Title: What Friends Are For
Author: Emily L.
Email: lavennyfic@gmail.com
Category: Comedy
Rating: PG
Het/Gen/Bi: Het
Parts: 1/1
Spoilers: None.
Disclaimer: None of these characters belong to me, they belong to Paramount. Don't sue me - I might cry.
Pairing: N/A
Distribution: I'm keeping my fic on here for now. E-mail me if you have any requests.
Authors Notes: For the 2010 Holiday Fic Exchange
Setting: California, Season 7-ish
Summary: Rhonda and Shirley try to clear Laverne's mind.

Laverne DeFazio woke up to her best friend screaming and a pillow sailing at her head.

"Get out of bed!"

She whined at the impact. "No!"

"Laverne, you've been in bed for two days!" Shirley picked the pillow up and off of the floor, tossing it at Laverne's ear once more.

She bolted upright, throwing the pillow at Shirley's stomach. "And I'm gonna stay here!" Frustrated, she pushed her hair back and off of her face, back onto her pillows.

"You have to get up, Laverne! You haven't showered in two days, you've barely eaten, and you can't take any more sick days from work!"

"It's a Saturday! ...isn't it?" Confused, she looked around the room at her clock and calendar, not getting any sense out of what time or day it was.

"Yes it's a Saturday, but-"

"Great! See ya at work on Monday, Shirl!"

Shirley went for the sensitive muscle between Laverne's neck and shoulder, pinching it until Laverne was forced out of bed. Laverne jumped back, squaring herself for a fight with Shirley. Shirley did not mirror Laverne, however. Instead, she looked her up and down, a feeling of both disgust and pity coming over her.
"You look terrible." Laverne sighed at her, taking perhaps her first deep breath since Sonny broke up with her.

"You see how you look when your longest lasting steady boyfriend breaks up with you!" Laverne looked about ready to cry, and Shirley reached out to hug her.

"Look, Laverne - the world isn't over. To tell you the truth, I never even really liked Sonny."

"You never like any of my boyfriends, Shirl."

Shirley let go of her friend, rolling her eyes. "That's hardly the point! The point is is that we're in California! There are scads of eligible, attractive men waiting out there for you to grab! It's not like we're in Milwaukee where-"

"I've dated everyone?" Laverne said in a tiny voice. "Where even the men that I haven't date have heard all sorts of rumors about me?" Her voice warbled. "Where no man would ever want to marry me because they think I'm easy?"

Shirley woefully looked her best friend in the eyes. "That's not what I was going to say."

"Well that's what you meant!" She wailed.

"Look, I don't want to get into this. Look at it this way - you're single, you're free, we're in California, and we have a whole weekend ahead of us! Let's go to the beach and go shopping!"

"I don't wanna."

"I don't care what you wanna do or what you don't wanna do, we're going!"

Both girls paused, hearing the scampering of high heels coming from the kitchen and up the steps. "Not now..." Laverne moaned, exasperated.

"Hi ho, hi h-oh my god, what happened to you, Laverne?"

Laverne groaned at the high pitched sound of her voice while Shirley joined Rhonda in her pity. "Sonny broke up with her."

Rhonda gasped, clutching her pearls. "You poor thing!" She stopped, thinking of the bright side of the situation. "Oh well, I never liked him anyhow!"

Laverne threw her hands in the air "Why didn't anyone tell me I was dating Mr. Popularity?!"

Shirley pushed Laverne out of the way and onto her bed, landing her into a sitting position. "Rhonda, I was thinking of taking Laverne out shopping and-"

Rhonda squealed at the suggestion. "Perfect! A girl should always have a new wardrobe after a break up!"

Laverne jumped up. "Hey, I like my clothes!"

"Oh, well I'm glad someone does! But really Laverne, you have to reinvent yourself! Make yourself beautiful and glamorous so that men will be clamoring for you!"

In a sarcastic moment of realization, Laverne smacked herself in the forehead. "So that's what you've been doin' this whole time! I thought you were getting ready for Halloween!"

"Oh, Laverne, you haven't even seen the beginning of one of Rhonda's costumes!" She said, wiggling her hips and batting her lashes. Laverne scoffed, disgust overcoming her Italian features. Shirley elbowed her in the ribs. She took Laverne aside, ready to lecture her and tell her not to be rude in front of Rhonda - they both knew that she was different, to say the least, but at least she was willing to help Laverne out of her post break-up mood. Before she could open her mouth, Laverne surrendered.

"Okay okay okay! I'll get dressed and we can go shopping, but I'm not reinventing myself, and I'm certainly not gonna be made into Rhonda, Jr!"

Rhonda bounced on her heels, pulling Laverne into a bone crushing hug. "Oh, Laverne, we're only shopping, not going to the best plastic surgeon in America! Now go get a shower, slap some make up onto your face - or whatever it is that you do to make yourself look pretty, and put on your best sun dress! We're going shopping!"

Laverne absentmindedly grabbed a dress from her closet, and a fresh slip and undergarments from her drawer, kicking the bathroom door open. "I don't know what I'd do without you guys," she grumbled, slamming the door behind her.


They arrived home at 10pm, nine outfits and a collective twelve drinks later.

Laverne threw her bags onto the blue couch, kicking her black pumps off and giggling.

"Now don't you feel better?" Rhonda shrieked, a genuine smile creeping onto her face, looking pained and forced on her tight face.

"I feel better than better! I feel like I could lead a parade in a telephone booth!"

Shirley laughed, happy to see that her friend had - drunk or not - recovered from the blow of a breakup. "I'll tell you, Rhonda, that bar for struggling actors certainly has a lot of eligible men! That blonde guy from Attack of the Tree People was certainly sweet on Laverne!"

Laverne laughed out loud "Nahhh!"

Rhonda shook her head, agreeing with Shirley. "Yes he was, Laverne! He had you write your phone number on his bark!"

"That was nothin' - besides, he looked too much like Lenny, only not as nice!" She let out nasal bark, drunkenly lowering herself onto the coffee table.

"Ooooh - you think Lenny's nice!" Rhonda shouted, teasing her like a middle schooler. "Is that why you asked him to dance with you?"

Laverne looked up at Rhonda, laughing until tears ran down her face. "Yes!" All three girls clutched their stomachs, laughing until they ended up on the floor

"Think of it!" Shirley shouted, unable to catch her breath, "if you ended up with Bark Boy, you'd have a bunch of miniature Lennys running around the house!" They were hysterical now, tears streaming down their faces.

Laverne slapped the ground, preparing herself for what she was going to say next. "I should have brought him home with me!" With that, she fell backward, splaying herself across the floor, wiping the corners of her eyes and laughing toward the ceiling.

As she collected herself, she let them know how grateful she was. "Thanks, Shirl and Rhonda - for getting me out of bed. And for taking me shopping. And for making me realize that brunettes aren't my type!"

And they laughed for the rest of the night, not thinking about anything except for how happy they were to be young and alive and best friends.

The End.