By
Emily
I love the TV show, Laverne and Shirley, but no body explained why Edna and Frank moved to California. Here is a script that tells why. It might even be true. Oh, and on my last script, I said that Carmine and Shirley would be married, but it turns out that they aren't going to be dating anybody, but each other, and before they get married, they want to see how that turns out.
Scene 1 Pizza Bowl Saturday Night. Carmine is sitting on the piano singing "Love Potion Number 9" while Shirley is sitting at a table admiring his singing. Laverne and Ted (the fire man) come in and sit with Shirley.
LAVERNE
Hey Shirl, you know the new movie, "Son of Flubber?", it was the best movie ever.
TED
Yeah, all five minutes of it.
Laverne nudges Ted in the stomach.
LAVERNE
Ted, you want my pop to hear ya?
Just then, Carmine finishes his song. Everyone applauds him. Then Carmine goes over to the table and sits down.
SHIRLEY
What's the point of paying to see a good movie, then missing it because of something stupid! That's a waste of four dollars, not to mention the popcorn.
CARMINE
I don't think that it's that big of a waste.
Frank and Edna come out of the kitchen with a man. The unknown man is in a cowboy suit.
FRANK
Cowboy Bill, I'm gonna change your tune! Italian food is the best food in the world!
COWBOY BILL (AKA THE UNKNOWN MAN)
Well, I don't know. Hot dogs and chili is my kind of food. Don't you agree there little lady?
Cowboy Bill tries to put his arm around Edna's waste, when she pushes him away.
FRANK
Yeah, I love working in this place, especially with my beautiful wife, Edna.
Frank gives Edna a kiss on the cheek.
FRANK (CONT'D)
Come on up to our apartment, we can talk a little business and wait for your brother to come home so he can take you home.
Frank, Edna, and Cowboy Bill start to leave.
EDNA
Wait Frank, what about the Pizza Bowl? Who's going to run it for the rest of the night?
FRANK
Oh yeah, that's right! You stay here Edna, you'll be safer.
EDNA
I knew that there was a little catch in there.
Meanwhile, back at Shirley, Carmine, Laverne, and Ted's table...
LAVERNE
Are you kidding? "Frosted Flakes" beat "Rice Crispies" any day! Once they even had sailors that popped out of the free toy that you got from it, and they helped you wash!
SHIRLEY
Oh yeah I forgot about that!
CARMINE (in a low voice)
Shirley..
SHIRLEY
Carmine, they were plastic!
CARMINE
No, I know that, but, hold on...
He runs to the bathroom while covering his mouth.
TED
Well, I guess that's a sign that we should go.
LAVERNE
Yeah.
SHIRLEY
No, wait Laverne, you have to help Edna close the place! It's almost midnight.
LAVERNE
Who am I Cinderella?
SHIRLEY
No, but I have to see what happened to Carmine. Anyway, you have to learn more about responsibility! You father is leaving you this place, when he...
LAVERNE
That's not gonna be anytime soon. Is it? Am I gonna be an orphan Shirl?
SHIRLEY
Oh never mind.
Carmine comes out of the bathroom looking at all of the people that are eating, and then he runs in again.
EDNA
Closing time, everybody out! Go home in your own shoes!
Everyone leaves except Shirley, Laverne, Ted, and you all know that Carmine is in the bathroom.
Carmine comes out again and Laverne and Ted leave after doing their share in cleaning up the Pizza Bowl, all that's left is someone has to put up the chairs, and that's what Shirley is doing.
SHIRLEY
Carmine, what is wrong with you? Are you sick?
She puts her hand on his forehead. She couldn't tell if he had a fever. Then she puts her lips up against his forehead, like when she thought that Laverne
was sick in, "Bowling for Raspberries." Edna comes out of the kitchen.
EDNA
Did I miss something?
CARMINE
No, Shirley is just taking my temperature.
SHIRLEY
Carmine, you have a terrible fever! We've got to get you home! Mrs. B would you put up the chairs at the last table for me? I've got to get him home.
Edna goes over and puts her hand on his forehead.
EDNA
Okay, you go home and take good care of him!
Scene 2: Carmine's apt. Carmine is laying on his bed playing with Boo Boo kitty. Shirley let him play with him since he was sick.
SHIRLEY
Now, I just got off of the phone with the doctor, he's coming right over.
CARMINE
Aw Shirl, what am I a baby?
Shirley looks at Boo Boo Kitty. He throws Boo Boo Kitty back at her.
CARMINE (CONT'D)
I don't need no doctor!
SHIRLEY
Carmine, you are sick, when you get sick, you see a doctor. Now, I'm gonna go make you some tea.
Scene 3 Franks apt. Frank and Cowboy Bill, are smoking cigars. (remember, this is the early 60s)
FRANK
I heard a car door slam! It might be your brother! Put out your cigar and come on outside.
