Location: An island off the shore of Bahli.
Characters:
Tribe #1: (Marshachore) Potsie Webber, Shirley Feeney, Lenny Kosnowski, Andrew 'Squiggy' Squiggman , Marian Cunningham, Richie Cunningham, Carmine Ragusa, and Fonzie.
Tribe #2:(Lucha) Claire Huxtable, Lucy Ricardo, Samantha Stevens, Laverne DeFazio, Lily Munster, Mortica Addams, Maude, Roseanne.
*Note: Ralph Malph was originally on the show but got ill on the first day and so they called in Carmine Ragusa to take his place.
*Host: Rosie O'Donnell
*Special celebrity Survivor, but they don't know that they're celebs. Rosie tivo-ed them into the year 2002.
Sixteen of the best characters on televsion from yesterday and today will go head to head to find out who is the number one survivor. They have been divided into two totally different tribes...The Marshachore Tribe and The Lucha Tribe. Who will win the million dollars? Read and find out.
Day 1
EXT. Island Off the Shore of Bahli
The castaways were flown in by helicopter to the beautiful island where they would meet for the first time with host, Rosie O'Donnell. They exited off the chopper and followed a man to their tribal meeting grounds.
EXT. The Tribal Meeting Grounds
Everyone sat with his or her group while Rosie made her entrance through a beaded doorway.
Rosie O'Donnell: Hello, everyone.
Rosie sat down and looked at all the classic tv stars who looked very youthful for the year 2002.
Rosie: [CONT'D] You have no idea how enjoyable this is for me. I wrote a little song about it. [To the Tune: "The Brady Bunch Theme"] "I love sitcoms, they're entertaining..and I watched you all when I was a small tike. Then you all went away for a long while and showed up on Nick at Nite. Then one day I bought myself a Tivo and programed Laverne and Shirley and Lucy too. Now I am addicted to this new invention and can watch all of you. You're on this show, you're on this show. I brought you back and for now you're on this show!"
Everybody clapped and cheered.
Rosie: [CONT'D] Before I let everyone go and fend for themselves on this island for 40 days, I want to know, Is everybody okay? I have OCD so I have to know these things. I'll worry about you. I hope you guys will have enough food. If not, I'll toss you a Ring Ding.
They all laughed.
Rosie: [CONT'D] Any questions before we start?
Shirley raised her hand.
Rosie: Yes, Shirley?
Shirley: Is there a bathroom on this island?
Rosie: Oh my God! What are you trying to do to me? I have OCD, honey! You're the one I'm going to worry about the most. No, there isn't a bathroom.
Shirley: Oh.
She sat down.
Rosie: If you really have to go, I'll let you pee in a bucket or something. Anymore questions?
Lucy raised her hand.
Rosie: Oh lord! It's Lucy Ricardo! I love you! Remember when you did 'Vitameatavegimen?' You were hilarious!
Lucy: Yes, well, I was wondering where I can go to Dy--I mean, wash my hair.
Rosie: There's plenty of water here. But, I wouldn't reccomend going swimming because of sharks in the water. Oh God, another OCD moment.
Squiggy raised his hand.
Rosie: Yes?...Hahaha! Squiggy!
Squiggy: I'm so glad ya find my name so amusing.
Rosie: I'm sorry. What's your question?
Squiggy: Does 'Flipper' live on this island?
Rosie: (uncontrolable laughing) Flipper, on this island?
Everyone else joined in with uproarious laughtar.
Squiggy: Ask a serious question, get a big laugh.
Rosie: (giggled) I'm really sorry, Squig--
The roar of laughtar surrounded the island.
Roseanne: Why don't you all just shut up!
There was silence. They could only hear the crickets chirping and the frogs singing in the trees.
Roseanne: That's more like it.
Rosie: We better start the game. You all know what to do. You'll have a series of challenges for immunity and then we'll meet back here later, okay? Get out there and break a leg.
One by one, each tribe followed the same man to their camp grounds.
EXT. Camp Grounds (Marshachore Tribe) - Day
They sat around and talked on the island.
Laverne: Boy, that flyin' sure made me hungry. What do we have to eat?
Marian: I fixed meatloaf with bisquits and gravy and for desert, I made homemade brownies.
