By Emily: shirleyfeeney@hotmail.com
Scene1: Laverne and Shirley's Milwaukee Apt day.
Laverne and Shirley are looking through some old pictures.
Laverne: Remember this one? The gang at our "Shotgun Wedding"?
Shirley: Oh yeah. I remember that day very well.
Laverne: There are so many memories in here. I wonder why we kept them bottled up.
Shirley: Laverne! Do you remember this one? The sixth grade class picture. Oh that was the best year of my life.
Laverne: Wasn't one of mine. You were so annoying with you secret admirer and Carmine.
Shirley: I was not!
Laverne: Yes you were I remember it like it was yesturday. It all started around the middle of October. You were in that Nicole and Sarah group. I was a friend, but we weren't as close as we were today.
As the scene changes Laverne is still talking and Shirley is listening.
Scene 2: Outside the school.(6th grade everone is around 11 or 12) It's recess and Shirley is with two girls. No, they are not Laverne and Anne Marie. They are two different girls. One (Sarah) has VERY frizzie blonde hair, she's tall and sort of over weight with no pop belly. The other (Nicole) is short with dark brown hair and glasses.
Nicole: Oh he's so beautiful. I can't belive he doesn't like me.
Sarah: Chris is ugly why would you like him? Nicole: (changing the subject) Lets play a game of truth.
Shirley: Well I don't...
Nicole: Come on it'll be fun. Okay, Shirley why dont you like any guys? I mean, were 12! You should.
Shirley: I do! But I only like one guy. I don't know why, but I just do. I guess it's because he was so nice to me last year.
Sarah: Well, who is it? Tell us! Nicole: We won't tell anyone!
Shirley: Well okay, I sort like... (turns away) Carmine Ragusa.
Sarah: Why?
Shirley: I don't know. Scene3 classroom. There isn't a teacher in the room yet so everyone's talking.
Shirley: Hey, Laverne.
Laverne: Yeah?
Shirley: Do you think that I could borrow a piece of paper? I'm all out.
Laverne: Sure.
Shirley: Laverne? Laverne: Yeah?
Shirley: Were friends right?
Laverne: Sorta, I mean not best friends, but we're friends. Anyway, where did that come from?
Shirley: Well, you know Sarah and Nicole?
Laverne: Yeah. What about them?
Shirley: What do you think of them?
Laverne: You want the truth?
Shirley: Yeah. Laverne: I wouln't trust them if my life depended on it.
Shirley: Why is that?
Laverne: Because today I saw them talking to Carmine Ragusa. I heard you name in there a couple of times too.
Shirley looks at her astounded and scared.
Shirley: Your kidding right?
Laverne: I wouldn't lie about something like that unless it was an emergency.
Shirley: Well what did they say!?
Laverne: I walked in towards the end of it but I heard: love, Shirley, and (whispers something in Shirley's ear.)
Shirley: WHAT!!!??? I won't do that until my wedding night everyone knows that.
Laverne: Well, I know that but you should have seen the look on his face.
Shirley: Was it a good look? (pause) Not that I like him or anything.
Laverne: Are you kidding? He looked sort of (pause) umm. (pause) Oh I can't think of the word.
Shirley: Disgusted?
Laverne: Yeah
Shirley: Well, you must have miss understood them.
Laverne: You wouldn't happen to have a crush on him would you?
Scene4 lunchtime
Carmine: Do you think what Nicole and Sarah said to me was true? I mean about Shirley?
Ethan (Carmine's best friend): Well, I don't know, I mean they have been known to stretch the truth.
Carmine: Yeah I guess. You know that I sorta like Shirley right? I mean she's nice, pretty, and smart. She's the "whiz kid" she gets straight C's
Ethan: I know the only thing bad about her is that she hasn't developed yet.
Carmine: Yeah. I'll wait for her to ask me out.
Ethan: Are you scared Carmine?
Carmine: Well, normally I ask anyone out who I want, but Shirley's not that easy. I mean she might say "no".
Laverne, Shirley, Sarah, and Nicole's table.
Shirley: Laverne is he still looking at me?
Laverne: (looks over) Yeah.