Frank puts out his cigar, and Cowboy Bill does, or he thinks that he does. There is still a little spark left in his cigar. Since Frank is rushing him, he gets up and knocks the ashtray on to the carpet. As they leave, Frank, closes the door. The scene stays on the apartment, and a big fire starts to take over the rug, and then the coffee table, and so on...
Scene 4 Carmine's Apt. The Dr. is there. His name is Dr. Rothschild.
He is really cut, but Shirley's not flirting because of her agreement with Carmine. She keeps reminding herself of that.
SHIRLEY
Well, what's wrong with him? Does he have tall, dark, and hansom- I mean is he warm, sick, and unhealthy? Yeah, that's what I ment. Yeah, is he warm sick and unhealthy?
DR. ROTHSCHILD
Well, he has the flu. He should drink a lot of liquids, and he should stay in bed for about two to four days.
CARMINE
Wait one minute! I have to teach dance class tomarrow morning. I can't call in sick!
SHIRLEY
Oh Carmine, do as the cu- Doctor says.
DR. ROTHSCHILD
Yeah, you will heal faster if you listen to me. I will send you the bill. (he leaves)
CARMINE
Great, just Great, what am I supposed to do for all of that time?
SHIRLEY
Well, I'm going to stay up here for as long as I can to help you get better. Now, you have a choice, you can go to sleep, or I can fix you a nice hot bowl, of potato leak soup.
CARMINE
aww, come on Shirl, I'm not a baby. I'm the "Big Ragoo!" Now, if you want to take care of me that's fine, it's your choice, but please don't tell me what to eat and when to go to sleep. We can play a game!
SHIRLEY
But Carmine, I'm trying to be a good girlfriend and/or soon to be wife. If you really want I can go get "Shoots and Ladders."
CARMINE
Okay
There are sirens coming from the pizza bowl.
SHIRLEY
Carmine, do you hear sirens?
scene 5 outside of the Pizza Bowl. Laverne, Ted, Frank, Edna, Cowboy Bill, Lenny and Squiggy are outside of the Pizza Bowl watching Frank's home
and Business burn down. Frank is crying and Lenny and Squiggy have long sticks in their hands.
LENNY AND SQUIGGY
Weenies, bring me Weenies
LAVERNE
If you guys don't cut it out know, I'm gonna throw you in to that fire, so you'll look like giant burnt weenies.
SQUIGGY
But Laverne, this is an occation that you really should have some hotdogs. All we need now is our Bosco.
LENNY
I'll go get it.
scene umm... well, lets just say that it's at Laverne and Shirley's apt. the next day.
FRANK
My home, my buisness. My home, my buisness...(and so on and so forth)
COWBOY BILL
Aw, come on there Frank, it's not that bad.
FRANK
(Screaming) Not that bad?! Not that bad?!
He takes a full aluminum beer can and smushes it in his hands much like in " Laverne's Arranged Marriage".
COWBOY BILL
Okay, maybe it is a little bad. Look, I'll make a deal with you. You can come out to Burbank with me, and open up another link to my chain of restruants. The name has to stay the same, but you gat 75% of the profits.
FRANK
No deal
EDNA
Oh, come on Frank, we have to! We have no home, no business, pretty soon we'll run out of money.
FRANK
You do have a point there. Okay, where's the contract?
COWNBOY BILL
(Suprisingly, he did have a copy of it) Right here. Sign on that little line.
FRANK
Hold on, I want to read it first.
COWBOY BILL
Oh, there is really nothing to worry about
FRANK
This looks okay, alright Cowboy Bill you've got yourself a deal!
COWBOY BILL
Great!
FRANK
Laverne, you an Shirley are going to come with us too.
LAVERNE
Pop look, we would really love to, but Shirley's not gonna want to leave Carmine, we already have a job, and we've got our apartment just the way we want it.
FRANK
But you'll come out and visit me? And you'll call every week?
LAVERNE
I promise.
FRANK
Okay, but if you are ever gonna move, or you need something, just remember that I'm only 2000 miles away.
LAVERNE
That's a comforting thought Pop. Hey Pop, how are you and Edna gonna get out to California?
EDNA
(to Frank) You didn't tell them? (to Laverne) We bought a trailor! So we won't have to stay in hotels, and we'll always be at home.
scene ?? Outside of the girls apartment building. Everybody is hugging Frank and Edna because they are leaving.
SHIRLEY
Have a safe trip! And remember to call us once you get there!
LAVERNE
Oh Pop, I'm gonna miss you sooooo much! Write me everyday! And send pictures!
FRANK
Okay! Well, Edna, (sings) California, here we come!
EDNA
Frank, let's just go, and not sing, goodbye everybody! We'll miss you!
Frank and Edna get in to their trailor, and head for California. Everyone is waving goodbye.
THE END
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