The whole tribe's mouths began to water.
Richie: Where is it, mom? I'm starved.
Marian: Well, the nice man who escorted us to the helicopter took it home to his family.
The tribe frowned in disappointment.
Richie: What are we going to do for food?
Carmine: Somebody needs to go fishing.
The tribe looked at Carmine.
Carmine: [CONT'D] Oh no, I'm not going be a shark cousine!
Shirley: (crouched close to Carmine) Please, sweetheart. We need food and you're so brave and strong.
She gave him a gentle kiss on the lips.
Carmine: Okay, I'll do it...but I'll need some help.
Richie: I'll go fishing with you.
Fonzie: That's very nice of you, Cunningham.
Carmine: What are we going to fish with?
Laverne: Can't you just catch the fish with your hands or better yet, jump in the water and whatever fish go into your shirt, we'll eat.
Squiggy: Let's say a shark jumps in his shirt...
Fonzie: Shut your mouth, Squig-nerd.
Marian: You boys go and fish while I start a fire.
Carmine: All right. Uh, Lenny? Squiggy? You wanna help me and Richie catch some fish?
Squiggy:Nah, I feel a little woozie from the plane ride.
Shirley: You were in a helicopter, Squig.
Squiggy: Well, I guess that's the scientific word it.
Fonzie: Listen, you two nerds better get your keasters out in that water and catch some fish or The Fonz will get very unhappy.
They got up and followed Carmine and Richie to the water. Potsie sat near a tree digging in the sand with a twig.
Fonzie: Hey Webber! Go help them or I'll rearrange that ugly face of yours.
Potsie: Okay, Fonz.
Potsie hurried to catch up with the others.
CAMERA SHOT - Fonzie talking to the camera
Fonzie: I don't know what's the matter with those nerds. They just don't listen. It would be ciaos on this island without The Fonz. I don't think Potsie is gonna last a day here. He's gone. And The Fonz is never wrong.
Marian: Did anyone bring matches?
Shirley: No.
Laverne: How about we rub two twigs together.
Shirley picked up two sticks and examed them.
Shirley: Laverne, really. You think just by putting these two twigs on this rock like this it would...
She rubbed them together and there was a spark.
Marian: Look, Shirley! Smoke!
Shirley: It worked, Laverne!
CAMERA SHOT - Marian Cunningham talking to the camera
Marian: I had no idea living in the outdoors was such hard work. I mean, you have cooking and not to mention the cleaning. There is so much dirt out here. I'm glad we have Laverne in our tribe.
Shirley: Laverne, I didn't know you could start a fire.
Rosie: (interrupting) Wait a minute! Wait a minute! Cut!
Shirley: What's the matter?
Rosie: Laverne, what are you doing in the 'Marshachore' tribe?
Laverne: Well, these are my friends.
Rosie: You have one too many tribe members. You were supposed to follow the tall man, not the short stubby one.
Squiggy: Hell-o!
Laverne: I'm sorry. The tall man scared me.
Rosie: Well, I'll have to take you to the other tribe.
Shirley: Rosie, couldn't you take Potsie Webber or Squiggy?
Rosie: Are you kiddin'? Those women are divas of television. They'd eat those two alive.
Laverne: Well, if I have to go...
Shirley: Bye, Laverne.
They hugged.
Laverne was escorted off that part of the island by a tall man carrying a torch.
CAMERA SHOT: Shirley Feeney talking to the camera
Shirley: I really don't think that was fair of Rosie to take away Laverne like that. I miss her. She saved us with her knowledge of the outdoors. After all, she did get the most patches in our Brownie Troop before we were kicked out.
Carmine and the others came back with fish for the tribe.
Carmine: Hey, where's Laverne?
Shirley began to cry.
Carmine: What'd I do?
EXT. Camp Grounds (Lucha Tribe) - Day
They sat around in a circle and talked.
Roseanne: I wish we had a tv. I'm bored and I'm hungry.
Claire: Girl, if you complain about food or anything else on the other hand one more time, I'll make you wish you never came on this island.
Roseanne: Geez, lighten up.