Nicole: Hey Shirl guess what? Fabian came over to my house last night.
Laverne: Did you take any pictures?
Nicole: Yeah, but I sorta, by accident threw them in the fire.
Laverne: (sarcastically) Oh right.
Nicole: It's true.
Shirley: Laverne, can you come in to the bathroom with me? I got to talk to you.
Laverne: Sure.
Scene 4 bathroom
Shirley: Laverne, I really want to be friends.
Laverne: We are.
Shirley: Borrowing a piece of paper is not what I call friendship.
Laverne: Okay, then we're friends.
Shirley: I'm trusting you won't tell anyone anything about this. I think I know you well enough at least for that. Anyway, I'm glad we're friends.
Laverne: What did you want to talk about?
Shirley: I want you to help me. You don't have to if you don't want to.
Laverne: I will!
Shirley: I want you to help me catch them in the act.
Laverne: Okay! I love getting back a people.
Shirley: Come to my house at 7:30 tonight. We can have a sleepover, and we'll have plenty of time to think.
Laverne: Great.
Scene5 Shirley's room (Friday night)
Shirley: I thought that they were my friends then they just go off and tell everyone who I like? How would they like it if I were to do that to them? I mean with Sarah, well, NO ONE likes her, and Nicole is just full of it.
Laverne: I know what you mean. I was on a date with Fonzie last week, I saw them at the movies, dateless I might add, and they we're just throwing themselves to the cute ticket giver person. Telling all of these lies about famous people.
Shirley: What kind?
Laverne: They said that they know like everyone, and they could get him to meet them if he went out with them and gave him ten bucks. You know what happened?
Shirley: What?
Laverne: He went out with them. I mean anyone who would fall for something like that has to be the stupidest person on the face of this earth.
Squiggy (from window. He is on the tree next to Shirley's room) Hello!
(How he knows when and where to be at the right time I will never know) Shirley screams. Laverne go over to the window.
Laverne: Squiggy what are you and Lenny doing here. I mean I know what but (pause) Oh just go away.
Lenny: It's not going to be that easy to get us away.
Laverne: You want me to beat you up first.
Lenny. No I'm stuck in this tree. I'm up way too high to jump off.
Shirley (wrapped up in a blanket): Then why don't you just climb down?
Squiggy: Lenny's afraid of heights.
Lenny: You want me to tell them what you're afraid of?
Squiggy: No thank you.
Laverne: Just leave
She closes the windows and the shades. After she closed the windows you hear screaming and two crashes.
Lenny O.S. You were right. I was a good idea to jump.
Laverne: Just take them out of your mind.
Shirley: They may be idiots, but I think that they gave me a plan.
Laverne: yeah? What?
Shirley: Well, in school we could sneak up on them while they're having one of their conversations.
Laverne: go on...
Shirley: well that's all that I thought of so far.
Laverne: I think that we should build up on that. Only, we won't sneak up on them. They will sneak up on us.
Shirley: well how will we make them do that?
Laverne: Start some new gossip about someone.
Shirley: Laverne, lets look on the other side of things. I mean, he may like me, but he's too scared to ask me and so now that he knows I like him he will ask me out.
Laverne: I know, but you know how they stretch the truth. Besides, the odds of that happening are like 1 to 100.
Shirley: Hey, you know I am right here.
Laverne: They might even tell everyone you like Squiggy for all we know. And you know how he'll react to that.
Shirley: I guess your right.
Laverne: I'm always right.
Shirley: Okay I'll go along with it, but please don't get me in trouble.
Scene 6 school hallway, Laverne and Shirley are at Shirley's locker.
Shirley: Laverne I don't think that this will work.
Laverne: It will trust me.
Shirley: I trusted Nicole and Sarah and now look where I am.
Guy#1: Hey Shirley, I can't belive that you were desperate enough to go and be seen in the balcony of the movies with Squiggy.
Guy#2: Yeah (pause) I would've gone out with you.
Guy#1: (to Guy#2) Shut up! The two guys walk away.
Shirley: You see what I mean. Laverne: Shirl, I'm not that kind of person. I can keep a secret. Well, most of the time.
