesting. That will be all, Tiger Lily. Over and out.
Laverne: [quizzically] Her name's Tiger Lily? [laughs] Just like in Peter Pan.
Petula: Listen, our plans have changed. Tonight, Cara is throwing a party where she will announce that Lenny is to take over Tara.
Laverne: Why that little...I'd love to give her a punch in the nose.
Petula: There are other ways to skin a cat...
Laverne: Or a rat.
Petula: And if my plan goes smoothly, then there's a chance that Lenny will be saved.
Shirley: What's the new plan?
Petula: Well, lean in close and I'll tell you. [they lean in] All you have to do is...
Scene 6
INT. Home In Tara [Party] - Night
Cara stood at the door welcoming her guests. Laverne was upstairs at her post and Shirley was in the study.
Cara: So nice of you come, Milly...and hello, Brent.
Petula waited outside the entrance, wearing all black, looking for her secret arrival.
Petula: [talks into watch] Negative..our mystery guest has not arrived.
Lucy: I'm about to make my entrance.
Petula: And may I add that your blue dress is quite becoming on you.
Lucy: Why, thank you.
Petula: Remember what I taught you.
Lucy: Yes. I'm on my way. Over and out.
Petula: [to herself] Let's get this party started.
Lucy approached the front door and was greeted by Cara, who was smiling immensely.
Cara: Hello, um...I don't mean to be rude, but, "Who are you?"
Lucy: [southern accent] You mean to tell me that you don't remember?
Cara: I'm sorry...
Lucy: It's Lucille Bradshaw. We met at the Scarlet Gala.
Cara: Well...of course. [smiles politely] So nice of you to come.
Lucy: [walks into the ballroom; watch beeps] All set?
Petula: Our guest of honor has arrived.
Lucy: Well, let's do it.
INT. Upstairs
Laverne looked for Lenny, who was changing into the suit Cara had laid out for him. She had a few more rooms to check, but was suddenly distracted.
Petula: Laverne, did you find Lenny?
Thinking that she was hearing voices, Laverne hit the palm of her hand on her head and shook her head.
Petula: Laverne, can you hear me?
Laverne: Huh? Who's there?
Petula: It's Petula.
Laverne: Where are you?
Petula: I'm outside.
Laverne: Outside? Then why...
Petula: The ear piece, Laverne. You're wearing an ear piece, remember?
Laverne: [feels ear] Oh yeah.
Petula: I need for you to go downstairs. He's here.
Laverne: Okay. Over and out.
Laverne stood there and looked around before leaving her post. The minute she left, Lenny came out of the bedroom.
Meanwhile, downstairs, Cara welcomed more guests, not knowing the fate that was in store for her. As the last few guests came through the door, she was sure that her night would be perfect. Cara shut the door and returned to the party. Laverne entered the ballroom, where everyone would soon congregate.
Petula: Laverne, where are you?
Laverne: I'm in the ballroom.
Petula: Good. Stay there. The moment is here.
There's a knock on the front door. Lenny came downstairs, trying to adjust his clip on tie, and approached the door.
Shirley: [peeking through the study door] Uh-oh.
Petula: Shirley, what's happening? Is Cara answering the door?
Shirley: No, Lenny is about to answer it.
Petula: No! Stop him. This could ruin everything.
Shirley threw books on the floor and Lenny went into the study to see what happened.
Cara is talking to someone in the living room and the doorbell rings.
Cara: [ignoring it] Do you really think so? I always thought I had Betty Davis eyes. Then again, my mother said I was more of a Grace Kelly-Vivian Leigh type.
Butler: I just wanted to know if you wanted more ice in your tea.
Cara: Oh. [door bell rings several more times] Is anyone going to get that? Honestly. What does daddy pay you for? [goes to the door; opens it] Welcome to m-my--
Squiggy: Hell-o!
Cara: Oh, it's you.
Squiggy: Yeah, I know.
Cara: I didn't invite Yankees to my party.
Squiggy: Good. I've always been a Braves fan myself.
Cara: Would you go away, please?
Squiggy: Not until you say the secret word.
Cara: I already said 'Please.'
Squiggy: Thank you.
Cara: UGH! [slams the door in his face] What a moron. [doorbell rings again] Not again. [opens door] I thought that I made myself perfectly--
A tall and slightly slinder man stood before her with a black hat hiding part of his face. They stared at each other for a moment. Cara started to open her mouth to speak, but was hesitant.
Cara: W-who--[walks past her] Who are you?
The man turned to her and said, "You mean to tell me that you don't remember me? Have I been gone that long?"
Cara: So, I know you?
He removed his hat and said, "I'd be mighty disappointed if you didn't."
Cara: [eyes widened] Rhett.
Rhett: Hello, Tara.
Cara: I thought you--
Rhett: You thought I was gone forever, am I right?
Cara: Well--you were.
Rhett: And you know why I left. Are you still in love with him?
Cara: Why did you come back?
Rhett: I know all about Trevor.
Cara: Well, it's all lies.
Rhett: Can you look me in the eye and tell me that Trevor's death was an accident?
Cara: Rhett. [looks away]
Rhett: So, it's true.
Cara: I-I-I--
Rhett: And here I thought it was as true as your love for me was.
Cara: But I did love you.
Rhett: It wasn't true to the standards of the estimable Ashley Wilkes, was it?
Cara: Ashley?
Rhett: Don't tell me he's not here.