Claire: Oh, I'll lighten up all right. Just as soon as you're gone and out of my face. I don't know how Gilligan stood being on that island for all those years.
Samantha: Why don't we find food.
Roseanne: Where?
Samantha: There's fish, coconuts...
Roseanne: What do you wannna do? Kill me?
Claire: No, I'll do that myself.
She tried to lunge at Roseanne, but Maude pulled her back.
Maude: God will get you for that, Claire...but I'm sure he'd understand.
Lily: I'm going under the tent. This sunshine and fresh air is making me ill.
Mortica: I agree. It's terrible.
Lucy: I went hunting with my husband and we caught...wait a minute. That was rigged. Nevermind.
The tall man approached the tribe with Laverne.
Rosie:( In a golf cart) THAT'S LAVERNE AND SHE'S YOUR OTHER TRIBE MEMBER! I HOPE YOU GUYS ARE DOING OKAY! I HAVE TO GO NOW! BYE!
Laverne: Hello, everybody.
Lucy: Hi, Laverne. Nice "L." I'm Lucy.
Laverne: I know. We've met before remember? I sewed an "L" on one of your shirts.
Lucy: No, I don't remember.
Laverne: Sure you do. We met again recently in Whoville.
Lucy: Whoville? Ricky did do his act there once. Wait a minute. I'm thinking.
Laverne: What are you guys sittin' around for? Haven't you eatten?
Roseanne: No and I'm starved.
Claire: That's it, honey, you are going to get it.
Lucy: Now I remember! You're Laverne DeFazio!
Laverne: You guessed it!
Lucy: What are you doing here? Shouldn't you be with your friend, uh, Cheryl?
Laverne: Shirley, but you were close.
Samantha: Who's going to get the food?
Laverne: I will, I guess.
Samantha: I'll help.
Maude: I'm glad someone is.
Laverne and Samantha went in seach of food.
CAMERA SHOT: Roseanne talking to the camera
Roseanne: It's so hot out here and I'm hungry. I wish they'd hurry with the food before I starve and die on this island.
Lily: Is that what I think it is?
Morticia: Iodine. Wednesday handed it to me before we took off.
Lily: I'm home sick.
Maude went under the tent.
Maude: Why aren't you two helping?
Lily: Um, we were fixing the tent. It looked unsafe.
Maude: Oh, well, when you're finished, come out here and help us start a fire.
Maude exited the tent.
Lily: You know what those people need? Bat wing stew and tarantula cookies.
Morticia: How unpleasant...I love it.
Lily: Where can we find bats?
Morticia: I know just the place.
They left the tent.
Laverne started a fire and everyone clapped.
Lucy: Boy, are we glad you came back here.
Laverne: Yeah, well, Samantha seemed to be doing pretty good with the fish.
Samantha: I'm back! I caught ten fish!
Laverne: Told ya!
Roseanne: It's about time! I'm...
Claire got in front of Roseanne.
Claire: Don't even say it.
Roseanne: Hey! You're blocking my sun!
Claire: I have had just about enough of you.
Roseanne: Me too! Go away!
CAMERA SHOT: Claire Huxable talking to the camera
Claire: I don't know how I'm going to survive another day on this island with that woman. She complains far too much. I'm sorry, but that woman has to go.
They cooked the fish. Lily and Moticia came back with three bats, a tarantula, and a few worms.
Maude: Where have you two been?
Lily: We brought back something to eat.
Maude: Really, what?
Lily: Bat wings and tarantulas. The tarantulas, of course, are for the cookies and the bats wings are for the stew. We also have worms for the worm-bat pie.
Maude: I'm not eating that. What do you think this is? Fear Factor?
Lucy: I'm stuffed anyways...from all that fish.
Rosie came back in her golf cart.
Rosie: HEY! GET READY FOR THE IMMUNITY CHALLENGE!
Roseanne: THANKS, ROSIE! HEY, ROSIE! CAN I BORROW YOUR GOLF CART? I NEED TO GO TO THE 7 ELEVEN AND MAYBE TO THE DRUG STORE! THIS FISH I ATE IS GIVIN' ME GAS!
Rosie waved and left.
EXT. Camp Grounds (Marshachore Tribe) - Late Afternoon
Everyone sat in a group listening to Rosie.