Girl#1 Hey Shirley were you that ugly of a baby to have been put up for adoption and having your father leave the house?
Laverne: Go away before I make you go away.
Girl#1: (really quickly) Okay
Shirley: Laverne, can we do our plan later? I've got to do something first.
Laverne: Okay
Scene 7 recess that day
Shirley: (walking up to Sarah and Nicole) I thought that you guys were my friends.
Nicole: We are!
Shirley: Would real friends do what you did to me.
Sarah: Well when you started hangin out with "Dufus Defazio" we thought that we would get worse gra....
Nicole: (nudging Sarah) we would loose our best friend.
Shirley: Oh, but why did you spread all of those lies about me?
Nicole: We didn't
Shirley: Well, since I don't have any proof that you did, I'll wait on that, but why did you tell Carmine that I liked him? You promised you wouldn't tell anyone.
Nicole: Ummm.... we didn't do that.
Laverne ( walking up to the three) Didn't do what?
Nicole: Didn't do... anything.
Sarah: Listen "Dufus DeFazio" go away she our friend and you don't have to...
(Laverne throws a punch at her, and they both start fighting.)
Nicole: Get you friend off of my friend!
Shirley: Get your fat friend off of my friend.
Nicole and Shirley grab their friends and hold them back.
Nicole: It's too bad your mother's dead Laverne, maybe you could've had some one who could teach you to act like a lady.
Shirley lets go of Laverne and goes for Nicole beating the heck out of her. Everyone's yelling, "Fight fight fight"
Scene 7 Next Day
Laverne and Shirley are at Shirley's locker. Shirley is unlocking it. Shirley finds a little slip of paper where those little slits in her locker are.
I don't know what they're called.
Shirley: Oh my Gosh! Laverne look at this!
Laverne: What is it?
Shirley: It's typed, but it says, "Dear Shirley, Roses are red. Violets are... another color. Your beauty is matched like no other.
Laverne: How sweet! Who's it from?
Shirley: It doesn't say, but he must be some cute, nice, funny guy.
Squiggy: Hello!
Shirley: Oh why did I say that?
Squiggy: Oh Shirley (puts his arm around her) I wrote you that letter, but I've heard that you want me. So it is I, you probably thought that letter was from some sweet, good-looking guy. And you know what, you were right.
Shirley: Laverne, lets go, we'll be late for class.
Squiggy: Shirley...
Shirley: Oh what?
Squiggy gives her a long kiss, the only way he knows how to. (Think "The Diner" when the girls first see the restaurant, only no Laverne and Lenny.:( Everyone is laughing at them. Shirley has a disgusted look on her face.
Scene 8 classroom.
Shirley comes running in.
Teacher: Shirley, why are you so late?
Sarah: She probably had to play kissyface, pressy bod with Squiggy.
Everyone starts laughing.
Shirley: I CAN'T BELIVE THIS! I COME IN LATE BECAUSE OF A MIGRAINE, SARAH SAYS I'M FOOLING AROUND WITH SQUIGGY, EVERYONE LAUGHS AT ME. I HAVEN'T SEEN MY DAD IN THREE YEARS, AND I DON'T HAVE A BIG SISTER TO TALK TO BECAUSE I HAVE FOUR OLDER BROTHERS. I GET MIGRAINES ALL OF THE TIME. I HAVE A HARD ENOUGH LIFE, AND THESE TWO BRATS TRY TO MAKE IT EVEN HARDER. ALL OF YOU ARE TOO IMMATURE AND NONE OF YOU HAVE GONE THROUGH WHAT I WENT THROUGH! YOU WOULDN'T'T LIKE TO EITHER.
Shirley storms out of there with an angry look on her face. Laverne follows her with the same look.
Teacher: what just happened here?
Everyone looks at Nicole and Sarah
Teacher: Sarah and Nicole, I'd like to see you in the hallway for a moment.
Sarah and Nicole have very scared looks on their faces.
Teacher: Now!
Sarah and Nicole run out in to the hallway.
Ethan: Carmine, I guess that they were telling the truth.
Carmine: Maybe your right. I'll ask her out after school.
