Laverne and Shirley In Elisa Rivera Project
Written by: S. Wilhelmina Feenster
Elisa Rivera, known to some as "Santa Clause," because of her spanish middle name set foot on Floridian at the young age of 10. She was born in California in 1979 and had a short-lived history there. The only words that she spoke were goo-goo and gah-gah! She was quite advanced for her age. Her parents were Princess Leia and Prince Valium. Her grandparents were Queen Vespa and King Lone Star. Elisa was second in line for the thrown in the land of Tatoo Queen.
The Rivera family was very proud of their daughtar who had acheived a place in Royal History. She was the only child born under the sign of Aries to have an I.Q. of 280 and she was the only Princess ever to graduate Yale University, with honors in every subject, by the age of 12. Her servants catered to her every need. The one thing Princess Elisa wanted more than anything was freedom. Her aptitude caused to become confined in the palace.
Meanwhile, two girls from Milwaukee, Wisconsin, were taking a tour through the palace. They had won a trip to Tatoo Queen, Califloridian from a game show called "BE SILLY FOR DOLLARS!" Elisa sat in her room twirling her hair with her finger hoping to fall asleep and wake up anywhere but there.
The palace was awaiting the arrival of Sister Mary Nissie of St. Andrew's Cathedral in Yonkers, New York. Princess Leia got a fax that day from Han Solo saying that he could not attend the dinner party for Queen Vespa and her blow dryer. Heart broken from the news, she locked herself up in the Royal Meditation Room to contemplate her feelings for Han Solo... the one she let get away.
In the dining room, the two girls from Milwaukee, Laverne De Fazio and Shirley Feeney, ate the royal cuisine, pasta-noodle dumplings with rice. After lunch, they were sent to the royal comedy room which happened to be next to Elisa's room. In there, the girls watched as the royal comedians, Buddy Sorell, Sally Rogers, and Rob Petrie performed a skit. Elisa listened at the wall during the performance. Just then, the phone rang and Elisa picked it up. The other line had been picked up already by her mother, Princess Leia. Elisa hung up, sat on her bed, and cried.
Meanwhile, Shirley snuck out of the comedy room to go to the bathroom... Laverne followed. They both heard crying come from the room next door. With no hesitation, Laverne knocked on the door and the crying stopped. They both heard footsteps and the door opened. Elisa gazed out the door, saw Laverne and Shirley, and closed it immediately. Peeking around the corner in his royal robe, was Prince Valium yawning away. Laverne and Shirley were warned at the beginning of the tour, never to set foot in the tower. Does Laverne De Fazio do what she's told? No. What ever Laverne does, Shirley does also.
On the way to the tower, Laverne got hungry and stopped in the kitchen for a bite to eat. Five minutes later, the girls proceeded to the tour. When they got there, the door had at least 50 royal locks all over it. Shirley started to give up, so Laverne pulled a bobbie pin out of her hair. Elisa sat in her room holding the only picture she had of her one true love...
The royal delivery man came to the door and dropped off 200 medical books. Elisa had read all of the books in the kingdom. The medical books came from England and had been read by Prince Charles of Winsor. Buckingham Palace invited Elisa to their home and have tea with the queen. She put on her royal gown of blue that made her look and feel like Cinderella.
Later on that evening, Laverne and Shirley were on the last few locks. Suddenly, there was a noise coming up the stairs. Laverne did the last lock, opened the door, pulled her and Shirley inside, and closed the door quickly. Prince Valium came to check the tower. By the time he got to the door, he fell asleep. Laverne and Shirley grabbed the young gentleman, and fled from the tower.
While in the meditation room, Princess Leia heard tapping on the window. She gradually made her way to the window and saw a man standing with flowers in his hand. Princess Leia smiled, opened the window, and saw Han Solo with a dozen roses. This could turn into a royal adultry. Han Solo climbed up the palace wall with the roses in his teeth. Just like a Fairy Tail Romance, ya think? Princess Leia pulled him aside, hugged him, kissed him, and slapped him for causing her so much anguish. You always hurt the ones you love.
Laverne and Shirley brought the young man to Elisa's door and knocked gently. She opened the door, peeked out, and smiled. Finally her prince had come to rescue her... Prince Pacey Witter of the Witterton Family. Elisa and Pacey snuck out with the rest of the tour group. Thus, the tour of Tatoo Queen ended... so did Princess Leia's marriafge to Prince Valium in 1999. Elisa and Pacey had many children. She became queen in 2010. Princess Leia ran off with Han Solo and they all lived Happily Ever After! May the force be with you!