Rosie: All right, this is your first of many challenges for immunity. I hope you brought your appettites, because you will be eating live clams. One of the clams has a pearl in it. Whoever gets the pearl, wins immunity. But the catch is, once you find the pearl, you still have to eat the clam.
Lucy: I ate snails when I went to France
Rosie giggled.
Rosie: You also stomped grapes in Italy. Remember, you were asked to do a movie called, "Bitter Grapes" and you thought it had to do with the grape industry. Then you got into a fight in the vat of grapes with that Italian lady.
Lucy: Yes, I do remember that. I turned blue.
Rosie: (laughed) You could have played 'Smurfette.'
Lucy: (blank look) Smurf who?
Rosie: Oh, I forgot. You're before it's time. (brief pause) Hey, wait a second. Aren't you supposed to be in the Lucha Tribe?
Lucy: Uh, uh...
Rosie: Lucy! You followed me here! You are such a cheater!
Shirley: Excuse me, you said we have to eat live clams?
Rosie: Yes and...
Shirley did a pitch squeal and the tribal members covered their ears.
EXT. Camp Grounds (Lucha Tribe) - Late Afternoon
Roseanne: What was that noise?
Laverne: It sounded like Shirley.
Samantha: What happened to Lucy?
Maude: I don't know. We have to get ready for the immunity challenge.
Rosie came back in her golf cart and dropped Lucy off and gave the tribal members their challenge.
Rose: ...So whoever gets the pearl still has to eat the clam.
Roseanne: That's just gross!
Rosie: Start gathering up everyone and meet at the challenge mark.
Rosie left.
EXT. Challenge Mark - Early Evening
Both tribes gathered for the immunity challenge. Each one picked a clam, opened it up, and tried to eat it. Shirley threw hers down and cried.
Rosie: Come on, Shirley! Eat the clam!
Claire: YES! Thank you, Jesus! I got the pearl!
Shirley: Oh no!
She cried even more.
Roseanne: There went my vote!
Rosie: Did you eat the clam?
Claire: Yes!
Rosie: Well, we're done! We'll meet back tomorrow night for Tribal Council. So get plenty of rest.
CAMERA SHOT: Claire Huxtable talking to the camera
Claire: I can not believe I got that pearl. I'm just so happy that I got it!
EXT. Tribal Council - Late Evening
Day 2
The tribes got plenty of rest and later went to Tribal Council.
Both tribes sat and the Marchachore Tribe was ready to vote.
Rosie: All right, you guys. It's time to vote out a member. Who will it be? We'll start with Fonzie.
Fonzie: Of course.
He went across the small bridge to the table and wrote down his vote. He put down Squiggy's name on the ballot.
Fonzie: Squiggy, you're a real nerd and you have to go.
He placed his ballot in the box.
Carmine and Richie followed, wrote down their votes, and put them in the box. Shirley was next. She wrote down Squiggy's name.
Shirley: I'm sorry, Squiggy, but I can't stand another day with you. It's bad enough that you live in the same apartment buliding as me.
She placed her ballot in the box.
Potsie followed and then Marian. She wrote down Potsie's name.
Marian: He's such a good boy, but I don't think he has a clue as to what he's doing. I'm sorry, Warren.
She played her ballot in the box.
Lenny casted his vote and then sat down with his tribe. Rosie was handed the ballots.
Rosie: We're about to find out who will be the first to get kicked off Survivor: Bahli. I'll read the votes and whoever gets the most votes, will take his or her torch, put it out, and hand it to me. Okay, here's the first vote...Squiggy....(pulled out another ballot)...Squiggy...(pulled out another ballot)...Potsie...(pulled out another ballot)...Squiggy...(another ballot)...Potsie...(another ballot)...Potsie...(another ballot)...Shirley...and...(pulled out the last ballot)...Potsie. Potsie, bring your torch.
Richie: Bye, Potsie. See you at Arnold's.
Potsie brought up his torch and Rosie put it out. He then walked off the island.
Rosie: Hey, don't worry about him. He'll get free stuff on the way out. But you have to go back to camp and get some rest for tomorrow and in the next few days, we'll meet back here.
To Be Continued...
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