Ethan: Do you think that you could hook me up with Laverne?
Carmine: I don' t know. I hardly know Shirley, but I'll do the best I can.
Ethan: great
Carmine: Ethan what should I say?
Ethan: Say, Hi Shirley. To get her attention. Then ask her out. The worst that could happen is she could say no. Carmine: I'll try.
Scene 9 recess the next day. Everything is the same. Except for one thing. Nicole and Sarah aren't there anymore. It turned out that they got kicked out of school for brain damaging another student. (When Shirley had that attack thingy and yelled at everyone that was "the plan" if you still don't understan what I'm talking about email me at shirleyfeeney@hotmail.com.
Laverne and Shirley are standing and talking. When Carmine and Ethan come up to them.
Carmine: Hi Shirley
Shirley (excited but trying to hide it) Hi
Carmine: How are you?
Shirley: I'm fine thank you.
Ethan nudges Carmine.
Carmine: Ummm.. Shirl, would you like to ummm. Go out with me? Tomorrow night?To a movie?
Shirley: I'd LOVE to!
Carmine: really?
Shirley: Yeah (Quick note: notice how Laverne and Ethan are gone)
Carmine: Great!
Scene10 in the back yard Shirley's house after the movie. Since Shirley's house is so close to the movie theater. Carmine and Shirley walked.
Carmine and Shirley are sitting on one of those benches that is like a swing, only it's made of wood with a roof over it. I can't think of what they're called.
Carmine is trying to inch closer to Shirley but is trying not to look suspicious. Shirley notices.
Shirley: Carmine, you umm... want a Pepsi or something.
Carmine: Sure
As Shirley is getting the Pepsi Carmine is trying to think of what to do and say. Shirley comes back with the Pepsi.
Shirley: Here you go.
She gives Carmine the Pepsi and sits down. They look at each other and inch closer and closer until their lips are touching. (If this were on the air, the song, "This Magic Moment" would be playing.)
They separate.
Carmine: (With a smile on his face) Good night.
Shirley: Good night.
Carmine: See you tomorrow?
Shirley: Yeah.
Carmine: I have a feeling this is a start of a new relationship. We may even still be together when were 25!
Shirley: Maybe...
Scene 11 present day. Laverne and Shirley's Milwaukee Apt. Laverne finished the story, Shirley is still listening. She has tears in her eyes.
Shirley: Okay maybe that wasn't the best year, but I did get my first kiss and that's the year we became best friends.
Laverne: Come to think of it that was a pretty good year. I wonder whatever happened to Ethan.
Shirley: Yeah
Suddenly there is a knock at the door. It is Carmine's knock. Shirley runs to the door and opens it. Carmine is about to say something but Shirley kisses him before he has the chance. When they Finally break apart...
Carmine: I was going to say that they are running a new movie down at the theater, but I guess my plans are changed.
Laverne: Do you guys want me to leave you alone for a while?
(There isn't going to be any smut I promise)
Shirley: That would be nice.
Carmine does that laugh of his Shirley and Carmine go over to the couch.
The scene changes.
Scene12 Milwaukee Apt. One week later.
Shirley and Carmine are asleep on the couch. They are sitting up with their arms around each other. Shirley's head is on Carmine's Shoulder and his head is on hers. They have a blanket over them. (not their heads.)
You hear the closing to "I Love Lucy" on the tv.
Laverne walks in with Lenny and Squiggy.
Laverne: That's how you get pudding off the ceiling. Try it for yourself next time.
Laverne, Lenny, and Squiggy notice Shirley and Carmine.
Laverne: Would you look at that. For the past week they've been inseparable.
Lenny bites his palm and Squiggy makes that noise.
Laverne: No not that way.
Lenny and Squiggy: Oh
Laverne: Come on guys lets go.
Lenny and Squiggy drag her out of there.
Shirley wakes up. Then she wakes up Carmine.
Shirley: They're gone now.
Carmine: Great
(No smut they're only doing what they were doing in "An Affair to Forget" at the end when Frank walks in on them. Only this time no one walks in.)
Okay so it's not the best script. But give me a break, it's my first one.
The End.