Cara: Of course he's here. He's upstairs getting ready. [steps inside] Rhett--
Rhett: The place looks the same. [she closes the door] I always loved that staircase. I remember carrying you up those stairs--
Cara: Rhett, you must leave.
Rhett: But I just got here. I thought you said--
Cara: Shut up. It doesn't matter what I said.
Rhett: You're still in there. I thought I'd lost you forever.
Cara: I've always been here.
Rhett: But you're still madly in love with Ashley Wilkes.
Cara: Well--
Prissy ran into the foyer with a fresh bouquet of flowers.
Prissy: Ms. Leigh, da weddinz fixin' to start now.
Rhett: You're getting married?
Cara: So what if I am? I'll be there in a minute, Prissy.
Prissy returns to the living room.
Rhett: I promised myself I'd never do this again, but you deserve it more than any other woman and you desparately need it.
Cara: What is it, Rhett?
He tilted her back and kissed her passionately on the lips. Shirley came out of the study with a camera and took a picture.
Shirley: [sigh] Just like in the movie.
Rhett: [stops kissing her] A woman who kisses a man like that couldn't possibly be in love with another man.
Cara: I have to go. [goes back to the guests]
Petula stood outside waiting for word on what was happening. She felt water on her back that came down increasingly.
Petula: Shirley, did you get it?
Shirley: Yes, but the wedding is still on.
Petula: All right, I'm coming in. This wedding will not happen.
Like the great mysteries of a typical soap opera, Cara was magically transformed into her wedding gown. She had also gotten Trevor declared legally dead. Lenny took his place in the front of the living room and the music was played. Lucy was asked to be her maid of honor. She took her place and it was time for Cara to make her dream come true. Her father took her hand and walked her down the isle. Petula made it inside and found Shirley and took the camera. Rhett watched for a moment and decided he should leave, but Petula stopped him.
Petula: You can't leave now.
Rhett: She's made up her mind.
Petula: But can't you see that she still loves you?
Rhett: Frankly, my dear, I don't give a--
Shirley: STOP! This is exactly how it ended the last time. When you left her she was heart-broken because she truely did love you and wanted you back.
Rhett: Then why didn't she go after me?
Shirley: Well, you know Cara--
Rhett: No, I don't. I know one woman and she's as stubborn as a mule--but I loved her anyways--Tara--Tara Leigh.
Petula: So she really is Tara. That means if she marries Lenny tonight, it won't be legitiment.
Shirley: Where's Laverne?
Petula: In the ballroom.
Rhett: You mean to tell me that, that isn't Ashley Wilkes?
Laverne: Lenny Kosnowski.
Shirley: Laverne!
Laverne: I have to stop this wedding. [goes towards the ceremony, but Petula stops her]
Petula: Not this way. I have a much better idea.
INT. Living room
Lenny: ...With this ring, I thee wed. [slips ring on her finger]
Shirley started coughing hysterically in the back row. People turned and looked at her.
Shirley: Oh, don't mind me. Just a hacking cough. Had it for weeks. I'm not contagious.
Cara: Continue, please. [glares at Shirley with one eye]
Just as the minister was about to pronounce them husband and wife, there came a sight on the lawn of Tara that made both Cara and Lenny's mouths open wide. Laverne and Rhett stood hand in hand near the garden, turned to each other, and began making out.
Lenny: Laverne?
Cara: [softly] Rhett. [takes a deep breath] I--
Lenny: [looks at Cara] What are we doing?
Cara: [tears in her eyes] I don't know.
Lenny: If it wasn't for the baby, I'd--
Cara: I'm not pregnant.
Lenny: Huh?
Cara: Never was. In fact, I was planning on tonight being the night that I slept with you and finally conceived our child.
Lenny: So, you lied to me?
Cara: Yes, but it was only because I didn't want to lose you to Laverne. I really care about you, Lenny--and up until tonight, I thought I loved you. I'm sorry.
Lenny: Was that southern accent fake, too?
Cara: No, Lenny--I'm from the south. My real name is Tara O'Hara Leigh.
Lenny: Has Shirley been lying, too?
Cara: No, she just found out. And, yes, she is my cousin--well, half cousin.
Lenny: Oh.
Cara: I guess it's over, right?
Lenny: Yeah, it is.
Cara: We better go break them up, right?
Lenny: Yeah, I guess we oughta.
Cara and Lenny went outside and were reunited with their true soulmates.
Later that evening...
Rhett: Are you about ready Miss Tara?
Cara: Of course, my darling.
Rhett: I hope to see you nice people again sometime.
Shirley: Bye, Rhett. Bye Car--I mean, Tara.
Cara smiled as she left her Tara home.
Shirley: [sighs] Boy, it's amazing how much Rhett looked like Clarke Gable.
Petula: Probably because it was.
Laverne\Lenny\Shirley: What?
Petula: Well, hmm--I don't know how to say this--
Laverne: Say, what?
Petula: Tara--she wasn't--real.
Shirley: But I saw her.
Petula: I know you did, but I read through your book and Tara was actually Scarlet O'Hara.
Laverne: You mean she was a ghost?
Petula: Apparently, yes.
Shirley: What does that have to do with Rhett?
Petula: On the anniversary of Rhett leaving Scarlett, his spirit returns and takes her back. You see, "Gone With The Wind" wasn't just a story, it was a legacy that will live on forever.
They all got up and dusted themselves off and left the old landmark which remained untouched and abandoned for over one hundred years. Was it all their imagination? You decide.
The End
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